- the voice in the mind
you are a fool. you thought yourself strong but all you truly did was sink yourself into the bottomless pits of despair. you thought yourself brave but you were so busy cowering in your denial that you failed to notice the shadow of ill omens creeping upon you until it swallowed you whole. you thought yourself smart but you trailed far behind the steps laid out for you.
you are hopeless. wretched child.
kyungri had known since early on that the little bubble, her ‘family’ that she’s created for herself was nothing more than a false perception to ease the gaping hole caused by the loss of a vital childhood development. she doesn’t know what it means to be affectionate. to her, calling everyone in the acolyte a family member was what it meant to be loved and to keep them by her side.
but she had been wrong. of course she had been wrong. kyungri’s been told early on that whatever handler or whatever person who will become a handler, would face an early death caused by the drugs and stimulants they’ve been taking. yet she chose to forget because it was that much easier to assume they live as long as her than to assume she should always be ready to say goodbye.
although frankly, knowing and mourning for jinyoung was one thing.
who are you fooling? you aren’t loved by anyone you care for. it’s always been one sided. you pretended father loved you and now you pretended jin cared for you. but we all know the truth.
she crawls over to the small medicine pouch she has at the corner of the tent and without thinking much of it, chugs down some depressant pills.
now the voices have stopped.
