Fantastic Jake Quotes

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Arsenic is a poison. 'Hmm! My brain feels all tingly! I think I am dying!'

Jake, playing Assassin’s Creed Syndicate 2016

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DON'T DRINK WHEN YOU’RE SALTY, KIDS.

Jake, over New Years 2015

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MMMMM... PUNCH ME IN THE DICK! SUPER HARD!"

Jake the Masochist, 2015

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Pedal bikes are just acoustic motorcycles.

Jake in GTAV, 2015

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You think there was old time gramophones for porn called pornophones?

Jake 2015, I don’t even know any more where this shit come from with him.

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I am fairly I can take an old person in a fight!

R.I.P. Jake, 2015

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Have a fencer fight with a dildo and name him the 'French Tickler.'

Jake, Aug 8th, 2015

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Cry some more, my plants need watering.

Jake, July 8th

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“I’m a Pharmaceutical Unicorn!” 8U

Jake after sticking empty pill bottles to his forehead out of boredom.

[priest-of-hell-deactivated20180]

THIS JUST IN

JAKE HAS NEVER HAD A CORNDOG.

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*playing Tomadachi Life*

Jake: "Please name your island." Uhmm.... Beef Steak Island.

Becky: Goddamnit, Jake.

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What if UPS had a ü instead of a u? OO-PEE-ESS!"

Jake, March 23rd 2015

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Motorcycles wearing leather jackets; the epitome of manliness.

Jake, Dec. 18, 2014

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There's a whole spectrum of things not to put your dick into.

Via Jake, Nov 30, 2014

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Why don't you walk a mile in my toilet.

-Jake Nov. 16, 2014

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The definition of Spoopy is when it's so spooky you piss yourself fifteen consecutive times.

Jake, October 23, 2014

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That doesn't float my boat. And by my boat, I mean my penis.

Jake Oct 18, 2014