TW: Waterloo

keep your wellingtons and your blüchers to yourselves 

[thestandrewknot]

The Napoleon Diamond Necklace, by Marie-Étienne Nitot (1811-12).

by Cliff.

[fapoleon-bonerparte]

TL; DR 

Larrey and the mystery of the disappearing testicles or how I will literally read any stupid thing if it has Larrey’s name on it

SO in 1799, during the Egyptian Campaign, several soldiers came to Larrey complaining of the almost complete disappearance of their testicles. They had suffered no previous venereal diseases so whatever was going on was a mystery and Larrey was gonna get to the bottom of it.

Symptoms: one testicle will lose feeling and grow soft. Over time it would grow smaller and smaller until it was around the size of a white bean then it would become hard. The spermatic tube also shrank.

Typically only one testicle would be affected, but there were cases of both being were affected. In such cases, men would lose all interest in sexual intercourse, muscles in their legs would shrink and cause staggering, beard hair would thin out, their faces discolored, and they would develop difficulties with digestion. Several men were actually sent back home because of this. 

Larrey concluded that the Egyptian heat was to be blamed. Fluid in the testicles would be redirected into perspiration and therefore tissues would weaken and dry up. Also, the heat caused testicles to “melt”, basically becoming flabby and cause decomposing. Also to be blamed: excessive drinking, the soldier’s way of life, and the use of a certain species of nightshade to cure fevers and chest problems in hot climates. (said plant was similar to “poison parsley” which was used by the Ancient Greeks and was noted to cause atrophy when applied to the scrotum)

Cures? Larrey said to whip your butt with switches or to give it a dry massage if symptoms began to develop. Also, eat good food, avoid shitty Egyptian liquor, bath in a combination of water/vinegar, wear the Napoleonic version of a supportive jock strap, and avoid banging the local women. 

Solid advice Larrey 👍

[fapoleon-bonerparte]

Could you identify all the ppl in the Austerlitz play-lear? Nap, then Bessieres, then ???, Davout, ???, Lannes, suspiciously dark-haired Ney?? and Murat

Alrighty I looked it over anon so

Top row: Napoleon, Bessieres, and Bernadotte*Middle: Davout, Soult, and LannesBottom: Oudinot, Murat, and some soldiers. 

*Bernadotte doesn’t look like himself b/c I think the artist accidentally used (this portrait) of Barthélemy Catherine Joubert as reference 

[yiyizheng]

Play-Learn：The Battle of Austerlitz （French Army）

[bxonaparte]

In which even young Nap couldn’t tolerate defeat

[fapoleon-bonerparte]

I used to think Lannes was the marshal that needed a chill pill but now I’m starting to think it was Oudinot

[fapoleon-bonerparte]

other girls

me

[napscloset]

Étude d’un Grenadier à Cheval de la Garde Impériale - Lucien Rousselot

[fapoleon-bonerparte]

So in Saint-Denis’ Napoleon from the Tuileries to St. Helena he mentions an episode where Napoleon had called for Dr. Antommarchi, but had been forced to wait hours because the doctor had disappeared from Longwood (yet again). When the doctor finally did show up Napo gave him a scolding, saying that if Larrey were there he wouldn’t have left Napoleon’s bedside.  

[fapoleon-bonerparte]

my aunt went to Corsica for vacation and she brought me back some Napoleon magnets

they go really well with my other Napoleon magnet

I could have a Napoleon themed fridge if I wanted to

[fapoleon-bonerparte]

*fingers crossed*

[missholson]

Albert Dieudonné as Napoléon, Feb 1925 Photography by Lipnitzki [X]

[fapoleon-bonerparte]

Dominique Doncre - Peace of Amiens, 25th March 1802 (n.d.)

[fapoleon-bonerparte]

Jean Baptiste Borély - Emperor Napoleon (1813)

Source: Waterloo200

[tiny-librarian]

Two Pairs of Framed Portrait Miniatures

Comprising Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette, and Napoleon and Josephine, the latter in an oak and glass shadow box, each portrait contained within a circular faux tortoise shell frame. Diameters 2 inches.

[fapoleon-bonerparte]

Where/what is your icon from?

IT’S MEEEEE

It’s an illustration by Jacques Onfroy de Bréville’s from (La Cantinière)

[a-french-guardsman]

NAPOLEON WAS HETEROSEXUAL

As much as we all wish that he had been part of the LGBT community somehow, it is to be an awful historian than to pretend that he ever had a relationship with a man.

There is literally ZERO proof proving such a thing - and I have done my research.

Sorry to break your dreams, lads

[fapoleon-bonerparte]

shhhh don't say anything or they'll hear you