FARTOID IV

Musings mostly

[fartoidthefourth]

BAD DAY NOT GOOD

I'm short on help this week now thanks to my butler(my father) stepping on a rake and splitting his forehead open, he is in hospital now he said he's not sure when he can return to my service. needless to say I'm a little PEEVED OFF!! like I had STUFF to do this week... UGH WHEN WILL THIS CEASELESS NIGHTMARE CEASE! whatever I guess I'll just gene splice one of the creatures to have fingers so it can help out around the lair... In other news my cousins are staying over, mother says to let them play in my lair with me. I WILL DO NO SUCH THING!! I will not have any snot nosed slime buckets touching my dials and levers. they'd be lucky to even smell my chemical weapons. *sigh* I wish my cousins were cool like Gerard Way or the Joker. In truth I've never even watched Batman because the rubber costume scares me but I like the thought of the Joker. The cute and emo barista hasn't been working the last few times I've gone for my hot chocolate, His presence is sorely missed I'm afraid because all the other baristas laugh at me when I tell them my name so they can write it on the cup. I feel so hollow not having him in a cage in the lair or even knowing his name... but acquaintanceships or acquaintanceships that blossom in to heated rivalry's and perhaps more? that's not in the cards for a devil like me, I am scorned by God to walk the path of SCHEMES and EVIL. Alas all that lies ahead of me is Darkness, Experiments, Destruction, Vandalism, Loitering, Tax Fraud, Robbadge and pilfery, Do-Baddery and other such horrible deeds.

[fartoidthefourth]

three of my minions are smoking in the break room, I believe them to be smoking not just cigarettes but weed cigarettes. will this be bad for my workplace environment, should I punish them for smoking their bunts? and if so what kind of punishments do you think would be fitting? I'm thinking something like standard torture goblin procedure

[fartoidthefourth]

You ever have the thought that maybe villainy isn't for you? and that your an immeasurable fuck up and that your butler might've been right about you? that your traps aren't dastardly enough? or even that your schemes leave a lot to be desired? Well keep at it my Fledgling villains, I assure you you'll find a hero who appreciates your effort and schemes!

[fartoidthefourth]

Gasevening, Toids and non Toids alike

I have decided that I will be exploding Saturn soon... I think we'd be better off without it, my scheming eunuch is firmly against this but it is Master's will (Me, My will) so I will be routing all funds to this pursuit until further notice

[the-muppet-joker]

Oh my god its my final exam for my bugs and slime class today and I forgot to study. Fuuuuck I don't know anything. If you fail the exam, they nickelodeon slime you to death and then your body is eaten by the Big Bug Professor. Fuckk shittt im toassttt

[fartoidthefourth]

taking notes.

[notjusthespongenextdoor]

For a city to be walkable. It must also be sittable.

[fartoidthefourth]

I PREFER CITIES COVERED IN LAVA MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[livelaughlok1]

₊˚❀༉‧₊ her ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊

[fartoidthefourth]

what a fine dame, I must capture her and tie her to some train tracks or feed her to my sharks. not to mention how I'll slay her champion

[vexheart]

[fartoidthefourth]

Hmmm yes... *steeples fingers* my death ray will come soon!

[important-cat-pics]

[fartoidthefourth]

This is the kind of sleeping arrangement that I keep for my minions and captives!!

[fartoidthefourth]

Longing for a big and strong hero to try and stop my evil deeds and general do-baddery

Clocks hands shaped like lightning bolts wires bundled by my Tesla coils my critters scuttle around my lair capriciously dreaming of a victim for my evil deeds caps of cyanide rattle in the pit of my pockets Orb crackling suspiciously lounging on my throne the clock strikes midnight eyeballs in brine, ripped from their sockets yeah, this feels like home, though I am alone if only there were someone to share this night of evil with...

[fartoidthefourth]

Ugh... I shall introduce myself I am the fourth in a long dynasty of evil villains, my "pArEnTs" believe this to be a phase, however they are STUPID IDIOTS and know nothing of my intense and ceaseless machinations, when I was but a pup I dreamed of world- no. UNIVERSAL DOMINATION. all this to say, I'm into like uh evil lairs, booby traps(lol), doomsday devices. that sort of thing. my butler(dad(david)) says I need to spend more time outside. what he doesn't get is that I can't surface until my combat suit and death ray are ready. I don't want to look like an amateur after all. there's a cute boy I see at the coffee shop and I'm pretty sure he's a Hero, IDK he just has the build for that sort of thing and the most beautiful emo hair, Uh... where was I? oh yes! I'm here to spread the good word of villainy, dastardly schemes are where it's at peeps!

[fartoidthefourth]

STUPID STUPID STUPID DUMB IDIOT

My stupid butler (David(dad)) brought home the wrong type of juice, usually I'm not one to complain about a change of pace in the fruit juice I consume but this is ridiculous. PEAR JUICE?? what's wrong with my butler? should I get him tested? like, I don't know what for... BUT any advice on how to handle IDIOT STUPID butlers would be much appreciated.