The Uglier You Feel, The More Money They Make

Society, man...*sigh*.

[feministhippies]

Abusive Relationships

Hello lovely people! 

TW: Abuse, domestic abuse, sexual assault, emotional abuse, guilt, physical abuse, victim blaming 

I'm here to write a brief piece on abusive relationships, because a lot of people simply classify them as when someone is using physical violence or something along those lines. 

But an abusive relationship can be so much more than that. If someone is manipulating you, making you feel badly about yourself constantly, forcing you to cut off friends or family, using sexual violence, or using physical violence, it is an abusive relationship. There are so many other ways to describe it than just this. This does not even begin to cover all of it. Please please please understand that. 

Also, if someone is guilting you into staying with them when you want to leave, that is abusive. Self care is the upmost important thing in this entire world. If someone is insisting that you deny yourself self care for the betterment of their lives, that is abusive. It's something that most people don't think about. It's an extremely toxic action for both parties involved and it is abusive and makes the person you're attempting to guilt feel terribly. If someone needs to leave to take care of themselves and you won't let them, that is abuse. 

I know that for a long time, I didn't understand that different types of abuse exist. I ended up in the middle of an emotionally abusive relationship where I was manipulated, verbally abused, and treated like absolute garbage. Educate yourself, read about abuse in all its forms, and understand that it can happen to anyone. 

If someone opens up to you about abuse that has happened in their relationship, don't belittle it or victim blame. Don't ask them "Why didn't you just leave?" It doesn't work that way. In many situations, these relationships have a combination of abuse. Often times, an abuser will manipulate their partner and lower their self esteem, which makes it easier for them to keep their partner around. It isn't a black and white situation. I also can't stress enough that even if you got out of an abusive relationship and it was easy for you, it isn't like that for everyone. Every person is different and handles abuse differently. Do. Not. Victim Blame. Fellow. Survivors. Ever. 

It is also crucial to understand that a relationship does not have to be romantic in order to be abusive. Abusive friendships exist. Friends can be extremely abusive and you might just wipe it off like "Oh, that's just how they act." No, don't let people off the hook for being abusive and toxic to you. If something doesn't feel right in your friendship and you feel put off by your friends, evaluate you friendship and get out if you can. 

I am always here to support and listen to any stories of abuse. Feel free to talk to either me or A about any of these issues. This was just a brief covering about things that I've seen in my life lately and does not NEARLY cover all aspects of abuse. As always, I encourage you to research and educate yourself about this topic. 

-L

[somequeershit]

[twinkfl0yd]

can someone fucking explain to me how a novel that romanticizes abuse and rape is being turned into a feature film that will be released on fucking valentine’s day but consensual romantic love between a gay couple is branded obscene, sick, and perverted?

[loveisrespect]

What is Gaslighting?

You’re crazy - that never happened.

Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.

It’s all in your head.

Does your significant other say things like this to you a lot? Do you often start questioning what’s really true – or even your own sanity – within your relationship? If so, your partner may be using what mental health professionals call “gaslighting.”

This term comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light, in which a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) in their home, and then he denies that the light changed when his wife points it out. It is a very effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control). Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship.

Signs of being a victim of gaslighting (Stern, 2009) include:

You constantly second-guess yourself.

You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” multiple times a day.

You often feel confused and even crazy.

You’re always apologizing to your partner.

You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.

You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.

You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.

You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.

You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.

You have trouble making simple decisions.

You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.

You feel hopeless and joyless.

You feel as though you can’t do anything right.

You wonder if you are a “good enough” partner.

If any of these signs ring true for you, give us a call at 1-866-331-9474, chat online, or text loveis to 22522. Our advocates are here to support and listen to you!

[Head over to loveisrespect.org to read this blogpost in its entirety.]

[feministhippies]

Fifty Shades.

ALRIGHT. IT'S TIME. 

A) Time to reboot this account. Sheesh, we've been lazy AF. BUT WE ARE BACK NOW. 

B) It's time for a rant about Fifty Shades of Grey. 

TW: Abuse, sexual assault

Now. I know you have all heard the arguments against/for this book, but let me just do my rant. Fifty Shades of Grey is domestic abuse. Christian Grey is a stalker. He tracks Anastasia's phone. He tracks her down when she's in public. He manipulates her. She tries to say no to things, and he tells her he'll tie her feet if he has to. 

As an active and loving member of the BDSM community, this book infuriates me. BDSM is not about manipulation. It's not about someone being forced into a lifestyle that does not interest them. It's about two WILLING, CONSENTING ADULTS who UNDERSTAND FULLY what they are getting into and what BDSM is really about. An essential aspect of BDSM is trust and mutual respect, which this book is sincerely lacking. This book reflects the BDSM community in an abusive and negative light, which unfortunately, society has been doing for years. That's not what it is. Fifty Shades of Grey is not BDSM. It is abuse. I cannot stress that enough. 

Furthermore, the whole "Oh, it's just a book" argument isn't going to fly with me. If you really believe that media and books don't affect someone then you're choosing to ignore the facts. Everything you watch or read has some sort of effect on you, in one way or another. While this book has encouraged some people to explore the BDSM life, it has encouraged them to do it in a negative and unsafe way. If one follows this book and attempts to act out this book when you have no experience in the BDSM community, one will end up feeling unsafe and unsure of what the BDSM community is even about. This book is not just a book. It's something that you read and something that does have an effect on you. 

I know you have all heard the domestic abuse aspect of this book before, because well it is domestic abuse at its finest, so there's no reason to really post about it here. But I beg you to do some research. As a survivor of sexual assault, I can tell you that it is sincerely disturbing that this book has reached such a level of popularity. It is disturbing that people ignore the signs that are right in front of them on what is abusive and crossing lines. A relationship does not have to be physically abusive for it to be abusive. I highly encourage everyone to do some research about healthy relationships. The relationship that is represented in Fifty Shades is not healthy in the slightest. Also, please read and fully understand what consent really is. Being manipulated or coerced or guilted into sex does not make it consensual. I just implore the people who defend this book to really dig deep and read about why this book is so problematic. 

[think-progress]

The US rank is bad | Follow ThinkProgress

[feministhippies]

How To Talk To Babies About Marxist Theory

BABY: [builds tower with blocks]

ME: ok this is very good

under capitalism massive building projects are constructed through wage slavery

and through their sheer size and scale intimidate and pacify the masses

so this is a great comment

BABY: [knocks over tower]

ME: that’s right

[mariaslittlestuff]

[dream-is-cosmic-love]

💇💇 on We Heart It.

[constel1ation]

female actors getting pissed off at sexist interview questions is my new favourite thing

tina and amy’s faces omg

and cate blanchett calling out the cameraman on the full body pan 

loveee

[themightyrancho]

scarlett is so tired of this shit

[sinidentidades-blog]

Refugees need protection not deportation 

[sinidentidades-blog]

From La Unión Del Pueblo Entero (LUPE)’s Facebook

[staythatswhatimeanttosay]

No one would tell those affected by the Target hack, “Shame on you for shopping online.” We don’t condemn them for “putting themselves at risk.” We would never think to, because we are treating those victims as what they are: wronged consumers. Whereas women, and their bodies, are commodities.

A long discussion with my friend Carl. (via staythatswhatimeanttosay)

[windowgaze-blog]

no one cares if you don’t like short hair on girls shut the fuck up

[memewhore]

[tastefullyoffensive]

Bop it, Twist it, Pull it, Spin it, Flick it.

[moonglade-poetess]

fixed it.

[feministhippies]

heheheh

[feministhippies]

The Business of Being Born

Every single human being should watch this documentary, "The Business of Being Born". It is extremely eye opening.

Some women, like myself, are obsessed with babies. Plenty (like L) want nothing to do with them ever. Everyone (regardless of gender) should be informed.

As a nation (the United States), we are extremely out of touch with how babies are born. If you talk with most any young women, all we know about birthing is extreme pain. Nothing else.

Midwives are trained professionals. Having a midwife deliver your baby, perhaps by having a home birth or going to a birthing center, is an important option that many North American women do not even consider. 

Just be informed. There isn't a right or wrong way for any person to have a child, but we all need to know what our options are and what is the best for our children (aka future generations).

Take an hour out of your day and watch this documentary, please!

[feministhippies]

Something to spice up your Friday... ahah.

[feministhippies]

Dear Loyal Followers:

Howdy! Just an update on my life.

This blog SHOULD be much more active in the near future because:

I have returned to the United States after living in Argentina the past 6 months! 

I was without a computer in Argentina, so it was difficult to blog (although L did keep it going faithfully! Go team! aha).

Furthermore, both L and I are starting school (university) soon, so we will doubtlessly be filled with things to rant about!

Chau! 

-A

p.s. - yes, I speak Spanish, rather fluently, I suppose in theory I could write in español. I guess I'll mull it over.