YOUR NEXT DOOR BITCH

SPINNIN TEA AND CREATING DRAMA

[fengjin]

i am back....again

heyy sooo its been a loooooooooooooooong time, so i am 18 now, i did a lot of shits thing is between these timelines -some good , some bad, some really really bad . Either way things seems fine so far , its been good , peaceful-ish . High school's over , i am in college now-i just finished my first sem. so yea.....

[fengjin]

.

LIFE IS A BIT*H , LEARN TO FUCK IT

[fengjin]

I am backkkk

soooo fast forward >>>>>> 1 year later and i am kinda slotable?

i did good in my boards and stuff not bad for ...me . I finished my 11th grade with good scores and andddd i love what i study now !!! no science a lil bit math but still , its not as horrendous . I got amazing friends and i love my life , cant complain .....until the whole boards fiasca abt to appear in no less than 3 months ;)

[fengjin]

20230306 - sweet16

the best birthday ever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SWEET SIXTEEN = 1ST KISS . thank you everyone for this wonderful day

[fengjin]

New record broken

last week i started dating this guy who unexpectedly confessed his feelings. We could even go on a date cuz we have exams going on and we both have rather strict parents. It was fine in the beginning , we texted like a couple and said "i love you" that's all. Today he said he some had bad news....... HE MADE ME WAIT FOR HOURS !!!!! Then he finally said , he is going back to his home country probably for the rest of his life . HE WAS VERY BROKEN ( i think?) . After many " i am sorry" s and " i love you so much" ( ps: he said those). We came to a conclusion . We broke up . It was useless to just date for like a month or something . It was the best choice ( i think ?) . We have gone back to being best friends . I mean we have always been best friends , its just that we had a specific title for each other as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" and that we said "i love you " before ending our conversation . Now i am officially single again. I even broke my record- breaking up in 9 freaking days !!! . I GUESS IT'S FOR THE BEST . RIGHT ?

[fengjin]

Have ever felt the urge to just kill someone or just jump down a building ???

[fengjin]

something's are weird

so , my pre board 1 finished . i screwed up the whole thing . Ironically , this year i failed in science and passed in maths . cuz like last exam i failed in maths and passed science . My mom came back from my hometown , the the very next day which is today she came back later then me from school , she asked abt my marks and called me a failure.

after that was annual day , things were going great until i reached home , she started telling me i will fail and will have to rot in the class again with my juniors . i am trying to learn in my own way but with her its just impossible . now i see myself crying every single day , thing of new ways to end my life . idk anymore

-Feng J

[fengjin]

what a day !

today was just terrific ! It was my science exam today and i don't think i did all that great in it . Then after exam we didn't even get a recess for god sake and was also scolded to the core because of our lack of energy and flexibility in our dance that we r doing for the school annual function . Fast forward , we reach home , i make a request to my dad that i want tea from outside at a tea stall , by 4.15pm my dad comes and asks me to get in the car , we reached and we ordered . our tea and snacks come and while i was taking our food from the Mr waiter dude , i spilled my hot hot tea to my pants . long story short ; my dad told me so much about the etiquettes of taking tea inside a car through the window , and i had to come home and change and stuff. AND now , I am here trying to squeeze like 23 or 26 chapters of social science { history,civics,economics,geography } to my brain .

well....... wish me luck , cuz i am gonna need all of em

~ FENG J

[fengjin]

Once I sat engaged and aspiring

By the grave I saw the bob

My passion is the lonely faith

Much I marveled the thankful trust

'Hope!' chuckled I, 'Yes hope!'

Deep into that darkness dreaming

In a kingdom full of trusts

'Hope!' said I, 'thing of call.'

-Feng J

[fengjin]

IF ONLY

If only it wasn’t about the number,

If only this wasn’t about the label,

If only it was about the dream of other,

If only we could get rid of this hustle

If it wasn't for this label , would this entity be rather stable ?

                                                                                                -Feng J

[fengjin]

I AM A FAILURE

so nothing is going right with me . My life is a mess . my parents are giving me the cold shoulder because i fucked up bad! i have failed my maths exam . my parents are talking to me like i wasted their money by sending me for tuition and stuff . They think that i am worthless now . That i am failure . i mean so do i cuz this is the first time that i am failing in anything . I AM A FAILURE . If only i was a better daughter , if only i was trying harder than i did , if only i was a mere existence , if only i never existed at all . Then I .. no , they wouldn't have bear this humiliation .

-Feng J

[fengjin]

weird questions ....

Have you ever did something that felt so right at the same time soo wrong that you can't take it back ?

[fengjin]

I am soo dead

So guys , i have officially finished my exams on thursday . Hurray !!!!! right ? but no. see here is the thing , i really messed up in the exam especially science and maths 😭 . And today , 25th october 2022 is my PTM as in PARENT F ING TEACHER MEETING ! My parents are gonna get my report card and i am sooooo dead for sure . please send your condolence and prayers 😭🥲.

[fengjin]

"It stops here. With me and you. It ends with us." ~ Lily Bloom

[fengjin]

[fengjin]

"...No one is perfect not even me, everybody is different as you can see ...." ~ Feng J

[fengjin]

OMG! I am so nervous now cuz tomorrow is my exam !!! and idk anything . what I know , I already forgot . AHHH i am going crazy . Got 11 chapters to learn .