Well, I’ve been a father for two months now.
I don’t feel that much different. Not like I was lead to believe I would.
People talk like they instantly became a different person when their child was born. Who knows, maybe I did undergo a metamorphosis of sorts, I just don’t feel that different.
I’m still me. With all my needs and desires. I still like playing video games. I still go to work every day. The lawn still needs to be mowed and there’s still a surplus of things that need to be unpacked in the garage from when we moved in.
I see three main differences from the way things were before:
1. There is another being living in my house. (Two if you count my “sister-in-law”)
2. I get much less sleep.
3. The relationship between me and my girlfriend is decidedly different
Another critter in my house is fine. Sure she needs a lot of attention, constant supervision, and food, but she’s beautiful and she’s my baby, which makes up for those things. And it’s not like the dogs don’t basically need the same thing. They are constantly demanding pets, playtime, and cuddles. If we leave them unsupervised there’s a good chance they’ll get into the trash or the compost pile. They also need to be fed twice a day and given snacks.
Sure, a baby is not a dog, but at this age, she seems like little more than an adorable little pet that needs to be fed every two hours and poops her pants.
The lack of sleep is bearable I suppose. There were many points in my life where I would stay up too late partying or playing video games. It’s not like sacrificing sleep is new, but at least now I’m doing to for something other than my own pleasure. The worst part is being tired at work, but that’s why the gods invented and distributed caffeine across the globe I suppose.
Now the relationship, that’s what affects my mood the most. I appreciate harmony. I understand there will be discord at times, but in a relationship in which our goal is to take care of each other and this little baby, it means a great deal to me that the relationship is healthy.
I’ve been in toxic relationships in the past and I don’t want our relationship to go down that road. That being said, I think we’re navigating the waters alright. Sometimes it feels like the ship is going to capsize, and we’ve definitely ended up in the water a few times. But there are plenty of times when we’re able to sit back, crack a beer, and enjoy the ride.
So, looking at is this way, the things in my life have certainly changed and I’m sure they have changed me as a result. Maybe I don’t really notice because it’s a gradual change. Grains of sand falling from the top of an hour glass slowly filling the bottom.
Here I am, two months in and surviving. I just wonder what the next two months will bring.
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