people who don’t read stephen king guess which dark tower plotlines are real
A) women throw plates recreationally for a while
B) roland has a kid, but whoops! the kid is a spider
C) they adopt a different kid whose drawings literally alter reality, but in the grand scheme of things it’s not a huge deal
D) they visit the wizard of oz. this is never mentioned again.
E) they try to get through TSA with a shit ton of cocaine
F) humanity’s harry potter obsession was so strong we literally made bombs that look like the golden snitch
G) they fuck an invisible demon. This action will have consequences.
I) Diversity win! The priest is bisexual!
J) the Other kid in the group writes some crazy shit for his English final and somehow doesn’t tank his grades
K) speaking of which, we have to read about the kid’s english final for entirely too much of a long while
M) the Token Woman of the group regrows her legs
N) the cowboy fights an accountant. this goes on for some time.
O) the wizard fucked the cowboy’s mom but never once makes a your mom joke
Q) a raven knows how to sing beans beans the magical fruit
R) literally the fate of the world rests on one man’s ability to do woodcarving
S) the wizard dances someone back to life
T) the main antagonist of the series doesn’t show up for a book. like at all.
U) there’s evil anthropomorphic animals
V) vampires try to kill them
W) one of the characters is afraid of dinosaurs. this is a major plot point Once and solely once and is never mentioned again.
X) how many times is too many times to run a boy over with a car?
Z) everyone is canonically fictional
