F**k FODMAP

One woman's adventures on a low-FODMAP diet.

[fcukfodmap]

How I Got Here

Due to some medical problems, I've been put on an elimination diet called the FODMAP diet. I could do a search and read again what exactly constitutes a FODMAP, but I can't be arsed at the moment. Upshot is: FODMAPs are some mysterious component of various foods that don't agree with some folks' digestive tracts. In order to suss out what exact food might be causing the trouble, I'm to eliminate all high FODMAP foods, and then add them back in to find the culprit.

Here is a short list of high FODMAP foods:

-milk and all fresh dairy products (like cottage cheese and sour cream)

-onions and garlic

-wheat with gluten

-fructose (such as in apples, raisins, or watermelon)

-cabbage, broccoli, and all related veggies

-and the absolute worst (for me): avocados

I'm on day two and it's already not a lot of fun. Until this diet devilry, a typical breakfast for me was toast with avocados and cottage cheese; all of those things are now verboten. I did get gluten-free bread, which I hate, and lactose-free cottage cheese, which is surprisingly decent, but there's nothing for the avocado.

So I ended up eating corn flakes and lactose-free milk, which made me feel like a 3rd grader. Cold cereal is for babies. I'll probably end up eating a lot of eggs, which is fine because it's summer and I'm already not keeping ahead of all the eggs the chickens are laying.

Anyway, I intend to document my trials with the low FODMAP diet, one ridiculous kitchen experiment at a time. I'm no professional chef, but I'll do my best to write concise recipes. If you get stuck with this diet, I hope this helps.

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPS in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Potato and Corn Pizza

It's been a hot minute since I updated Ye Olde Blogge because I've been on the mend, but every so often I'll look at what I'm cooking and think, this is pretty much low-FODMAP. That happened yesterday when I was making a pizza with a keto crust. (My husband was diagnosed with diabetes, and minimizing sugar-spiking carbs has been the operating principle while we figure out how to best manage this.) The keto crust was low-FODMAP and gluten-free -- and a million times better than the packaged gluten-free pizza dough I tried out back in the day. It's really good, you guys. Without further ado:

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Potato and Corn Pizza

Keto Pizza Dough (makes 2 pizzas)

3 c shredded mozzarella

1 1/3 c almond flour (or any 1:1 gluten-free flour blend)

4 tbsp cream cheese

2 eggs

pinch of salt

Preheat oven to 425 F. Mix all the ingredients together well, and split the dough into two dough balls. Tear off two decent sized pieces of parchment paper (or silicon mats, if you have them) and center one of the dough balls on one. Put the other parchment paper on top of the dough ball, and, working from the center, press the dough out into a circle, roughly 14" diameter and 1/8" thick. Peel off the top parchment while leaving the dough on the bottom one. Place on a cookie sheet and slide into the oven. Bake for 12-15 minutes until spotty brown. Repeat with second dough ball. When the crust comes out of the oven, flip the whole thing over and peel the parchment paper off. The crust is now ready for toppings.

At this point you can put whatever you want onto this crust, but I'll detail what I did because it was so good.

Spiced Potato and Corn Pizza Toppings

4 mid-sized potatoes, peeled and cut into thin medallions

3 ears of corn

1/4 c plus 3/4 tsp Zatarain's Crawfish, Shrimp & Crab Boil (you can usually find this by the meat dept)

6 slices of cooked bacon, chopped

1 c lactose-free sour cream or sour cream substitute

1-2 c shredded mozzarella

Set the potato medallions to boil with a solid 3-4" of water extra, and including 1/4 c of the Zatarain's seasoning. When the water comes to a boil, add the corn. Remove corn after 5 minutes and slice the kernels off the cob. Cook potatoes until they are done but not mushy. Stir 3/4 tsp Zatarain's seasoning into the sour cream.

Starting with the sour cream mixture, split the topping ingredients and layer onto the two crusts: first sour cream, then potatoes, corn, and bacon, and ending with mozzarella. Slide the pizzas back into the oven, and cook for 5 minutes.

So! Let's talk about FODMAPs. There are a number of ingredients which are only cool in a single serving size: almond flour (1/4 c), corn (38g), cream cheese (1 tbsp), but 2ish slices or less should be well below the threshold. I also ended up using a 1:1 gluten-free flour on the second pizza because I ran out of almond flour, and it might have been better then the almond flour, so.

I also used a jarred alfredo sauce for the pizza sauce, not sour cream, but alfredo is basically radioactive when it comes to FODMAPs. I've used sour cream before to good effect, so I'm sure it'll be fine here. You could also use a couple tablespoons of olive oil with the Zatarain's spice mix instead, if dairy isn't your thing. You can of course put whatever you like on the pizza crusts; this is just what I did. I also would put MOAR Zatarain's in the sauce next time, because while the pizza had heat, I think it could have used more. That's preference, of course.

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Shirataki Noodle Hot Dish

I've been on the mend for a while -- turns out, cutting out coffee lessened my symptoms significantly -- but I still have a bunch of gluten-free or otherwise low-FODMAP friendly foods hanging around the house needing to be used up. One such foodstuff is two enormous boxes of shirataki (or konjac) noodles. Shirataki noodles are made from the root of the konjac plant, a yam-like tuber. They're sold in sealed water-filled packages, ominously.

Though they've been eaten in Asia forever, they're primarily eaten by Westerners as a diet food: they have no calories and tons of fiber. They can also block your intestines when you eat too much and they cohere into an insoluble bezoar, lol. I legitimately cannot imagine eating that much konjac anything: they're weird and slimy and utterly tasteless. To use them up, I tried to find recipes which seemed like they would minimize the noodles or otherwise surround them with ingredients I like.

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Shirataki Noodle Hot Dish

3-4 packages konjac noodles (~16-20 oz)

1 lb Italian sausage (or pork sausage with Italian seasoning)

1 red Bell pepper, cut into matchsticks

6-8 radishes, halved and then chopped

3 cups chopped kale, about 3 large handfuls

3 tbsp butter

1 1/2 c lactose-free whole milk

1/2 c dry white wine

3 tbsp gluten-free flour flour

2 c shredded cheese (I used a four-cheese Italian blend)

salt, pepper, olive oil

Parmesan for garnish

Preheat the oven to 375F.

Drain and pat the noodles dry: I lay them on a clean towel and then roll them up. Chop up the noodles into 2 inch lengths. Heat up a dry skillet over medium-high heat, and then add the noodles. Cook, stirring often, until the noodles start to make a squeaky whistling sound -- yeah, idk either -- about 5-8 minutes. This means the excess moisture is leaving the noodles. Remove from pan and set aside.

Add olive oil to the now empty pan, and brown the sausage, breaking it up as it cooks. Before it's completely done, add the radishes and red peppers and cook for a couple minutes. Add the kale in the big handfuls -- you might want to add some olive oil to the kale -- and cook everything until the kale is wilted, the veggies softened, and the meat browned. Add the noodles to the skillet, stir it up, and then pour into a 9 x 13 pan.

Wipe out the empty skillet, and then melt 3 tbsp butter. Add the flour (I used the Bob's Red Mill gluten-free blend) and whisk until the butter and flour clump together and start to brown. Pour in the milk and whisk smooth, then pour in the wine. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Once the sauce begins to gel, add a cup of shredded cheese and cook until smooth.

Pour the sauce over the noodle mixture and stir up to ensure even coverage. Top with the rest of the cheese. Bake in oven for 30-45 minutes, until the top is browned and the casserole bubbling.

When I plated this for the household, I basically told everyone it was going to be trash and they were welcome to spit it out and have leftover mac & cheese instead. Everyone took a trepidatious bite and then ... it was actually fine. Good, even. Like most casseroles, it was better the next day. Nobody has come down with a bezoar from the three ounces of konjac ingested either. So that's cool.

As far as FODMAP concerns go, this dish is very low-FODMAP friendly. There's basically no nutritional value to shirataki noodles. Red peppers are low FODMAP at one serving size, which I think is half a pepper? Either way, not an issue. You can have basically unlimited radishes, cheese, and kale on a low-FODMAP diet. Butter is kind of a question mark because I've heard conflicting things, but the Fig app says its ok, so it's probably ok.

This was fine! I don't think the shirataki noodles were better than gluten-free noodles like rice noodles, and considerably more work, but I was using this nonsense up, so. Next time I'll try making ramen with them, so we'll see how that goes.

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Gorditas

It's been a hot minute since I've posted on Ye Olde Blogge because I was able to find a medication that controls my medical nonsense, and my gut problems are in remission. But as I was cooking dinner tonight, I realized that this recipe could be easily made to be FODMAP-friendly. So here I am again! Without further ado, the recipe:

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Gorditas

Dough:

5 c masa harina (corn flour, not corn meal)

2 tsp salt

3 1/2 c room temperature water

3/4 c shredded yellow cheese like cojack or cheddar

oil for deep frying

Filling:

1 lb ground beef

1 russet potato, cut into 1/4 in pieces

1 tsp both salt & black pepper

3 green onions, the green part only, chopped fine

1 tomato, cored and copped fine

1 1/2 tsp ground cumin

2 tsp gluten-free flour

3/4 c water

shredded cheese and iceberg lettuce for serving

For the dough:

Line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment. Mix together corn flour and salt, then add water and shredded cheese. Knead with your hands until the dough has the texture of play-doh. Divide dough into 1/2 c portions, which should result in 12 dough balls. Roll the potions into a slightly smashed ball.

Place the dough on one side of a silicon mat, and then fold the mat over so the dough is both covered and sitting on the silicon. (If you don't have a mat, you can sub with plastic bag that you've cut the sides off so you have a long piece of plastic that can be folded.) Taking a clear dish with a flat bottom, smash the dough ball until it's about 3/8 in thick and 4 in wide. Smooth the edges that crack, and lay on the parchment. When you've filled the pan, cover with another sheet of parchment, and fill that. (Cover with a wet towel to keep from drying out if you don't cook right away.)

Image description: A clear glass bowl smashing down dough that's inside a folded silicon mat.

Line another rimmed backing dish with a couple layers of paper towels, and then set a mesh rack over the paper. Either bust out your deep fryer or fill a cast iron pan or a Dutch oven with about a quart of oil. Deep fry for 5 minutes, or fry 5 minutes a side, and then lay on the mesh rack over the paper towels.

Image description: A clear glass bowl smashing down on a dough ball that's inside a folded silicon mat.

For the filling:

Cook potato, ground beef, and salt & pepper in a skillet over medium-high heat until both begin to brown, 6 to 8 minutes. Add scallion greens and diced tomatoes and cook until softened, about 5 minutes. Add cumin and cook until fragrant, about a minute.

Stir in the gluten-free flour until well mixed, then pour in the water. Cook until slightly thickened, a couple minutes or so.

Bringing it all together:

Slice almost all the way around the fried round from the sides, so you end up with something like a pocket in a pita. Stuff with the filling, cheese, shredded lettuce, or whatever amuses you.

As far as FODMAP content goes, probably the biggest concern is the masa harina. Corn flour is gluten-free, which rules, but there's something in it that isn't FODMAP past servings of 2/3 cup. One gordita has about 1/2 cup masa harina in it, so you can do the math from there. Tomatoes can also be a problem, but they're so minimal, I wouldn't worry about it unless you have a thing with nightshade or whatever.

So this ended up really freaking tasty. In fact, the gorditas ended up being well better than expected; I absolutely did not trust that those dough balls would fry up to something coherent enough to make a pocket bread. I promise it'll work. Oh, also? I just realized the Spanish rice I made -- which is pictured in the header -- is low-FODMAP too. Maybe I'll write that up tomorrow.

Obligatory Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Gyro-Spiced Meatloaf with Tzatziki Sauce

The idea for this all started when Mr. Fcukfodmap idly considered whether meatloaf would be good spiced like gyro meat. We've made gyro meat before -- it's easier than it might seem -- so I decided to leap into action and whip something up. This whole thing is a Franken-recipe, cobbled together from several sources, up to and including my mom's meatloaf recipe (which is amazing).

First night we had it, everyone declared it good, but not better than mom's. The next night, I made tzatziki to go with it. Reader, that made the meatloaf fcuking amazing. For sure the fact that second day meatloaf is better is a factor, but probably not a big one. Without further gnashing of teeth, the recipe:

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Gyro-Spiced Meatloaf

1/3 c quick oats

1/3 c lactose-free milk

2 eggs

1 tsp dried oregano

1 tsp ground cumin

1 tsp dried marjoram

1 tsp ground dried rosemary

1 tsp ground dried thyme

1 tsp ground black pepper

1 tsp salt

1 lb ground beef

1 lb ground pork

3-6 strips of bacon

Preheat oven to 400F. In a large bowl, mix the oats and milk and let sit for 5 minutes so the milk is absorbed. Mix in the eggs, then all the seasonings, then the ground meat. Don't play with it too much. Press the meatloaf mix into a bread pan. Cover with strips of bacon. Put into the oven and cook until it registers 160F, about an hour and a half. Let sit for 10-15 minutes so it's not molten. Serve with parsley if that pleases you.

Tzatziki Sauce

1 c Greek yogurt

1 c cucumber

2 tbsp olive oil

2 tbsp chopped fresh dill

1 tbsp lemon juice

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

Seed the cucumber and then grate on the big side of a box grater. Lay the cukes on a clean towel and press the water out. Mix all ingredients.

I ended up putting the meatloaf mix into two pans because I was super hungry and wanted to shorten the cooking time, so that's an option. I also poured off the excess bacon fat when they came out of the oven, which is just personal preference. Of course you could omit the bacon completely, or leave it.

As far as FODMAP concerns go: Oats can get problematic above a ~1/3 c serving, but there's only 1/3 c in the whole recipe, so that should be fine. My understanding is that Greek yogurt is filtered in such a way as to remove the lactose, making it FODMAP-friendly, so you shout NOT sub Greek yogurt with the regular kind. I suppose if you found lactose-free yogurt you could use it, but I've never seen such a thing. Everything else is fine, as far as I'm aware.

So! This is one of those recipes where the sauce makes the meal, because I cannot stress enough how amazing everything got once the tzatziki hit the meatloaf. It went from everyone discussing this recipe as an interesting experiment to everyone deciding it should go in the rotation. That doesn't happen everyday!

Resigned disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPS in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Stuffed Pork Tenderloins with Green Beans & Potatoes

I've always wanted to make something like this, but never got around to it. So I decided to make this while the water lines in the kitchen were frozen during this hella cold snap (-24F last night) because I wanted everything to be as annoying as possible. To clean up, I had to haul buckets of water from the basement, and then dodge all the crap that came out from under the sink so I could run a heater in there. Anyway, annoyance aside, this turned out pretty great! To the recipe!

[You'll see I used paper plates because fcuked if I was washing more dishes than necessary]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Stuffed Pork Tenderloins with Green Beans & Potatoes

For the stuffing:

1/2 c kalmata olives

1/2 c oil packed sun dried tomatoes

4 anchovy fillets

1 tsp fresh thyme (or 1/2 tsp dried)

1 tsp lemon zest

For the tenderloins:

2 pork tenderloins, about 1 lb a piece

1 cup baby spinach, rough chopped

4 tsp brown sugar

1 tsp salt

1 tsp ground pepper

olive oil

string

For the potatoes and green beans:

1 1/2 lb small potatoes, halved or quartered if they're bigger than new potatoes

1 lb green beans, trimmed but left long

olive oil, salt, and pepper

Preheat oven to 450F and set a rack in the lower third of the oven. Pulse all the stuffing ingredients in a food processor until coarsely chopped. Set aside.

Cut each tenderloin down the middle, leaving about a half inch so it opens like a book. Cover with either a silicone mat or cling wrap and pound with the flat side of a mallet until the meat is about 1/2 inch thick uniformly.

Spread half of the stuffing over the tenderloin, then half the spinach. Roll up, folding over the thin end so the filling doesn't fall out, then tie with string to hold it together. Repeat with the second tenderloin. Mix together brown sugar, salt, and pepper in a bowl. Brush the outside of the tenderloins with the oil and then set both meat and brown sugar mixture aside.

In a large bowl, roll the green beans in about 1 tbsp of oil and 1/2 tsp each of salt and pepper. Arrange in the center of a rimmed baking sheet. Place the tenderloins over the green beans, and then sprinkle with the brown sugar mixture. Roll the potatoes in the same amount of oil, salt, and pepper, and arrange around the beans and meat. Place in the oven and bake until the meat is 140F, about 25 minutes.

Remove the meat from the oven and tent with tin foil to rest. Stir the green beans and potatoes gently, then return to the oven until the potatoes are soft, about 5-10 minutes. Slice the tenderloin into rounds and serve with green beans and potatoes.

I was honestly expecting this to be pie-crust level crying-in-the-kitchen hard, but it was really pretty approachable. Yeah, there's some putzing with the meat, but as long as you don't let the perfect become the enemy of the good, it'll be fine. As my Grandpa Ed always said, it all looks the same in your stomach.

As far as FODMAP concerns go, this is pretty darn friendly. Tomatoes can be a concern, but there isn't enough in any given portion to push it over the threshold. This makes pretty great leftover too. So! I would do this again for sure, though I'd try another filling just for variety.

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPS in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Roasted Spiced Carrots

Mr. Fcukfodmap bought a bag of the fancy, artisanal carrots -- the kind that come in colors other than orange -- and then forgot what his plan for them was. So last night when we were casting around for a vegetable side, I pulled them out of the fridge and did this to them. Very weeknight friendly and super good.

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Roasted Spiced Carrots

1 lb carrots

2 tbsp olive oil

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp paprika

1/4 black pepper

1/4 tsp cinnamon

pinch cayenne

Preheat oven to 425F. Peel the carrots leaving the tops intact, but cut off any greens. Skinny carrots can be left intact, but halve or quarter larger carrots the long way so they're all roughly the same size. Spread the carrots out on a rimmed baking sheet that has been lined with tin foil.

Combine oil and spices and stir to combine. Pour the mixture over the carrots, tossing until evenly coated. Cover tightly with foil and roast for 15 minutes. Remove the foil, turn the carrots over, and roast for another 15 minutes.

These turned out really good! The cinnamon was especially nice, and made me wonder if a pinch of cloves wouldn't work too. I would also use more than a pinch of cayenne if I did this again. The carrots might also benefit from a garnish like chives or parsley, but really no complaints. As far as FODMAPs go, this is about as low-FODMAP as you can get.

(The carrots are pictured with pork medallions and mashed potatoes. I can't remember what the rub on the pork was -- I put them in the freezer with the rub on more than a week ago. I added a tsp of Zatarain's Crab Boil to the water I boiled the potatoes in, which made them awesome when I mashed them.)

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPS in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Maple-Mustard Green Beans & Carrots

I have become a big fan of maple syrup during my FODMAP adventures. I was never the hugest fan of honey anyway -- it's too sweet, and for whatever reason I have a hard time keeping it semi-liquid -- so it wasn't a huge deal when it got banned from my diet. But a lot of recipes call for honey with mustard, so I had to come up with a substitution. Enter maple syrup! It's FODMAP-friendly; it stays liquid, even in the fridge; it's not cloying; and it often has a hint of smoke. What's not to love? Without more preamble: the recipe:

Roasted Maple-Mustard Green Beans & Carrots

1 lb green beans

1/2 lbs carrots

1 tbsp large grain mustard

1 tbsp Dijon mustard

1 tbsp maple syrup

pinch cayenne

salt, pepper, vegetable oil

Preheat oven to 450F. Trim the ends of the green beans but leave them long. Cut carrots into matchsticks. Line a rimmed baking sheet with foil and arrange the carrots on the pan. Drizzle with oil and 1/2 tsp salt and toss to coat. Roast for 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, combine mustards, maple syrup, and cayenne. Remove pan from oven, pour the maple-mustard mix over the vegetables, and turn over with tongs to coat fully. Return to the oven for 10-12 minutes, until green beans are spotty dark and starting to wrinkle. Salt and pepper to taste.

For better or for worse, just about everything I used in this recipe was about to go off. The green beans were getting desiccated and wouldn't be good just steamed and rolled in butter (which is my go-to weeknight treatment.) The carrots were baby carrots I got for a party ages ago -- I don't really like baby carrots because they don't taste like anything -- and were similarly dry and shriveled. You'll see from my photo that the condiments were nothing fancy.

Everything turned out just fine anyway! The sauce and oil covered the sort of fridge taste and made the veggies seem less dry. (I would have soaked them all in water for a half hour if I hadn't been starving.) I did think this was too sweet, so if I made this again, I'd lower the maple syrup and add more cayenne. But no one else had this problem, so ymmv, as usual.

As far as FODMAPs go: as far as I'm aware, everything is just fine for a FODMAP diet. I think carrots can give you trouble if you have a ton of them, but there is not a ton in this recipe.

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPS in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Cast Iron Bacon Cornbread

Since I learned I can make a completely decent buttermilk substitute with lactose-free milk and lemon juice, I've been itching to try out recipes that require buttermilk. (You can't find lactose-free buttermilk for love or money.) The biggest problem with gluten-free baking is how crumbly and dry it can be. This gets around that by using bacon to add delicious salt and fat. So here we go, bacon cornbread!

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Cast Iron Bacon Cornbread

6 slices thick-cut bacon cut into big chunks

1 1/4 c milk

1 tbsp lemon juice

1 1/2 c medium-grind corn meal

3/4 c gluten-free flour (I used Bob's Red Mill Gluten-free 1-to-1 Baking Flour)

2 1/2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 c maple syrup

1/4 c vegetable oil

2 eggs

1/3 c scallion green, chopped

Preheat oven to 425F. Pour lemon juice into the milk and let sit for at least 10 minutes. (This is to make something called clabbered milk, which can be used as a substitute for the buttermilk that's in just about every biscuit recipe.) Fry bacon in 10 inch cast iron pan until crispy.

Meanwhile mix together the dry ingredients in a bowl, then add the clabbered milk, eggs, oil, and maple syrup. Stir until well mixed, then fold in the scallion greens.

Once the bacon is done, pour the batter over the bacon into the cast iron pan. Slide into the oven and bake for 20-25 minutes until golden brown. Turn the cornbread out upside down and cut into wedges.

Turned out good! As usual, this'll be a little dry the next day, but that will happen with just regular gluten-full cornbread. If you're trying to minimize the amount of bacon fat in your life -- which I guess is a choice you could make -- you could drain the bacon on paper towels and pour off all but a tbsp of the bacon fat. I also thought this could benefit from a can of well-drained green chiles, which in the pre-FODMAP times I would regularly add to a box of Jiffy cornbread mix to excellent results. As far as FODMAP nonsense goes, the only questionable ingredient is the scallions: only use the green part of the green onion.

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Instant Pot Beef Stew With Carrots & Parsnips

Now that it's stew season, I'm trying out various different ways to end up with warm, comforting beef stew. The first recipe I made used short ribs, and was ridiculously good. This recipe is also very good, but it's a lot less flashy. This is straight up comfort food, but with a subtle complexity. Way better than just tossing all that shit into a crockpot and calling it a day. The Instant Pot makes it quick enough for a weeknight: It's probably a bit more than a hour from start to finish. Anyway, here's the recipe.

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Instant Pot Beef Stew With Carrots & Parsnips

4 anchovy fillets, minced fine

1 tbsp tomato paste

4 lbs stew meat cut into cubes (I used a pack from Costco, but you could certainly cut up a chuck-eye roast yourself)

1/4 c gluten-free flour

2 c red wine

2 c beef broth (or one can)

2 bay leaves

4 sprigs fresh thyme

4 oz salt pork

2 c baby carrots, or the same amount of carrots cut to about that size

2 c parsnips, peeled and cut to baby carrot size

1 1/2 lb whole new potatoes

1 packet unflavored gelatin (about 2 tsp)

1/2 c water

1/3 c parsley

vegetable oil, salt & pepper

Mix the anchovies and tomato paste in a small bowl and set aside. Pat meat dry with paper towels. Heat 1 tbsp vegetable oil in Instant Pot on the highest saute function until just starting to smoke. Add half of beef and cook until well browned on all sides. Transfer beef to large plate. Repeat with remaining beef and 1 tbsp vegetable oil.

Add anchovy mixture and cook, stirring constantly, until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add flour and cook, stirring constantly, until no dry flour remains, about 30 seconds. Slowly add wine, scraping bottom of pan to loosen any browned bits. Simmer the broth until thickened and slightly reduced, about 2 minutes. Stir in broth, bay leaves, thyme, and salt pork.

Return the meat to the Instant Pot with the carrots and parsnips. Add the potatoes last so they sit on top of everything. Lock the lid and pressure cook on the highest setting for 35 minutes. When that's done, let the pressure go down on its own for 10 minutes, then open the lid, making sure not to burn the shit out of yourself. Remove the bay leaves, thyme stems, and salt pork.

Meanwhile, sprinkle gelatin over water in small bowl and allow to soften for 5 minutes. Turn on the saute function again and add the gelatin to the stew. Simmer until the gelatin is dissolved and the broth is thickened, 3-5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper and garnish with parsley.

Be sure not to cut your vegetables too small, or the pressure cooking will render them to an unpleasant mush. Alternately, you could leave out the potatoes entirely, and serve the stew with mashed potatoes made separately. I think this recipe could have used more seasoning -- like maybe 4 springs of thyme isn't quite enough, and a sprig or two of rosemary could add an interesting bite. Not that I'm complaining: the meat was perfect, and the sauce just perfect for dipping biscuits in. Round two of stew season turned out right fine!

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Rosemary Drop Biscuits

Like all of my gluten-free baking projects, I'm never sure how they're going to turn out. Plus, drop biscuits are a million times easier than traditional rolled biscuits, but they're usually not as flaky and soft, so I didn't have high hopes to begin with. But I was also lazy, so here we are. They turned out pretty good! Yeah, they're not as flaky as gluten-full biscuits, but they're super buttery, and I'll take butter over flake. Without further ado:

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Rosemary Drop Biscuits

1 c lactose-free whole milk

1 tbsp lemon juice

8 tbsp lactose-free butter

2 c gluten-free baking flour (I used Bob's Red Mill Gluten-Free 1-to-1 Baking Flour)

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp sugar

3/4 tsp salt

3/4 c grated Parmesan

1 tbsp chopped fresh rosemary

lots of cooking spray

Preheat the oven to 425F. In a small bowl, combine the milk and lemon, stir, and let sit for 10 minutes. (This is to make something called clabbered milk, which can be used as a substitute for the buttermilk that's in just about every biscuit recipe.) Melt the butter and let cool for 5 minutes or so.

Combine all the dry ingredients in a medium bowl. Pour the melted, cooled butter into the clabbered milk, and stir until well mixed. (The butter will clump and look really gross, but you want these clumps because that's what makes biscuits flaky.) Pour the milk and butter mixture into the dry ingredients, and mix until everything is just combined.

Using a 1/4 c dry measure that's sprayed liberally with cooking spray, scoop out dough and drop onto a cooking sheet lined with parchment paper. Re-spray the scoop between biscuits; getting the dough to drop is annoying. I ended up with 9 biscuits. Bake until golden brown, 17-20 minutes.

All told, these turned out pretty good, especially given how unfussy they are to make. They were kinda hard and dry the next morning, but then most biscuits are; they're meant to be baked and eaten quickly. I nuked the ones I ate for 15 seconds and they became pliant again. As far as FODMAP concerns go: if you can't find lactose-free butter, you could try shortening or margarine, but I suspect they won't be nearly as good.

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Deviled Eggs

I had a Halloween party and so made my usual deviled eggs -- which are very good, if I do say so myself -- once I realized they're basically low-FODMAP anyway. Unfortunately, this recipe is more vibes-bases than anything because I've been making them so long without a recipe that I don't really know how much of any ingredient there is.

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Deviled Eggs

12 eggs

2 tbsp mustard, preferably dijon

1 tbsp horseradish, more if it’s cream horseradish

1 1/2 c mayonnaise (or so)

2-3 tbsp finely minced chives

Salt, white pepper & smoked paprika

capers

Bring 2 qts of water to a full boil. Gently lower 12 eggs into the water. Boil for 14 minutes, lowering heat so the water is still boiling, but isn’t knocking them together. Remove from heat and plunge in cold water when the 14 minutes are up. 

Peel eggs, cut in half lengthwise, and put all the yolks in a bowl and the whites on a plate.

Add mustard, horseradish, mayo to yolks and blend until well mixed. Start with about a cup of mayonnaise, and add more until yolk mixture is light and fluffy. Add in chives and 1/2 tsp white pepper (black is fine too, I just don't like the look). Taste the mixture before adding salt, and adjust any seasoning according to taste. (I suspect I’m being conservative in my measurements.) 

Using a teaspoon, drop heaping spoonfuls of the yolk mixture into the center of each halved egg white. Sprinkle each egg with just a dash of paprika, and garnish with a couple capers.

The only thing that I used to put into deviled eggs that I can't on a low-FODMAP diet is finely minced shallots, which are really very good. With the chives though, these turned out completely cromulently. As usual, the relative ratios of various seasonings and ingredients is dependent on personal taste: just about any ingredient could be increased, decreased, or omitted without a deleterious effect.

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Instant Pot Short Ribs & Potatoes

This recipe is a little disingenuous, because short ribs and potatoes are already low-FODMAP and gluten-free, but whatever. It's definitely become stew season out there, so I'm going to try different approaches to beef stew. I'd never cooked short ribs before so I didn't know what to expect. Reader, they're freaking delicious. My only complaint was that for the weight, there really wasn't that much meat to devour. To the recipe!

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Instant Pot Short Ribs & Potatoes

2 lbs bone-in beef short ribs

2 tbsp tomato paste

1 tbsp Italian seasoning

1 can diced tomatoes

1/2 c dry red wine

2 tbsp gluten-free flour

1 1/2 lbs new potatoes, halved

2 tbsp minced parsley

olive oil, salt, and pepper

Pat the ribs dry with paper towels and season with salt and pepper. In Instant Pot on highest setting, heat a tbsp of olive oil until just smoking. Brown the ribs on all sides and transfer to a plate.

Stir in tomato paste and Italian seasoning to bloom, then add the tomatoes and their juice and wine, scraping up any browned bits on the bottom. Return the ribs to the Instant Pot, close and lock the lid, and cook for an hour at the highest pressure cook function.

Turn off the Instant Pot and let the pressure release naturally, about 15 minutes. Transfer meat to a plate. Add four to the braising liquid left in the Instant Pot, stir, then add the potatoes. Lock the lid and pressure cook on the highest setting for 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste and garnish with parsley.

These were really good; there were zero leftovers. I had a pretty light hand on the salt, and I think a tbsp or two of Worcester or soy sauce wouldn't go amiss. The only thing in this recipe that is a problem for the FODMAP diet is the flour. I used gluten-free flour (I think brown rice flour?) but I've seen some recipes out there that use either unflavored gelatin or minute tapioca, which might work better as a thickener.

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Waffled Arancini

Arancini are (apparently) an Italian street food made of balls of risotto rice stuffed with stuff and deep fried, kinda like a croquette. And you can make them in the waffle iron! I mean, maybe these shouldn't be called arancini anymore, because they're neither ball-shaped nor deep fried. Whatever, they were so freaking tasty you call them anything, just not late for dinner. Ba dump tss.

To the recipe!

Waffled Arancini

2 c cooked arborio rice, cooled

1/2 c grated Parmesan

1/4 tsp ground pepper

3 large eggs

2 oz fresh mozzarella, cut into 8 chunks

4-5 slices gluten-free bread

2 tbsp Italian seasoning

cooking spray, salt

marinara for dipping

Combine cooked rice, Parmesan, pepper, and one of the eggs. Mix to combine. Form the dough into 8 rice balls, stuffing the mozzarella into the middle of each. (I put the rice mixture in my hand, made a divot, put the cheese in the middle, and then basically closed my hand around the cheese. Wet hands help.) Set on aside on a plate.

Tear the bread into chucks and put in a blender or other enclosed chopping apparatus with the Italian seasoning. Blend until the bread and seasoning are well mixed, and the bread is fine crumbs. Place crumbs in a shallow bowl. In another shallow bowl, whisk the remaining eggs. Working one at a time, gently roll the rice balls in first the eggs, then the seasoned bread crumbs.

Spray the waffle iron with cooking spray and heat on medium. Place one ball in the center of each waffle square, close and lock the lid. Cook for 4 minutes. Remove the waffled arancini to a plate, and repeat with the 4 remaining rice balls. Serve with warm marinara.

Admittedly I was hungry because the return to normal time from Daylight Savings has messed up everyone's circadian rhythms, but for serious, these were so good the household started fighting over them. Two each was not enough, and they're fairly decently sized. I'd be willing to bet if I made a double batch, those would be gone too. Like any appetizer-y thing, these require a fair amount of putzing, but they're not tricky nor require finesse. Complete win.

Couple few notes re: FODMAP. Everything here is FODMAP friendly. The only thing which could potentially be iffy is the Italian seasoning. I've been able to source an Italian mix which has no garlic, but I know some of the commercially available ones include it in the mix. If you want to make some at home, a mix of dried basil, oregano, thyme marjoram, rosemary, parsley, and sage -- omitting or including whatever pleases you, in whatever ratio -- can sub for a store-bought mix. Otherwise, everything is copacetic.

I think you can use any short-grained rice, like sushi rice -- it doesn't have to arborio -- but I would not sub with regular long-grained rice. I suspect these rices have different starch contents or something, and the rice balls won't hold together right if you use the wrong kind. I suppose you could try it out, but only if you're willing to frustrated-cry in the kitchen when everything goes to hell.

So! I'm making these again, maybe tomorrow. I cannot stress enough how freaking good they are.

Resigned disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Chocolate Cupcakes

Honestly, I had no idea what to expect from this recipe. I've had such uneven results with gluten-free baking, and I haven't yet figured out what collection of attributes separates the disastrous from the sublime. Certainly, some of discrepancy could come from the fact that I've been forced to try recipes from corners of the internet I haven't fully vetted, so the problem could be bad recipes, not anything inherent in the gluten-free-ness.

Long story short, these cupcakes turned out good but not amazing. They're not the best cupcakes I've ever had, but they're at least as good as a box mix: more flavorful, but maybe a little drier. To the recipe!

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Chocolate Cupcakes

3/4 c + 2 tbsp Bob's Red Mill Gluten-Free 1:1 All Purpose Baking Flour

2/3 c white sugar

1/4 c dark brown sugar

1/2 c cocoa powder

3/4 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp salt

2 eggs

2/3 c boiling water

1 tsp instant coffee

1/3 c olive oil

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp apple cider vinegar

Preheat oven to 350F, and line a dozen cupcake baking pan with liners. Whisk together all the dry ingredients in the large bowl of a stand mixer: flour, sugars, cocoa, baking powder & soda, cinnamon and salt. Beat in the wet ingredients one at a time on medium speed. Add the instant coffee to the boiling water before mixing in. Batter will be thin.

Add the batter to the 12 lines muffin tins, filling 2/3 to 3/4 of the way full. Bake for 18-22 minutes.

As far as FODMAP nonsense goes, I spent an inordinate amount of time googling around to determine the FODMAP-friendliness of cocoa, and ended up with so much conflicting information I ended up throwing up my hands. The most restrictive sources seem to indicate that 2 heaping tsp are low-FODMAP which, coincidentally, is about how much cocoa powder is in one cupcake. But a lot of people think this is too conservative, and that you could probably go ham and have two or even three cupcakes. A world of choice is before you.

Tomorrow I'll have to figure out frosting, but tomorrow is another day.

Weary disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Instant Pot Green Beans & Potatoes

I used this as a side with chicken and parsnips, but it's so robust it could work as a standalone no problem. The Instant Pot makes it so quick it's also a completely decent weekday meal. Without further ado, the recipe:

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Instant Pot Green Beans & Potatoes

2 tbsp olive oil

2 tbsp minced fresh oregano, or 2 tsp dried

2 tbsp tomato paste

1 14 oz-ish can of diced roasted tomatoes

1 c water

1 1/2 lbs green beans, trimmed and cut into 2 in lengths

1 lb potatoes, either very small whole potatoes, or larger new potatoes cut into halves or quarters

3 tbsp chopped fresh parsley

2 tbsp toasted pine nuts

Parmesan cheese

salt & pepper

Heat oil in Instant Pot until shimmering on the highest saute setting. Stir in tomato paste and oregano and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Stir in entire can of tomatoes, including juice, water, 1 tsp salt & 1/4 tsp pepper, then stir in potatoes and green beans. Lock lid and pressure cook on high for 5 minutes.

(While this cooks, you can toast the pine nuts in the oven for 4-7 minutes at about 425F.)

Turn off Instant Pot and quick-release the pressure, being careful not to burn the shit out of yourself. Season with salt and pepper, and garnish the individual portions with parsley, Parmesan, and toasted pine nuts.

I used roasted canned tomatoes, which I thought added a nice smoky flavor, but you could certainly use just regular canned tomatoes in whatever sized dice pleases you. The cheese and pine nuts added a nice bit of salt and crunch, respectively, but I think the whole dish could benefit from a little bit of heat. Maybe red pepper flake? Or a can of mixed tomatoes and green chiles? In general, a little bit of heat makes up for the lack of garlic in low-FODMAP cooking. This diet is still srs bullshit.

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Ginger Glazed Carrots

I kind of got into a green bean rut with my low-FODMAP cooking because I was using them in lieu of asparagus or broccoli, which had been my go-to weekday veggie side. But carrots are low-FODMAP, and they've always been a crowd-pleaser in my family. They're flavorful enough on their own to pair with pretty serious spices, and they're hard to overcook, a problem I sometimes have with green vegetables. The ease of this recipe really recommends it: from start to finish it's probably 20 minutes. So here we go.

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Ginger Glazed Carrots

1" square piece of ginger, sliced thin

1 lb carrots, peeled and cut into 1/2" pieces on the bias

3 tbsp sugar

1/2 c vegetable or chicken broth

2 tbsp lactose-free butter

2 tbsp minced chives

lemon juice

Bring ginger, 1 tbsp sugar, broth & carrots to a boil in a 12" skillet over medium-high heat. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer until carrots are almost tender, stirring occasionally. Uncover and increase heat, cooking until the liquid is reduced to a couple tbsp. Add butter and the remaining 2 tbsp sugar and cook, stirring often, until the carrots are tender and glazed thickened slightly. Pull out the ginger medallions, and sprinkle with minced chives and the juice from half a lemon.

I was well pleased with how quick and simple this recipe turned out, and the mix of sweet and sour was delightful. I'd be curious to try this with alternate sugars, like a smoky maple syrup could be really interesting. I used chicken broth because I had some to use up, but you could certainly make this recipe vegetarian or even vegan by replacing the broth and butter with plant-based alternatives.

Oh, and I feel like I'm always saying this, but commercially produced broth usually has a lot of no-no ingredients for a low-FODMAP diet, which I tend to ignore because YOLO. You could certainly replace the broth with water and maybe a 1/2 tsp of salt, and no one would be harmed.

Evergreen disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.