Felix

[airheadamelia-blog]

Lia glanced at Felix with a light sigh of frustration as he pondered how he could put the ornament up his ass and despite being mildly disconcerted (but not enough to leave, at this point she’s found herself used to weird conversations with Felix), anything, even Felix’s odd spiel, was better than reminding herself that there was a blizzard of – in her mind at least – ice age proportions that she couldn’t even be in the comfort of her bedroom amongst the warmth of her covers and her Harry Styles poster to go through. A clap of of thunder had done the trick, though, causing her to give a slight jump – she had never missed the blazing sun of Georgia more than now. Felix taking the ornament out of her hands brought a smile to her face as she reached for another to put on the tree herself, “You’re lucky – I ain’t made for weather like this.” She admitted with the shake of her head, “Back home I’d be wearin’ shorts right now but not much I can do ‘bout it now, right?” She shrugged, standing up on her tip toes to hang an ornament. One look around the common room and she couldn’t help but nod, “Yeah, being stuck in here sucks but at least we ain’t end up stuck in the gym with all the freshman. Gotta look on the bright side of things, I guess.” She pointed out with a shrug.

[fclixdoug-blog]

Felix, still with his comics rolled up in one fist, made his way over to the tree alongside Lia, eyes briefly going to her legs when she mentioned wearing shorts. He dragged his stare to the top of the tree a moment later however, and stared up at the star on its tip. “You can still wear shorts. Might freeze your fuckin’ tits off if you go out in ‘em in this bollocks weather, but its warm ‘nuff inside. Unless -- do cunts feel as weird as willies do when it’s really cold? I wouldn’t know cuz like I don’t have what you got.” A frown marred his brows as he thought more on it, adding the ornament he was holding to a branch on the tree. “Ash don’t give a fuck about the weather, swear down. She just wears whatever the fuck she wants, whenever she wants.” Every little thing about that girl surprised him. Continually. Lia’s last comment made him snort, and he shook his head. “Still get stuck wiv’ a bunch of wankers I don’t like.”

[fclixdoug-blog]

ashesburnmeup:

Ash wasn’t sure if it was her chat with Felix, or if it was the vodka affecting her, but a warm haze was beginning to fill her up, starting from her stomach and slowly radiating out to the rest of her body.  She felt… happy.  Happy and safe, and entirely content with where she was.  Felix always made her feel so comfortable.   It was a feeling she was so unused to that every moment when she did feel it, she couldn’t help but find it ever more precious while the moment carried on.  It was the weirdest feeling of precious nostalgia, only rather than for a memory, it was directed towards the present.  That’s how precious every single moment with Felix was to her.  Her brow furrowed in confusion when she finally noticed the frown on his face through the fuzziness in her vision.  Her mind seemed to be lagging a step behind his words, but she struggled to keep up with what he was saying.  

“You don’t… know it?” she asked softly.  It was a hard concept to understand, especially with her addled brain.  Even with her awful memories, the idea that he didn’t even know when his birthday was seemed so wrong.  She’d felt it before when speaking with Felix, but as she looked at him, not even knowing what was wrong with the words he expressed, feeling no self pity or sense of victimhood when he had every right to be angry, the beating of her heart seemed to pound painfully against her chest.  It was like someone was clenching a fist around her heart, and even though she herself wasn’t hurting, she seemed to be hurting for the boy in front of her.  What they’d done to him wasn’t fair.  What had happened to both of them wasn’t right, but it was moments like these that she wished she could just whisk Felix off to some safe corner where no one could ever touch him again.  They’d be safe, just the two of them.  Without even realizing what she was doing, she brought her hands up to his face.  Cold hands touched his warm skin, forcing his eyes up to hers.  She looked in his piercing blue eyes for a long moment.  She wasn’t fully aware of what she was doing, and she had a niggling feeling she might regret whatever she was about to do when the the warm haze of vodka stopped making her heart beat fast in her ears.  But right now all she could do was stare into his eyes.  All she could do was hear his words repeating in her mind over and over.  Only the two of us.  

And with that thought in her mind, she brought her face up to his, closing the distance between them - kissing him to chase the pain away.

Felix frowned, and refused in that moment to look at her, as if ashamed that he didn’t know -- was never given -- a birthday. Shaking his head, he turned and fiddled with his hands. “I ain’t ever had one.” He glanced in her direction. “I know the year I was born, they writ it on to me, but nowt else.” That was true. His birth date, or the year at least, was permanently scribbled into his left peck, like a barcode for some goods. Small, cold fingers touched his face so suddenly that he flinched, but only a little. Instead of pulling away, he let her pull him closer. This kiss made him start, and for a long moment he remained with his eyes wide open. Felix still wasn’t used to it: the kissing. It appeared so simple and easy in all of those porn movies he watched. Before getting with Ash, he hadn’t considered all of the things a kiss needed to be. What happened with the nose? And teeth? How hard did a person need to kiss? Mouth open or mouth closed? Tongue or no tongue? But most importantly, did she like it? 

Had he been any better at interpreting body language, he would have noticed the way she touched him; he would have realised that she wanted him as wholly as he wanted her. Eventually, once the surprise of the kiss had faded away, he was able to relax into it, and closed his eyes too. His hands. He wasn’t sure what to do with them, so he placed them first on her shoulders, then her knee, then, as if he’d just figured out the answer, her breasts. That was when he broke out from the kiss and embarrassingly pulled away, hands grabbing for the bottle of alcohol instead, of which he took several large gulps from, and shook his head. “Fuck. Sorry. You just surprised me, ‘aight? Kissin’ me like that, you f--kin’ ...slut...” The corners of his lips twitched upwards to show that he wasn’t being serious about the slut comment, and he glanced back at her to make sure she knew that. After a moment of silence, he cleared his throat. “Why’d you kiss me though?”

[fclixdoug-blog]

(Giselle) “Hey, did you just throw that cigarette on the ground?! The garbage is two feet away -- are you that lazy?”

Felix’s eyes immediately narrowed as soon as they fell upon the ginger, and he rolled some spit around in his mouth before shooting it out onto the ground before her. “You got eyes? Twat. ‘Course I fuckin’ did.” He prodded the side of his head a couple times. “And I ain’t lazy enough to get out my willy and piss all over your fuckin’ shoes, so how’s about you fuck off before I decided to do just that?” He scowled at her, then used the front of his shoe to squash the recently discarded cigarette further into the ground.

[airheadamelia-blog]

Lia’s eyebrows knitted together in brief confusion, obviously taken aback by his the vulgarity of his comment and to be fair, it was Christmas so that had been the last thing she expected to come out of his mouth but, then again, it was Felix who didn’t seem to care what time of year it was. “For the tree,” Lia explained glancing back at the sizable tree nearly covered with mismatched ornaments donated by the arts department. The thing was colossal thanks to it being grown in Morgana’s very own backyard and despite protests lead by Giselle, it had been….. Sacrificed in the name of Christmas. However, with the stress of end of semester testing, no one had ever quite gotten around to finishing up, a job Lia seemed to have taken upon herself to calm her nerves rather than chew at the ruby red nails she had been growing so dedicatedly. “Ain’t like there’s much else to do ‘till the storm dies down.” The brunette reasoned, the shimmery silver snowflake ornament still in the palm of her hand.

[fclixdoug-blog]

Felix’s brows pulled together, and he eyed the ornaments in blatant disgust. “You want me to shove these up my arse, for the tree?” He was very confused, but looked as if he actually considered doing so, even tilted his head, like he was imagining how he was going to insert them between his cheeks with as minimal damage as possible. In the end, he decided against the idea, and folded his arms in small defence. “Na mate, I ain’t puttin’ anyfin’ up me bum hole. That’s just gay, ain’t it? An’ I ain’t gay.” Blue eyes flicked from the tree decorations to Lia’s face when she spoke. As if on par with her words, another crack of thunder ripped through the sky, followed by several flashes of lightning. A few people in the common room stirred, nervously shifting where they stood, or sat. Felix shook his head. “I like the storm.” He admitted, grumbling a little as he examined the ornament in the girl’s palm for a second time. He was only a little hesitant to take it from her, not wanting to touch her hand when he reached out for it. “Bit shit that we’re all stuck in the main buildin’, but whatever. If I want to ‘ave a wank, I can just go to the toilets. Ain’t as good as my dorm room but...”

[airheadamelia-blog]

Lia stood back, glancing up at the garland that adorned the wall with a frown before shaking her head. “Actually, no, I was right before – it looks better over the doorway.” She decided, earning a grumble from Peter Pedro who, despite his aggravations, still climbed up the ladder to take down the garland for the third time in the past fifteen minutes. “Or maybe it’s just the colors…” She trailed off, examining the decorations that filled the box before jumping at a clap of lightning and slapping a hand over her heart, “Scared the devil outta me.” She murmured, glancing out at the snowstorm raging outside. It was Christmas Eve and she was she stuck at school – how messed up was that? Not that she minded Morgana or its inhabitants but she would much rather be at home, in Georgia weather where winter meant you threw on some thicker socks not below freezing temperatures and a storm that was downright suicidal to go out in. The decorating helped keep her mind off it. With another clap of lightning came an instinctive reach for tree more tree ornaments and turning to the next person who happened to be in her sights, “You mind helpin’ me with this?” She asked with a nervous smile as the biting winds outside began to overpower the sound of Mariah Carey’s Christmas anthem.

[fclixdoug-blog]

Felix liked this weather a lot. It actually calmed him, which was a stark contrast to how it made some of the other students feel. Several of them had near enough shit themselves at the sound of a violent clap, followed by several flashes of lightning that’d illuminated the white corridor as if someone had just taken a picture, and forgotten to turn off the flash. A few frightened gasps made him smirk as he made his way to the common room, several comic books tucked under an armpit. With the storm going on outside, no one could leave the main building to get back to the dorms because it was (apparently) a health and safety risk. Which meant everyone was stuck hanging around in class rooms, or the cafeteria, or the large common room. He’d been in Grace’s office for a time, with Grace, of course, but at some point she’d had to disappear, and told him he couldn’t stay in her office alone because she wasn’t coming back and needed to lock the door, so he’d reluctantly left. Most people around the academy were in the Christmas spirit. Felix couldn’t go anywhere without hearing someone playing Christmas music on their phones, or decorating parts of the school building with too bright tinsel and mistletoe. There’d been a small Christmas tree strapped to a small, electric car whizzing around one of the departments, followed by a smug looking Zelda Niles. Her handiwork, apparently. Felix was just about to sit down into an empty armchair when someone spoke to him, and he paused in his sitting to look at them. Lia. Felix’s eyes dropped to the ornaments she was holding out, and he pulled a face. “What the fuck do you want me to do wiv’ those? Shove ‘em up my arse hole?”

[fclixdoug-blog]

(Lia) "You don't always have to be on your own -- no one should."

Felix’s bottom lip stuck up, stubborn, and he didn’t turn around to face her because his eyes were watery, like he was about to cry. The thought embarrassed him enough to irritate him, and he stood there tapping his knuckle against the hard surface of the kitchen counter. Felix lowered his head, looking to the closed window that was being sprayed by rain from outside. “Used to it.” He told her, though he mumbled the words so poorly that they were almost inaudible. “I ain’t good with ova’ people.” And he didn’t like most people. Hated being around them because they either annoyed him or angered him. Sometimes both. Interaction exhausted him; when he was alone he didn’t have to keep his guard up, nor be on the defensive all the time. Frowning, he turned to look at her. “I had Ash but I fucked that up.” Felix could only look Lia in the eye for a couple of seconds before he was again looking at the floor. “I ain’t surprised. I told ‘er she’d not like me eventually. I ain’t a good person, an’ I’m borin’. Don’t know nuffin’, do I?” Uncomfortable, he folded his arms to cover his chest, and shifted on his feet. “You’ll do the same ‘fing.”

[fclixdoug-blog]

(Lia) [TXT]: so u know how im really bad at saying no? i think i joined a cult last night

[TXT:] wot the fuk

[TXT:] yor mental is wot u r fukin joyning cults an all init

[TXT:] howd that happen

[fclixdoug-blog]

The storm outside was really messing with the electricity inside. Lights were flickering, computers shutting off, and the television, surrounded by a couple of dimwits, had lost its signal. White noise blared out of its speakers as several kids tried to fix it, mostly by smacking its sides; one of them asked if there was a technopath nearby that could sort this shit out, alas, none of them appeared to know one. Thus they continued to whack the screen’s sides until Felix, minding his own business for once and reading a newspaper (he was actually just looking at the cartoons inside of the newspaper -- he couldn’t read), got annoyed enough to speak up. “Fuckin’ stop doin’ that to the tele. It ain’t gonna work, you fuckin’ prick.” He looked up when someone else entered. “And what the fuck are you lookin’ at?”

[fclixdoug-blog]

"Have you seen my pants? The black ones with the lace on the top? I was going to wear them for you tonight but I can't bloody find them anywhere.

Felix stopped stubbing his cigarette against the windowsill to look back at Ash, his brows lifting as if he couldn’t believe his misfortune. “You can’t find them, but you was gunna --wear them? For me? T -- tonight?” He was grateful for the cold wind coming in through the open window, because it kept his cheeks from burning so badly that his face would redden. He briefly turned his face to throw his smoke out the window, using the same hand to pull at his collar afterwards; it suddenly felt too tight. “I ain’t got no clue where they, they are, but, like, I can -- help you look for ‘em? Like, they’re here somewhere, right?” He cleared his throat, eyes flicking down to her body. “Fink my dick’s a bit hard.”

[fclixdoug-blog]

[TXT] Where were you this morning? My bed feels weird without you in it.

[TXT:] i had to go back to my room for my pills

[TXT:] dint want to wake u..

[fclixdoug-blog]

[TXT]: So... I've only showed you four levels of kissing so far. But I'm actually a registered professional who can reach up to level 12 in the kissing metre. So... I think we should hang out tonight.

[TXT:] u can do more than kiss wiv tung????? 

[TXT:] wot  the fuk else ?

[TXT:] r u gunna suck me off

[TXT:] :)

[fclixdoug-blog]

(Lia) [TXT]: do you wanna work together for the history project? and i get that we're not friends but i just figured if you dont have one we could work together

[TXT:] k

[TXT:] if ur shore..

[TXT:] i aint gonna be a very good partner 

[TXT:] u wuld probly be bettur wurking alown

[fclixdoug-blog]

ashesburnmeup:

She grinned up at him when he finally acceded to her.  She remembered when she’d first met him.  The way he’d always been so tightly strung, constantly waiting for someone to make a jackass reply to him, prompting him to get into fight after fight.  It was hard to imagine him like that in this moment now, when a simple finger could get such a warm reaction from him.  She knew that she’d also changed in the months since they’d met, both of them growing softer around each other.  At his next words, her eyes opened in surprise.  “Only got you, don’t I?”  She knew he couldn’t see her expression with the way she leaned into him, but a sadness passed through her at the words, followed by an immense wave of gratitude.  It was true.  The both of them were so stunted, wounded, fucked up… but at least they had each other.  It was statements like this that made Ash’s heart pound painfully around Felix, in a way she knew wasn’t proper for just friends.  But she knew the two of them needed each other in an almost unhealthy way, craving each other for assurance, for proof that they were still alive, really.  “Well you’ve got me for forever, Essex,” she said softly into his shoulder, her hand squeezing his tighter.  

In response to his next words, her brow furrowed slightly.  “I dunno… they can be nice sometimes, I’ve just got too many memories of the shit ones to want to celebrate it anymore,” she responded softly.  When he lifted the vodka towards her, she grabbed it, finally pulling herself off of him and sitting up straight.  Twisting off the cap, she swung her head back, taking a deep, long gulp of the drink.  When she finally emerged for breath, nose still wrinkling at the taste, she finally looked over to him.  There was something about his words that struck her as… off.  “Don’t really know much about birthdays…”  She knew he’d had a fucked up childhood, and realization of how they probably shared painful memories of the day made another pang go through her chest.  “When’s your birthday, Felix?” she asked suddenly, trying to blink herself out of the warm vodka haze that was already beginning to put a pink tinge to her cheeks.  “We should make it somethin’ special since we’re both so tragic normally.  I’ll bake you a cake.  And then I’ll buy you a replacement cupcake cos my cake’ll probably taste like shit,” she grinned to him, a warmth climbing in her chest as she thought of it.

A warm, niggling feeling in the middle of his chest took root at her words, but the strangest thing happened: his smile grew smaller, like he should have believed her but couldn’t. Forever was very permanent, and permanency was, to him, imagined. Felix got his hopes up for nothing, but for a fleeting moment his heart leapt at Ash’s promise, like maybe he wanted to believe her. Blue eyes lowered to their intertwined fingers, and tenderly he turned her hand in his so that he could trace the vein in its top, stark against her pale skin. When she settled her cheek against his shoulder, he looked at her, and wanted to tell her that she wouldn’t stay with him forever; she would get bored eventually, or tired, maybe both, and find someone new, someone exciting, who wasn’t HIM. Although the thought of her no longer being in his life made him sad, acceptance followed. Felix just wanted Ash to be happy. He didn’t respond. 

Felix just nodded. He didn’t know what memories those were that she was talking about, and he wouldn’t pry. He never wanted to talk about that which plagued his mind day in and day out; he doubted she wanted to either. They were here, together, to live in the present. That’s what they did: ignored the past, ignored the future, lived for the moment. Ash was a moment of respite, and he liked to think that maybe he was the same thing for her. His body grew startlingly cold when she moved, and it was so unexpected on his part that his eyes snapped to her face, forehead briefly creasing with several faint lines. Had he done something? He hadn’t even said anything. But no, she was just sitting up to drink, and he stupidly looked down at his lap again. “My what?” No one had ever asked him when his birthday was before, so it came as a surprise to him when he heard the words from Ash. Felix tried to think about it and drew a blank. It darkened his complexion, and almost stubbornly his shrugged. 

“...Don’t know. Was never given one.” Felix’s wording was off. He spoke of birthdays as things that were assigned, or gifted to, as if he thought not everyone had a birthday; he didn’t have one, so it only made sense that other people, somewhere, didn’t have birthdays too. “Or I forgot it. I donno.” A sudden laugh escaped him at the thought of her baking a cake, but it grew gentler when in crept the realisation that this cake would be made especially for him. He slowly brought a hand up into his hair, and stroked it a bit, like he was comforting himself. It only looked like he was sorting out the messy tufts. “You don’t ‘ave to do that. Ain’t like I even got a set date... do like cupcakes though...”

[fclixdoug-blog]

ashesburnmeup:

She shivered slightly when his hand touched her arm.  He always seemed warm to her, and without even realizing it she leaned in further towards him.  When their arms locked together, she closed her eyes as she grew comfortable against him.  She always pretended not to notice just how good it felt to lean against his sturdy, well-built body, but it was a fact that she always flitted towards the boy as if she were magnetically attracted to him.  She had never really been the type to like touching, especially once Nick had gone.  But whenever she was around Felix, she always found herself making up excuses to hug him, lean against him, or be attached to him in some way or other.  She knew he wasn’t the type to touch either, and secretly she loved the fact that she was the only person he let hang themselves on him.  It felt like it was their private thing.  She’d fallen asleep against him an uncountable number of times by now, a feat she’d never thought possible since she normally couldn’t relax around others.  But that was just how the two of them were, an awkward unsociable pair who seemed to fit together better than they should have.

When he started rambling, she brought her head up on his shoulder so she could look at him better.  He was shifting about, seemingly guilty, and Ash frowned at him.  She brought her free hand not locked with Felix’s up to press gently between his brows, smoothing out the line that formed the frown upon his face.  “I told you not to make a big deal out of it,” she said softly, scrunching her nose cutely at him.  “Normally I hate birthdays.  I’m not really a… family person, you know.  I don’t exactly have great memories of my more recent birthdays, so I just want to hang out with you.  I don’t have to pretend it’s something to celebrate when I’m with you, I can just…” she sighed, nestling herself closer to him and closing her eyes.  The rain, though not particularly harsh, was still gently dripping around them, seemingly nestling them in a blanket of dampness.  “I can just be normal with you.  It feels safe with just you.”

Whenever Ash took his hand in hers, Felix grew incredibly conscious of what he could do with it. How he could break it if he squeezed just a little too hard. She made it so difficult for him to concentrate, worse than usual, and normally he didn’t care, but when she touched him, or he held her, he felt the pressure of remaining in control that much more. Accidentally crushing her hand in his, to cause her pain however unintentional, would leave him mortified. He flinched the tiniest amount when cold fingertips pressed lightly between his brows, smoothing out the deep frown that marred them. His eyes flicked towards her after his expression was softened some, and he gave a gentle smile, a silent thank you. “Alright, fine.” He said, though the topic of birthdays and what they were supposed to mean still bothered him. Briefly his jaw clenched, but he let out a breath through his nostrils and all remnants of tension left him. “If you don’t want nuffin’ done for your birthday, then it’s whateva’, the way you want it to be. I mean it ain’t like I’m goin’ anywhere, only got you, don’t I?” He paused to glance at her, before looking back out at the night sky. “So we can stay ‘ere all night if you want...” His voice trailed off as she settled into him, and his heart leapt as he shifted so that she might rest against him in a more comfortable position. Grabbing the bottle of vodka with his free hand, he offered it back out to her. He did so because he was unsure of how to respond to her words: it feels safe with you. The admission made his body warm all over, sprouting first from his chest, and burnt the tips of his ears. “Don’t really know much about birthdays anyways. Just anova’ day, ain’t it?”

[fclixdoug-blog]

I know you had to leave... I get it... but... I really fucking miss you

To say it was a shock to see Ash turn up at base was an understatement. He wondered if she’d been waiting outside of its walls for him, because there was no way she’d get on site. It was just his luck that he’d decide to exit through the front entrance today. If only he’d gone out of a side gate, she would have missed him, and he wouldn’t have to swallow his heartache at seeing her all over again. They’d been standing outside together for just under an hour now. Felix stood to attention almost; and hadn’t said much. It had mostly been Ash talking. Telling him how much she feared him dying without her knowing it, asking him to put her down as an emergency contact in case anything really did happen to him. The longer he remained in her presence, seeing her, hearing her, feeling her, the more grave his features became, though he tried hard to remain stoic. But then she told him she missed him, and hesitancy rolled over his face. He looked at her, jaw loosening a fraction, as well as his resolve. I miss you too. His mouth twitched, as if the words were right there, yet he just couldn’t bring himself to say it. So he lowered his head, clasped his hands nervously behind his back, and averted his eyes. “I have to go.”

[fclixdoug-blog]

ashesburnmeup:

Ash watched Felix’s eyes stay on her for a beat longer than normal, and she felt a slight heat rise in her cheeks, her grin growing a bit wider.  When he moved to sit beside her, though, she felt a sense of relief grow through her.  She always seemed to be hyper-aware of Felix being around her, and as per usual when his hip brushed hers she felt a small shiver drift up her spine.  But as he grew comfortable, she could feel a deep sense of calmness rising up in her.  She had never really understood how such a complicated person could make her feel so safe, but Felix always had that ability around her.  As she twisted the cap off the bottle, she sank closer into him, arms touching as she craved his warmth against the cold rain.  She probably should have chosen a warmer, less wet place for her birthday celebration, but she’d wanted to be away from the pry of unwanted eyes, so the roof it was.  She took a deep swig of the vodka, cringing at the bitter taste of it, before handing the bottle out to Felix.

His words made her pause, though, and her eyes drifted over towards his blue ones in surprise. The flash of a dimple made her roll her eyes.  “Shut up, you’re not a nutter,” she responded in mild admonishment, before a grin grew across her face.  She didn’t know how he’d picked up on it when they’d only texted all day, but that was typical Felix, really.  He managed to pick up on her slight mood shifts even before she did.  It was almost freaky.  “You’re right, actually, there is,” she said softly.  She took her arm and locked it with his, moving her damp head to his shoulder.  “Don’t make a big deal out of it ‘cos it’s not a fuckin’ big deal or anythin, but it’s my birthday.  I’m 18 today.”

Felix idly rubbed at the side of his head, fingers going up into his hair because he was, for some reason, nervous, and unknowingly left tufts of brown curls sticking out. He fidgeted a lot more when she settled better into him, very aware of how their arms touched. She felt cold against him, and his brows twitched in concern. “You cold?” He asked, leaning slightly so that he could touch his hand to her arm; it was an excuse to feel her. Of late, Ash had become the first and only thing Felix WANTED to touch, but he was too shy, too uncomfortable, to ask outright for more than brief brushes. He thought himself lucky that she was so touchy-feely, because it meant that, more often than not, he didn’t need to wait much before she was hugging him, or lying half in his lap. When she did those things at the start of a day, he knew that the rest of the day would be bearable. As if his days varied in mood depending on how much, or how little, she gave him her attention. There was a secret rule he had worked out for himself. If Ash smiled at him more than once in ten minutes, the day would be okay. If she smiled at him and hugged him, he’d be content. If he didn’t see her at all in the morning, or she was upset, then the rest of the day would be miserable. In fact, on those days, he often got into fights or arguments. It must have been unhealthy, to have his mood be determined by Ash alone, but Felix couldn’t help it. 

When she offered him the vodka, he hesitantly took it, taking a larger gulp than she had not ten seconds before. His stomach tingled at the thought that her lips had been where his currently were, and he was slow to lower the bottle, attempting not to seem affected by the sharp taste of alcohol as he swallowed it. “Thanks.” He murmured, and set the bottle between his thighs. “I donno, I might be a nutta’, like, we ain’t seen each ova’ all day, just was reading your texts and felt like somefink’ was off...” He rambled a bit, only pausing when she spoke, and gave her his arm when she came for it. Some of Ash’s curls brushed Felix’s jawline as she settled against his shoulder, and he swallowed, discreetly tilting his face in her direction so that he might feel her against his cheek a little more. Birthday! As soon as she said it, he frowned down at her in both surprise, confusion, and guilt. “You mean you was born on this day eighteen years ago?” Felix stupidly asked. He didn’t understand birthdays because he couldn’t remember having one, but he’d seen other people celebrating their birthdays, and it wasn’t like this. “Ain’t you supposed to get... presents and... cards and stuff on your birthday? And you’re supposed to be happy too. Fuck, I didn’t get you any ‘fing.”

[fclixdoug-blog]

ashesburnmeup:

November 12th.  Ash wasn’t generally the type of person to focus on the date.  She liked imagining days passing by with her blissfully unaware.  But this was a date that was hard for even her to let slip by.  November 12th - her birthday.  Without her brother, the date had turned into more of a reminder of just how alone she was.  Gone were the blissful days of them baking cakes for each other, giving each other shoddily wrapped presents of things neither of them really wanted.  But it had always been about the effort with the two of them, and the fact that they’d been there together.  And when Nick was gone, the day had been nothing but torture.  Ash didn’t like talking about it that much, in fact she was pretty sure none of her friends in school even knew that today was her birthday.  And she didn’t really want to tell them.  They’d just make it a big deal, but she wanted to be… left to herself.  Well, not really. 

If she was being honest she didn’t want to be alone, but she didn’t want to have the high energy celebration she knew it would become if someone like Scar found out.  So that’s why, when she found herself alone on the roof, a handle of vodka waiting for consumption, the person she found herself texting was the one person she knew she could just be herself with, without any alterations or pressure.  Felix and her had been texting a lot recently, something that she found amusing, if she was honest.  She’d never really been the texting sort.  But it was surprisingly easy with him, and she loved the way she could hear his accent through his spelling mistakes and awkward grammar.  It was like having him there with her every time she opened a message, and she found herself looking forward to every text of his with more enthusiasm than she ever had with any other person.  He responded to her now within seconds, and she felt a small grin growing on her face.  She wrapped her oversized cardigan around herself tightly and waited, a hand unthinkingly brushing a knot out of her hair.  When she heard his voice behind her, she turned to look at him, her heart flopping about strangely in her chest.  A small grin that she only used with Felix began to grow across her face, and she lifted the bottle up and shook it once. “Hallo, Essex,” she said softly, bringing up the old nicknames they barely used anymore.  “I’ve got vodka, and you’re the only one I want to drink with tonight, so I hope you’re prepared.”

When he saw her sitting at the roof’s edge, his steps slowed. A smile grew across his face just as soon as she smiled too, and very briefly he glanced around, as if checking to see if anyone else was with her. He wouldn’t have liked it if another was with her, wholly because he kept up a front with everyone else. Ash was his downtime. Seeing no one else on the rooftop, his feet moved faster, more assuredly; swiftly. His old nickname she’d given him the first night they’d talked softened his eyes, and he had to look away, as if bashful; and extremely content. Essex. Ash rarely used it these days but it meant something important to the two of them. A term of endearment, the likes of which Felix got nowhere else. Grace called him honey, or hun, but that was different because she called everyone those names, not just him. But Essex was special. Essex belonged only to THEM. 

“Alright?” He said as he drew nearer, letting out a small, breathless laugh of which puffed out as white smoke. It was a cold night. In fact, it rained too, albeit very gently, and he appraised how the tiny droplets in Ash’s hair glistened like tinier lights under the glow of the moon. Felix realised he was staring, and, grateful that the dark kept his blush well hidden, he looked out upon the night sky and sat down beside her. “Um, yeah, yeah.” He mumbled, dragging his bottom across the damp gravel so that his hip brushed the side of her hip. “I’m... prepared for... vodka? Didn’t fink you could prepare for vodka but alright. I believe you.” There was a pause as he looked at her, one side of his jowls creasing with dimples as he smirked. “We drinkin’ for a reason? I kinda... got this vibe from you. I donno, it’s weird, I’m probs bein’ an’ idiot.” Another nervous laugh escaped him, and he looked ahead. “Or a nutta’.”