ѕαɗιѕт:

noun         1. Psychiatry. a person who has the condition of sadism, in which one receives sexual gratification from causing pain and degradation to another.         2. a person who enjoys being cruel.

[feathersandapathy-blog]

So, I'm not able to keep up with multiple blogs for multiple muses anymore-- Instead, I'm pulling them all into one place. Feel free to come and join me, it won't be the same without you!

[feathersandapathy-blog]

So, I'm not able to keep up with multiple blogs for multiple muses anymore-- Instead, I'm pulling them all into one place. Feel free to come and join me, it won't be the same without you!

[feathersandapathy-blog]

So, I'm not able to keep up with multiple blogs for multiple muses anymore-- Instead, I'm pulling them all into one place. Feel free to come and join me, it won't be the same without you!

[feathersandapathy-blog]

So, I'm not able to keep up with multiple blogs for multiple muses anymore-- Instead, I'm pulling them all into one place. Feel free to come and join me, it won't be the same without you!

[feathersandapathy-blog]

So, I'm not able to keep up with multiple blogs for multiple muses anymore-- Instead, I'm pulling them all into one place. Feel free to come and join me, it won't be the same without you!

[feathersandapathy-blog]

So, I'm not able to keep up with multiple blogs for multiple muses anymore-- Instead, I'm pulling them all into one place. Feel free to come and join me, it won't be the same without you!

[feathersandapathy-blog]

So, I'm not able to keep up with multiple blogs for multiple muses anymore-- Instead, I'm pulling them all into one place. Feel free to come and join me, it won't be the same without you!

[feathersandapathy-blog]

So, I'm not able to keep up with multiple blogs for multiple muses anymore-- Instead, I'm pulling them all into one place. Feel free to come and join me, it won't be the same without you!

[feathersandapathy-blog]

So, I'm not able to keep up with multiple blogs for multiple muses anymore-- Instead, I'm pulling them all into one place. Feel free to come and join me, it won't be the same without you!

[feathersandapathy-blog]

So, I'm not able to keep up with multiple blogs for multiple muses anymore-- Instead, I'm pulling them all into one place. Feel free to come and join me, it won't be the same without you!

[feathersandapathy-blog]

So, I'm not able to keep up with multiple blogs for multiple muses anymore-- Instead, I'm pulling them all into one place. Feel free to come and join me, it won't be the same without you!

[feathersandapathy-blog]

So, I'm not able to keep up with multiple blogs for multiple muses anymore-- Instead, I'm pulling them all into one place. Feel free to come and join me, it won't be the same without you!

[ronjasov]

“In bed? Why wo––actually never mind, I’m happy to not know,” Ronja said, shaking her head. Of all the things to not make her blush, it was that. Sure, she did want attention like that, but the more … intimate parts of it were still a bit far in her mind. “Being called Princess isn’t the worst one, honestly. I’m fine with it any other time, but in school? I’d rather people just call me by my name. Preferably my first name, since I’d definitely get looks if I was called by my last name.”

She was trying her best to stay casual as well, and she was clearly avoiding the question about who was the object of her affections was. She busied herself with her phone again (this time for an actual reason in that Mira had just texted her, asking her where the hell she was), buying herself another few moments of time to think up an answer that wouldn’t damn her.

But with the text answered, she had no reason to stall without it looking odd. She was sure she was going to be looking incredibly twitchy. She change the song again, and then set it on her stomach, one hand across the screen to keep it from clattering to the floor.

“Just … someone,” she mumbled vaguely. “You wouldn’t know her, so not important.” She scrambled for something else to say before Emma could ask her for more details, or ask her why she was being vague or something equally as terrifying to answer. “What about you? You’ve been in the Reef for a while; anyone caught your attention?”

[feathersandapathy-blog]

     Emma gave a little laugh herself at Ronja’s shake of her head, biting her lip and doing the same. “Sorry. I’m not really used to filtering myself. But yeah... I prefer my name in general too, though. Try Meine Dame for your entire life–- Even when you’re just doing stupid shit like trying to call dibs on the first shower in the morning. That’s the downside of living with your underlings and your family all in one... You know, when they’re the same.”

     The Krusnik waited. Watched Ronja answer whatever text that was–- “Was that Mira? Is she looking for us?” Maybe she could stall some more. But she was still curious, and Ronja had dodged the question, and now, Emma was in trouble. Glancing away, she raised her eyebrows, breathing out and giving a little shrug. Ronja was still holding her–- She was grateful that the princess couldn’t feel spikes in heartbeat the way Emma could.

     “Me? N-No, I mean... I’ve not really... Thought about it. I’m... Focusing on making friends right now, I think. Even if... Theoretically, someone had caught my eye, I don’t think I’d–- You know? I’m just not ready yet.” 

     I’ve never been ready. I’ve always been scared. This, especially, what you’re doing right now–- I’m not ready for it, Ronja. Stop it.

     Breathing out after quite the silence, eager to change the subject, “...Is Mira coming? Are we going to have to relocate, or am I going to get my ears talked off?”

[ronjasov]

It had been very close, and even Ronja hadn’t been sure how to react to it. Her breathing had stopped for just a moment, and it had been something of a struggle to keep her eyes from dropping to Emma’s lips, but she had managed. She simply kept her expression slightly surprised, slightly startled, but she could already guess that Emma would see right through it.

It took her another few moments to remember how to speak, and when she did, it was a couple octaves higher than it should have been. She quickly cleared her throat, hoping that Emma wouldn’t take too much notice into that little slip up.

“I kinda wish Mum would just have me homeschooled sometimes. I think it would be easier; I wouldn’t have to deal with people calling me by honourifics all the fucking time. Imagine being called ‘Princess’, or ‘Your Highness’ by your fucking teacher for a moment and you’ll understand my horror,” she said. She probably sounded a bit petty, but she really did hate standing out so much against her peers. “But no. I gotta ‘socialize’ and ‘make friends’. Neither of which really happens outside of a few noble kids who don’t seem to be afraid of me.”

She closed her eyes for a long moment, hating just how much she sounded like a whiny teenager. Sure, she was a teenager, but she didn’t like to complain like she did, especially when she was in a position like hers. It made her sound petty. Unattractive. Neither of things she wanted to be, especially in front of Emma.

But the thoughts were chased from her mind at her friend’s next question. Before she could turn away, she felt heat rush to her cheeks, and she knew right away that the blush would be obvious, that it would give her away. Even so, she did her best to shrug nonchalantly. “Sort of, I guess,” she said. What the fuck? She had meant to say “No, not really” but apparently her brain had other plans.

[feathersandapathy-blog]

     When Ronja next spoke, her voice had raised quite a few pitches–- If she expected Emma not to notice, she was sorely mistaken. The Krusnik watched, curious, as the other finally found her voice, and began to go on about home school and public school and–- Oh, she reminded Emma so much of herself. At the mention of being called such things by her teachers, the Krusnik chuckled–- That would be a pain. And yet–-

     “I think the grass is just always greener on the other side. Growing up... Well, fuck, not even homeschooled, I would have done anything to make some friends that weren’t my books and my brother. It’s not as easy as it sounds... Princess must be grating, though, I can only stomach being called that in bed.” It seemed she had relaxed quite a bit. There were times like these, where things were so perfectly casual–- That Emma could forget how badly Ronja wanted her attention in a different way. 

     A little laugh to herself at her own filthy joke, and Emma shook her head, turning her attention back to the ceiling. The less tense Ronja seemed, the less tense the Krusnik seemed–- A direct correlation. 

     “The trick to making friends is that you have to keep trying, even when they’re scared of you. Most of my friends were terrified of me when we first met–- A lot of them were supernatural, they could sense an apex predator when they saw one. You just have to show them that there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

     Pausing, after the other spoke, Ronja’s blush was obvious–- And Emma bit the inside of her cheek, raising a brow. Trying to stay casual. She’d hoped the other would say no, but–- “Yeah? Who’s the lucky lady?”

[ronjasov]

The blush was finally gone from her cheeks, and she was able to let herself look at the other again. Her brows pulled together for a moment at Emma’s rather dark statement. She knew that the Reef was rather vulnerable, if you really look at it, but putting it so blatantly was just a little bit … unnerving.

“Yeah, just a tiny bit,” she said with a soft laugh, holding her thumb and index finger maybe a centimetre or two apart. She dropped her hand and then looked to the ceiling as well. She actually couldn’t see it from here; the room was too dark to see much more than inky blackness above her. She just didn’t want to look at Emma for too long, or else that blush would make it’s return.

The Princess sighed, and then rolled onto her side so that she was facing Emma, and then draped one arm over the other’s middle. She tried to pull her closer, but she wasn’t all that strong, and ended up just pulling herself those last few inches across the floor. Not what she had intended, but she gave a slight shrug to herself.

She rested her chin against Emma’s shoulder and let her eyes drift closed. A little smile tugged at the teenager’s lips, and she gave a breathy laugh that mostly came out of her nose. “Good. For both things. I’ve dealt with enough dread to last a lifetime, existential or not,” she said.

 Her eyes opened to look at Emma at the last couple of questions, and it took enormous effort to not roll her eyes at the one about cute boys. But she would at least give Emma an answer, which was a lot more than what most people got when they asked that sort of question.

“School’s the usual, I guess. People are starting to be a little less afraid of me for being the Crown Princess, which is nice. Nothing much more interesting, though. Same old, same old,” she said. And now came the second question. She wasn’t sure what to think of it, coming from her crush. It felt almost deflecting, and she had to wonder if that meant that Emma had caught on. And she wasn’t sure if she wanted that to be the case or not. 

“Pff, no. Boys my age are annoying. Actually … boys in general are annoying.” She let her head drop to the floor again, but kept her arm across Emma’s stomach. “I prefer girls, but none at school have caught my interest.”

[feathersandapathy-blog]

     The ceiling... Really wasn’t too fascinating. And although her eyes adapted to the dark all but terrifyingly swiftly, there wasn’t much up there to see–- Emma listened to the other, rolling onto her side to face Ronja just as the other seemed to have the same bright idea. Coming face to face, nose to nose with the princess, Emma startled, blue eyes widening.

     Blue met blue, and for a moment, Emma forgot that she was meant to move. How long had it been since someone had looked at her the way Ronja was now? While she wasn’t intoxicated by the other, as Ronja seemed to be by her, it was a nice feeling. She came back to her senses as the feeling settled in her stomach, offering an awkward apology and shifting back onto her back with an uncomfortable clearing of her throat.

     “...Anyway.”

     That had been close, physically. Too much, too close, and as the other draped an arm over her stomach, Emma sighed softly. She felt the minute force of Ronja trying to pull her closer, and the fact that the heiress accomplished little but pulling her own body across the floor made the Krusnik chuckle to herself. She didn’t mind the contact–- It was far less uncomfortable, far less intimate than the nonverbal exchange of mere moments prior.

     “That’s good. I never had the chance to attend public school–- My aging was too rapid, and my intellect would have raised too many eyebrows... Even if a child that aged a year per month didn’t.” It was hard, not to reminisce in the other’s presence. For every story the Princess told–- Emma had hundreds, resting on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be told.

     Grinning and shaking her head slightly, “Boys aren’t... Too bad. I’ve always been inclined to both. Men and women, that is, but–- Women are better, I’ll give you that.” A soft hum as Ronja’s head left her shoulder, and the Krusnik listened. Wondering if she could get the other to speak, if only for confirmation of what she already feared, “Has anyone else caught your attention, then?”

[ronjasov]

Wearing nothing but a smile. Ronja couldn’t stop the mental image that had conjured before it was already in front of her eyes, and she felt her face flush. She was really glad the room’s only lighting was from the stars and space dust outside; Emma would have certainly seen her change colour had there been actual lights on in the room.

“Better than ‘little one’. Eugh.” She stuck her tongue out at Emma briefly, hoping that briefly turning her way wouldn’t show the colour in her face.

She busied herself with trying to reach her phone from where she was sitting (she was still an inch and a half short), hoping Emma wouldn’t get a good look at her face until the flush had left her cheeks. “It worked for us for a really long time, but I don’t think the Reef would have survived Oryx without the alliance. Don’t think Mum would have actually allowed Eris into the Reef if it weren’t for the alliance, and if that hadn’t happened, we probably wouldn’t’ve known about Oryx until he was on us.” And by then, it would have been too late to do anything. “Cutting it off now, or when I’m queen would just be a dumb idea.”

She lunged forward and managed to drag her phone back into her grasp. She switched the song selection to something a little more upbeat, but still befitting of the space-y atmosphere of the room. She lay back down, setting the phone on her stomach and let out a very long sigh (which nearly sent the little device tumbling to the floor).

“Just … wondering, I guess. Everything’s so planned out for me and Mira, but obviously not you. You’ve got the option to leave if you wanted to, after all,” she said. She didn’t want Emma to leave, but she wouldn’t really be able to stop her if she chose to. “I’d … like it if you stayed, though.” She gave Emma a sheepish smile, and there was no hiding that look in her eyes. “I like your company, and I’d miss it if you decided to leave.”

[feathersandapathy-blog]

     Had Emma been actively watching the other, perhaps she would have noticed. There wasn’t much that got past the Krusnik–- And while Ronja may have thought that she was being subtle, that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. Emma had noticed. Mira had noticed.

     Fuck, everyone had noticed.

     It was hard now, not to get lost in her own thoughts when Ronja was around. A defense mechanism, of sorts, and still, it was just as important to pay attention to the princess’s words. Little one, little one. It had stuck in her head, and it always would, as far as Emma was concerned–- Ronja was growing up, that much was certain, but as long as she remained little in Emma’s head... Well, Emma was the one that was in the clear.

     ...Anything beyond friendship with Ronja could have disastrous implications, and yet it was clear that that was what the young woman had on her mind. What the teenager had on her mind. And, in only a few years, she wouldn’t be a teenager anymore–- She would be a big, real problem. Oh, Emma didn’t want to ruin this. Emma didn’t want to ruin her.

     She would be a dead woman. If not Mara, then Cain. If not the Reef, then the Orden. Gods, all of space at her finger tips, and she had still found herself caught between a rock and a hard place...

     Clearing her throat (and her thoughts) after the other finishes, Emma allows herself to lie down as well, looking over at her younger companion. “I’ve... Not put much thought into where I’m headed, beyond the Reef. We are all kind of penned in like animals, waiting for the butcher to come back...” Grim, Emma. How wonderfully she managed to betray her own mindset, even after thousands of years concealing it. A pause.

     “...I’m sorry. That was classless, I...”

     The Krusnik took a deep breath, cracking her neck and returning her gaze to the ceiling before closing her eyes and letting a little smile curl full lips. “I love spending time with you too, Ronja. And I do promise, I do try not to fill the atmosphere with an existential dread...” One more pause, and a glance over at the other. “Anything interesting happening in school? Any cute boys?”

[dvsbshsjsjfjdtibg-deactivated20]