It’s hard to find a connection. It happens so rarely I catch myself forgetting it’s even a possibility.
Connection is such a funny thing, isn’t it? It usually appears out of a sudden, like a rain at night. Quiet, still gives way to drizzle, and then it rains, pours.
I’ve been seeking connection since forever. Lots of errors, mistakes, on the other part, on mine, loads of bad timing, inability to express what remained veiled deep within. And afterall, after all rejections, fall outs, growing apart, heartbreaks and fuck-ups, afterall - it’s still what I want the most.
To be viewed, like an exponate at the museum. Studied, analyzed, observed under microscope, prodded and searched, listened to, heard, comprehended fully.
And goodness, have I been unlucky. I’m not exactly an optimist, world doesn’t seem inviting to me. It’s sheer, vast, unwelcoming, terrifying and haunting in it’s size, seemingly expanding with velocity equal to my learning. The more you know, the more magnificently scary things seem.
I believe I’m not suit for connection. Even if I’m dying without it. It’s as if there’s something deep inside I can’t seem to reach, unplug, take out and wine and dine.
I want to serve you myself like I’m the most luxurious meal your mouth has ever known. I want you to take your silveware and dissect me, take out the bones to enjoy the fragile white fish filet.
This meal is growing cold.
Why won’t I connect? Why do I always find you, you rare and exceptional one, why don’t you want this meal? How do I tempt you? The arrangement is imperfect at best, I know, but we’ve both eaten worse, haven’t we? There aren’t many spices you can add, this meal is perfected and done, cooked already. Why don’t you even want a taste? Or is it possible that the very sight is enough?
At least taste me. Let me surprise you. Have me packed for take out. Are you listening or are the small champaigne bubbles stealing your attention?
I wish I was in your stomach, digested by your inside, not rotting away in wilderness.
Cut me up, chew me, digest me, allow me to enter your bloodstream, travel to your heart, let me beat with you, see what you see, breathe your air, resonate in your ears, circulate around your brain.
yousharknotpass
2087
blakekathryn
