ngh

20 - fuckkki idk

[fawnbrini]

dump for the bullshit i write that doesnt fit in any wips . unedited #raw #BrainToWords . i dont CARE if its ass this is for me not you . tw for the whole blog bc idk wtf is gonna go in here

twt

[fawnbrini]

"You fucking wanted it, didn't you?"

Macklin's fingers are rough against Will’s gums, pressing in, in, and Will can’t do anything but struggle against the hold Macklin has on his wrists, thrashing in the sheets of his bed that had felt so safe and comfortable only moments ago. The taste is sour, choking, settling thickly in his throat when he gasps for air. Will can feel the way Macklin's thighs flex with the effort of holding him down, straddled over his own thighs.

"You wanted it so bad, and now that you're getting more, you're fighting it? Come on, Smitty, commit."

[fawnbrini]

"Wheel barrel coming through!"

Leno side steps to the left of the corridor letting Gabe walk by before moving back to walk in the middle

"You wouldn't have to move if you would just stick to one side of the hall," Gabe calls back before disappearing around a corner Leno shrugs, popping a fruit snack into his mouth. The cross ties are mostly empty today, save for two occupied further down the hall. Leno heads for those. On the left, a tall, bay mare paws the ground at seeing Leno approach. A hand appears and smacks the horse on the neck, making her toss her head up.

"You're so rough with her, Mackie," Leno says, stopping in front of the mare and giving her a pat on the muzzle. Mack's ass is faced towards him, one of Darcey's hooves in his hand as he scrapes the mud with a hoof pick. Leno appreciates the view with a grin.

"She only does that when you're around because she knows you'll give her treats," Mack grunts, dropping the hoof he had been cleaning out. He throws an exasperated look over to Leno, taking a deep breath from being bent over so long.

"Well, she's right," Leno pulls a peppermint from his jacket pocket, pulling on the plastic to untwist the candy. Darcey wiggles her lip, stretching out her neck to reach Leno's hand. "Where’s Smitty?"

Mack tosses the hoof pick into a black bucket screwed to the wall. "He went to get Carbs. He has a lesson with a new client in half an hour."

Leno frowns. "Uh, no. I was going to ride him today." Mack grabs the peppermint out of Leno's hand and pops it into his mouth "And that was for your horse, dumbass," Leno grumbles, sticking out a leg in hopes of tripping Mack. Mack easily steps over it.

"My horse has a name you know."

"Ok, well, Darcey is a stupid name-"

"Wheel barrel coming through!" Gabe yells almost bumping into Leno. Behind him, Will leads a tall, black gelding into the crossties beside his own horse, Espresso.

"Do you think I should tack him up now or wait for the student?" Will asks as he clips the crossties to Carbon's halter. Leno pulls another peppermint from his pocket, dancing it in front of Darcey's nose. Mack snatches it away. Leno thinks Mack underestimates just how many peppermints he has stuffed in his pockets.

"I don't know. Dad didn't say anything about his riding experience," Mack replies, turning back to Darcey.

"New kid is not riding my horse," Leno whines.

"It's your fault for letting Carbs be used as a lesson pony," Will snorts. Carbs snorts, too, and Leno is pretty sure his own horse is laughing at him. It's pretty rude.

"Why can't they ride Gabe's horse? She hasn't been ridden in weeks."

Will snorts. Again. Leno is starting to think Will has a problem with his nose. "Yeah, that's exactly why. Besides! Great news, you're riding her!"

Leno sighs in defeat. "At least let me tack up my own horse."

"No. Go get Gabe’s horse."

"Wheel barrel coming through! Ryan, move."

[fawnbrini]

"Mack, Macklin–"

Aiden hates the way Mack's eyes seem glazed over, but still wild, like there's something dangerous caught inside of him that's trying to escape. He's not breathing, not normally, his chest rising and falling like he's just spent a straight hour on the ice. Aiden grapples with his hands, the same hands that had been scratching and clawing at his clothes not five minutes ago. Every time he thinks he has a firm hold on them, Mack manages to twist free, frantic, maniacally reaching for Aiden even though he's right here.

[fawnbrini]

He does it by himself, the... everything. Switches his phone plan, gets himself a router and modem, buys a car and goes to the DMV 40 minutes away from his house because the one in town closed it's doors when it didn't get enough employees, sets up insurance for said car. He calls the hospital, orders the labs his psychiatrist told him to, doesn't read the instructions on the form and hopes he won't have to fast like the last time. He had passed out three vials in and had to come back two days later, where they took him into the back and put him in a big chair that reclined so far he was staring at the ceiling while they took his blood. The nurse had giggled and turned away from him after, hiding the vial of blood Mack was trying to peak at. They gave him a juice box and sent him on his way, which was to another doctor's appointment about his medication. He sipped the juice loudly while his doctor asked him if he'd had any suicidal thoughts recently. He'd said no, and it was the truth.

Really, the only thing he has to do now is call the college, set up a meeting with an advisor to enroll in classes for the fall. It sounds like a daunting task, and Mack puts it off for weeks.

It takes five minutes.

He sets up his hammock in the backyard and lies inside until the wind feels too cold, his fingers stiff with it as he struggles to type out todays journal entry.

[fawnbrini]

"Mack, circle around and try again!" Will watches as Mack wipes at his face, gathering his reins with a deep breath. Darcey tosses her head, breaking into a bouncy trot as Mack squeezes her forward. They circle around behind Will and Rick, Darcey hopping into a canter as Mack rises into his half seat.

"Squeeze her up, Mack, come on! Eyes up, look at the tree line!"

"She's gonna refuse," Will mutters, watching as they straighten up towards the jump. They look like they're gonna do it, Mack leaning back as they approach the jump. And then Darcey lurches sideways with a snort, and Mack loses his balance, falling forward onto her neck. She doesn't go far, just skids to a stop a few feet away from the jump. Mack doesn't push up from her neck, dropping his hands around his mare's shoulders.

Will jogs over, grabbing Darcey's reins before she can trot away from him. He rests his hand on Mack's knee.

"I don't get why I can't just-" he squeezes his eyes shut, taking a deep breath. He pushes up, gathering his reins again. Will keeps his hold on Darcey.

"Maybe start smaller? I know you're used to jumping this high, but, Mack-"

"No, I can do this, Smit. Let go of Darce."