seen from Philippines
seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from Canada
seen from China
seen from Nepal
seen from United States
seen from Pakistan
seen from Austria
seen from Hong Kong SAR China
seen from United States
seen from Brazil
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Türkiye
seen from Armenia
seen from United States
seen from France
seen from Austria
seen from China
Unfortunately I didn’t kill myself yet so here I am again after like 6 months. Been pretty close to it for a while now but always too much of a chicken shit so you guys get to deal with seeing my shitty art for a while longer it looks like. Enjoy I guess.
I have like $90 to my name right now and I need at least $400 by Monday. People are just ignoring me now, not even getting the “I’ll spread this around” comments. I’m still just as invisible and mediocre at drawing as usual, I don’t know why I keep lying to myself. Guess I should start digging through all my trash for something worth more than $10 and hope I can sell it in time.
My mood today is just fucking wonderful, extremely concerned about my pets, to the point of checking on one that’s hurt every hour or so, but to other people I’m like you know it would be great if you would stop breathing my air from 50ft away thx.
Oh yeah, not that anyone gives a shit but my pet rabbit tore his muscle and has this really fucking disturbing, decaying, 1.5 inch piece of it sticking out of a giant hole in his arm. If his meds don’t work and get the swelling down I’m facing amputation and probably a $4,000 price tag. Been a great week so far let me tell ya.
I really should stop pushing off my fucking child development homework until the last day because ya know I have childhood trauma and reading about abuse and domestic violence is super fun when I’m stressing about a deadline. Doing just fabulously today.
Me: I have an extremely difficult time communicating my emotions to people and say blunt things when I’m stressed because of it.
Friend: Well can you let me know that when it happens.
Me: ...
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Today has been one of those days where I tried to give indication that I wasn’t faring well mentally, but everyone just kinda laughed it off as a joke or ignored it completely. I feel like shutting down all of my accounts and nuking my art folder because my art is getting less and less attention these days, but hopefully that won’t turn into an impulse.
I don’t want to upset or worry anyone, so I guess them ignoring me is fine, but sometimes I’d just like to know someone saw it. When people don’t see it at all I feel so fucking invisible and isolated. I guess I can’t do anything about that though, my art is shit and I never know when to post it properly so no one cares at all. I could stand there screaming my lungs out and people would brush right past me.
It’s like I don’t exist anymore, not just online but in actuality too. People run into me all the time and don’t apologize, looking back at me like they would a pillar that they bumped accidentally. I have walked through my house and near close friends right after I had been crying for hours and no one said a word despite my bloodshot eyes and giant bags under them.
I am insignificant and easy to control, I don’t matter, all that does is that peopple can push me around and get satisfaction from it. I don’t matter. I’m useless.
my hands are numb for some reason so much for doing anything about this
You all probably thought I was dead since I’ve been gone so long. The unfortunate news is that I’m not and you’ll have to put up with me again because I can’t trust anyone anymore and I need a place to go.
Prepare for a vent spam.
