I finished my fanfic, everybody!!!! My first one is done (although I already have two more in progress) and published on AO3!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/67614366
2,656 words; Sterek; General
Summary:
Stiles Stilinksi is the favorite human of every surviving member of the Hale family… He's basically Hale-catnip. Peter knows this. He thinks everyone else does to. They didn't. Werewolf-Bachelor-esque Shenanigans ensue.
This is inspired by the discourse that came from another post of mine:
Also, BIG Thank You to my lovely Betas. I don't have all of their Tumblrs but @writer-the-writer and @thiamsalpha were two of them. They did an amazing job helping me get this story where I wanted it to go. You guys are awesome!
Arthur is cursed to visit every universe in existence. In every world there is one Merlin Emrys who has various opinions/feelings about him.
He even lands in one where Merlin wants him dead.
It's tough to find his way back because it seems no universe fits the description.
Tech Merlin who has been guiding him from his first jump: This one has everything you mentioned. The me in this world is your servant. Your sister hates you. Gaius is alive and court physician. No plumbing... It's the closest we've come to your world.
Arthur: And what's wrong?
Merlin: well, you said magic was evil there. This says magic is nearly extinct because of the purge.
Arthur: that would be good news, right?
Merlin: yes, except that the magic there is nature's life force and you're sort of forcing it to hide so the world doesn't crumble to dust
Arthur: crumble to, what? hide where?
Merlin: ... that's the thing. In the Merlin who exists there
Arthur: that's impossible
Merlin: well. It's the closest thing we've got. Take a look?
Arthur hesitates. Then he steps through the portal. As soon as he breathes in the air, it hits him like a punch. It feels like home. He's home.
It genuinely never gets less funny thinking about season 1 of iZombie from Major's perspective. Poor guy thinks he's the main character of the show but really literally every person around him knows more about what's going on than he does and none of them are telling him SHIT and they gaslight him SO HARD that a guy who started the season as a bland ass stock love interest who worked at a teen shelter now knows how to precure heavy weaponry (and grenades!) off the street and is attempting to take down a criminal organization run by literal (and figurative) monsters. And he fails at like every single turn too. It's phenomenal.
My headcanon that cannot pried out of my cold dead hands is that season 1 Derek is a 19 year old kid.
Like look at this dude!!! He's clearly just a kid. A little rough around the edges, a little big of a meaner face but he's just a wee kid. This is how college students look like!!!!!!
The way they make Derek look much older in the later seasons and try to claim that he's in his mid twenties or some shit??? IM CALLING BULLL
I think that was a way to make people stop shipping sterek by introducing a bigger age gap cuz jeff davis sucks.
I will forever and ever and ever stand by that this is just a lost 19 year old kid who is going through so much and he has no adults to help him through anything.
Kid barely knows how to buy groceries or a house or furniture. Look at how he fucking lives man.
This Rise of The Guardians story idea has been eating away at me!!!
So, every Guardian has their own set of helpers. But Jack doesn’t really. That’s where this little idea sprang from.
One of my favorite folk tales as a child was the Little Match Girl. My idea was that Jack takes in these children, finding them in their last moments just as their matches go out. They become his helpers, or rather, his sisters. They help him spread winter and frost. They help lost children find their way home, sparing them from what they went through, etc. It has the added bonus of hitting hard since he became Jack Frost by saving his little sister from the cold icy water. Now, he helps his new sisters that he couldn’t save from the ice.
I have a lot of ideas for how they would look and act and everything but one, my favorite, was that they are spirits of ice and winter but they actually give off warmth. They use it to keep the children they find warm enough to survive until they lead them home and also so they never feel the bitter sting of the ice again. ALSO, their fingers are stained black from the matches!!
If anyone has written this or made art or something PLEASE tell me!!! Or if this inspires you let me know so I can see it!!
Derek Hale's life sucks so bad. Imagine you're nineteen your entire family is dead and your continued survival hinges on working with two of the most annoying sixteen year olds you've ever met who won't stop framing you for murder
I’m always so confused when younger people in a fandom ostracize the fandom’s older members. Like, hello, those are our predecessors? Are you going to bully the OG “I like your shoelaces thanks I stole them from the president” MVPs? Would you disrespect the brave women in the 70s who died for our sins writing Spirk fanfiction? Respect the elders who literally prepared this space for you and set up the infrastructure for you to enjoy your favorite media in community with others.
☺️ The wing prints left by a hunting owl looked so incredibly beautiful that they immediately gave me Destiel vibes🤩
Sadly, burnout meant I didn't get around to drawing it until summer, lol. But I think I needed that time, because I finally managed to bring it to life exactly the way I imagined🥰
Honestly, it all hinges on one decision. I like to think I'm a pro at playing out "for want of a nail" scenarios (😏).
And the nail in this particular scenario is Stiles.
I find it very strange and honestly OOC for him that he just. Leaves Erica and Boyd with the Argents. Says and does nothing about it. Yes, I know, we all like to point out that Stiles suggests murder as a solution often, but honestly, when he does, it is a legitimate solution to their problems. But Erica and Boyd aren't a problem, and even if they aren't friends, they aren't people he'd leave to be tortured and more than likely murdered by the Argents, who probably aren't his favourite people in any situation. And yes, I know, his dad, but here's the thing. The Sheriff is worried about him, a given. But physically, the Sheriff isn't at all in harm's way. He might be stressed, but him being stressed about Stiles is not new. Erica and Boyd are in real, immediate, physical danger. They are, at present, hooked up to a power source and being continuously electrocuted and held hostage by Thee family of werewolf hunters who have a disturbing record of ignoring their so-called "code" whenever they feel like it and aren't above killing innocents, humans, and children.
And we see that Erica and Boyd aren't being watched in the basement. When Stiles is put down there, it's just them, same when Chris comes down later to let them go. I'm sure the house itself is guarded, but they don't have eyes on them at all times. And Stiles canonically makes a habit of breaking into places he shouldn't be.
Granted, if he did go back and get them out (I'm not talking about a fight, I mean flat-out booking it bc the Argents aren't stupid enough to open fire in the middle of their own residential neighbourhood), maybe Erica and Boyd wouldn't go with him. It's not out of the question. They were leaving anyway. But imagine how. Galling. it'd be, to be a werewolf, stronger and faster and able to heal from mortal wounds, a creature right out of myth, and be shown up by a human. Not saying they were 100% wrong for running away. There were bad decisions being made all around – them, Derek, everyone. But Stiles is the same age as them. He's human. And he's staying in the fight. He doesn't have to. He could've just gone home. But he came back for them, even after they've been antagonistic towards each other. And he's going back still after being beaten by Gerard.
Maybe it's pride, maybe it's shame, maybe it's an instinctively, impulsively formed pack bond. But I think they'd go back with Stiles.
But here's the next layer. If Stiles isn't home, there's no one to bring Lydia. The whole deal of her going to Stiles to cry about Jackson's "death" makes no sense (why wouldn't she be with Danny, Jackson's best friend and one of her actual friends? Instead of the weird guy who behaves so creepily and inappropriately towards her and who also does not like Jackson, was bullied by Jackson, and was under a restraining order filed by Jackson for kidnapping him?), other than the fact he's literally the only other available character who can bring her in. Scott, Isaac, Allison are all preoccupied with the Kanima, same with Derek and Chris, and no way in fucking hell would she go anywhere with Peter. Even if Stiles is "in the know", Lydia's made a point that she does not want to be in the know. She doesn't want to be involved. But The Plot has to happen and Stiles is all that's left, so they just huck her to the Stilinski house, forget logic.
But no Stiles means no Lydia means no magic miracle cure for Jackson.
Not saying that the cure wasn't a cool reference to werewolf lore (calling a werewolf by their Christian name was a "gentler" myth of curing them, along with presenting them with their human clothes), but it also had notes of deus ex machina, IMHO. The whole season has kept up this Scott vs Derek sub-arc, Scott being the "right" one for wanting to cure and save Jackson, even if that means many other people die in the meantime, and Derek being the "wrong" one for wanting to kill the legend-even-to-werewolves, nearly indestructible, mind-controlled creature whose sole purpose is to kill and can't be reasoned with and is about to evolve into its Even Worse form, even though him/his pack are being blamed for these deaths and being wrongly hunted for it. And it's their contrasting attitudes towards this situation (saving one life no matter what vs taking one life to spare how many more) that make the cure feel like. Something of a cop-out. Rewarding Scott for all the shitty things he's done by adding a little "I told you so" on top about curing Jackson, and reinforcing his stance about there always being a "moral" solution. Which isn't feasible or realistic in any way. Sometimes all the options are shit, and making the hard choice is necessary. Even Derek acknowledged that! He tried to take the cure path too, when it was an option! And look where it got him!
But imagine the fucking satisfaction of having Stiles come in, metaphorical guns blazing, with Erica and Boyd instead. And the Kanima was already this close 🤏 to evolving, which was the Whole Point of them scrambling the past two episodes—they are out of fucking time. The Kanima is about to turn into something bigger and nastier, with goddamn wings (which means it can't be tracked on the ground, that it has an avenue of escape none of them can follow), and it is being controlled by Gerard fucking Argent. Matt the Rat was a petulant teenager with superiority problems. Gerard is a goddamn sociopathic serial killer who has no issue with manipulating his children (where do you think Kate got it from?) or his granddaughter, even killing them to get what he wants, and has been shown, multiple times, to not have any semblance of morals, empathy, kindness, anything. He killed an Omega in the first episode just because he could. He said out loud in his introductory speech that he was going to kill any werewolf he found in Beacon Hills, innocent or not, just because he could. Gerard is not someone you roll the dice on, and he is not someone you leave in control of a nigh indestructible monster like the Kanima.
And instead of the....Everything that happens with Scott and Derek and Gerard (I will never be over it, McCall can McCatch these fucking hands), we get the first real incident of the pack acting like a pack. Instead of seeing the Argents work together better than the literal pack animals, we see the werewolves bringing down something bigger and badder than them together.
And tbh, I wouldn't have been that upset by Jackson dying for real. As far as everyone else is concerned, he's already dead, and he wasn't that likeable. Sure, he had his sympathetic moments, and there's times I felt bad for him, but he was still an entitled asshole who begged, bribed, and blackmailed his way into getting the bite because his ego was just That fragile. If he'd stayed around and got some more development, showed some growth, it'd be different (IIRC, Colton Haynes left for personal reasons, no issue with that, I'm strictly talking about the character, not the actor), but we didn't get that, so he's just a somewhat sympathetic bully who got his lycanthropy, his cure, and then got to leave and fuck everything else, which is nowhere near satisfying. And him being a Kanima/werewolf hybrid was so fucking stupid, don't get me started.
But if Jackson had just died and stayed dead, it still could've been sad. Sad because he was still a kid who didn't deserve what he got. Sad because he did have friends and parents who cared about him and will mourn him. Sad because he can't grow up and be better. And it could've also been a wake-up call for Derek that he needs to do better as an Alpha, for the Betas to do better as his pack, for Stiles and Scott's "friendship" to get some much-needed adjustment, for Scott to maybe (but probably not) learn something about no-win scenarios and taking the path of least bloodshed instead of some unrealistic moral high road.
And the Alpha pack would still be a problem! They still have Cora! Maybe they snatch Isaac instead of Erica and Boyd, and since Isaac has no living family, it's on the pack to be looking for him (I still feel robbed we never even saw any other Reyes or Boyds) because they're the only ones who can. And I think it'd do something for Peter and his relationship to the pack as well, seeing the foundation of something with real potential, real possibility, a chance to get the Hales' star rising again.
Someone asking Luca after Shane's first season as AC on the Centaurs: "So, is it difficult with basically three captains, especially if two of them are married that must be hard to get used to.
And Luca and the other rookies being like, oh you mean the Dad-Trifecta? it's the best thing that has ever happened to us.
You loose your skates or you need help with paperwork or you're just feeling kinda sad and need a dad hug - you go Bood. he will grill you some chicken and go speak to Coach for you. You call him or Cassie if you're sick and they will pick you up and deposit you on the floor with Milo and you are their baby now. I'm 23 years old but that's my dad tho
If you're having trouble with other players, or if you're in like, a crisis? Mama Bear Ilya, will 100% get arrested for any of us and/or pick you up from the middle of nowhere any time of night. You wanna ragebait other players? He has the perception of a God and can tell from one look when a players second wife will leave him. He can also tell when you're feeling like shit mentally and he will pick you up take you to Harris farm and make you dog walk with him while throwing sweets at you. Holmberg got high sticked the other week Ilya spent like, 2 hours going through the guys Instagram with us while wine drunk and ripping his entire life to pieces with us.
and Shane? He will come early to practice for you, he will tell me things wrong with my playing I didn't know EXISTED. Boyle was in a slump Hollander turned up at our house with a fucking smoothie get your ass out of bed we're going to the rink and he will completely pull apart your playing style with such precision that's it's beautiful to watch and I'm not even mad about it. Roz will be giving a fucking captains speech about how we can do better next week and he'll fucking pipe up in the corner going, well we will if Lapointe improves his footwork Coach, we're gonna be staying late on Saturday and Wiebe is like, sounds good Hollander like COACH you can't Agree For Me and he'll just go, Shane Hollander is giving you a private lesson I don't care what you're doing cancel it
Do you know of any Sterek fics where Derek is in a gang? Another AU I’ve been kinda craving lately is a Pirates AU. I’ve been listening to Sail North like crazy and it’s been making me wanna read about it 😭 thank you!!
Hi! That's one crazy mix lol
Pirate AU
Hey, Ho, Haul Together by Strictly_Platonic
Stiles has sailed on the pirate ship Beacon since he was nine years old. Now, when his captain and former foster father loses the ship in a gambling game gone wrong to the intimidating Captain Derek Hale, will Stiles be able to adjust to life on a new ship under new command? And why is Captain Hale so interested in Stiles? Does it have something to do with what the Beacon's surgeon, Deaton, told him when the new captain first set foot on the ship?
Kings of a Purple Sea by Kca1516
Stiles and Derek are rival pirate captains, each trying to get one up on the other in an attempt to rule the seven seas.
Derek is leader to the legendary Hale Pack. A ruthless family of werewolves who even the greatest fear.
Stiles, The Sea Charmer, has his own cruel reputation - though no one has seen his true face as he hides in silks of dark blue wrappings.
When a joint enemy threatens to take both crews out, will Stiles and Derek be able to put aside their differences and work together - or are they forever destined to burn in the water?
Breathing by Luxie
“You should have hidden below deck with the crew.” Derek says, taking a step closer as a silent threat.
“Nah,” The stowaway says, looking completely unimpressed with Derek. “All the interesting things are up here. Besides, downstairs it smells like shit and dead stuff.”
“There's probably a lot of both down there.” Derek counters. “Why are you here?”
“Curiosity.” The young man answers and starts moving around the cabin.
AU Where Derek is a Pirate Captain and Stiles is a Curious Mermaid.
Your Love Is The Compass Guiding Me To Happiness by bistiles_bilinski
Derek looked back at him, a small sliver of a smile parting his lips. “Well, Allison let Scott free because she knows the only place he’ll go is to look for her.” He looked at the ropes securing Stiles to the beam before asking quietly, “Are you going to throw yourself overboard if I do?”
Derek watched as a wide grin cracked Stiles’ face, the first one he’d seen since the night he’d pointed Stiles in the direction of the tavern that led them to their current situation and it was beautiful.
“Cross my heart,” Stiles said. “Besides, I can’t swim and the thought of drowning alone in the ocean is enough to keep me from throwing myself over.”
The Call of the Sea by Dexterous_Sinistrous
Derek almost drowned when he fell into the sea at a young age. He thought he was going to die in the water's cold embrace. He didn't expect to be saved by a young boy. A boy with a tail.
Decades later, the longing still pulls at Derek's heart whenever he dives into the sea, something calling him away from land. The kiss they shared still burns at his lips whenever he thinks about it long enough. A reminder that without the owner of that kiss, he would be dead.
But sometimes loneliness makes you welcome the thought of death.
Not all treasure is silver and gold by princecharmingwinks
Captain Derek Hale is on a mission and he needs a fearless crew. His betrothed has been kidnapped, his family lives in exile and he harbours a dangerous secret. Enter Lady Erica Reyes, the perfect Quartermaster to join the crew. Erica has her own reasons for needing to escape her seaside town. An abusive father with a suggested 'arrangement' has forced her to create her own future.
A Derek and Erica friendship on the high seas, all in the name of love and family. Because not all treasure is silver and gold.
Hostis Humani Generis by Jmeelee
“Where is my crew?” Stiles demanded when Derek came close enough. The words honked through his dry throat and set him coughing.
A soft but feral smile twitched over Derek’s bronzed features, slicing a swath through a black beard cut through with streaks of silver. “Ah, the quartermaster finally awakens. I know it’s damn near impossible for you, but try not to speak. I’ll get you something to drink.”
“Untie me, first,” Stiles begged, but Derek only laughed.
A Ship Without a Mate Sinks by sarcasmandirony
Stiles persuades Scott into checking out the old ship anchored by the docks, of which Derek is captain.
Through Rough Waters by NicoNico
Stiles had no idea how he got in this position, tied up, blindfolded and gagged on a ship. Well, maybe he did have some sort of idea. God, how he hated pirates.
But you have heard of me by Kibbles423
Non-linear Pirates of the Caribbean fusion, Staring Scott as Will, Allison as Elizabeth, and Sterek as Captain Jack Sparrow.
“You may hold his heart, but the sea holds his soul.”
“Well, if you’re really the infamous Captain Hale, then you know how to catch that ship.” The boy matched his stare and straightened up his stance. “And if the stories are to be believed, then you know how it feels to lose the love of your life.”
Derek blinked and raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Stories?"
"The stories of Captain Hale? How he sails around the seven seas in search of the love of his life? Unafraid to destroy anything and anyone in his path to get them back?"
"Ah, those stories."
Docked at Shore (Anchor Keeps Me Ground) by OverMyFreckledBody
As punishment for trying to tell Stiles that he's been bit, Scott expects torture.
He doesn't expect to instead be brought to Captain Hale's cabin door and forced to listen in. He definitely doesn't expect to hear Stiles' to be the one behind it.
Dying is the Day Worth Living For by tearsandholdme
“Stiles!” he shouted. His hand reaching for him as he made his way over and gripped tight onto his arm. Stiles turned towards him, question screaming in his eyes. “Will you marry me?”
Stiles stared at him incredulously. His question interrupted by the battle cry of a man and his sword. It swung landing in between them and they joined forces to both stab him in the chest.
“I don't think now is the best time!”
Gang AU
The Gang Leader by halcyon1993
To prove to his bigoted coworkers that his omega status doesn’t mean he can’t do his job, Deputy Stiles Stilinski infiltrates a gang of alphas in hopes of gathering intel on them. His plans are dashed when he finds himself falling for the leader.
Move A Mountain by ZainClaw
Stiles goes camping with his friends in New Mexico after graduation where they befriend a biker gang led by Derek: a guy whom Stiles can’t decide if he will be either relieved or devastated to never see again once their week is up.
Black and Blue by charlotteinlace
Stiles knows what he should be doing, finding a good Dom and seeing a few dozen therapists. But that shit can wait, right now he's got a gang to infiltrate and a murderer to find. A murderer who killed his father.
Pretty Venom by Innaz (zanni_scaramouche)
Derek Hale.
A name better suited for a myth than a man. Like the name of the devil, people either whisper it in fear or laugh it off as fable.
Cut it open and this city’s heart doesn’t bleed red. It’s snowy white, and it pulses in the tight grip of Lucifer himself.
Drug Lord Derek, Dealer Stiles, and the importance of not scalding the milk.
(Prologue is Optional)
Wolf Pack: Beacon Original by Beerwolves, fearfrost1211
When his father landed the Deputy Chief of police position in Beacon Hills, Stiles moved to his new town gladly, embracing the chance of a fresh start. What he didn’t expect was to find himself hopelessly drawn to the gruff Vice President of the local motorcycle gang, the Wolf Pack.
Derek Hale, resident bad boy of Beacon Hills, spent his time helping his sister lead the Wolf Pack and working on motorcycles at his family’s automotive garage. Then, one hot summer afternoon a bright-eyed boy walked into his life and turned his world upside down.
Hard at Work by endlesstalesofwonder
Stiles Stilinski never thought being Chief of Police would help him get closer to his husband.
A(n unlikely) Chief of Police x Mob Boss story.
Demons and Angels by Delta_Immortal
PWP 30s Gangster AU.
Derek lives in the lucrative world of sin. Something about rival gang member Stiles inspires him to look beyond that world, but it doesn't matter. It's not like Derek can go there anyway. So maybe he just settles on taking Stiles to heaven as often as he can.
Derek: 'I'm fine'
Stiles: 🚨🚨🚨
(honestly this goes both ways for these two)
Birthday gift art for @sparassiss who requested Stiles holding Derek after a crappy day, and you know what - a good ol' Stilinski Hug would probably fix him a lil' bit ♡
like, yea, he's a trickster. but he's also incredibly lonely and had been isolated for 300 years without any answers as to why. he might've acted out, played pranks, or done things he shouldn't ( breaking into the workshop ) for attention because any is better than none. he might've lashed out several times over because he didn't understand why any of this was happening to him.
Bunny made Jack cry. it's not something super obvious, like Jack sobbing ( tho that would've been valid, tbh ), but you can see him tear up at the reminder that no human can see him. that no one believes in him. and that the only ones who do seem to have an arms length distance with him or hate him.
Jack blames himself for what happened to Sandy. he thinks he didn't do anything, that he didn't try hard enough, when he was the one who first noticed Sandy struggling. he thought he didn't do enough.
we see it in how he's curled up by the window, his hoodie is up, his eyes are welled up again, and he just looks like he shut the world out because of guilt. North had to cheer him up for him to smile again.
and then we see his tears for a third time when Jaime finally sees him. his first contact with a human in 300 years. the first time someone believed in him like that.
what kinda gets me about Jack is that i wanna say he isn't obvious, but he is. he talks to people who can't hear him, tries to tell Jamie and co. that all the fun they had wasn't the Tooth Fairy, that it was him who did that. he blatantly asks what does he have to do to get attention.
Jack knows the kids like his snow, his winter, but also knows that he doesn't exist to them. and Bunny bringing it up made him retaliate by purposefully acting like he didn't know what Bunny was.
to me, it came off as Jack trying to get Bunny to understand, for even a second, what he had been feeling and experiencing for his entire existence. but what happened instead is that Bunny doubled down and went to where it'd hurt most ( "people believe in me." ).
but even when the worst happens and Bunny is no longer believed in, Jack empathizes with that. he tries to apologize, saying he didn't mean for any of this to happen. because even if he didn't like Bunny, he wouldn't wish for someone good to not be believed in. and, as much of a hardass as Bunny can be, Jack knows he's good.
and Jack takes it hard when Pitch isolates him further ( "i make a mess of everything." ), because of course he does. he's alone again. how couldn't it be his fault, after he had just gotten to warm up around everyone, after he had earned their trust?
how many times has he had to ask "is it me?"
i can't imagine the euphoria Jack felt when he had answers, even if they were what could be considered the bare minimum. i can't imagine the euphoria he felt when he was finally seen. when Jamie hugged him.
yea, Jack is a tricky one, and always has been ( we can see that in his memories ), but a part of that became a way for him to cope.
for the prompt thing, i've always liked the trope "lets build furniture together", so like, derek and stiles trying to build ikea furniture with each other. it goes as well as you want it to since you're writing it lol
read on ao3
"You are allowed one coming out joke while we build this. No more."
Derek's gruff-but-secretly-fond look is painted on his face, and Stiles smirks up at him where he's crouched on the loft floor, pieces of unconstructed wardrobe scattered around him. Derek moves to sit next to him, and opens the instructions tentatively.
"Is that a challenge, because I'm taking it as a challenge—" Stiles interrupts.
"Everything's a challenge with you," Derek mutters. "It's a wonder you're an only child."
"Damn right I am! I'm Dad's favorite, too—"
"Case in point," Derek says under his breath, and Stiles just grins. He leans into Derek's side, peering over the bulk of his arm to skin the vague instructions.
"Jesus," Stiles grimaces, "these are terrible. Step one: build the wardrobe."
Derek huffs in agreement.
"Hey, I think I'm gonna go order some food instead, let me just look through the menus real quick—" Stiles starts, moving to get up from the floor already.
"Nope," Derek says tersely without even looking up, grabbing Stiles' arm easily and pulling him back down. Stiles makes a dramatic noise as he crashes into Derek on his way down, wincing, halfway in his lap now. "I thought you said you could handle this?"
"Yeah, that was before I saw the directions. I can do anything as long as I have directions, but these ones are crap, so I really think you'd have an easier time—"
"Bullshit," Derek drones, still scanning the diagrams. "You've never followed a single direction in your life."
"I have so! I follow the GPS all the time—"
"You take your own 'shortcuts' and then get lost."
"Yeah, that's called 'creative problem solving' and also 'saving time,' ever heard of it?"
"Shut up, Stiles." This is what Derek says when he figures there's no use arguing anymore. He'll never win. "You gonna help me build this or not?"
"You know what, I think I'm gonna need an incentive," Stiles bargains, leaning into Derek's side and propping his chin on his broad shoulder, staring directly at his face.
"You're such a brat, you know that?" Derek finally turns his attention away from the paper to meet Stiles' eyes at last, which are sparkling with mirth and mischief, like always.
"So I've been told," Stiles says smugly. "How about it, big guy? BJ for whoever puts the final piece together?"
"If that's what it takes," Derek rolls his eyes. "Get started, dumbass."
"Wait, shake on it," Stiles urges, grabbing Derek's hand and shaking it with his own.
Then he just holds it contentedly, without letting go, shifting his focus back to the instructions innocently. He starts to play with Derek's fingers, fidgeting, and Derek can't believe he's dating this ridiculous man.
"You really just wanted an excuse to hold my hand," Derek huffs, amused. "You do know we're already dating, right?"
"Oh, I'm aware," Stiles grins, smacking a loud kiss onto Derek's cheek. "Hey, who do you think the allen wrench is named after? Like who was that guy. Why does he deserve a tool. Oh my god, maybe he was a tool and that's why—"
"Okay," Derek interrupts loudly, "pass me this piece," he says, motioning to a bag of pegs poorly illustrated on the diagram and pointing to where they're laying across the floor.
"Yes, Alpha," Stiles winks. He reaches over, stretching his arm out to grab it. It's just far away enough that he really should have knee-walked over to it, but he knows what he's doing. A strip of skin from his arched lower back exposes itself when his shirt rises up, and he lifts his ass up teasingly, so it's right in Derek's face, taunting him. Derek's face colors without his consent and he lowers his eyes. Now is not the time to get distracted; they have a stupidly convoluted Ikea wardrobe to build.
"Ung," Stiles suddenly moans, still reaching for the damn bag. It should be a perfectly innocent noise, common while stretching, but again, this is Stiles, and he knows what he's doing.
Finally, he grabs the stupid bag and sits back on his heels at last, turning to Derek with a permanent smirk on his mole-speckled face. He holds up the ziploc of wooden pegs. "Doesn't this just make you wanna… peg me?" His face is faux-innocent and his eyes are wide, his pretty mouth in a pout, but it turns into a grin soon enough as he watches Derek's face turn even redder.
"Sure," Derek plays along, reaching for the hammer by his hip, "I'd like to hammer you into the floor, nail you against the wall. How does that sound?" It's a miracle he can keep a straight face, but then again, he's had a lot of practice.
"That sounds, uhhh, awfully violent," Stiles replies once his brain comes back online. "Just the way I like it."
"Mm-hmm, I'm sure," Derek hums idly. "Get over here and hold this straight so I can hammer it in," he directs, grabbing the bag of pegs from Stiles' hand and pulling one out, selecting the right piece of wood to go with it.
"I'm afraid that's not possible," Stiles taunts as he shuffles over and does what Derek asks anyway, "I'm not straight, you see. I can hold it bisexually, though, if you want?"
"The lord is testing me," Derek mutters under his breath, closing his eyes for a brief second before hammering the peg in easily.
"Ow," Stiles yelps, "you hit my thumb!" He takes his hand away and shakes it out, wincing dramatically.
"Really? You don't smell like you're in pain," Derek says in a faux-sweet voice, dripping with sarcasm. "You know what? You actually smell… like you're full of shit."
"Ha ha," Stiles says dryly. "Lemme try, I wanna nail something."
Derek purposely doesn't take the bait or remind him that Stiles just nailed him last night. Stiles' ego is already far too big as it is. He just hands him another peg and the hammer, and holds the board still.
"You sure you know how to use that?" Derek teases.
"I know how to hit things, thank you," Stiles hisses, all too easy to rile up. But sure enough, he smashes his own thumb in the process, for real this time, and curses with a genuine spike of pain.
"Come here, you klutz," Derek sighs, grabbing Stiles' hand and slipping his thumb into his mouth to soothe the sting. Stiles' own mouth falls open and he stops flailing at once.
"Damn, maybe I should injure myself more often, if this is what it gets me," Stiles says happily, the pain fading instantly.
"Absolutely not," Derek growls, pulling Stiles' thumb out of his mouth, but Stiles just cackles, picking up another peg and handing it to Derek.
"Go fish. I don't think hammers like me. Oh, there's a hammer-head shark joke in there somewhere— and now a head joke, go figure—"
"Stiles, is it gonna take all day to build this? Because I'd really like to get on with the rest of my life already," Derek interrupts, already hammering in the other peg.
"Mm, harder," Stiles moans, smirk right back on his infuriating face.
"What the hell," Derek looks up at him, "are you cosplaying as the peg now? What is wrong with you?"
"Sooo many things," Stiles answers proudly. He shuffles away again to grab another random board, peering at the directions to figure out where it goes, his ass conveniently in Derek's face again. He picks up another peg, squinting in confusion. "Does it go in this hole? That's what he said," Stiles rushes out at the end with a triumphant grin on his face.
It's at this point that Derek knows he fucked up. By dating Stiles in the first place.
"What am I talking about," Stiles amends, examining the board, "there's only one hole here! That's what he said!" he singsongs.
"I'm breaking up with you," Derek mutters, covering his eyes with a hand.
"Sure you are, big guy. Wait, it's not staying up—" he says as he tries to balance the peg in the hole, badly. It's clear his talents lie elsewhere. Derek makes a mental note to never attempt building furniture with Stiles again. "—that's what he said! Oh fuck, now it's stuck. Oh no, I have to pull it out, that's what—"
"Shut the fuck up," Derek growls, before he lunges for Stiles, collapsing on top of him and pressing him down onto the floor. He shoves his lips onto Stiles' and feels Stiles grin against his own mouth. Derek kisses him and kisses him until the grin disappears and Stiles is panting instead, the hammer falling to the floor and Stiles' fingers sinking into Derek's hair instead.
When they part at last, their eyes meet, and Derek attempts to make a bargain.
"No more stupid jokes. No more innuendos. Just build this wardrobe with me and I will blow you when we're done, promise. Otherwise I'm tearing your throat out. With my—"
"—teeth, yeah, yeah, buddy, I've heard it before. If you wanted to put your mouth on me so bad, why didn't you just say so?" Stiles' grin is back, and Derek regrets his entire life.
"I'm locking you in this wardrobe when we're done with it," Derek mutters, sitting back up properly again and grabbing a few more pieces to work on.
"Cool, maybe I'll find Aslan in there!" Stiles sits up again too, foraging for the directions once more and peering at them again in disdain. "Hey, have you ever had Turkish delight?"
So the afternoon continues much like this, and Derek proceeds to have the patience of a saint, and Stiles keeps taunting him, and not getting any actual work done. But somehow, the wardrobe gets built after all, due to Derek's ease of following directions and efficiency of building things. And no thanks to Stiles.
The wardrobe is small and made of thin, cheap wood, and there's a mirror on the front of it. Derek settles it into the corner of the loft, and Stiles peers into it, admiring "their" handiwork. He tugs Derek to stand behind him, pulling his henley-clad arm around his waist and leaning back against Derek's chest.
"Look what a good job we did!" Stiles exclaims proudly, once again full of bullshit. "We built something! High five, dude." He lifts his free hand in the air and meets Derek's eyes expectantly in the mirror. Derek just grabs his hand from midair and wraps it in his own so both his arms are tight around Stiles' waist, and their hands are interlocked. Derek presses a kiss to the side of Stiles' neck and sways them both gently, like trying to soothe a child.
He glances up at the mirror, though, and can't help but notice how good they look together. Stiles is beautiful, all pale skin and sparkling eyes and messy brown hair, and although he's been full of stupid jokes, he hasn't kept the grin off his face all day, and Derek missed his smile. They've been under so much stress lately; he's grateful for this time they got to spend together and how good of a mood Stiles has been in. How rare that is, these days.
"Hey," Stiles breaks the silence at last, slipping a hand free from Derek's and reaching behind him to sink his fingers into Derek's hair. "Why do you look like you're about to compose some sad poetry or something?"
"Just thinking," Derek says, nuzzling behind Stiles' ear. "I missed you like this."
"What, you missed me being a pain in your ass?"
"Exactly," Derek smiles against Stiles' skin.
"Well, I happen to love your ass, and I also missed being a pain in it. It's my favorite place to be. That's what he—"
This time when Derek shuts him up, he doesn't stop kissing him for a long, long time.
After a while, they break away at last and Derek moves to gather up all the trash and recycling from the floor. He has to take a trip to the disposal area of the building, and as soon as he leaves the room, Stiles starts planning.
This is also when he has a major lapse in memory.
For someone so smart, Stiles really can be so stupid.
Feeling clever, Stiles opens the door to the wardrobe and slips inside, snickering. He's slightly too tall for it so he has to hunch, but he's slim enough that the doors close in front of him easily. Derek has good reflexes, but Stiles still looks forward to seeing the look on his face when he startles him.
But Derek's a werewolf, and he cannot be startled easily, and can also hear and smell Stiles from miles away. A fact that Stiles definitely remembers in this moment. Definitely.
So Stiles hides like a smug little gremlin in the wardrobe that Derek exclusively built. And when Derek comes back into the loft, he can obviously tell exactly where Stiles is and what he's doing, and he heaves another sigh and once again questions his choices in life.
"Stiles?" he calls out, playing along with his dumbass boyfriend. "Stiles?"
The room is dead silent in response. Other than the sound of Stiles' pounding heart and fast breathing, echoing in Derek's ears like a beat at an EDM concert.
"Stiles, where are you?" Derek says, putting a bit of worry into his voice, just to make Stiles think he's won for the time being. "Stiles?"
Stiles can hardly contain his giggling, a fact that Derek can also hear, and he moves impossibly quietly to stand directly in front of the doors of the wardrobe. He knows Stiles is ready to burst out at any point, unable to last much longer, and Derek just crosses his arms and waits.
He counts to ten in his head, wondering just how long it will take Stiles to "come out," but he barely makes it to five before Stiles is spilling out of the doors and crashing into his chest.
"Surprise," Stiles says weakly, lifting his flushing face off Derek's chest and glancing up at him guiltily. He has the decency to look embarrassed, at least.
"Did you forget something?" Derek prods, his face a stone wall apart from a raised eyebrow. He looks way too intimidating, but luckily Stiles is used to it.
"Uh, yeah. I'm bi! Happy pride!"
"First off, it's July. Second, I knew that already, dumbass. Third, you seem to have forgotten the fact that I'm a werewolf and knew exactly where you were hiding. I wouldn't be proud of that, if I were you," Derek snarks, voice hiding all of his secret amusement.
Stiles thinks fast. "I remembered that," he lies. "I was hiding because I know how much you like finding me. You know, with your alpha instincts and all that. I was doing you a favor, really—"
"I'm sure," Derek purrs as he steps forward easily, backing Stiles up against the wardrobe. Their fronts are pressed together now and Stiles' heartbeat is racketing up again. "I believe you mentioned a reward for whoever finishes building this. Remember?"
"Yeah, but then you said you'd blow me if I helped you and stopped making jokes, remember?"
"And did you?" Derek challenges back. "Did you stop making jokes?"
"Well, no, that's part of who I am, Derek, part of pride month is accepting me how I—"
"Then I think you owe me something after all."
"Well, when you say it like that, it doesn't really make me wanna do it, y'know? What happened to the romance?"
"It left along with your last brain cell. If you really don't want to, that's fine. I'll just go take a shower and deal with it my—"
"Nonono," Stiles rushes out, grabbing Derek's arm before he walks away entirely, looking far too smug. "I mean, I should thank you. For building the… the thing," he says, stuttering, entranced by the sudden mental image of getting on his knees for Derek. "I know it was… hard, and I made it worse for you, so before I make any more innuendos I think you should really find a way to shut me up—"
So that's how Stiles does end up on his knees in front of Derek, and the mirror on their new wardrobe. When Derek comes, he sinks his claws into the cheap plywood of it, but it only helps to christen it.
Then Derek returns the favor to Stiles, and Stiles can't help but stare at the pair of them in their reflection and get excited about all the mirror sex they can finally have now.
"See, that was totally worth it," he determines, panting, petting Derek's hair where he stands over him, recovering. Derek kisses his hip. "Two orgasms and a new piece of furniture. I wonder how many henleys and leather jackets it can fit! Hey, do you think it'd be sturdy enough for you to fuck me against—"
And if at the end of the night, the new wardrobe ends up back in as many pieces as it came in, well, at least they got a few more orgasms out of it, and a funny story that they will absolutely not be telling Stiles' father.
"Rest in pieces," Stiles says sadly as he stares at the remainder of the wardrobe, catching his breath as Derek pants into his shoulder, his arms around his waist, holding them both up. "Hey, doesn't breaking a mirror mean like seven years of bad luck? Do you think we can get around it if you've already had seven years of bad luck?"
"Baby, I think you're already my personal bad luck charm. We can only go up from here."
"Damn right we can!" Stiles cheers, missing the point, perhaps on purpose. He turns around in Derek's arms and kisses him until Derek forgets what he was complaining about.
Yes, Stiles is a menace. But he's Derek's menace, and Derek loves him.
(Unfortunately.)
What’s a Stiles? @allhalemischief - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
