I think I figured it out.
I think I figured out why Hordak’s trauma is so much more disturbing to me than what’s going on with Catra or Adora or whomever.
It’s because of how these characters ultimately view their abusers.
Catra wants Shadow Weaver’s approval. She’s desperate for it. But, at the same time, she hates Shadow Weaver. She knows that Shadow Weaver has done and is doing awful things to her. She doesn’t see Shadow Weaver as this perfect, unblemished being she should worship. She may not be able to escape the abusive cycle (yet), but she knows it’s happening.
Same goes for Adora. She realizes, eventually, that Shadow Weaver has wronged her in a moral way. That the Horde at large has wronged her. The other Horde kids eventually get it, too. Even Scorpia, within her relationship with Catra, eventually realizes that she’s being wronged. They may seek the approval of people who have hurt them, but they are also able to recognize that those people are bad people. And they recognize that regularly, even if they can’t always act upon it.
He never seems to realize that what’s been done to him is abusive. He never speaks out against Horde Prime. He never expresses the idea that Horde Prime is cruel in what he did.
Oh, he says that Horde Prime was wrong to cast him out, but only because Hordak believes he is still useful. He believes the verdict was wrong, while we all know that making the judgment at all is morally reprehensible. He never makes the connection that casting someone out for being chronically ill is a monstrous thing to do. He never realizes that he has been deeply, morally harmed. Instead, he sees the whole debacle as a mistake he himself is responsible for putting right.
He never exhibits any anger towards Prime. Never blames him for anything. Never seems to recognize the fault that lies with Prime. Instead, Hordak continuously blames himself. He blames himself for not being able to rise above his defect. He blames himself for not being able to make the portal, or to clone a new body. He essentially blames himself for being sentenced to die.
When he finally reunites with Prime, his demeanor is so subservient as to be nearly worshipful. There’s never any blame or accusation; there’s only the desperate pleading to be accepted again.
I think that’s what disturbs me so much: that Hordak never shows anything but this unwavering loyalty to his abuser. He never calls him out, or recognizes any flaws in Prime’s cruel reasoning. He never lets on that he sees him as anything but this perfect, flawless being whom he has to impress at all costs. And he never suggests that there is anything remotely wrong with this arrangement.
While so many characters in She-Ra are abused, Hordak strikes me as the only one who doesn’t realize it’s happening. Despite everything that’s befallen him, despite the unfairness of it, the cruelty, he never seems to realize that he’s being treated badly. And it’s sickening to watch him grovel, beg and plead without even a shred of anger at the injustice done to him.
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