Farting Elephants @farting-elephants - Tumblr Blog

one time i went to see my grandma in the hospital when she was just waking up from surgery and the first thing she said (really feebly) was “neil… what does… your shirt say” and i had to say “skate and destroy” in front of the nurse and my whole family

stripedsweater

queenlohaanda

my kids: dad what’s for supper? me: ooh hunny i am serving looks tonight kids: we haven’t eaten in 3 days

kars

seriousjones

writing-prompt-s

You run a tattoo parlor. Every couple of weeks, the same customer comes in, always requesting the same tattoo: an additional tally mark on an ever-growing cluster of tally marks.

th4nkyoub3n

“what are you counting”

“how many tattoos i’ve gotten”

“i’m no longer serving you”

colecaovagalume-deactivated2022

parks and rec rewatch:

2×18 – the possum

I can’t kill the possum because it might be innocent. I can’t let the possum go because it might be guilty. Can’t make a good soup, can’t do a handstand in a pool, can’t spell the word “lieutenant.” There’s a lot of can'ts in my life right now.

nudygoon

dailydot

Trump Against Humanity takes a famously inappropriate card game and makes it yuge

The concept behind Trump Against Humanity is relatively straightforward. It takes the Cards Against Humanity model and simply replaces the sentences with actual things Trump has said.

tehnerdlyfe

I DIDNT THINK CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY COULD GET EVEN GET CRAZIER

constable-connor-deactivated201

OH NO

samcifica

@theplaylistcollective

bits-in-peaces-deactivated20171

@asmeau

fightingfearnotpain-blog

Oh my word

tehawesome

not sure why i rewrote the copy on the men’s clothing section of the uniqlo website, but i did it. the words are different now.

and here’s one that didn’t fit in the photo set:

fan-troll

i almost made the mistake of scrolling past this

trueloveistreacherous

hobrien

ohtherandoms

On the care and keeping of your scientist

Congratulations on adopting a scientist! Regardless of their field they will require much coffee, free food, and love. Here are some field specific tips for keeping your scientist happy and healthy!

Biology: make sure they don't get overly invested in their model organism by reminding them about the flaws inherent in their system on a regular basis, but also make sure to join in when they criticize other models in favor of their own

Chemistry: don't let them do that 'just one more reaction' at 10 pm. make sure they get out of the lab and see the sun on a regular basis. try to keep them from partying too hard when they do leave the lab

Geology: humor their rock puns but don't let the lick the rocks (they will tell you they need to lick the rocks to identify them, but don't fall for it)

Astronomy: try not to let them become completely nocturnal. point out nice stars to them and look suitably impressed by their "pictures" of planets that don't look like anything to you

Physics: take them to the park on a regular basis to remind them that things larger than subatomic particles exist. bring a frisbee or a ball to play catch with and be impressed by their ability to calculate trajectories

Math: always make sure to have free batteries for their calculators and a mathmatica user guide on hand. Humor them when they tell you why space without angles is important

Ecology: make sure they remember to wear sunscreen and keep an eye on them in the field. Remind them to come inside and analyze their data occasionally

Psychology: don't mention Freud or ever call them a soft or social science, but make sure you gently remind them that social factors can impact reproducibility and try to keep them from drawing sweeping conclusions about the inherent nature of humanity

Neuroscience: be suitably impressed by their newest experiment and then remind them that people are not mice as often as possible

Computer Science: make sure they take breaks while debugging by limiting their supply of coffee. Nod and smile when they go off on indexing and arrays. Make sure they always have a rubber duck.

Make sure to keep your scientist away from engineers unless they have been properly socialized to interact in a translational household. The most important thing is to remember to hug your scientist on a regular basis and remind them that there is life outside the lab