✨the matthew experience✨

forestry student. mycelium lover. part-time person.

[fencesandfrogs]

the matthew experience

info

matthew | he/him | person with DID

on ao3 as fencesandfrogs

this blog is primarily a mental health journal about my process of healing from trauma. there are also a lot of memes.

la conejita, la chiquita, and el michito are names for three young parts to protect their privacy.

see also

matthew/mateo | he/him | @mallowstep (warriors content)

marisol (mari) | she/her | @stellarsea (yellow aesthetic)

rose & emma | she/her | dm for blogs (pink & green aesthetic)

note that matthew and rose run blogs on a queue, but mari and emma don't, so their activity can be very sporadic.

tags

#disorderposting — posts about life with PTSD and DID.

#therapypost — summaries of my therapy sessions.

#body nonsense — posts about my physical health

#writing — all of my writing. this goes back to the very beginning of my blog, so be nice if you scroll.

#commentary welcome — while all my posts are open for commentary, i add this to some posts people might be unsure about

#spock biology quest — watch me go insane about everyone’s favorite vulcan and his green blood in real time

#dreamlog — record of (some) of my dreams.

#swing&bluesaga — rarely used tag about my swing dance club

#from la chiquita herself — posts from la chiquita

#de la conejita — posts from la conejita

as a general rule, i don't tag triggers. when i do, i tag them as "#blue".

i can take a long time (month+) to respond to replies and asks, but you're always welcome to talk to me. if i didn't want you here, i'd block you.

[gayhockeyshow]

Hey…. Hey… Characters covered in blood, okay? You remember characters covered in blood?? You used to love characters covered in blood

[sapphireh3arts]

i know folks are gonna call me a pedo for this one, but i grew up seeing my mom and grandma naked. they had health issues and at times needed care and help showering. and i truly think more kids need to be shown the nonsexual reality of naked women at a young age. there is nothing sexual about my grandmothers breasts, they were simply body parts. more women die of heart attacks because people are too afraid of breasts to do real chest compressions, because they are scared to touch their breasts. the sexualization of our bodies literally kills us. i need people to be more normal about naked bodies and i'm 100% serious.

[animentality]

[minart-was-taken]

Many such cases

[byjove]

Someone mentioned how they were having a hard time creating a world for their fantasy fiction geographically because they kept reinventing the island of Britain, which also happened to my good close enemy George R. R. Martin. I would like to suggest North Carolina. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous but North Carolina has an awesome geographic setup for a fantasy kingdom, I think. Inhospitable barrier islands, constantly shifting shoals in the sound, swamps with alligators, venomous snakes and carnivorous plants, lots of very flat and somewhat sparsely populated farmland, foothills, mines, mountains full of mysterious phenomenon that were originally very difficult to navigate and people still get lost in today. It kind of rocks.

[the-ice-queen-623]

AND VENUS FLYTRAPS ARE NATIVE TO THE CAROLINAS!

[byjove]

There are actually 36 carnivorous plant species native to North Carolina, roughly half of all carnivorous plant species in the United States are found in North Carolina! I added the carnivorous plant detail because that’s something I love about the state. We have so many fucking bugs that the plants keep evolving to eat them.

I love that giant man eating Venus flytraps are worldbuilding staples in untamed tropical fantasy settings but they’re actually native to a small region in the Carolinas.

[byjove]

And I agree with the notes, the Chesapeake Bay + Great Dismal Swamp (partially in NC anyway) and the South Carolina Lowcountry would be good geographic additions to this.

[such-justice-wow]

Number one rule of worldbuilding is to fall in love with the mundanity of what is around you

[waytoohigh63]

thing that pisses me off most about adhd advice from neurotypicals... the 'doing something for 30 days forms a habit.' bitch nothing in my life is a habit i would be ripping bong and jacking off all day if it was a matter of choice. never underestimate my ability to be super invested in something for like 2 weeks and then forget to do it one day and never go back to it

[rubyvroom]

That's it!! That's it!!

Nothing is a habit! It's all deliberate choices and it's EXHAUSTING

It's like the difference between automatic breathing and conscious breathing. Imagine if automatic breathing didn't work for you and if you didn't decide to breath you would just run out of air. So you have to mentally manage your breathing on top of your normal functioning.

Now make that EVERYTHING. So no I'm not going to brush my teeth without thinking about it or do the exercise program automatically or make my bed or whatever. If I'm not thinking I'm not doing anything! I'm staring at a wall! And at the end of the day I'm almost always at this point where I have no mental spoons left and that means task queue is empty. My brain is tired and I'm powering down! I'm not even "going to bed" with all of the sub-steps that this entails like changing into pajamas and brushing my teeth, I'm just done for the day no more tasks the end.

So that stuff you can do as a habit is just another task on my to-do list requiring mental energy. Even resting is a task with its own requirements! And it leads to the constant feeling that I don't have enough time to do all the things I need to do, even when none of those things take very much time. It's just the task queue is so long! That's too many things! I can't add any more things, I don't have time! And managing the Task Queue is it's own task!

And if I get overloaded I'll dump the whole queue and go into Idle Mode. No thoughts, do nothing. And I'm in Idle Mode pretty frequently in the evenings which makes it look like I'm just lazy, to everyone in the world including me! No organization system can change this.

[edgycarr0t]

Do you think I made Adrian too small

[paksthestoic]

harry kim gets janeway a birthday gift. he’s very proud, wraps it in a bow and everything. she opens it in her ready room.

it’s a black t-shirt with bad graphic art of a wolf howling at the moon and it says “throw me to the wolves and I’ll come back leading the pack”. you know, the kind of thing boomer dads that imagine themselves protectors eat up.

she loves it. has to wipe a tear from her eye. it becomes the new pajama shirt. kathryn janeway working until two in the morning in her quarters in the stupid wolf shirt with a mug that says “quadrant’s best captain” on it.

[banchie]

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

[ryebreadedd]

happy aromantic visibilty day to one of my fav fandom wiki comments

[penny-anna]

how long do you think it would take Grace to realise he's Rocky and Adrian's third now

[penny-anna]

they have access to all human knowledge so im imagining Rocky being like hmm i should research human culture relationship terms so i can talk to Grace about this & then shortly thereafterwards being like 'Rocky Adrian Grace Throuple Statement' and Grace being like 'Rocky Adrian Grace what'

[penny-anna]

Rocky, very patiently: Adrian Grace metamours statement

Grace: what

Rocky: metamours is -

Grace: no no I know what metamours is this is just news to me

Adrian: happy happy happy Grace's metamour

Rocky: Adrian happy to be Grace's metamour statement

Grace: no I totally get that I'm just not clear on why I wasn't part of this discussion

[penny-anna]

Rocky: Rocky Grace queerplatonic relationship statement

Grace: ok now you're just making up words

*shortly*

Grace, looking up the definition: oh.

[torsamors-deactivated20250510]

happy pride

[torsamors-deactivated20250510]

okay so spock (the alien in blue) essentially goes into heat. like literal heat like an animal. Anyway, spock’s in bloodlust in this episode and must go back to vulcan to have sex with his finace (or someone. but its supposed to be his fiance) or he’ll literally die. this is called pon farr and some backstory spock is half human and thought he wouldnt go through pon farr so he abandoned his HOT fiance to fuck around in space except oops pon farr happens so. he and kirk (in yellow getting his tits cut open, he’s also spocks captain and best friend) and their other friend mccoy go to vulcan so he can have sex with his fiance or get married or whatever so he doesn’t die. but then spock’s fiance (t’pring) is like no i dont want to marry spock i want to have him fight someone to death (which she can do) and spock at this point is fully in the ‘blood lust’ and is basically not in his right mind and doesnt get what’s happening. and t’pring picks kirk to be her ‘champion’ in the fight (her logic is that if spock dies in the fight she doesnt have to marry him and if kirk dies, spock will be so upset with her he won’t marry her anymore anyway). anyway kirk doesnt know that its a fight to the death and so he’s like of course i’ll do this fight if it’ll help spock and then he gets told it’s a fight to the death and he goes WHAT and right afterwards spock slices his titties open like in the gif. also eventually spock and kirk roll around in the sand and kirk fakes his death and THIS somehow knocks spock out of his blood lust and he goes back to the ship super sad bc he’s killed his ‘best friend’ only to discover kirk’s alive and we see one of his biggest smiles of the series (a big deal bc spock is vulcan and they dont show emotion). anyway this aired as the season opener in 1967. know your history and all that happy pride

[trekheritageposts]

star trek heritage post (June 1st, 2022)

[thegenderdruid]

walking down the street and saw someone walking the other direction with a pig in a harness and leash and I stupidly asked, "is that a pig?" and he replied, "I sure hope it is, it was a pig when I left the house"

[abner-krill]

Thinking about that one Project Hail Mary meme that's like 'here have this rock, now the rock is in mortal danger' and yes yes so valid but one of my favourite parts about the story is that Rocky risks his life and subjects himself to horrible agonizing mortal pain to save Grace first. And Rocky's act of bravery doesn't come from fear of impending death (because yeah the ship was in a bad spot and they were all going down) but his need to rescue Grace from it. Rocky was given a random blob and he was like 'I would die for this blob' and yeah that is also so so valid. Check out that blob. It cries and does science. Friend blob forever

[dailycatsblog]

[scarechrow]

Could you pretty pretty please draw old woman yuri (yellowfang and bluestar) i love them

gross old lady lovers in starclan