Funny thing is that this person constantly asks me why I feel uncomfortable expressing emotions to others when they don’t even realize they are the main reason, because they react like this every time.
Of course I can’t tell them that, since every time I tell them something they do wrong they get super defensive and start to berate me for daring to say that when they have mental illness symptoms. Always turns into them putting me down for doing “worse things” to excuse their transgressions, or them self harming and telling me I’m stupid for saying they need to stop because it’s an “anxiety thing” and not “really self harm”. (Mind you, this is the person that ripped my coat off in public to expose my fresh wounds because they claimed I had to stop and the humiliation would help.)
So fucking tired of this shit. I swear, this person is pretty amazing over half the time and they have helped me through a lot, but when the other half is emotionally manipulative and mildly abusive like this it gets really hard to keep this going.
I know I’m not a great person and I’ve done a lot of shitty things, but I’ve been really working on that and making sure to always apologize, while they just blame everything on me and expect me to walk on eggshells around them so I don’t trigger them (even though they abuse my triggers all the time and never apologize).
I don’t know what the fuck to do anymore, I was planning to move in with them but after how they’ve been while I’ve been struggling mentally the past month or so I don’t know if I want to do that....especially now that they are planning shit around their new SO (who they have dated for like a week and a half so far) and just expecting me to follow along.
I just want to move into a pet friendly apartment in this state after I get a job until I can get the money saved up for a better living arrangement, which I am fine with taking a couple years to accomplish because I will be on my parents’ insurance for 4 more years, and then move to another state with less drought and cooler summers. They first wanted to move directly to another state and get an apartment, then decided we should screw the apartment and just buy a fucking house in said state, then wanted to bring along their aunt I barely know, and now they’ve decided to just fuck the US and move to another country because their SO is there (who, again, they have dated for less than 2 weeks).
They keep saying how much money it would save to live there (since no need to fly to see SO) and get a graduate degree, but have not even researched citizenship or what has to be done to have access to that. They have not looked into the cost of living, what vaccinations are needed, what water content there is for acclimation, what the climate is like, what the political atmosphere is like, how they handle mental health....nothing. This person is letting their dick make all the decisions right now and it’s really fucking frustrating because we have planned this move for years.
Really considering just telling them to move there and finding a place on my own at this point. They want to change several years of planning with a friend they’ve known for over a decade to live with someone they met online and started dating two weeks ago they can go right the fuck ahead. They’re really not very healthy for me at this point anyway.
To clarify, I am not being some jealous bitch here, I really like their SO and am so happy they are happy, but most people make life changing plans like these years down the road, not after less than 2 fucking weeks, and definitely do not plan for them without discussing it with their roommate first (they just randomly sprung this on me in while we were eating in public one night, so of course I had to support them so people didn’t stare).
I don’t hate this friend by any means, in fact I care about them so much it hurts sometimes because I can’t show it very well, but for fucks’ sake I am so tired of my opinions being stamped out and them treating me horribly because they get stressed out. I just want a friend that doesn’t manipulate me and take advantage of my intense need to please from childhood abuse for once...is that really so much to fucking ask?
snowghoul
romaincrisis
stormborns
