How to Help Someone Who is Suicidal
I realized most people donât really know how to talk to someone who is suicidal. Itâs not something youâre taught in school and very few people have experience with it, so I wanted to make a post that could possibly help!
Take it seriously, any and all suicidal speech or action needs to be taken seriously. Always assume the worst to be safe
be kind, patient, calm, and gentle.
Listen. Really listen. Pay close attention to their needs and what is causing them pain.
âYou can do thisâ âYou will get through thisâ âYou can make it outâ âI believe in you 100%â âYou are so strongâ
âI know Iâm not in your situation and I canât pretend to fully understand, but I want to help you.â
even if it makes no sense to you, understand that it makes sense to them, and they deserve to be taken seriously
remind them of alternatives to self harm
âcan I get you anything? Water? Tea? A blanket?â
âWeâll get through this togetherâ
âYou are not alone in this. Iâm here for you and Iâm willing to do anything I can to help.â and when you say that, really be there. Donât say that if you donât mean it. Stay with them and check in on them frequently even after theyâve calmed down. Over the next few weeks while theyâre recovering, keep checking in, it shows that you care. Many people who are suicidal have trust issues and feel abandoned and alone and like people donât care. Show them that that isnât true.
âThis is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and it isnât worth itâ
let them let out their feelings however they need to as long as it isnât hurting them. Let them scream, rant, cry, blame others, etc.
think before you speak. Be really careful what you say
âI know right now it feels like everything is too much and you canât keep going, but that will change, it will get better and your feelings will change. You wonât feel this way forever. This pain is very real but itâs temporary, I promise.â
give them resources and suicide hotlines. Encourage them to seek professional help if they havenât already
âThink about ____â and include happy things. Make sure you give examples!! Someone who is suicidal is feeling very, very negative, more than you can understand, and theyâre not going to be able to magically think of happy things because you tell them to. If you give them vivid imagery with things that are happy, that can really help. For example:Â âthink about being curled up in a warm blanket with fresh, clean sheets and hot chocolate, watching a movie with a dog in your lap. You canât experience happy moments like that if you end your life nowâ
âItâs going to be okay. It will get better, I promise, please keep goingâ
âI care so muchâ âI love youâ âYou mean the world to meâ âYouâre amazingâ âYou make me so happyâ
âBrighter days are ahead and you deserve to be alive to see them.â
If you know they really love a certain thing, bring that up! Something that makes me happy. For example, what helped me the most was when people brought up Justin Bieber and how inspiring he is and how I can get through pain like him, too, or when people reminded me Justin wouldnât want me to die this way. When people sent me gifs of him smiling and cute little descriptions of him, that was really helpful
assume itâs not real or theyâre doing this for attention
invalidate anything theyâre saying or feeling, even if it seems preposterous to you. Our ability to think rationally when weâre suicidal is very weak.
force them to justify their feelings
âother people have it worse than youâ
âyouâre hurting so many people if you do this, itâs not fair to themâ this is a big one. People say this ALL the time. The reality is, we know. We know weâre hurting other people and we already feel really guilty about it. Do not add guilt and shame to the negative feelings of a suicidal person. I hear this so often and it never helps, it just adds a new layer of self-hatred and only fuels the pain. Donât do anything that makes the person feel worse.
give up. Do not assume that there is nothing you can do. Do not act defeated or like you canât help them. Some people believe that if someone is suicidal, nothing is going to stop them, but that isnât the case
âlook on the bright sideâ
âI know how you feelâ âIâve dealt with this tooâ this is one of the worst things you can say. When you say this, I know youâre trying to comfort the person and let them know you understand, but that doesnât work. First of all, you donât know how they feel. Unless you have felt the overwhelming urge to die and actually attempted suicide, you donât understand. Plus, even if you have been that suicidal, their situation is very unique and different, everyoneâs is, so you havenât dealt with it. Saying this makes them feel like youâre invalidating their experiences, and it can often make them stop listening because it makes you sound like an idiot.
talk to them like theyâre a little kid. Donât treat them like theyâre stupid, and donât act confused or shocked by their thoughts. Respect that these are their feelings
anything that suggests that this is easy and they should just be able to look on the bright side and get over it. This isnât easy. It is not a quick fix for them to feel better
âGod put you here for a reasonâ unless you know for a fact that the person is religious, donât say that. I donât believe in God and when people try to lecture me on how God gave me life and I need to keep going for Him, I stop listening.
show them that this is too hard for you and youâre tired of helping them. Do NOT make them feel like a burden. However hard this is for you, I can guarantee it is 93298492 times harder for them.
expect them to act a certain way. Chances are, they wonât be predictable in their actions. Donât assume that theyâll respond how youâd think
make them feel like you expect them to be happy. Donât force them to feel better, if the conversation is really negative, thatâs okay. At least youâre having a conversation. Let them feel their pain. Do not get upset with them or angry that theyâre feeling this way, and donât make them feel guilty for feeling so bad.
blame yourself. Donât make this about you. Donât say things like âIâm such a bad friendâ âIâm sorry Iâm not helpingâ âI wish I was there for youâ âthis is all my faultâ because that puts them in a situation where they feel like they have to take care of you and let you know that isnât true. They should not be the ones comforting you, it needs to be the other way around
argue with them. They need comfort and support, not you trying to reason with them and rationalize everything and argue and tell them theyâre wrong
leave them alone. It is not safe for them to be alone, at all
this is coming from someone who has tried to kill themselves, was suicidal for years, and has helped multiple friends get through suicidal thoughts. I am by no means a complete expert, but these are things that generally apply to most suicidal people.Â
If you want to reblog this to spread the word so that other people can learn about this topic too, go for it! It sucks that we arenât taught more about mental health, but hopefully this helped.
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