Authors don’t disappear just because they were kidnapped.
Sometimes they disappear because they looked at their almost-finished wip and it... looked back. Stared and growled and judged....
And whispered: "Okay, but are you sure you know how to end me?”
And suddenly the author, who has written over 100k words of yearning, ension, soft and heated kisses, and at least three emotional breakdown monologues, is staring at the final chapters like:
Yes with a capital letter.
And The Abyss is holding a red pen, ready to cross out every single word carefully planned.
Here’s the thing no one talks about (or they do and I'm not paying attention): the closer a story gets to the end, the louder the imposter syndrome gets.
It starts with simple things...
“Is this pacing weird?”
“Was that chapter actually good or did everyone lie?”
“What if the symbolism was accidental?” (it problably was!)
“what if i AM accidental?”
And then instead of writing the ending, the author decides to reorganize their entire spotify library by emotional damage level.
And then maybe they accidentally hyperfixate on a new fandom. Or a new ship. Or medieval history. Or marine biology. Or suddenly they are an expert in 14th century sword forging and no one knows why. (No I don't knwo anything about all of those things, it was jst an example... excpet for the medieval hsitory... and a little bit about sword forging... but no marine biology... I think)
They still love the wip. They think about it while showering. While driving. While trying to sleep. They open the doc. They reread one paragraph. They message their beta and say sorry for disappearing. They close the doc because what do you MEAN this needs a conclusion???
And they can't even say is because of the fandom.
Kind. Patient. Sending sweet messages like
“Mo pressure!! Take your time!! We’ll be here!! 💕”
Which somehow makes it worse (please don't stop,m it's the best)... because now the author is both grateful AND ashamed.
Like: yes hello thank you for being emotionally stable and not chasing me with torches. I absolutely did not mean to vanish into the woods with a half-written scene and zero explanation.
The truth is: sometimes disappearing is not dramatic (maybe it would make more sense if it was). It’s just a brain that decided finishing something means being perceived (and yes the fic might be over 1k kudos and so many hits but we ar ento talkng about that right now). And being perceived is scary. Because once it’s done, it’s done. No more tweaking (Lies... I'll need to edit all of it with the help of my amazing beta... I mean.. they... they.... this fictional author we are talking about right now). Once finished, there will be no more hiding behind “it’s still a working in progress.”
So the author wanders off. Touches grass. Hyperfixates. Spirals a little. Drinks water (and other liquids). Rereads comments at 2am. Whispers “they deserve better” to the ceiling. Writes other story trying to get out of this certainty they will not deliver what the readers are expecting.
And then, eventually, they open the document again.
Not with promises (never promsies that I can't keep). Not with dramatic comeback posts (what is this then???). Just with a quiet:
Okay. Maybe one paragraph.
Because the fandom is good. And kind. And deserves effort. And also because the story still lives in their chest like a stubborn little heartbeat.
No grand declarations (again... what???). No “updates every friday” lies (as if I could.. I eman... they... THEY). Just trying.
And any similarities between this post and the person currently typing it are purely coincidental.
Please ignore the half-finished chapter blinking in another tab.
