feed me corn

My name is amanda, and it is a great day to stay home and eat corn

[sizvideos]

[perissologist]

THIS TURNED OUT SO MUCH BETTER THAN EXPECTED

[lord-palmerston]

you missed the best bit

[huffpost]

[crappy-deity-deactivated2019091]

‘Hello land dog, I am water dog.’

[drragonss]

In Dutch, the word for seal is literally sea-dog.

[tastefullyoffensive]

[wetbreacl]

when ur about to unload some memes in the group chat

[deathgripsforcutie]

our house

in the middle of the street

[unsures]

i wanna go star gazing with you but it’d be pointless because i’d end up staring at you the entire time

[baddiemode]

[today-ifuckedup]

Today, I fucked up... by attempting to save two very small children from crossing a busy road

I was walking towards my bank to deposit a cheque into my account when I saw what I thought was two very small children about to cross a carriageway.

I should point out, I have to wear contact lenses but they are not vital, but to me, everything past around 10m just looks like a photoshopped blur, I can tell what’s there but I can’t make out distinct features.

I walked faster to attempt to see whether they were just being stupid or whether they were actually going to cross. One of them took a step into the road to get a better look around a bus that was stationary at the side of the road. This is when I thought to myself something really bad could happen. I started sprinting at them. They turned and looked at me and as my vision started to clear I had a surprise. Looking back at me was a dwarf woman and what looked to be her grandson.

I didn’t know what to do so I just carried on sprinting and hopped on the bus. I looked at the driver and engaged him in conversation whilst the woman continued to eye me suspiciously. I whispered faintly, “I’m just gonna confess I don’t have any money, I just mistook that dwarf for a kid about to cross the road and it was just instinct”.. The bus driver started giggling to himself and said he’d drop me round the corner to spare everyone’s embarrassment.

Apart from mine. Obviously. Good guy though.

[getfawked120-deactivated2023053]

i wanna be one of them random well dressed hoes on instagram who always on the beach and travelling and doing yoga and drinking smoothies and hawking detox teas and no one is really sure what the fuck they actually do but keeps following them

[emmawathson-deactivated20160417]

We both know Lord Voldemort has ordered the Malfoy boy to murder me. But should he fail, I should presume the Dark Lord will turn to you. You must be the one to kill me, Severus. It is the only way. Only then will the Dark Lord trust you completely. 

[disneysdaily]

[kinell]

Did you know that Crush is portrayed “high” because Sea Turtles actually eat jellyfish and the poisons inside the jelly doesn’t actually harm the turtle but instead intoxicates them much like marijuana does for humans.

[disneyismyescape]

i just thought it was because he was supposed to be a “surfer dude”

[newkidsonmycock16]

[crazierthanablogfullofcats]

Cats Being Cats

[keepcalmimspidey-deactivated201]

i cant believe people dont like cats…

[russianhookers-and-cheapgin]

ibelieveicanflylock

[supermassiveasshole]

i was teaching my grandma to use computer so we can talk on skype and such but today she went kinda mad at me because “i didnt show her the knitting programme” and i was like what

and it comes out she accidentally opened ms excel and found out its a great way to create knitting patterns

my grandma is 82

[damngruchy-deactivated20130904]

[matociquala]

The street finds its own uses.

[patrik-star]

when bae asks you what you’re doing tonight

[yotoob]

We’ve bought a new house. And our new next door neighbours (two delightful gentlemen) will not stop being nice. 

- bought us a seagull proof refuse bag (yes, they are actual things)

- loaned us garden tools when we didn’t have any

- invited us around for Friday night drinks so we could meet the other people on the lane

- one of them brought me a bunch of sweetpea flowers that he’d picked from his garden

- and tomorrow he’s coming to cut our hedge for us with his electric hedge trimmer thing idk, and all I have to do is hold the ladder.

Basically, I am UNSETTLED and am now having to enter into an arms race of niceness and I am already so behind oh god.

Long story short - I just baked a lemon drizzle cake, and it looks great but I can’t even eat it because MR AND MR NICE MUST RECEIVE AN OFFERING.

[yotoob]

ABSOLUTE CRISIS I GAVE THEM THE LEMON DRIZZLE AND THEN THEY INVITED ME IN TO HAVE A SLICE AND A COFFEE WITH THEM AND GAVE ME A TOUR OF THEIR HOUSE AND LET ME HOLD THEIR PUPPY. AND THEN THEY CAME AROUND TO HELP ME BAG UP THE HEDGE CLIPPINGS. THESE MEN ARE NICENESS PROS AND I CANNOT WIN.

[yotoob]

HELP WE HAD AN HOUR LONG POWER CUT ON THE STREET AND IN THAT TIME THE OTHER MR NICE CAME AROUND WITH MATCHES AND CANDLES ‘JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T HAVE ANY’. IT WAS BARELY DARK.

BASTARDS - I’M GOING TO HAVE TO HOST A DINNER PARTY AREN’T I?

[fanaticalqueergeek]

The Gay Agenda, everyone. 

[duskenpath]

this is fucking i n c r e d i b l e

[cupcakesarehotmuffins]