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i deleted 12/25 ✌️ ☭ 26 / they / tme / white e sims for gaza gazafunds

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Lived

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Ive been stuck on the floor for about an hour, every time i get up I collapse and its different this time because I can't keep my body up. usually I kneel and get up in a few minutes. But I fully lay down Head hurts and idk otherwise fel t bad but got a lot of things accomplished and got to my appointment today which was scary but its feel really good to get out walk move body. Body moved well

I think i should call my dad but I think he's mad at me not reaching out enough and he was so mean last time I had emergency. This stuff is so bizarre if I call him and act a little normal he'll be skeptical and what if he doesnt believe me.

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this year its been 10 years since I started having chronic pain and its not really better and I have more debilitating problems. I want to get better but i dont have faith in usa healthcare

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I cannot put off dental work anymore but im realizing not having gone to a dentist since getting sexually assaulted by my mom during oral surgery aftercare as a teenager is a problem as well as being physically and mentally incapacitated already so idk wtf is gonna make that not really bad

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lately when my head stops hurting sometimes theres a weird pressure, or a lack of sensation at all in the left side like there should be something there and its maddening because im looking for what its supposed to feel like, but paradoxically all I can feel is breeze over only that part, but there shouldn't be airflow in my brain at all. well whatever

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Metoclopramide - Wikipedia

Some of the worst shit ever manufactured i think its evil they give this shit to people. I was ambulanced to the er in 90 degree weather (both emts trans which was sweet) I was in a transport chair and couldn't walk and the nurse who medicated me w ts kept deep sighing and trying to get me to walk before and after injecting me and it gives this horrible full body skin crawling feeling and like you have to light yourself on fire to make it stop, the first time I was put on it last year the nurse I had was really kind and careful and I still felt like I needed to run away and I was trapped in alternate reality and it would never end and I had to kill myself, this time I couldnt use my arms or keep my eyes open and I fell asleep and woke up disoriented, convinced i was discharged from the hospital and ripped my port out in the parking lot, called a lyft home, and then got a call like hey its time for your head scan where are you? I explained and went back for a head scan the next day. Normal head scan luckily LOL but I keep feeling like im still on it and smelling the hospital, the sodium rinse of the port, the chill and the crawl and burn of the salt in my skin and that it won't stop unless i die, idk how to deal bc at least i had some patient dignity the last times and wasn't sitting in a wheelchair in a hallway

[femtocloaca]

i miss you & i really really really really hope you're okay

Thank you ♡

health update for anyone interested, but its not fun

ive posted a little in the past weeks but deleted it since im worried about how what I say is perceived/interpreted and such and since i wanted to not say anything rly impulsive on here since thats a problem i have esp since im in a weird place as well as that i simply do not feel as good as id like to and everything feels daunting i thought it was best to keep to myself just from how overwhelmed and scrambled I am

health stuff is really fucked up still and its been difficult to get around my apartment without risk of collapsing or limbs giving out, ive started getting out more just a little bit and getting to the point where my head doesnt hurt as much and can get some occasional reprieve from migraines&face/jaw pain, do stuff around the house, bathing is very hard but takes normal amounts of time now, but everything going on in my life is very stressful since i have little stamina before things go wrong and its unpredictable when itll happen so its a deterrent from most things bc the threat of a headache resuming or my body giving out is so scary

Going into 3 weeks of this is crazy and the healthcare followup is just terrible and makes you wait forever but theres no real options bc the er just puts you on stuff and then you wait for paperwork for referrals for at least a month. idfk and im realizing more problems i need medical interventions in with limited faith it will go anywhere and it could be years of trying to solve these problems w how slow things move and how doctors are, its been about a half a year on the dot since i first had an episode of stopped being able to use the left side in january and this is a massive progression. its daunting by what its gonna take to get to appointments and im exhausted and in pain and my body is not working along with just not being there all the way cognitively even when pain subsides and limb function returns. speech and mental faculties have taken a huge blow overall ive been incapacitated in every way. but I hope things are mostly turning the corner albeit slowly i really hope so. its all complicated and hard to speak on and im just trying to process and comprehend everything going on still but im still out here and trying to keep up with my life and I appreciate the well wishes a lot. things are crazy and it feels bleak but hopefully things will soften up

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going to the rheumatologist has been a clusterfuck and but he sent me to the urgebt clinic and they'll probably send me to the er bc my limbs and face going offline is worse so today is still young

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"its not the right time" always so oddly soothing to me cuz im obsessed with doing things in the right way at the right time or the worst case scenario will happen so

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Like the right time doesnt exist so live your life enjoy the moment now the unknown and the worst case scenarios holding my hand instead of looming over me accepted possibilities of a life that can still be enjoyed instead of dehabilitating fears

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"its not the right time" always so oddly soothing to me cuz im obsessed with doing things in the right way at the right time or the worst case scenario will happen so

[eifies]

Visit Original Link

Levitation // Beach House

As our bodies lift up slowly There’s a place I want to take you When they knocked on the door looking for you? When the unknown will surround you (Take my hand)

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I fucked some things up that caused this to get bad but my new med dose was doubled Friday morning and when I fist started topiramate I was disoriented to the point of missing my bus stop and almost walking into crowds of people in public which felt bad so makes sense doubling it adjustment

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I wanted to be a hairdresser

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i hate just not being able to do anything but I hate that a lot of the times what I have to do to take care of myself feels awful like taking breaks from things every few minutes so my head doesnt hurt or I get overwhelmed or sit down or stop activities and chores so they take hours longer than they have to so im not in pain or lose limb useage again, i hate my life of inactivity and inaction and it sucks cuz i want to do everything and be spontaneous and it sucks when this happens. And it wouldn't have happened if I made better choices while I was feeling OK but it is what it is and its a reminder to do better next time when I can do more stuff cuz it passes but rn my face dont work

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I bathed which took 3 hours and was not fun #sunglassesinthebathtub and got clean sheets now i gotta lock in bc i have food bank and appointment i cant miss tomorrow. I wish bed rest wasn't really awful I never know what to do bc I cant look at screens or words but forcing yourself to sleep also sucks -_-

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I feel like in a few years ill be mostly ok but ill be having nightmares about being in the er injecting me with haloperidol and theyre going to be like youre moving to aberdeen....youre moving to aberdeen....youre moving to aberdeen .... and ill wake up in a cold sweat choking and paralyzed hot dog style