Rebel/Troublemaker

My peace has always depended on all the ashes in my wake

[captainemile]

fernandbaptiste:

Fernand had always known that would be his answer. But maybe… maybe for tonight, they could both forget everything that had happened. Life had been so much easier before. 

“They treat you well there?” Fernand knew they must, he would have come back otherwise. “…I’m sorry papa didn’t treat you better. I thought he’d treat you at least as well as I did.” He started laughing, wiping at his face with his sleeve. “Do you- do you remember the time when we fell in the fountain? And we ran off dripping because the women were so angry we splashed their laundry?” 

He had so many memories with Émile, so many happy feelings. Even those he couldn’t remember clearly, his thoughts of Émile were always warm and full of laughter. That’s what had made this all hurt so much, because now the sight of Émile was tied so closely to that final image of his father. But there was a whole lifetime of Émile to remember. Did he remember the same happy life Fernand did? Or were the same memories painful for him?

“We’re still brothers, right? We’ll always be brothers.” Fernand wanted to hear that most of all. “I had a hard time sleeping when you left. I kept waking up in the middle of the night. Simone doesn’t like it when I move around and end up squishing her.” 

“The work is hard, but I like it.” He wouldn’t mention how hard it had been to earn respect, trust. How it had been easier of late to feel that he belonged. “It’s the way life works, I guess.”

He smiled as Fernand recounted the memory, giving him a friendly nudge. “I remember you pushing me into the fountain, and me pulling you in after,” he corrected, something bittersweet in his eyes. His life with Fernand had been happy, warm, but everything was tainted with François final betrayal, like the light of all his memories had changed so everything looked darker. “They weren’t as angry with us as they were when you decided to spill dye into the water.”

He looked at Fernand as he asked his question, wanting to say yes without any doubt, but he couldn’t help but bite his tongue before giving the answer. He could see their paths in life become very opposite if things carried on the way they did. “I think so,” he said, slinging his arm around Fernand’s shoulders and pulling him in. “Besides, you couldn’t stop yourself from annoying me even if you wanted to.”

“I didn’t like it either,” he said, remembering kicking Fernand away from him during the night to the point it became instinct. “That’s one thing I don’t miss; at the barracks at least each man has his own bed.” It was lonely at first, but he had spent sleepless nights where he longed for something warm to sleep with by sneaking into the stables at night.

“I remember a building in the Court, near the bank of the river. We used to climb it and see all of Paris and pretend we were kings. That we could own all of Paris.” How big Paris had seemed then. Now he had travelled around France it seemed so small. The city sprawled before them from the Martyr’s Hill, far and in the distance.

“How was it, when I left?”

[fernandbaptiste]

“There you go, always focusing on the messy details...” He laughed tiredly, leaning into Émile when he wrapped an arm around him. It felt like when things were good and normal again, a faint familiar scent lingering around him. Fernand remembered how Simone had pushed him away, sticking her frozen toes against the small of his back to make him stay on his side. She’d pushed him away until the night Papa had been arrested.

The house was so quiet and empty, it felt unnatural. He’d gotten into bed, curling up on his side when he felt a hand gently touch his arm for the first time in years. Those three months had been hell, filled with sleepless nights and half-made plans. All the while, she had been there for him completely.

“I remember that. We had all we needed then.” It didn’t matter they were poorer than poor, how there were nights they went hungry. They had each other, and that had been enough. “It was... fine. I kept looking around for you, but eventually papa told me to stop. He said if you wanted to come home, you would.” He spoke a little quieter, the memories almost seeming as if they weren’t really his. They were from another life, they were someone else’s. “I thought you had died for a while, but then Simone saw you when you rode out of the city with some men.”

Papa had acted like Émile never left, or like he was never there. And that had made the loss hurt even worse. Simone had always had a temper and easily fell into bickering with Émile, even before the execution. Now Fernand was sure the sight of Émile would drive her to kill, and she didn’t have any sentiment like Fernand that would stay her hand.

“...Was he really so awful to you?” Fernand still couldn’t grasp the idea of Papa being cruel. Sure, he could be firm, but he did it out of love. Why else would he have kept Fernand when his mother hadn’t wanted him, why would he have brought in other children? Papa was a good man, he had to be. “...I’m glad you’re somewhere you’re happy.” Even if that place meant he wasn’t with Fernand, by nature of his station shouldn’t even acknowledge Fernand unless he was also leading him up to the gallows.

[fernandbaptiste]

chasseuseartisane:

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Fernand smiled, laughing with her. “I’m really glad it looked like rain too.” He had felt a surge of emotion, a heat spreading through his chest. “We could just stay here if we want.” He snuggled up against her, rubbing a hand over her back. “I’m glad we waited.” He felt tired, but he already wanted her again. He couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. 

“It... Did it hurt at all?” He had tried to be gentle with her. He kept rubbing her back, fingers trailing gently over her skin. He closed his eyes, just for a second. They could stay here for a while, there wasn’t anything demanding their attention outside of this room. “Marie?” He opened his eyes, smiling when he saw her. He spoke softly, “Are you sleeping?” She didn’t even move, just kept breathing gently. Fernand bit his lip, nervous to say what he felt. He could try right now, without the danger of her not returning his feelings. “...I think I love you.”    

[fernandbaptiste]

simone--baptiste:

She smirked at him and shook her head. “As if we could ever be complacent.” Maybe she was imagining that something was wrong. Fernand seemed normal and she didn’t want to cheat and search through his head like she normally would. She trusted Fernand and that meant no mind reading.

“Who he? Henri? He’s alright.” She shrugged. He was still a boy and she had other things to worry about other than boys. She snorted at his suggestion and shook her head. “Take me out? You realize that bars for me usually consist of drunk people thinking too loud and at least half of the room thinking about sex right?” She took a sip of her tea. “Thanks for the offer, but I think I’m fine on my own.”

“I’m not that hungry myself. I think I’ll just have a croque monsieur.” She smiled at his suggestion for desert and was about to respond when she noticed the sudden expression change on his face. She turned to where he was looking and noticed a man who’s thoughts were about as inappropriate as she figured they would me. When their eyes met, she flipped him off and said, “Go home to your wife, branleur.” She turned back to her brother and took a moment to remember what he had asked her. “Fine I think. Most of the crowd still buys what we’re doing.”

He chuckled a little, “Maybe I’ll have to go find a bar where they’re all sleepy drunks first.” But that wasn’t right. It wouldn’t be really appropriate for him to sneak her out of the house, a young girl like her hanging around Parisian bars after dark. Fernand blinked, shaking his head. He didn’t care about going out with Simone, why did he think that? He thought it was stupid how he could go out and enjoy himself but Simone was expected to stay at home. 

Then he was confused when he got irritated in her treatment to the man who had been ogling her. She shouldn’t anger him, why couldn’t she just ignore it and stop causing a fuss? He spoke low, “Do you have to be so... forward about that? I can just deal with it.” 

Henri came back and they made their order, and Fernand went back to the show. “Shows how stupid some people are. We’re the only real show out there, but some people wouldn’t be convinced no matter what we do.” Fernand didn’t mind too much. Perhaps when he was older he might become a private practitioner like some others had done. “You ever think about what we’ll do afterwards? It’s all good for now, but I can’t imagine we’ll do this forever. Honestly, we have enough to retire now.” 

[fernandbaptiste]

chasseuseartisane:

The Queen was safe. But even that didn’t seem as important as Fernand being right here with her. “I want to. I miss you every minute we’re not together.” She tugged on his hand, wanting him to lie down next to her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew it wasn’t a good idea, but she wasn’t paying any attention to that. 

“Are you surprised? I beat you, didn’t I?” Marie felt more like herself as she teased him. He was the only man she knew who wouldn’t be offended by that. “It was either I get hurt, or the Queen. There was no choice there, not for me.” She would have sacrificed herself for her friend should it have come to that. Realising he might not like that fact, she squeezed his hand again. “I am glad to see you. I thought it was just another of my dreams.” 

He slowly moved next to her, not wanting to accidentally hurt her more. “You are one of the strongest people I know.” He rested his hand gently across her, watching to make sure she didn’t wince. “I’ve dreamt of you too. You’re too wonderful to only think about while I’m awake.”

It had been a relief when she teased him. Things had to be alright if she did that. “Though maybe I shouldn’t encourage you so much... I can’t have you running off before you’re better.” He chuckled, thinking of how the tables had turned. “At least your temporary prison is a lot more comfortable than a cellar. I suppose palace life might have a few perks.”

[fernandbaptiste]

chasseuseartisane:

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Fernand felt as if every muscle in his body was tensing, straining against some invisible bonds. He knew that, more than anything, he had to break through that barrier, and each thrust was pushing him ever closer. He muttered her name, unable to think of anything but her. His mind was full of the way she felt, the way she moved, every detail of her. 

A shiver ran down his back as her fingers tangled in his hair, and everywhere her lips touched burned as hot as the summer sun. It was a heat that never faded, lingering long after the sun had set. His breath hitched, muscles tightening to the point he trembled. Then, the sweet release. It was as if his body couldn’t contain everything he felt for a second longer; All the contents spilled out of him. 

He paused for a moment, feeling the air rush into his lungs, and then he moved to start kissing her. Her lips, neck, shoulder, breasts, stomach... every part of her deserved to be adored. His fingers trailed over her skin, unable to touch her enough. The idea that he might have to stop touching her even for a moment was heart breaking. He hadn’t even realized he had begun speaking, murmuring between the kisses he gave her. “You’re perfect, wonderful...”

[fernandbaptiste]

chasseuseartisane:

Marie slept through the physican’s inspection of her wound. She slept through the Queen’s vist, and the sheriff’s, although she would have happily feigned sleeping if she’d known about that. She slept through maids coming in to clean her room, and briefly stirred when her bandages were swapped, only to be told to go back to sleep. She protested weakly, but was asleep before they could say another word to her. She didn’t dream at first, but after that momentary awakening, she dreamt of Fernand, of fighting to be with him. When she finally woke, it was in confusion. 

“Is she safe?” The words were murmured as she tried to sit up, wincing. Everything felt foggy and she didn’t like how weak she felt. She was meant to be by the Queen’s side, protecting her. 

The memory came back to her. She had won, and the whole court had seen her do so. “They all know now. I’ve been hiding so long, now they know.” Giving up on sitting up since it took so much effort, she laid back on the bed, finally noticing who it was that was holding her hand. Thinking it had to be a dream, she smiled. “You’re here. I’ve been thinking about you.” She squeezed his hand. “Have you come to steal away what already belongs to you?” 

Her mind cleared a little more and she frowned. It wasn’t a dream. “You shouldn’t be here. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Fernand felt a rush of relief as she moved, “Yes, the queen is safe. You don’t need to worry.” He wondered if she was even well enough to really hear him, maybe they had given her some medicine to help her sleep. “You’ll be fine, you don’t have to hide. Who likes hiding anyway? No one will dare hurt the queen with you by her now.” He just wanted her to look at him, see him. He had to know she would be okay.

“I’m here.” He stroked a hand across her cheek, melting from her smile. “I think you should rest a little more, but we’ll run away together right now if you want.” He pressed his lips her hand when she squeezed his, “I won’t get hurt, I promised you that. I just had to see you.” He was so glad she was alive. He didn’t know what he would have done if it had been otherwise. “I came as soon as I heard. It sounds like you gave the fellow quite the lashing.” 

[chasseuseartisane-blog]

The court was receiving foreign guests, and everything was tense. The two countries had long been enemies, and the King had not made matters better, openly insulting them time and time again. Marie had wondered why they would ask for this meeting, suspicious of it all. It made no sense, and it was her job to consider the dangerous aspects. 

She stood directly next to the Queen as the celebrations started, people from the other country coming up one by one to greet the Queen. The King had publicly snubbed them, leaving it to the Queen to try smooth things over. If anyone could, Marie knew it would be her. 

The attack came suddenly, one of the guards from the other country drawing his sword and swinging it at the Queen. Marie moved just as quickly, shoving the Queen out of the way. The sword slashed her instead, but Marie fought through the pain, drawing one of her hidden daggers. 

The wound was deep, but it didn’t stop her from leaving a deeper one in the man even as the palace guards moved into place to stop any others from acting. For the first time, everyone could see her in action, holding her own against the would be assassin despite her injury and the fact her weapon was smaller. 

Winning the fight, Marie turned to make sure the Queen was safe, only to sink to her knees. The blood loss was worse than she’d realised, but her last thoughts before her eyes closed was that everyone would know the truth about her now. 

Under the Queen’s instructions, the unconscious Marie was taken to her room and seen by a physican, who ordered her to bed rest, a fact she would not be pleased with when she woke. 

@fernandbaptiste

[fernandbaptiste]

Fernand had made sure everyone knew not to surprise any of the foreign carriages. The money they were after was what had belonged to the people already, not those that belonged to those of foreign nations. But even with how well things had been going, he had begun to feel listless, wondering how long until he might see Marie again. People seemed to be avoiding him today, and he wondered how he was acting. He tried to keep up a cheerful appearance, but still some people barely spoke to him.

“You’re acting more cheerful than I would have expected.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What with... Marie.”

“Have I been that mopey? Of course I miss her, but really I-“

“No, no... with... has no one told you?”

His stomach dropped. “Has no one told me what?” His mind was racing between every awful possibility. “Has something happened to her?”

“A foreign guard attacked the queen, and apparently Marie jumped in front of her. According to some, she defeated him only with a small knife, while others say she stole his sword and beheaded him right there in front of everybody. But I think we all know what is more likely.” He laughed a little, not wanting to say the next words. “But everybody says she was injured. The guard slashed her pretty badly.”

Fernand didn’t think, just turned and started walking.

“Fernand! Stop, where are you going?” He could hear the man cursing as he followed behind him. “Stop, I shouldn’t have told you, just come back! She’s got a doctor there, they’ll fix her up!”

But Fernand kept making his way towards the palace. He was going to see her, and no one would stop him. He arranged for passage into the palace, and everyone was on high alert after the attack. But no one was guarding Marie’s room, so he slipped in to see her later that night when he knew no one would come by to check on her.

He rushed to her bedside, grabbing hold of her hand. “Marie?” He could see how she was laying stiffly in the bed, and she looked a little pale still. “Marie, forgive me, but I had to see you.”

[chasseuseartisane-blog]

fernandbaptiste

“I love you too.” He knew she was right. No matter how much he wanted to run to the church right now and have it done, she had duties and responsibilities she couldn’t just run from. “I can’t wait for that day to come. I’ll do everything I can to ensure it happens.” Fernand felt the pull of his own responsibilities just as strongly as she felt hers. He had to see this quest through to the end, but he now had to make sure he could provide her with a good, honest, future. “Maybe things will be different when we see each other next.” 

Marie leaned up to kiss him, longer than she normally did. She didn’t know when she would see him next, and with their admissions of their feelings, it seemed like the perfect time to linger over the kiss. Starting to blush, she finally pulled back. “I will count the minutes until we can be together.” She brought a hand to his cheek, giving him one last kiss before stepping back. 

“Perhaps we should part here. The longer we spend together, the harder it is for me to know I have to leave.” She wanted to stay with him too much, and the intensity of her feels almost scared her. It would be too easy to cast aside everything for him. Her heart was already begging her to stay, and the longer she spent with him, the less she wanted to listen to her mind and give in to her heart. “I know my way back from here, if that is what you’re worried about.” 

[fernandbaptiste]

Fernand nodded, head dizzy from the kiss. “You’re right. If we don’t leave each other now, we’ll be bidding farewell to each other until dawn.” He released her hand, watching until she disappeared into the trees.

When he got back to camp, he threw the skirt she had borrowed over the line again. He kept the shirt, putting it inside his tent with the rest of his clothes. There was still some dancing going on, but one of the men gave him a whistle as he walked back over to the fire.

“Back so soon? I would have expected you to take a little longer than that.”

Fernand shook his head, smiling to himself as he sat down, leaning against a stump at the edge of the clearing. “Nothing like that. She’s a lady, after all.”

“Your lady, from the looks of it.”

“My lady.” He spoke quietly, thinking about everything that had occurred between them. “If she is mine, then I am hers.”

Some of the men rolled their eyes, teasing him. Fernand didn’t mind, they always teased the love struck ones. Will had been married a few months ago and had been the subject of insufferable teasing in the months leading up to the wedding. Fernand was fine with taking his turn.

[fernandbaptiste]

chasseuseartisane:

“I think if he had won the tournament, he was going to ask then.” She couldn’t look at Fernand, wishing he could rescue her from what felt more and more inevitable every day. He kept speaking, and she stopped in shock, finally looking at him. A part of her wanted to say yes, to throw herself into his arms and kiss him. His friend, the friar, would surely marry them tonight should they just ask him to. But then, she would lose everything she worked for. 

“I love you, Fernand.” It felt so much like the truth. “Or at least, I think I do. But we can’t elope. I have to be there for the Queen.” Even though they should be walking, she moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull her closer to him. “One day, I want to marry you. Just not like this. As long as you’re still free, then I will find a way to stay free of the sheriff’s grasp as well.” 

“I love you too.” He knew she was right. No matter how much he wanted to run to the church right now and have it done, she had duties and responsibilities she couldn’t just run from. “I can’t wait for that day to come. I’ll do everything I can to ensure it happens.” Fernand felt the pull of his own responsibilities just as strongly as she felt hers. He had to see this quest through to the end, but he now had to make sure he could provide her with a good, honest, future. “Maybe things will be different when we see each other next.”

[fernandbaptiste]

chasseuseartisane:

The idea of just one last dance, even if was getting late, was too irresistible to turn down. Fernand could have asked her for anything, and she wouldn’t be able to say no to him. Once it was over, and they were walking, she held his hand, wishing this didn’t feel so much like goodbye. 

“The moment it is safe, I will be running to you.” The thought of the sheriff giving her trouble had her heart sinking. “I am holding onto hope that he will wait until you are caught before trying to…” She was reluctant to finish her sentence, but she did all the same. “Ask for my hand in marriage.” He’d made it clear enough that he had that in mind, and she knew that if he asked, it would be impossible for her to say no. 

Fernand knew the sheriff wanted her, but the idea of him asking her to marry him was infuriating. “He’s going to ask for your hand?” He wouldn’t allow it. Fernand would snatch her from the altar if needed. “I won’t let him. I’ll rescue you before he has the chance.” Fernand would be the only man marrying her, of that he was certain. This new development just meant he had to work fast. 

“Perhaps I’ll kidnap you from the palace and we can elope. He can’t marry you if I marry you first.” He clapped his jaws shut, not having meant to have stated his intentions so suddenly. Of course, she must know he would have thought about marriage, but he had wanted to ask when he had more to offer her. “...My apologies, that was very sudden. But I do have very strong feelings for you, Marie. I know we haven’t known each other long, but you make me feel like no one ever has.” He was rambling now, he knew it. “I suppose if you feel the same-”

[chasseuseartisane-blog]

Her heart melted as he spoke, each word sounding incredibly romantic and perfect. She wasn’t certain when she had started to look at him in this light, but now she couldn’t deny it, even to herself. He was more than a friend, more than the man she had been told to marry. She had become glad that she had been chosen for him. “I’m just as much yours as you are mine.” She kissed him, no longer thinking of escape. She wanted to stay right here with him. She wanted him.

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[fernandbaptiste]

Fernand held back, enjoying touching her like this. They would only have one first time together. and he wanted it to be memorable. “If I was only concerned with myself, I wouldn’t have been so intent on having you here.” He slipped a finger into her, moving slowly so she could get used to the feeling. Fernand could feel himself getting harder, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold off for too long. The only thing keeping him from wrapping her legs around him right now was the thought that every second he waited for her, the more likely she would enjoy it. 

He could feel her relax around him and he knew he could wait for a second longer. He climbed between her legs, pressing up against her. When he started to thrust inside her he was convinced nothing could be better than this. “Oh god...” He pulled back before thrusting in deeper, “-you just feel so amazing.” His fingers gripped the sheets, his body not listening to him anymore. Once he felt her body accept him fully, he started thrusting into her steadily, grinding his hips up against her. 

He grabbed her hand, squeezing her fingers in his as his other hand caressed the side of her face. “Let me know if it’s too much.” It took all his power to connect words together, the feeling of her overwhelming him. His heart was pounding in his ears, the sound of her breathing seeming like song. 

[fernandbaptiste]

chasseuseartisane:

Marie laughed as she danced with Fernand. When it finished and he offered her a drink, she shook her head. “I shouldn’t, but thank you.” It would be too hard to explain why she had been drinking. Although… “Perhap I will. Just a little.” It would explain why she couldn’t lead the sheriff back if she said she had drunk some to lull them into a false sense of security, encouraging them to get so drunk they passed out and she could escape without endangering the Queen’s protection in the future. 

She took the wineskin with a warning look. “You better be joking. The sheriff would be suspicious of anyone that danced with me now, after your antics today.” As much as Marie wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, she didn’t want either of them to get hurt as a result of their relationship. “I promise that from now on, whenever I dance, I will be wishing I was here dancing.” 

“I’ll be wishing the same.” He looked up and could see the moon creeping above the trees. It was unfair how quickly time passed. “I suppose you will have to go soon. One more dance, and I can walk with you a ways?” He knew he couldn’t go with her all the way to the edge of the forest, just in case the sheriff was out looking for her. 

He spun her around in a circle, somehow feeling entirely alone with her even though they were surrounded by a small crowd. “As much as it hurts me to say, I promise to stay away until it’s safer. But the moment it’s safe, I’ll be there.” Thinking of the sheriff wandering around the woods looking for her got him thinking as they walked. “If he gives you any trouble, just get word to me. You’ve helped me so much already, so say the word and I’ll do whatever you ask.”

[fernandbaptiste]

chasseuseartisane:

She hated every moment of this. She’d grown so used to looking up at him, to seeing him smile, that this made it hard to see the Fernand she knew beneath the way he looked now. It was hard to have any faith when men were capable of this.

Marie knew he’d committed the crimes he’d been accused of. It was something she had tried not to think too much about. Even now, she could not believe his crimes were worth this punishment. It was cruel, and the fact the people she cared about were capable of this was just as painful as knowing Fernand was the one suffering. 

“At least your hair isn’t falling in your face. You were always pushing out of your way.” It was a weak consolation, and she knew it, but what else could she say? “It’ll grow back and annoy you again one day.” If he lived long enough. There were so many questions about his future, their future, and none were answered. 

Marie smiled up at him, amused by his nerves. “You don’t have to meet him today.” 

“No, he’s your brother, I… this is going to be a disaster. How hard will he hit me?” 

“I’ll protect you from my big bad brother.” She leaned up and kissed him lightly. 

“Thank you.” Fernand kissed her back, lingering a moment too long because the door opened, and a loud curse had them pulling away from each other. 

“Now Marian, don’t overreact.” Marie put herself between her brother and Fernand as he came marching over. 

Marie dabbed the tear away, wishing her own eyes would dry up. She turned her face away for a moment, wiping at her face quickly before looking back at him. “You don’t have to apologise to me. You already proved yourself to me. I just wish they knew you like I do.” 

The guards approached, and Marie couldn’t hold back the sob any longer. “Please, just a little longer.” She begged them, wanting more time with Fernand. “Let me talk to him for just a little longer.” She didn’t want this to be the last time they spoke, the last image she had of him, but she was scared that this would be it. All that would be left was the memories. 

“You always had a way of seeing the good in things.” His laugh was dry, as if he were choking. “Maybe I’ll just keep it shorter now that I have you to remind me when it’s getting unmanageable.” Fernand wished he had words for what he was feeling, but instead he was just left with an indescribable ache in his chest. He felt the fluttering he had always felt since he met her, but now it brought about an instantaneous pain of not knowing what would come next. He had so many things going through his mind, and he didn’t know where to begin.

He managed to grip her sleeve when she turned to the guards, wanting her to stay. “Marie... I love you so much.” He had to tell her, just in case this was the last time. “Promise me you won’t shut yourself away if I- I couldn’t bear for you to close yourself to everything. Please, promise me.” His tried to swallow the lump forming in his throat, strangling him from the inside.

“I think he may be starting to like me.”

“What gave you that idea?”

“He didn’t threaten to skin me this time.”

Fernand let out a sob as she was tugged away. He slumped down completely, not caring how it hurt or who saw him. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. The guards who had approached her unlocked him and began leading him back to where he’d been held. He was allowed to wash briefly, though he suspected it was only so the guards wouldn’t have to smell him. He sat, still dripping, in his cell. His hands rubbed anxiously where his hair had been, angrily sobbing silently.

“How many kids do you want?”

“How many are you going to give me?”

He laughed, “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves...”

That was the future he should have had. Rolling over on a sunny morning to see her beside him, as many children as they could want. A family where no one had to starve or worry about the cold. It would have been perfect. 

But he couldn’t let himself think even for a moment that the perfect future he had imagined might be lost. He had to keep believing that it might happen if he were to stay strong. He would see her again, of course he would. They would be together again, they would find that home.

[fernandbaptiste]

Fernand heard a noise from the other room and opened the door to see a small girl frustratedly sobbing as she struggled to pull open a drawer. His daughter’s hair was a dark mess of black curls, forming a mad halo around her distraught features. Her nose was red from the repeated dabbing of a handkerchief she had clearly taken from her Maman. “Angel, what are you doing?”

“I- I’m leaving!” She succeeded in getting the drawer open, pulling out one of her play dresses to attempt to put on over the night shirt she was wearing. “I’m running away... to Spain, so I can go starve with all the poor children.”

“And why do you want to do that?” Fernand leaned against the door frame, keeping a remarkably straight face while the adorably angry girl told him of her plans.

“Because papa is mean to me!”

“I’m mean to you?”

“Yes!” She took a staggered breath, apparently remembering something she had forgotten in the other room. He watched her as she strutted over, grabbing up her small shoes and bringing them back to her dress with a huff. “And Maman, and you a-a-always scold me!”

“Is that right?” Fernand looked at her seriously, seeming to take in her words like a sermon. “And why do we scold you?” She was now struggling to get her arms through the sleeves, her head stuck in the fabric. She let out a cry of frustration and flung the dress off, sitting splay legged on the floor with a whimper. “Try undoing the buttons first, sweetheart.”

“You scold me because I misbehave.” She focused entirely on the buttons, tiny fingers struggling with each of them.

“Have you considered... not being naughty? Maman and I wouldn’t have to scold you if you behaved.” This was, apparently, the wrong answer. She threw up her hands, bringing them back down to wipe at her eyes. She then wiped her hands off on the handkerchief, deciding it was better to use that instead. She ineffectively patted the fabric against her face before discarding it once again to work at the buttons. “What will you do?”

“I need to get dressed.” Of course, how could Fernand be so blind. She was a little lady after all, obviously she needed to be dressed appropriately to run away.

“You get dressed, and then what? Where will you go?”

“To Spain!” She muttered angrily, hating to repeat herself. “I will go to all the poor children there and starve. With no water either.”

“Why do you want to do that?”

“So I will fall over dead and you cannot scold me anymore!”

“That sounds excessive.” Fernand wondered for a moment, just what were the details of this plan? She had apparently given it some thought. “How will you get there?”

She looked up, wide innocent eyes as she considered this new development. “...You shall have to take me.”

“Oh no, look. It’s night time already. I can’t take you, I need to go to bed.”

She looked up at him with a petulant glare, determined with her fate. But then she stood up to try the dress again, “Perhaps I will not go to Spain. I will go to Sweden and be a shepherd like Kristina. But I will have very naughty sheep and they will eat me.” He knew she had been listening as the Swedish ambassador exchanged some light gossip about their runaway queen. Of course she was the sort of woman his daughter would look up to, not that he minded.

“Sheep don’t eat little girls, Angel.” Her head popped above the collar and looked very concerned, her plans ruined.

“A bear then.”

“Very sensible.”

She sat down again, pulling on her shoes as best she could with her stockings falling down around her ankles. “I don’t need parents. All parents are mean and horrible.” She stood up again, wobbling from the exertion of her dramatic crying. “Papa, help me with my buttons, please.”

“You just said you don’t need me.”

“Button me up and I won’t need you afterwards!” Fernand had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing, but he smiled just the same as he knelt down to assist his vagabond daughter. “Don’t laugh at me! I’m going to run away!” The way her face scrunched up as she scolded him reminded him remarkably of her mother. Perhaps they should have named her after a demon instead, the descriptor would have been far more accurate in moments like this.

“My apologies, mademoiselle.” He finished tucking her night shirt into the dress, buttoning the dress up. “You are all set for your travels. There’s the door, out you go.”

“...You’re not going to stop me?” Her voice was hesitant for the first time.

“No, you’ve convinced me. Go on, find your sheep.” She sniffled as he waited, watching her. Her small hands went to the front of her dress, smoothing the fabric. He hunched down so he was face to face with her, letting her in on a secret offer. “Darling. Sweetie. How about I take you to go find Kristina later? For now, we can take a lamp and sneak down to the cellar to have ice cream without Maman seeing us.”

She seemed to consider his offer before solemnly nodding her head. “But we will go find Kristina later? We can go see the sheep?”

“Yes. Absolutely yes, my sweet. But only if you don’t run away.”

[chasseuseartisane-blog]

fernandbaptiste

Fernand had to stop kissing her when she started trying to push him away. He held onto her just enough so she couldn’t leave, confused why she was so upset suddenly. “Sweetheart, I was just kidding.” He didn’t want her to go. He still wanted her, and he didn’t want her to be upset. They’d gotten comfortable teasing each other, joking through everything else. “I was just teasing. I won’t joke anymore, I promise.”

He placed a kiss on her shoulder, “I take this seriously, you know I do.” He wouldn’t have waited so long if he didn’t think it was important. He’d been starting to pour out his heart to her, she just had to stay. “Don’t go, please.” He wrapped his arms around her waist, moving up her neck as he kissed her. He couldn’t be happy with anybody else. “None of the other things I said were a joke. I meant everything, and a lot more I haven’t even said yet. Let me make it up to you.”

Marie tried to squirm away from him, pulling his arms away from her when he wrapped them around her waist. She wanted to believe him, but there was a voice in the back of her head saying that he was just saying all these sweet things because he wanted her to stay, not because he meant them. “How do I know you mean everything?” 

Even though she’d escaped from his arms, she didn’t try move any further, looking at him to see what he’d say next. A part of her wanted him to convince her that she could trust him. Something had changed in their relationship, and she didn’t want to go back to being married friends. “How would you make it up to me?” She knew him well enough now to know that if she said no, he’d respect that, but she couldn’t make herself say it. 

She just wasn’t sure what to believe. Her emotions had gone through a whirlwind. Surely, he couldn’t fake the way he’d looked at her. Marie felt her resolve weakening even more, thinking about it. 

[fernandbaptiste]

“No one else has shown up, have they? There’s only ever you.” He lowered his hands, knowing she wouldn’t try to get away. “Would I wake up holding you if I didn’t care? Even in my sleep I can’t bear to be apart from you.” He put a hand up to her face, his heart pounding as his eyes moved from her lips up to her gaze. “I’ll make it up to you everyday. Every moment we’re together.” And then he was kissing her, and he couldn’t bear for her to ever leave.

He pulled her against him, and his teeth caught her lip as he drew back. His hands couldn’t stop touching her, marveling at every inch. His hand traced down her arm, bringing her hand up to his lips so he could kiss the palm and the inside of her wrist. “I’m yours. Completely. I want to be yours.”

He felt an aching for her that was more than physical. It was as if he had wandered lost through a desert and she was his only chance of life. He needed her as he needed breath. He laid her back on the bed, kissing from her neck down her chest. Meanwhile his hand that had found its way to her hip slowly crept down her thigh. His heart seemed to skip a beat in excitement as he moved across the warm, tender, skin, moving up again until he felt the heat between her legs.

[chasseuseartisane-blog]

fernandbaptiste

“Let’s get rid of them, then.” Fernand stopped for a moment to help her start taking her clothes before hurridly pulling off his own clothes. He had no interest in anything that separated them in the slightest. Once he had removed all the offending fabric, he couldn’t help but stare at her. He, of course, knew what to do, but he felt unsure of how Marie would respond.

He had found some texts in the back of the library this past week which had done nothing to calm his nerves. But he had read the text with more dedication than he’d ever given the Bible, partially because it was so different in thinking than anything he had heard about up to this point. In it, women were viewed as equals, and their pleasure was viewed as just as important as the man’s.

“I’m so glad I get to share this with you. I’ve never felt this for anyone before.” He crept up beside her, hand resting on her hip. He laughed lightly, feeling so at ease with her. “I mean, if I had known all I had to do was make you a little jealous…” He kissed her again, everything was wonderful.

Once their clothes were discarded on the floor, the nerves came back. Marie blushed as Fernand looked at her, resisting the urge to try give herself some modesty. She laid back on the bed, biting her lip for a moment. She didn’t know what to do, and she knew she didn’t want to disappoint him. His hand on her hip, Marie kissed him back, trying to settle the nerves like she had before the clothes came off, but then his laugh and words sunk in.

He was laughing at her. She pushed him back, insulted. “I was not jealous.” She sat up, trying to cover herself. “If you’re going to act like it’s a game, then -” Marie huffed in annoyance. “I am not your prize.” Every part of her wanted to stay, but her pride overruled the rest. It was her biggest flaw, but knowing that didn’t change it.

“Move.” She shoved him, trying to get off the bed. “I need my clothes.” She had been stupid to think this was a good idea, even if she wanted to stay. She should have just left when she’d seen him here. For all she knew, he had taken a lover. If he could take this so lightly, it didn’t mean that much to him. Perhaps he’d just seen this as his opportunity to have a child born in wedlock - she knew how much that mattered to him.

[fernandbaptiste]

Fernand had to stop kissing her when she started trying to push him away. He held onto her just enough so she couldn’t leave, confused why she was so upset suddenly. “Sweetheart, I was just kidding.” He didn’t want her to go. He still wanted her, and he didn’t want her to be upset. They’d gotten comfortable teasing each other, joking through everything else. “I was just teasing. I won’t joke anymore, I promise.”

He placed a kiss on her shoulder, “I take this seriously, you know I do.” He wouldn’t have waited so long if he didn’t think it was important. He’d been starting to pour out his heart to her, she just had to stay. “Don’t go, please.” He wrapped his arms around her waist, moving up her neck as he kissed her. He couldn’t be happy with anybody else. “None of the other things I said were a joke. I meant everything, and a lot more I haven’t even said yet. Let me make it up to you.”

[chasseuseartisane-blog]

fernandbaptiste

“I’ve been unable to think of anything but you for some time now.” He could stare at her for hours, finding beauty in the smallest of movements. Then, when she kissed him, it was like everything made sense. It didn’t sate his desire, only increased it. Everything about her was perfect, and he needed her desperately. He kissed her lips as he pulled her back with him towards the bed, continuing to kiss her between words.

“You’re the loveliest person I’ve ever met.” He was enthralled with her, and now that he was admitting those feelings it was as if it only made them stronger. The air felt like it was thick with heat as he kissed the skin of her neck. “Please, say we don’t need to wait any longer. I can’t stand being so close to you and unable to express what you make me feel.”

Marie kissed him back, her heart pounding. She didn’t want this to stop, her nerves melting with each kiss. She couldn’t remember why she’d worried so much about this, why she’d wanted to wait. "Then show me what I make you feel.” She murmured the words, pushing her hair back so it wasn’t in his way.

The bed was so close, but she knew not to fall back onto it while still dressed. Fortunately, the clothes she’d worn for riding would be easily removed, if he’d stop kissing her for long enough. “Fernand- We don’t have to wait, but you do have to let go of me if you want to… My clothes are in the way.”

[fernandbaptiste]

“Let’s get rid of them, then.” Fernand stopped for a moment to help her start taking her clothes before hurridly pulling off his own clothes. He had no interest in anything that separated them in the slightest. Once he had removed all the offending fabric, he couldn’t help but stare at her. He, of course, knew what to do, but he felt unsure of how Marie would respond.

He had found some texts in the back of the library this past week which had done nothing to calm his nerves. But he had read the text with more dedication than he’d ever given the Bible, partially because it was so different in thinking than anything he had heard about up to this point. In it, women were viewed as equals, and their pleasure was viewed as just as important as the man’s.

“I’m so glad I get to share this with you. I’ve never felt this for anyone before.” He crept up beside her, hand resting on her hip. He laughed lightly, feeling so at ease with her. “I mean, if I had known all I had to do was make you a little jealous...” He kissed her again, everything was wonderful.