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Friday, 10:00am - Bagels are like chum for the marketing department.

Tuesday, 9:30AM - You may recognize this cold, hard background because it is normally the counter on which wayward food is deposited. Today one bible took the place of the feast that was once there. What does it all mean? Who would test our faith in this manner? Well, joke’s on you because unless this bible is made out of cheese or frosting, we don’t care.

Friday, 1:30PM - Another Treat Yo’self Friday is upon us! Today’s treat is banana pudding… and that’s it. No bowls, no utensils… I don’t mean to be ungrateful but, ya’ know, if you’re not bringing finger food, it’s up to you to provide the supplies. As Titus Andromedon said: I don’t make the rules.

#treatyoself friday humanimals

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Fat Office post. For that I apologize. We have some big news though. What was once Cookie Friday is now Treat Yo’self Friday which means we can have ANYTHING WE DAMN WELL WANT! Today was Meat & Cheese Friday (and beer, and wine, and peppermint schnapps). This is gonna get crazy.

Monday, Noon - On the sixth day of Christmas… caramels and cookies.

Monday, 11:00AM - On the fifth day of Christmas… bagels, muffins, egg/sausage casseroles, donut holes, mac and cheese, an assortment of juices, lox, some kind of loaf cake.

Monday, 11:00AM - On the fourth day of Christmas… pretzels, almonds, foul-looking cheese, Almond Rocha (classy), crackers and cheese straws.

Monday, 10:30AM - On the third day of Christmas… Rugelach and mini-muffins (cupcakes?).

Monday, 10AM - On the second day of Christmas… mini-donuts and scones.

Monday, 9AM - On the first day of Christmas… Cupcakes and fudge.

Friday, 4PM - We simply HAD to have cupcakes because one of our own is leaving us and that's what cupcakes are for. There's a box of things made with cherries and a box of stuff from Dean & Delucca which includes things like Sweet Fish (Swedish Fish) and Chocoate Covered Pretzels (Flipz). I will also call to attention the Fig & Olive crackers because it would be lovely to have some Vermont Cheddar cheese to top them with. A cracker without cheese is like club soda with no vodka. I got no time for it.

Tuesday, 1:00PM - Fancy caramels. Again, this is not Vermont Cheddar and it makes us sad.

Tis' the season for total food chaos here at the office. All of this is well and good but I can't help but notice that the basketball sized wheel of Vermont Cheddar cheese has not arrived yet.

Friday, 3:00PM - Here we have a table of straight up, mother f-ing chaos: a bucket of chili, sandwiches (and fixins), vanilla chai latte drink, donuts, cookies, a salad and Rice Krispy Treats made to look like sushi. I can't begin to tell you how badly this mess stinks. Truly…like a dumpster or Bourbon St.

Monday, 4:00PM - Here we have greek yogurt and diner style hashbrowns both of the "just add water" variety. The yogurt I totally get. I don't agree with it but I understand how it would work like an instant pudding or fruit-colored gelatin. The hash browns though? There's no f-ing way they are going to look like that picture on the box.

Friday, 4:00PM - This, in case you were wondering, is Chiptober Fest. An endless table of dips, two couches full of chips, beer and champagne. It's one of the most disgusting yet beautiful things you will ever se.

#chiptober2014

T-1 Hour, 39 minutes until Chiptober Fest 2014 - The official start to the season of fat is nigh.

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