Out of Order

Society sometimes just really sucks.

[faultyperception]

Booklist

Books that I really enjoyed reading.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom

The Time Keeper - Mitch Albom

Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontë

The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky

Love Letters to the Dead - Ava Dellaira

Ghostland - Colin Dickey

The Fault in Our Stars - John Green

Reasons To Stay Alive - Matt Haig

The Outsiders - S.E.Hinton

We Need to Talk About Kevin - Lionel Shriver

What We Buried - Caitlyn Siehl

[faultyperception]

The Lovely Bones - Alice Seabold Crybaby - Caitlyn Siehl

[faultyperception]

We Were Liars - E. Lockhart Mouthful Of Forevers - Clementine von Radics

[faultyperception]

Ishmael - Daniel Quinn

The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli

Speak - Laurie Halse Anderson

[faultyperception]

Mindhunter - John E. Douglas & Mark Olshaker

Why not me - Mindy Kaling

Depression & Other Magic Tricks - Sabrina Benaim

Everyone we've been - Sarah Everett

[artist-turner]

[faultyperception]

About conquering space and finding your voice

I remember everytime I was told to be more quiet as a kid,

to lower my voice,

to not speak so loudly,

to be more quiet,

to not take up as much space.

Each time I grew smaller and felt that I had to be like this,

to not take up as much space.

I am not worthy to take up this space and be heard.

To this day I still feel little and have to try hard to find my voice.

I still feel like I am not worth listening to.

So I often just sit there with my mouth shut,

burning to say something.

Wanting to be heard.

Sometimes I speak.

Sometimes I don't.

[criwes]

[faultyperception]

In which the lioness almost loves

I despise the term skinny love.

Because it's all I ever have.

There's nothing beautiful about an almost.

Because that's what it is, an almost.

It defines a potential that is never fulfilled.

They tell you to be a lion, fight for what you want and be courageous.

And I am a lioness, I really am.

It's just that I seem to be on the golden brick road, preferring the known dangers of Oz to the wilderness.

I am cowardly and in love with almosts.

Almosts might hold failed potential but being courageous and showing vulnerability is way more daring.

So I'll keep myself safe in the confines of skinny love.

A touch, a glimpse of something great that almost happened.

There's nothing beautiful about the skinny in this form of love.

- l. s.

[letsnoteforafuture-deactivated2]

[lovedeadline]

Dear Kurt Cobain,

Sometimes your music sounds like there’s too much inside of you. Maybe even you couldn’t get it all out. Maybe that’s why you died.

Yours, Laurel

Love Letters To The Dead - Ava Dellaira

[detailsofpaintings]

Louis-Léopold Boilly, Vase of Flowers (detail)

Date unknown

[faultyperception]

Of birds and their cages

There are 3 things I've sat and watched as they died up until now.

2 of them were birds my cat dragged in, who were still alive.

I've watched them as they took quick shaky breaths, as their little heartbeat in their chest moved briskly as lightning.

I've watched them struggling till the last spasm when they suddenly went still.

Little bird your fight is over.

The third thing I've watched die bore quiet the resemblance to the birds.

It's body small and tender to the touch with long thin legs and the bones showing through.

It's ribcage reminding of a birds cage, the heart thumping heavily against the bones, like a bird wanting to escape.

The body too fragile to handle the things the world threw at it.

The predators that once sank their teeth in it and the marks still visible on the frail skin.

Like the birds the brittle thing didn't fight long as soon as it decided it's destiny.

A few last gasps for air, one last rebel of its muscles, then the bird was freed of its human cage.

The delicate earthly body couldn't hold the dainty wild thing belonging to the skies.

Little bird your fight is over.

l. s.

[gladly-beyond]

[faultyperception]

for my father

this is for the days you'll feel down,

like nothing works and turns out right.

I want you to know this.

One of the clearest memories I've got of my childhood is of you,

teaching me how to mend things.

I remember your strong hands working carefully on old radios,

other people no more cared about.

I was a little girl, watching with wide eyes as you worked your magic,

fixing things.

You taught me how to be gentle and not rush,

instead taking my time with broken things.

I learned how to mend wires, no more connected,

and how much joy it can bring to make something work again.

You taught me that things can be fixed with care and time,

no matter how broken or old they might be.

It was from you I learned to cherish the things I've got,

though I sometimes seem to forget this as I'm growing older.

So thank you for teaching me softness and appreciation.

I'm sorry if I somteimes forget to cherish you and tell you how I feel about you,

how much I love having you as a father

and how thankful I am for you teaching me this when  I was still a young child.

You made something work out.

With love, l.s.

[rachbtw]

[faultyperception]

Booklist

Books that I really enjoyed reading.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom

The Time Keeper - Mitch Albom

Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontë

The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky

Love Letters to the Dead - Ava Dellaira

Ghostland - Colin Dickey

The Fault in Our Stars - John Green

Reasons To Stay Alive - Matt Haig

The Outsiders - S.E.Hinton

We Need to Talk About Kevin - Lionel Shriver

What We Buried - Caitlyn Siehl

[faultyperception]

The Lovely Bones - Alice Seabold Crybaby - Caitlyn Siehl

[faultyperception]

We Were Liars - E. Lockhart Mouthful Of Forevers - Clementine von Radics

[faultyperception]

Ishmael - Daniel Quinn

The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli

Speak - Laurie Halse Anderson

[faultyperception]

Please hold the line

It’s hard going from talking with someone on a daily basis to not seeing the person for one week.

Like, yes I’m 22 and I’m old enough to live alone. I know that, trust me and I manage it, but damn I still wanna call my mother and tell her about my day.

And really it’s not like I can’t call her but I feel like I’m seeming needy when I do that.

So I don’t call. So I feel bad because I don’t call her regularly. She might be worried.

But still I feel less an adult when I call so I don’t. Instead I wait for a whole week until I can talk to her, even though I know she wants to talk to me just as much as I do.

So I don’t call and I wait. And I feel bad and she feels bad. But damn aren’t pride and social expectations funny.

l.s.

[hexsabil]

White roses. Intentional brushstrokes. Incredible design planning 

[faultyperception]

2 AM

Why do books and movies these days always have to have a romantic lovestory? Itˋs like they wouldnˋt even survive without a romantic lovestory and some tragedy.

Just take The Hobbit as an example. J. R. R. Tolkien is a great author and he wrote a great story but for the screen play there had to be a tragic lovestory as if it wouldnˋt have been a great story without the star crossed lovers.

Where are novels and stories like The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton where there is spoken about real raw feelings and not some pretentious tragic nearly unbelieveably love story.

Why do we need romatic love so badly? Itˋs like we yearn for tragedy and intamicy in literature and movies these days. Is it because we canˋt have it in our lives today? Maybe itˋs because being intimate and vulnerable with someone nowadays is really hard for our closed off selfes. We live side by side and sometimes interact but we donˋt like to let someone close enough to hurt us.

l.s.

[hakikaten]