Hey, it's me again. And guess why I'm angry and on a couch again? Ding, ding, ding - it's K! I'm aware that I was mean to him at times today; worded stuff the wrong way, said stuff in a weird way that made it sound harsh or annoyed. I know I tend to be like that when I'm antsy, I don't know what it is. But I know it's unfair behaviour of me. And I apologise, like I always do, too much. And I just wanted to do something for myself again, try to just do my hobby again, but since he cannot entertain himself for the life of him for more than 30 minutes, he joined me and it made me uncomfortable. This might be childish, but my hobby is my thing, I wanna do this the way I want to do it, period. He's just like a toddler when he doesn't get my attention for a while - it's tiring, honestly. I need my fucking space. Then he wants to go to bed, everything still kinda fine, he's just tired, worn out. But, like always, the smallest thing happens, and he crawls back into his tiny space of boiling rage, self hatred, and self-pity kind of. He starts crying, tells me good night, almost smashes doors, and leaves to go into the bedroom. He's audibly crying, so I wanna at least check on him once, you know, he's obviously unwell, and I don’t just wanna ignore that. But then he snaps and me to basically "leave him the hell alone" like I did something wrong. And it always causes me to spiral and wonder... did I? Are his tears my fault? Is his sadness and anger my fault? And I'll either never get an answer to that question or only hours later when I've already ripped apart my brain, thinking about every little detail of our interactions. I can’t cope with the anger of other people. No, that's not true. I can't cope with his anger. It's loud, aggressive, sudden, and unpredictable. And sometimes aimed at me even though I'm not the cause. That's when I'm walking on eggshells around him. I miss my old apartment, I miss living alone. I miss being able to fully be myself.