Indeed...

Jordan, chemical biology student. Science, science fiction, fantasy, and food.

[jumbleytumbles]

GIRL you are GLOWING! GIRL you are RADIOACTIVE! GIRL it's FATAL!

[ferret-on-pancakes]

When your bestie works in the wristwatch factory

[kitkat-the-muffin]

Does Tumblr know about Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s power ballad cover of Platypus Controlling Me ft. Vanessa or should I post this for u all to see

[gale-gentlepenguin]

there is still good in this world

[anxietyproblem]

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

…………….y’all ready for Pesach?

Because this person certainly is!

[jewish-kulindadromeus]

My goyische fiance: “Is this a prank?” 

after being informed it is not:

“At that point you should just go outside and build a kosher hut” 

also

art becomes life I guess

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

I’m sobbing this is a perfect addition

[tikkunolamorgtfo]

We knew this couple from our schul back in the day who had an issue with birds continually flying into their french window, so upon advice from an animal control expert they lined the outside of the window with foil as a measure to ward off the birds. 

They happened to do this right before Pesach and their neighbours asked them if this was some kind of Passover tradition. At the time they were like “Huh? OMG goyim have such weird ideas about Jews!” but after seeing this, I’m now in the opinion that the neighbours were right.

[transenbyhollis]

I am not jewish so my presence is not relevant. However i am high. And i genuinely cant tell if this makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE WHATEVER because i am high or because im not jewish. Or are jewish holidays just…. Like that.

[transenbyhollis]

Jewish people: this post

Me, a simple non jew who happens to be high as balls, sobbing: what the fuck does this mean

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Yo @transenbyhollis that is an extremely fair question, high or not. 

For you and the rest of the peanut gallery, the joke here is honestly…. just kind of something you had to have lived through to really get? 

So you may be aware that many Jews (in particular, religious Jews, but some secular Jews also) keep the dietary laws known as kashrut. The really, really basic meaning of this is that we only eat meat from certain animals that has been slaughtered in a certain way, and we separate meat and dairy. How people observe this in practice varies a lot. If you follow the strict traditional rules, you have separate dishes, cookware, and ideally appliances for meat and dairy. However, there is a whole continuum of practices that are more lenient. 

In any event, for eight days a year, during the holiday of Pesach (Passover), those who keep kosher year-round (and even some who don’t) observe unique kashrut rules that involve removing all of the chametz (leavened grain products) from the household and one’s diet. If one holds by traditional observance, ridding one’s life of chametz in preparation for Pesach is a BIG deal, and includes a truly insane amount of cleaning and then the covering of surfaces that cannot be kashered. 

People literally clean for a month to be fully prepared. In fact, you know what? I’m just gonna drop this here: https://www.chabad.org/holidays/passover/pesach_cdo/aid/664473/jewish/Printable-Passover-Guide-2019.htm. 

It’s such an intensive process that once you’ve lived through it, it only makes sense to make jokes about it. Covering items that do not have and couldn’t even have food on them (see: the toilet paper) is hilariously over the top, but a good tension relief when you’re on your tenth hour of scrubbing your entire kitchen with a toothbrush to ensure that literally no cookie crumb has escaped. 

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS AGAIN

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Sudden mental image of a dude just taking a power washer to his kitchen

[kindigo]

when i was a small child i (christian-raised) understood: Passover and Easter are two holidays that are around the same time of year but different; Easter is the Christian holiday celebrating Jesus’s return from the dead; Passover involves a ban on chametz and can involve observers throwing a lot of chamitz away. Young me came to the knowledgable conclusion that Jesus = chametz

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

How dare you leave this in the tags:

[Screenshot ID: tags from @kindigo

#christians: so easter is coming up #jews: *busy cleaning for pesach* love that for you. SARAH CHECK ON TOP OF THE CABINETS. I DON’T CARE GET A STOOL. #christians: …so have you heard about our lord and savior jesus christ #jews: YES EVEN THE TOILET PAPER. ALL OF IT. sorry im really busy. what’s so special about this guy? #christians: he is risen– #jews: *screaming* End ID]

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Y'all need to stop reblogging this, Pesach is over and therefore doesn’t exist again until next Adar.

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

…on second thought, Pesach isn’t truly over until the last pareve chocolate jelly ring has been eaten and we’ve all developed a temporary aversion to eggs.

[mwagneto]

i haven't seen a single sponsored post but i HAVE seen at least a dozen screenshots of sponsored posts. as it should be

[lumberjackloverboy-moved]

shout out to the literal fan fiction happening a few blocks from my apartment. there has been this halal meat market on the corner for like 19 years that the owner’s son just inherited and directly across the street this woman opened a kosher grocery store and since day one they’ve had this very friendly fake rivalry, playing it up for the customers, it’s always been super goofy and light hearted. so turns out last night she proposed in the middle of the afternoon rush in the meat market and he said YES and she’s moving her store to the adjacent empty storefront on the left so they can have a JOINT GROCERY STORE it is so fucking cute I wish them the happiest marriage ever

[aridante]

“After learning my flight was detained 4 hours, I heard the announcement: if anyone in the vicinity of gate 4-A understands any Arabic, please come to the gate immediately. Well—one pauses these days. Gate 4-A was my own gate. I went there. An older woman in full traditional Palestinian dress, just like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing loudly. Help, said the flight service person. Talk to her. What is her problem? We told her the flight was going to be four hours late and she did this. I put my arm around her and spoke to her haltingly. Shu dow-a, shu-biduck habibti, stani stani schway, min fadlick, sho bit se-wee? The minute she heard any words she knew—however poorly used—she stopped crying. She thought our flight had been canceled entirely. She needed to be in El Paso for some major medical treatment the following day. I said no, no, we’re fine, you’ll get there, just late. Who is picking you up? Let’s call him and tell him. We called her son and I spoke with him in English. I told him I would stay with his mother until we got on the plane and would ride next to her—Southwest. She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just for the fun of it. Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while in Arabic and found out, of course, they had ten shared friends. Then I thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian poets I know and let them chat with her. This all took up about 2 hours. She was laughing a lot by then. Telling about her life. Answering questions. She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool cookies—little powdered sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and nuts—out of her bag—and was offering them to all the women at the gate. To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the traveler from California, the lovely woman from Laredo—we were all covered with the same powdered sugar. And smiling. There are no better cookies. And then the airline broke out the free beverages from huge coolers—non-alcoholic—and the two little girls from our flight, one African American, one Mexican American—ran around serving us all apple juice and lemonade, and they were covered with powdered sugar, too. And I noticed my new best friend—by now we were holding hands—had a potted plant poking out of her bag, some medicinal thing with green furry leaves. Such an old country traveling tradition. Always carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere. And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and thought, this is the world I want to live in. The shared world. Not a single person in this gate—once the crying of confusion stopped—has seemed apprehensive about any other person. They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women, too. This can still happen anywhere. Not everything is lost.”

— Naomi Shihab Nye (b. 1952), “Wandering Around an Albuquerque Airport Terminal.”

[feralfinch]

@sharkchimedes and I were joking around and we realized Connecticut Clark and Malfina would work with Clark and Bruce and I finally got around to making it. this took three and a half episodes of The Batman to make enjoy

[ultraviolet-eucatastrophe]

I often say my favourite genres are scifi and fantasy, but more specifically, my favourite genres are actually “scifi but everything works like fantasy” and “fantasy but everything works like scifi”

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

#magic has RULES and fantasy races have EVOLUTIONARY BIOLOGY ( tag from @untitledfirbolg​ )

[electrictype]

as hanukkah approaches, please keep all of the second-born siblings of jewish households in your thoughts. they have to eat the candles as a part of our hanukkah celebrations each year, so if you aren’t jewish yourself, the best way to show your support for them is to eat a batch of candles (night of hanukkah # + 1) in their honor. they will appreciate it a lot.

[meangirlnurse]

i can’t stop laughing at this

[agni-bi]

I know this is a joke but you can counteract over salting by adding acid, like lemon juice or a splash of vinegar

[meangirlnurse]

we were baking brownies and added ¼ cup of salt instead of a ¼ teaspoon. eagerly awaiting your updated advice

[ftmjerryseinfeld]

you doubled the salt by 48. you can do that to the rest of your ingredients (like if you had a cup of sugar add 47 more cups). it’ll all balance out!

[meangirlnurse]

ok i do realize this but i also don’t actually have, like, 144 cups of flour lying around my apartment. and i cannot stress this enough: absolutely no one involved in this story was sober enough to drive anywhere for anything

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

[supreme-leader-stoat]

I…

[supreme-leader-stoat]

[urbanfantasyinspiration]

I’m so happy for Dan

[rodrickheffeley]

there's something stupid going inside my head

[rodrickheffeley]

[writing-prompt-s]

If your suit watch is correct, you should have ran out of air… three weeks ago? The stars drift past and you’re forgetting how you got out here, but your practiced cognitive self-tests tell you that you’re sane. Reality seems to be dissolving the further you drift into space. And now.. music?

[elidyce]

(After the bittersweet tragedy of the Last Contact, I really had to write a First Contact to cheer myself up.)

She drifted. Cognitive dissonance had set in some time ago, she was aware of that. It passed the time.

However, she was still capable of lucidity. In one of her lucid spells, she ran through the exercises that she had been taught during training. (She wasn’t sure how long ago training had been, but she remembered it had happened) So far as she was able to tell, she was sane. 

The suit was in low power mode now. It had shifted into low power mode after the air ran out. Which had been, according to the timer that was still running, three weeks ago. (It had been one week last time she looked. Odd.) The timer was attached to the tiny distress beacon which existed to identify the suit’s location for searchers, as well as telling them whether or not the drifting suit still held a live person, how long the person had been dead, and the last known location.

She should have died when the air ran out. If the suit had thought she was out of air before she really was, she should have frozen to death within a few minutes of entering low power mode. 

Instead, she was still drifting, in empty space. She couldn’t even see her own ship, let alone any searchers. Not even debris. She had rotated on every axis multiple times, looking all around herself. Nothing. Only the stars, drifting past. 

Which…. wasn’t right. None of this was right. None of this was possible.

And yet here she was, drifting.

She had mastered lucid dreaming years ago - most astronauts did, as a way of alleviating the boredom and sameness of space-travel. She closed her eyes, relaxing into that mindset. If this was a long, strange dream - and it could be - she could at least make it more interesting. 

But she couldn’t so much as conjure a distant ship, or some soft music. This was not, then, a dream. 

It was not reality.

It was not a dream.

What other options were there?

She closed her eyes, then opened them again. For the first time since she found herself adrift - and she did not, now, remember how that had happened - she spoke aloud. 

“Is this a test?”

Keep reading

[callmebliss]

Thank you for this, thank you

[dankmemeuniversity]

[theprideful-deactivated20251201]

the only thing keeping me on twitter is this account

[kuttithevangu]

Daylight savings is an awfully mean trick to play on small little dogs who are fed at the same time of the clock every morning