There's been too many cases of abusive men using BDSM as a way to gaslight their victims and excuse their abuse and I think one of the reasons why they get away with this so often is because, from what I have seen, they target women who are either new to the community or have no knowledge, or an erroneous idea, of what BDSM is and what healthy dom/sub dynamics are like so when they're confronted with their abuse they throw the BDSM card and take advantage of that lack of knowledge to get away with what they do. Which is why I know there's at least one person out there who needs to hear the following:
BDSM always involves consent.
You should be encouraged to share what you are into, what you aren't into, and what you're willing to try and if any of those things change. You can have boundaries and limitations. These can change.
A big part of BDSM is communication. If the person you're with makes you feel bad about this, or like you can't say that you don't like or don't want to try something they are not a dom, they are abusive.
Safewords and signals are things that should be discussed and their use encouraged. If the person you are with makes you feel bad about using your safeword or pausing the scene, they are not a dom, they are abusive.
You could have spent hours/days/months eagerly planning a scene that involves doing the kinkiest, freakiest things if at any point you change your mind you can revoke your consent. If the person, or people, you are having sex with doesn't stop that is not BDSM. That is abuse, that is rape, that is assault.
BECAUSE BDSM ALWAYS INVOLVES CONSENT.
And if a man who claims to be into BDSM and that they're a "dom" tries to tell you any different run in the opposite direction. They are not dominant, they are abusive.
amandla
izzy806
gracieabrams
gamechangershow
2087
