Feo, Laurel, and Spider

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[griefxaddict]

My hands are full of ash. I burn down everything I touch.

(via kcllerqueen)

[lifeinpoetry]

I am aflame. Around me, everything dies.

Camille Rankine, from “Self-Portrait as Allegory,” published in jubilat (via antagxnized)

[saevi]

[rabbitinthemoon-blog]

A burnt child loves the fire.

Oscar Wilde (via sharingneedles)

[feolaurelspider]

@smoked-grey

The day had been long, he was covered in grease and oil. Another long day at the garage. But it was also pay day which meant groceries. He had Dandy text him a list while he was working of things they needed things they wanted. It was a particularly good paycheck so they could afford a few treats. Which included in this particular trip a couple of dragonfruit. The pink fruit was weird looking but fresh looking. 

He hoped he did well. He also picked up rice krispie treats for Laurel and fudge striped cookies for Cat. Malcolm didn’t need treats. 

So with four very loaded bags he went from the bus towards the door to the apartment building. He almost made it too when one of the bags ripped wide open, spilling the pink fruits, and other groceries all over the ground. 

“Well. Fuck.”

[feolaurelspider]

@skipjumpvoid

Feo rarely left the apartment. He left to go to work, at a local mechanics office, or to go grocery shopping for the family. He didn’t like leaving the apartment. He didn’t like leaving his family. What if something happened them and he wasn’t around to help? 

What would he do without them?

However, sometimes he was forced out by one of his roommates that were less concerned about catastrophe. Namely Laurel and Dandelion. He was about half sure they just wanted some alone time. Just the two of them. And honestly, he was more than happy to give them the space they wanted. Well no he wasn’t. He was frustrated and he could feel his temper bubbling under his skin, like lava. 

His thumb flicked at the edge of his fingertips, in a repetitive motion. It was fine things were going to be fine. He had to believe that or else he’d go marching back into that apartment and probably stumble upon something he didn’t want to see. 

 He found himself pacing the common room, paying no mind to the other people lounging about. Whether they were playing pool, or watching tv, or just grabbing a coffee. He paced around the room, walking across the door to the outside. When the door opened, smacking him flat in the face.

“Hey watch it!” He grabbed his nose feeling something wet. Great, a nosebleed. Fantastic.

[feolaurelspider]

dandelioncats‌:

Dandy crossed her arms and leaned against the counter top. “I don’t believe you.” She stated, watching him try to scrub himself clean of oil and grease. It clearly wasn’t working.

She rolled her eyes and stepped up, turning off the water and taking his hands gently in hers. “Hey. Go take a shower and get clean. Don’t scrub yourself raw. Dinner can wait a little while.”

He was focused hard on scrubbing his hands when the water was cut off. His hands taken. He felt frozen to the spot. He felt seen through. He hated feeling so transparent. Like he was a window and she was just gazing through. It didn’t even seem hard for her.

For a moment he doesn’t move, he doesn’t respond. 

Then he pulls his hands back, “No it’s really fine. Grease is just being stubborn, dish soap is probably best to get it off anyway. Do we have one of those vegetable brushes around here?” He ducks down and looks under the sink. Anything to get away from her all seeing eyes. Anything but actually get away from her. “I’ll shower after dinner, don’t worry. I just want to get started soon.”

[feolaurelspider]

dandelioncats‌:

She leveled him with a look that said she wasn’t buying it. Of course she wasn’t gonna buy that. She’s known him longer than anyone else in this apartment. He wasn’t fooling her.

“Salad works for me. I’ve been getting enough sun today so I don’t need to eat much.” She stood and stepped closer to him. Not touching him, but getting a little more in his space.

“Are you okay? How was your day?”

“Maybe I’ll grill some chicken to go with it. For Laurel mostly.” And himself, but that wasn’t so important. Feo avoided her gaze, even when she stepped closer. He hated how she could read him like an open book. He’d rather be a sealed safe. A working machine for the family rather than an actual functioning part of it. 

He turned toward the fridge to pull out chicken and the rest of the ingredients needed for dinner. If he kept moving he wouldn’t have to deal with the ever crushing anxiety that was present. 

“It was fine. I’m fine. Just like any other day.” 

He moved to the sink and began to scrub his hands. He’d gotten good at scrubbing most of the grime from his skin, today however it was just as stubborn as he was. 

[15th-october-deactivated2022082]

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

There’s a dark place in me,

Margaret Atwood, from “The Year of the Flood,” published c. 2009 (via malglories)

[rpmusings-galore]

                                                   i am more   a n g e r   than self…

[feolaurelspider]

dandelioncats‌:

Dandy picked dirt off of her hands before giving up and just brushing them as clean as possible on her pants. They were going in the wash anyway so as long as she wasn’t tracking a ton of dirt inside she wasn’t worried. “It is what it is. There’s not too much left, anyway.”

She sighed and shook her head. “Just a rough day. I think one of his classes is stressing him out. Peer review or something, you know.” She nudged him with a foot. “Hey, don’t you start feelin’ bad, chico. It would’ve happened with you here or without you.”

“I don’t” The lie comes out of his mouth before he can think about it. It was easy enough to brush off the concerns about himself. Feo knew Dandy would see right through it. So he sighed and shook his head. Trying to change the subject before she could call him on it.

“What do you want to for dinner then? I’m thinking something light since Cat had a hard time today. Maybe a salad or something” He rambles for a little bit picking up a small clump of dirt that had fallen to the wayside. He’ll have to check on Cat before dinner, but for now he’ll just let him rest.

[feolaurelspider]

dandelioncats‌:

She couldn’t help but laugh at the mirroring dirt on their hands. His with grease and hers with dirt. “Not really.” She shrugged, sitting back on her heels and brushing the dirt off of her palms.

“Cat had a rough day today. He kept flickering in and out for the better part of the afternoon. So not a lot of work.” She bit her lip and sighed. “I can’t help him out of panic attacks as well as you can.”

"That’s to bad....” What was almost a smile, to anyone who knew him well, fell from his lips. And his hand ran from his hair to the back of his neck. He waits a moment before sitting on the balcony floor across from Dandy. 

“Any idea what might have caused it? Or just a rough day?” He tried to keep the guilt out of his voice. He hated leaving the house and leaving them like this. It left them vulnerable. He cast his eyes down looking at the floorboards. 

[feolaurelspider]

dandelioncats‌:

Dandy let out a small sigh and brushed her hands off carefully. She’d gotten Cat to calm down and go to bed after a rough afternoon, something she didn’t mind doing but definitely wasn’t the best at. That would be Feo.

She was out on the balcony, her hands deep in a flower pot full of dirt, when Feo came home. She looked down at her hands then at the slightly cracked door. Carefully, she nudged it open a bit more with her foot. “Out here!” She called back, trying not to get too loud.

Feo couldn’t help the sigh of relief from passing his lips. He could never feel safe enough to take their life for granted. But he held that worry close to his chest, he held it all for them. He meandered his way through the house starting to enjoy the silence.

“How was you day?” The question comes out before he’s even fully out of the doorway. He runs a grey tinted hand through his hair, the remnants of the last car he worked on. “Get a lot of work done on the garden then?” An eyebrow raised to pots of dirt.

[feolaurelspider]

@dandelioncats

Feo opens the door to their little apartment with a soft jingle of his keys. Work was hard but quite necessary. He was stressed as usual, shoulders tense, frown etched onto his mouth as if it had frozen that way. He didn’t mean to look unhappy, he wasn’t necessarily unhappy, this was just his resting face now. Had it always been this way? 

He takes a deep breath and opens the door, ready for anything. Who knew what happened in the house while he was gone for the day, he hoped nothing reckless. Recklessness drew unwanted attention. Feo had worked too hard to find an apartment under the radar, with the help of Malcolm. He slips through the door, waiting a moment to announce his arrival. Silence greeted him. 

Sometimes silence is more worrisome than noise. “Dandelion? Kat? Malcolm? Laurel? Anyone home?” He calls waiting for a response.

[flosphenerps]

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