Forgive me, Arryn, for I have sinned. I suddenly remembered asdfmovie exists and then what the fandom was doing and-
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@felixthewhat-blog
Forgive me, Arryn, for I have sinned. I suddenly remembered asdfmovie exists and then what the fandom was doing and-
Oh and I got a boyfriend bitches!
Turns out my “haha I’m sorta gay” jokes were once again me trying to come to terms with myself. You’d think I’d realize that quirk about myself by now.
Oh and he’s fantastic and sweet and caring and handsome af and it’s disgusting how much I adore him and I apologize now and in advance for any gross gushing love shit.
Mental Health & Recovery
I admit I hardly use this site, but even so I dropped off the face of the earth still.
Basically 7 months ago I hit rock bottom. My best friend did something that shattered me, my self confidence and ruined essentially my faith in PEOPLE which has always been what keeps me going. I’ve always believed in the GOOD in people in general. The event also made me feel like if my best friend could hurt me like that, then no one could be trusted. As I’m sure has happened to many many people said event involved best friend and an ex of mine, who I had happily relocated out of my life. So the event just opened old wounds as well. I had totally given up, a depression and numbness settled on me like never before. I was ready to be done with everything.
I love my best friend and I would have given anything for him to be happy, and was willing to tear down myself to do so (Yes yes I realize this is unhealthy NOW but I was sick and I value people so much). He decided the stress it was putting me through wasn’t worth it, even if I was willing to do it. But do to a second event which involved gaslighting me while I was on vacation, I knew that I couldn’t live like that anymore.
FORGIVENESS was found. I started going to therapy and it helped so much. I had been before but I knew that I was at rock bottom and I just threw EVERYTHING without shame at my therapist. All my demons, hang ups, hurt. Guys I cried so much in every session when I first started. I cried at everything I had been through and all my struggles. Let that shit out when you go to therapy, lay it all on the table and just let it out and let the herapist help you.
My therapist and I dug out my self esteem issues and why I let people walk over me. We dug out all my childhood traumas that cause me to erase my own boundaries for other people’s happiness. We worked on my comminicarion skills and my compulsive habits the biggest one being I NEED TO FIX THIS DISAGREEMENT NOW OR I WILL NEVER REST! Verbal abuse and constant yelling and fighting at me as a child had damaged so much of my social skills.
I got on medication, I’m on Prozac now for my anxiety and depression, which was so severe and I’d had so long that the therapist was surprised I hadn’t done anything extrodanarily dangerous or destructive yet. Medication can help if you need it look into it!!
We worked on me setting by and sticking to boundaries. Then setting and sticking to goals, and little life improvements. All the while building my self esteem and self love. It was a long hard journey, by no means the longest or hardest it could have been, but adding in the decade plus of senile and suffering I went through, it’s been a life changer and saver.
I now can get through life fairly easy. Shitty things happen and instead of a meltdown and it ruining my day and possibly week, I get through it and pretty positively too! I am truly optimistic for the first time in so long. I believe in people, but also understand them better than ever. I can calm an argument and make productive discussion out of nearly every sotuation. I have SO much more self awareness and accountability, without being a rug for people to wipe their feet on.
Me and Best Friend are still best friends. There was a lot of healing to do and still some stuff to work on before things will be 100% but it’ll come with time.
Life is better than it ever has been.
via weheartit
*Final Fantasy fanfare sound* I have acquired a boyfriend!
people are allowed to leave you. people are allowed to break up with you. people are allowed to love you but not want to be with you. people are allowed to not want to talk to you. people are allowed to put their happiness before yours and do what makes them happy even if it does not include you. people are allowed to move on from you. people are allowed to fall in love with someone else. people are allowed to not want you in their life. people are allowed to do whatever they want to better themselves and become the version of themselves they are trying so hard to love. don’t be bitter towards someone who is only trying to be happy.
I feel like this POV does not get enough voice.
!!!!!!!!
People are allowed to live their lives.
People are NOT, however, allowed to use living their lives as a valid excuse to intentionally bring pain into your life.
Me texting at night..
Them: you sleepy? Me: nahh I’m good Them: alright,, wyd Me: *falls asleep*
those little things on ur nose aren’t blackheads, don’t try and get rid of them they’re sebaceous filaments and they’re permanent and literally everyone has them
every girl has that little pouch of fat on her lower tummy, despite what magazines try n show u, you have important organs there that need to be protected don’t try and get rid of ur pouch
ur body is smarter than u think and it knows what to do when u eat more than normal. one bad day, or even week, of eating poorly isn’t gonna ruin anything at all I pinky promise
if u think u look good up until u try taking a selfie, it’s not ur fault - our faces are asymmetrical and when u see ur face flipped it will look unnatural to u, since u don’t see it that way when u look in the mirror. to everyone else it looks perfectly fine
no one’s stomach looks the same at 8pm as it does at 8am. no one has a chiseled six pack after a day of eating, not even the super fit people u see on tumblr, because ur stomach naturally expands after eating and expecting to have a flat tummy before bed is very unrealistic
no one notices if the bags under ur eyes are bad today. no one pays attention to the bump in ur nose or the zit on ur chin or the piece of hair that u missed when u were straightening. literally no one notices these things except you so stop worrying about it ur gonna be fine
sometimes u just gotta get over urself
this made me cry I needed it so bad
I live by this:
Bards are just mages who don’t shut up.
Rogues are just slutty knights.
What about alchemists?
Chefs without boundaries.
I HAVE NEVER HIT THE REBLOG BUTTON SO FAST
I had to close last night and be back to work at 5am, I got maybe 2hrs of sleep and I’m already NEVER a 5am person. Texting my best friend on break and my brain started to melt.
You don’t have to be grateful that it isn’t worse.
read that. read it again, and again, and again. somebody, somewhere, always has it worse than you. there is one person on this planet that has it the worst of all, and that person is NOT the only person allowed to be unhappy with their lot. if things are bad for you, they are bad for you. period.
This goes for trauma as well. A lot of times survivors get trapped in a cycle of minimizing/diminishing their trauma because “other people have it worse” - but there is no hierarchy of trauma. There is no ranking system for which traumas are “better” or “worse.” Your trauma is valid. Period.
IMPORTANT TRUTHS.
As a therapist, lemme just say: almost every trauma survivor I’ve ever had has at some point said “But I didn’t have it as bad as some people” and then talked about how other types of trauma are worse. Even my most-traumatized, most-abused, most psychologically-injured clients say this.
The ones who were cheated on, abandoned, and neglected say this. The ones who were in dangerous accidents/disasters say this. The ones who were horrifyingly sexually abused say this. The ones who were brutally beaten say this. The ones who were psychologically tortured for decades say this. What does that tell you? That one of the typical side-effects of trauma is to make you believe that you are unworthy of care.
Don’t buy into it, because it’s nonsense. It doesn’t matter if someone else had it “worse.” Every person who experiences a trauma deserves to get the attention and care they need to heal from it.
“one of the typical side-effects of trauma is to make you believe that you are unworthy of care.”
SO true.
Happy 15th Anniversary to Treasure Planet.
Here’s some of the beautiful and inventive development art by various artists including Peter Clarke and a painted story sketch of the Legacy being pulled into a black hole by Francis Glebas. Francis painted his entire sequence- so great!
Manager at work is sweet, cute, nice, shy, and just beaming and she makes me so nervous that I end up sweating like a gross mess even when I’m working in the freezers. I end up stammering, my voice gets all stressed and pitchy and I forget words and the way humans interact, and my name or whatever it was I needed help with, constantly trying to both make sincere eye contact and simultaneously avoid her noticing me at all costs. I’m constantly red and nervous and shaky and always sure I’m saying the wrong thing. She’s always super sweet back and I can never tell if it’s her personality to everyone or if I’m getting an extra nod. And I can never tell if I’m being super obvious or she just thinks I’m a weird person and that that’s just my normal level of anxiety. I’m terrible at reading people and I’ve had such terrible dating experiences that the whole thing makes me want to just evaporate into the air so that I don’t have to deal with it.
My friend told me a story he hadn’t told anyone for years. When he used to tell it years ago people would laugh and say, ‘Who’d believe that? How can that be true? That’s daft.’ So he didn’t tell it again for ages. But for some reason, last night, he knew it would be just the kind of story I would love. When he was a kid, he said, they didn’t use the word autism, they just said ‘shy’, or ‘isn’t very good at being around strangers or lots of people.’ But that’s what he was, and is, and he doesn’t mind telling anyone. It’s just a matter of fact with him, and sometimes it makes him sound a little and act different, but that’s okay. Anyway, when he was a kid it was the middle of the 1980s and they were still saying ‘shy’ or ‘withdrawn’ rather than ‘autistic’. He went to London with his mother to see a special screening of a new film he really loved. He must have won a competition or something, I think. Some of the details he can’t quite remember, but he thinks it must have been London they went to, and the film…! Well, the film is one of my all-time favourites, too. It’s a dark, mysterious fantasy movie. Every single frame is crammed with puppets and goblins. There are silly songs and a goblin king who wears clingy silver tights and who kidnaps a baby and this is what kickstarts the whole adventure. It was ‘Labyrinth’, of course, and the star was David Bowie, and he was there to meet the children who had come to see this special screening. ‘I met David Bowie once,’ was the thing that my friend said, that caught my attention. ‘You did? When was this?’ I was amazed, and surprised, too, at the casual way he brought this revelation out. Almost anyone else I know would have told the tale a million times already. He seemed surprised I would want to know, and he told me the whole thing, all out of order, and I eked the details out of him. He told the story as if it was he’d been on an adventure back then, and he wasn’t quite allowed to tell the story. Like there was a pact, or a magic spell surrounding it. As if something profound and peculiar would occur if he broke the confidence. It was thirty years ago and all us kids who’d loved Labyrinth then, and who still love it now, are all middle-aged. Saddest of all, the Goblin King is dead. Does the magic still exist? I asked him what happened on his adventure. ‘I was withdrawn, more withdrawn than the other kids. We all got a signed poster. Because I was so shy, they put me in a separate room, to one side, and so I got to meet him alone. He’d heard I was shy and it was his idea. He spent thirty minutes with me. ‘He gave me this mask. This one. Look. ‘He said: ‘This is an invisible mask, you see? ‘He took it off his own face and looked around like he was scared and uncomfortable all of a sudden. He passed me his invisible mask. ‘Put it on,’ he told me. ‘It’s magic.’ ‘And so I did. ‘Then he told me, ‘I always feel afraid, just the same as you. But I wear this mask every single day. And it doesn’t take the fear away, but it makes it feel a bit better. I feel brave enough then to face the whole world and all the people. And now you will, too. ‘I sat there in his magic mask, looking through the eyes at David Bowie and it was true, I did feel better. ‘Then I watched as he made another magic mask. He spun it out of thin air, out of nothing at all. He finished it and smiled and then he put it on. And he looked so relieved and pleased. He smiled at me. ‘'Now we’ve both got invisible masks. We can both see through them perfectly well and no one would know we’re even wearing them,’ he said. ‘So, I felt incredibly comfortable. It was the first time I felt safe in my whole life. ‘It was magic. He was a wizard. He was a goblin king, grinning at me. ‘I still keep the mask, of course. This is it, now. Look.’ I kept asking my friend questions, amazed by his story. I loved it and wanted all the details. How many other kids? Did they have puppets from the film there, as well? What was David Bowie wearing? I imagined him in his lilac suit from Live Aid. Or maybe he was dressed as the Goblin King in lacy ruffles and cobwebs and glitter. What was the last thing he said to you, when you had to say goodbye? ‘David Bowie said, ‘I’m always afraid as well. But this is how you can feel brave in the world.’ And then it was over. I’ve never forgotten it. And years later I cried when I heard he had passed.’ My friend was surprised I was delighted by this tale. ‘The normal reaction is: that’s just a stupid story. Fancy believing in an invisible mask.’ But I do. I really believe in it. And it’s the best story I’ve heard all year.
Paul Magrs (via yourfluffiestnightmare)