PARKS AND REC SENTENCE STARTERS
“I will defeat you right into my pants.”
“Why you gotta bring the Quackson Five into this?”
“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.”
“He’s like the gayest person I’ve ever met, but I make out with him when I’m drunk sometimes.”
“A little birdie told me that you have one unpaid parking ticket.”
“A little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.”
“I am NOT crying, okay?! I’m allergic to jerks!”
“On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how pissed off are you?”
“This would not happen if I had a penis!”
“I thought there was gonna be chocolate.”
“I’m just, like, going through a thing right now.”
“I guess when my life is incomplete I wanna shoot someone.”
“I am a guy and I like fire, and playing hockey and eating meat.”
“I want to punch you in the face so bad right now.”
“Really? ‘Cause an hour ago you told me you’d rather watch a sex tape of your grandparents.”
“Just bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, now all the ladies sayin’, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce.”
“I want to make out with you and chew your eyebrows off.”
“It’s like yoga except I get to kill something.”
“Are you eating turkey chili off of a Frisbee?”
“The only thing I’ll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!”
“That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”
“Your quiet support means the world to me, as does your tacit endorsement of all my behaviors.”
“I am one hundred perccent certain that I am zero percent sure of what I’m going to do.”
“It’s roughly the size of a two year old child, if the child were liquified.”
“Guurrl, you look like Annie Oakley and Pippi Longstocking had a baby and I LOVE it.”
“It’s cold outside and I can’t wear mittens because they’re not flattering to my hands!”
“Damn it, you’re transferring your crying thing over to me.”
“I just opened a can of whoop ass on myself!”
“You’re smart and successful with an adorable belly.”
“There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.”
“My spirit blood is on your hands.”
“You’re like a giant puppy with no shame.”
“History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.”
“Are you kidding? This is London. There’s a pub over there, there’s a pub over there, and there’s a pub between those two butcher shops.”
“I thought you needed some air, even if that air is fouled by the stench of European socialism.”
“You’re a man genius… with a taut, narrow frame like a sexy elf king.”
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