Shorties

[feetunes]

The Patience Of An Arachnid

The Iron Chicken still hadn’t laid an egg. Annie The Spider was disappointed, but she could wait. And on the plus side no Feathered Stick had bothered her web so far. It seemed there were benefits to absentee landlords.

Annie was a very "glass half full" kind of spider.

[feetunes]

Soul Searching

When I’m walking on The Beinn To The Bench I take my shoes off And feel a part of the hill.
 The ground under my feet Ain’t the ground under my feet When it meets my sole Before it gets to me.
 I lose control a bit But grow stronger
Wish I could stay longer Maybe forever.

[feetunes]

Too...Much

Right, said Fred. You can either hide away in your room or you can risk living. But if you do take that risk, sooner or later you will say or do something stupid. I promise. That's life.

Truth is, I really wasn't too sexy for my shirt.

Honestly, it wasn't even a shirt...

[feetunes]

The Cheek!

When he said the first thing that came into his head, no harm was ever intended. He was just a fella walking bollock naked down a city street whistling a tune.

But still. A fence might be taken. And he had no wish for anyone to steal a fence because of something he’d said.

[feetunes]

Arriving Soon At Your Local Pawnbrokers

I used to be important, said the FA Cup. People used to long to touch me, hold me, play for me, steal me. Now I’m lucky if they even remember that my friggin’ final is on.

That’s what sponsorship does y'know. It makes a handful of people rich and ruins it for everyone else.

[feetunes]

Too Much To Ask?

Buzz, said the machine that shouldn’t be buzzing. The ads said: this machine is “whisper quiet”.

Buzzzzzz.

To be fair, it did all the other things it was supposed to do. So maybe it was simply being greedy to want everything it promised.

Bzzzzzzz.

[feetunes]

David Fee - "Potatoman" - Live Acoustic - Fee The Friday

[feetunes]

Obituary To A Stranger

His voice made a hoora difference. But Mary Cigarettes wasn’t simply trying to make a difference. He was aiming for Holy Ghost status. It was a lifetimes work, and it had cost him his life.

But if you looked closely enough you saw beauty that would blow your mind.

[feetunes]

Double Speak

Homework is there to reinforce the learning your son does during school hours, said the teacher at parents evening.

Crap, thought Jack.

Aye, he said. That's what I always tell him - it’s time to reinforce your learning. You haven’t spent nearly enough time in front of a desk.

[feetunes]

Hey!

Judy was a Beetle. She was also a loner and wouldn't have been seen dead in a band like those other losers. Although she did like there nah, nah, nah nanananaaah one. She hummed it to herself as she bulldozed her way through the leaf litter like a wandering troubadour.

[feetunes]

Another Perspective

Maybe the spotlight revealed something that you couldn’t see in yourself, thought Mandy. Maybe other people got a front row x-ray into your soul.

She was scared of mediocrity, and perhaps that is what they saw in her.

On the other hand, shit, at least it wasn’t cancer.

[feetunes]

Eden Calling

Adam despaired at the state of things. He struggled to be specific, but anyway, things were bad. He had hoped that spending a few hours in the hills, away from the rat race, would enable him to solve the world's problems.

It hadn't worked out that way. But he did feel better.

[feetunes]

Saving Time For More Important Things

I’m a hedge! I don’t want to be a fence, said Hedge. I’ll do the same job as Fence, but with benefits! I’m green. Green is good! Haven’t you heard?

Excuse me, said the fella with the chainsaw. Every minute I spend clipping you is a minute I can’t spend posting crap on Facebook.

[feetunes]

Guarding The House

The aching thud of What’s The Point? dropped like a night burglar onto the entrance mat of Simon’s brain.

But Simon heard, and came charging down from his Subconscious with a baseball bat made from happy thoughts about his family, kind friends, marmite and garden birds.

[feetunes]

Ineffective Perspective

You put your neck on the line When you walk through the Serengeti During the dry season
 Among animals Who are able and willing to eat you. At night. Alone.

Not when you stand In front of a microphone, Thought Davey.

His hands still shook as he stepped onto the stage.

[feetunes]

Quality Control

Vern was delighted when he lost followers on social media. He didn't take it as a rejection; who on earth needed friends  who didn’t want to be at the party? They had other lives to lead.

Fly free and good luck, he shouted as they voluntarily departed his online existence.

[feetunes]

Same Old New Clothes

Michiko didn’t really know how the new Emperor had got the job. She knew he hadn’t actually done anything. He’d merely been born the son of the old Emperor. It wasn’t a great CV, but it seemed to be enough. 

Oh well. She was married to the man, so best not to be too picky.