Hey.

What are you doing here?

[februarytomayflowers-blog]

An unpopular gay opinion. Don’t read if you are negatively affected by harsh language.

I’m a lesbian.

I started as a young girl who liked this boy in elementary. A few boys in fact. I got my first boyfriend in 6th grade his name is Gary. It lasted two days. Did that mean I thought I was a lesbian? No.

Seventh grade, I had a crush on this one guy. Nothing came from it.

Eighth grade, I had a crush on another guy. And then a girl, we almost dated in fact. Decided I was bisexual. Dated Gary’s best friend, Jose, I asked him out.

Me and Jose lasted a total of 6 months, on and off again. He was a horndog. We never kissed and he still asked for naughty pictures. I thought I liked him, so I was stupid and sent them.

After talking with my then best friend Heather’s cousin David, I realized Jose was an ass and I didn’t like him at all(yet we are still friends). Broke up with him, and dated David.

This relationship lasted only one month. I realized that these crushes don’t last very long and the ones I do end up dating, I end up not feeling like I thought I did.

I realized here I was a lesbian.

I recalled some instances I almost forgot, where I kissed a girl on the cheek in second grade, and kissed a girl on accident, acted disgusted, but actually wasn’t in kindergarten.

Heather got mad at me, for breaking up with her cousin(whom I still talk with). She said extremely hateful things I will never forgive her for, yet I still talk to her occasionally, and I realized she isn’t my best friend.

My best friend was a GUY named Carlos. We met seventh grade. Talked only during lunch and P.E. with my elementary best friend, Samantha whom I’ve lost the pizazz we had as kids but I still see her as an important friend to me. No I did not have a crush on her.

Anyways, freshman year, I realized I like girls. That year, Carlos came out to me that he liked guys.

That year I also had a crush on a girl, Gina. She was bi and in a relationship with this guy. They had problems. We kissed and honestly it was amazing. Nothing came of it though.

During the summer I became close with this girl, Karla, not romantically, and became friends with this group of guys.

I began to question myself. Was I actually gay? Am I actually bi after all? So I sexted this other guy but quickly called it off. He was a horndog and an ass.

Next year first semester Gina and her boyfriend broke up, and I still liked her, so we dated. Then she cheated on me, and I broke up with her. She was honestly a hoe. I still talk to her, but all feelings are gone.

I transferred schools sophomore year second semester because my grades were bad, and after getting to know this one girl Daisy, I got a little crush on her.

She said she had a crush on me, but she was confused with her sexuality and had problems with her boyfriend. Eventually she realized she liked her boyfriend a lot more than she thought, and actually apologized to me. So I had no harsh feelings towards her and moved on with my life.

At the end of this year, I fake dated this guy Luis who got dumped by Gina sometime after me and her broke up.

He eventually told me how far he got with her and it made me mad. So I ended up doing things with him, thinking I’d be better than her.

I was an idiot. This was honestly hands down the worst thing I’ve ever done. It also assured me that I like women.

He invited me to “play video games” with him and I went. We played for a few minutes and then he asked if we could do stuff and I said no I’m here for the games, and that I’m never doing stuff like that again. We are still friends. He walked me home right after all that.

None of this was ever told to Carlos, my best friend. And until I told him, I felt like shit.

I cried as we talked and he said he forgave me but was disappointed. Now I make sure to tell him everything. He is hands down like my best friend soulmate I swear.

I go to a little hangout (alcohol involved) with Karla, and everyone gets pretty drunk.

The only couple there goes to do their own thing and me, Karla, Jose and Josh are left. Jose and Josh liked Karla a lot. We all knew this. We end up doing this stupid kissing thing and I just felt so uncomfortable. Me and Karla swapped guys every 2 minuets of making out and all I could think was hell no I really wish I could leave right now. We stopped because I expressed this. And me and Karla walked back to her place to sleep.

This furthered my realization that I was a lesbian.

Then I began to hate my clothes, appearance and who I was. I read about it and thought, “Maybe I’m transgender?” The people on the internet said what I thought! I said it out loud to Karla, and even my mom. But it sounded wrong after saying it out loud.

I was right. I am very much a girl. I am very much a lesbian (which took a long time to actually come to terms with) and just because I barely wear makeup, dresses, and shave my head sometimes, that does NOT mean I am trans.

I’m 18 now, and have grown up SO MUCH since when I first came out as bi. I still have a LOT to discover about myself.

But wanna know something that I never did ONCE about my sexuality? Make it my personality.

Yes, I know flamboyant gay guys, Carlos not being one of them, but even they don’t make being gay their personality.

The other lesbians I’ve met don’t make being gay their personality.

There are loads of (mostly women not surprisingly) who claim to be trans because of what they read online. Or they claim to be non binary because they are actually just bi tomboys who want attention. Those are also the people who also yell at others constantly about lgbt rights. They make that stuff their personality and cis straight people have to accept them.

These are the people who also force these things onto their kids. Unless your child ACTUALLY tells you they like a different gender, or are a different gender, then that is NOT your decision.

They are the reason people can falsely think they are a certain sex and regret it later. I could have been one of them. After reading stories from ACTUAL TRANS PEOPLE I realized I have no idea what these people are going through. My depression isn’t tied to what gender I think I am.

Real trans people are so strong to put up with these idiots who are treating the lgbt world as a trend.

Quit making being gay your whole personality. Yes, you can talk about it when it comes up. Yes, you can talk about it jokingly. (i.e. “thats so gay... like me!”)

BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO MENTION IT EVERY SECOND.

“Well I think -blank- because I’m gay!”

“You need to respect me because I’m gay!”

“I’m better than you because I’m gay and you aren’t!”

People like that just ruin it for the rest of the lgbt community and THATS why we get so much shit from other people.

When someone misgenders you, respectfully and calmly correct them if you feel the need to.

Getting hit on by a gender you aren’t attracted to? Feel fucking flattered, and then respectfully decline them. That’s what I do at least. A confidence boost is always welcomed! (If they are persistent then ask someone to kindly help you rid of them)

The person you’re dating has decided they like a different sex or are actually a different gender? Respect their decisions, talk it out nicely, and decide what happens from there.

What do those three scenarios have in common? RESPECT. How can you expect people to respect your decisions when you can’t respect theirs?

I may get a lot of slack for this. I’m pretty positive I will.