Summary: 5 times you wanted to kiss Joel, and 1 time it actually happened (or: your relationship with Joel over the years)
Tags: 5+1 babeyyy, VERY self-indulged (i just want this man to call me his babygirl 😫), FLUFF, tooth-rotting fluff even, a bit of angst, age gap, PINING, i could write several fics out of this but no we're doing 5+1! also reader has she/her pronouns (i tried not to but at some point it was getting difficult not to use any :( sorry guys)
Warnings: descriptions of violence and wounds, cursing, getting drunk, David (which is a warning in itself), allusions to SA (but nothing happens)
Word count: ~9.4K (jesus i really got carried away im not doing that again for at least some time)
A/N: i am baack!! i finally had time to finish this monster and i guess it's ready to post <3 i absolutely ADORE 5+1 fics and always wanted to write one on my own. so here it is!! hope you enjoy because i loved writing it
1. boston qz
You bit your forearm harder, trying to hold back the tears of pain. The man kneeling in front of you glanced up.
“Bite the sleeve of your jacket. Otherwise they’re gonna think you’re infected and shoot you on sight.”
You didn’t answer but nodded, knowing that he was right. Holding your breath for a moment, you took a handful of the material and bit down on it, shutting your eyes tightly. The excruciating pain in your leg was hard enough to endure, but for the first place with it competed an absolutely unbearable look of poorly concealed pity (which you initially took for irritation) on the face of Tess’ friend.
It was through her that you met Joel. At the beginning he wasn’t very keen about letting you work with them but slowly warmed up to your presence – at least as much as a man like Joel could. Most of the time he was grumbling and, in all fairness, looking slightly angry but you’ve soon understood that he’s actually a pretty good guy. Caring. Funny, if he lets you see this side of him. Also really fucking handsome, but that was beside the point.
The job was supposed to be an easy one – just meet with a couple of Zeke’s people, pick up the smuggled items and exchange them for some meds and ammunition. However, none of you expected some random rogue group to ambush you on your way back and attempt to steal the cargo.
Tess has managed to get away just before soldiers showed up, alerted by the sound of gunfire way past the curfew. Before they could spot any of you, Joel quickly pulled you into one of the nearby buildings after one of the strangers slashed your thigh, leaving you unable to run.
So now here you were. Bleeding from your leg and making a pathetic crybaby out of yourself before the very eyes of the man you respected and lowkey had a small crush on.
Speaking of whom, Joel gave you a look of sympathy before squeezing the stapler handle again, ejecting another staple into your skin. You tensed and a broken cry escaped your lips, your breathing rapid.
“It’s alright,” he murmured, putting his other hand on your knee and rubbing slightly. “Just two more and you’ll be good to go.”
You breathed out a humorless laugh and wiped your face, sniffling.
“Just get on with it. This is way more embarrassing than it should be.” In the corner of your eye you saw him look up. He didn’t move the hand in which he held the staple gun yet, so you took this moment to steady your breath and slumped against the wall. “You probably think it’s pretty pathetic, but in my defense I never had such a gash closed with staples like that.”
“M’not thinkin’ that,” he retorted and you blew a raspberry.
“Sure. Tess told me about some of your forays, you know? You could probably get run over by a damn tank and walk it off like it’s nothing.”
Joel was silent for some time. You wiped your cheeks and motioned for him to eject the last staples at the edge of the deep cut in your thigh. He mumbled to you to get ready and you took a deep breath, bracing yourself for the pain.
It hurt like hell and you couldn’t help the tears flowing from your eyes, but soon enough it was over.
The sound of shouting from outside drew your attention from the pain in your leg for a couple of seconds. You tensed up, listening intently if the soldiers weren’t busting in the building you were in, but the noises soon went past you.
“Y’know, if my brother was here, he’d have told you about the first time I had a wound stitched outside of the controlled conditions,” Joel spoke up unexpectedly, unpacking his backpack in search of clean bandages. “I nearly bit off my thumb when he was tryin’ to sew my foot back together.”
You couldn’t help but snort at his confession and he glanced at you from the corner of his eye with a slight smirk.
“Is that true?”
Joel huffed with fake indignation and lifted his left hand to your eyes, twisting it so that the dim light from outside illuminated the side of it. Above and below the small bone at the base of his thumb appeared very light and irregular lines. You looked at his face with an unbelieving smile.
“When was that?”
“Ah… Just before the outbreak, I’d say.”
“And what happened to your foot?”
“Construction work. I don’t remember exactly what that was.”
“But how hard did you have to chomp down on your thumb for it to be still visible?” you asked, laughing, to which he chuckled and shrugged.
“Hey, don’t judge. If it was Tommy who was fixin’ your leg, you’d probably end up without a couple of fingers too, just for good measure.”
He found the bandage and motioned for you to straighten your leg at the knee. You watched him carefully as he looked over your bare thigh and the (not very pretty to look at) sutured wound. The leg of your pants was cut and tossed away earlier so that Joel could stitch you up freely.
“So you have a brother. Is he really that bad at treating wounds?” you asked to distract yourself from the awkwardness of the whole situation, though Joel seemed surprisingly calm.
“He got better with time,” your colleague answered and then looked up at you. “But I didn’t tell you this to bitch about Tommy’s skills.”
“Oh?” you nudged him with your other leg. “So what moral should I draw from this story?”
You clearly saw him suppressing a smile when he shook his head lightly.
“Don’t feel bad that it hurts,” he murmured and the snicker disappeared from your lips. “I’ve seen looks like the one on your face plenty before. It’s a fuckin’ big gash, I’d be worried if you didn’t show any signs of pain.”
You couldn’t come up with any snarky remarks and just blinked when Joel sent you a quick, if not a bit self-conscious, smile, like he wasn’t used to reassuring someone else.
“The fact that you let your tears flow doesn’t make you any weaker,” he said even quieter than before. You still weren’t answering and he cleared his throat, apparently growing uncomfortable with your silence, then grabbed the bottle of alcohol. “I’m gonna pour some of that shit over your wound again. It’ll sting a bit.”
You observed without a word how he cleansed the gash and started to wind the bandage around your thigh.
Weirdly enough, you also noticed that you couldn’t stop glancing at his lips.
*****
2. bill and frank’s
“No. I said no, come back here!”
Giggles erupted from you as Joel tried (and failed) to grab you when you jumped over the couch. He sighed deeply as you made eye contact with him and, with a provocative smile, drank up the rest of the bottle before putting it down on the nearby table. The man looked so disappointed and done with you, it only made you laugh louder in your drunken state.
You two were staying for a couple of days at Bill and Frank’s heavenly place, which you looked forward to for weeks now. Originally Tess was supposed to go with you but there was a last-minute change of plans, and you made the journey alone with Joel. Not counting a few infected you stumbled upon on your way here, your venture was quite nice and after a delightful dinner with your hosts, you sneaked into Joel’s room with the bottle of wine Frank gave you and the stuff you smuggled yourself.
Joel didn’t seem to be having as much fun as you, though.
“I’m never drinkin’ with you again,” he muttered, sitting heavily on the couch with a grunt. You faked a pout, leaning over his head upside down and almost losing your balance.
“You’re grouchy because the stuff you brought tasted like shit.”
“And yet you drank most of it.”
“I didn’t,” you slurred, waltzing round the couch and grinning. “I’m feelin’ great.”
“Be careful or you’ll pick up my accent you so like pokin’ fun of.”
You snorted and flopped on the seat next to him. “Mhm, m’feelin’ fine and dandy,” you grumbled in the deepest voice you could make, ridiculously imitating his Texas drawl. “Yee-haw.”
“You’re the fuckin’ worst,” sighed Joel with exasperation but you could see a crooked smile tugging on his lips. You beamed and plopped down, laying your head on his lap. He peeked at you with his brows raised. “What are you doin’ now, you little devil?”
“Just resting,” you answered. The lamp behind Joel was blinding you with its light, so you covered your eyes with your hand to shield them. “Is that uncomfy for you? Do you want me to get up?”
“Nah. You can stay for a minute.”
As if wanting to make sure you won’t try to stand up, he laid his hand on your hair, brushing some of it to the back. You hummed and shivered when he gently scratched one specific spot on your scalp, and instinctively tilted your head, chasing his touch.
Joel snorted.
“You look like a goddamn cat.”
“Shut up,” you murmured in response, a small smile adoring your face. “It feels nice.”
You opened your eyes and once again shielded them from the lamp. Joel moved his head slightly to the side to block out the bothersome stimulus, causing you to giggle again.
“It looks like you have a halo ’round your head.” You lifted your arm and made a circle, brushing the side of his face when your hand plopped back down limply on your stomach. The older man huffed a smile, looking away to glance around the room.
“I’ll be really surprised if you remember anythin’ of what you’re sayin’ tomorrow.”
“Gimme a break,” you grumbled with a smile, not taking your eyes off him. Your hand raised itself to his face again, as if on its own accord, and brushed lightly the corner of his mouth and the stubble on his cheek. “It looks pretty.”
His brown irises flickered to you before he averted his gaze. With a hum you withdrew your hand and closed your eyes, your mind getting woozy from alcohol and tiredness.
Joel’s fingers were still running through your hair gently and you really hoped you’d remember it in the morning.
*****
3. road, somewhere in missouri
You had no idea how long you had been driving.
Ellie was asleep in the back seat and Joel was getting some well-deserved shut-eye after you volunteered to sit behind the wheel several hours ago. The clock on the dashboard was showing 4:07 and you planned on driving until the sun started to rise, then switching places with Joel.
That is, if you manage to stay awake.
You tried to drink some of the coffee Joel prepared beforehand to wake yourself up but it tasted horrible, leaving a too bitter taste on your tongue. Once you catched yourself closing your eyes for a second longer than intended and the car started to veer off course before you corrected it.
Yes, you were aware driving in this kind of state was extremely stupid, but you knew Joel was anxious to find his brother and drop Ellie off with the Fireflies as soon as possible. And you knew that if you wake him up he’ll insist on driving for the rest of the way himself, ignoring his own needs and exhaustion.
You risked a look to the side at his sleeping form. He had his arms crossed over his chest and his head propped against the headrest. Honestly, it looked like the man was just pretending to nap – his body seemed uptight, as if he was ready to spring into action at any second.
And he looked beautiful with his face bathed in the gray light of early morning. Like a painting you’d gladly admire for hours.
You sighed and cracked your neck, focusing on the road ahead of you. Several more hours to go. There was a gas tank in the back of the car, so you didn’t have to worry about that, and if you remembered correctly the map you and Joel studied earlier, you should get close to some bigger city in the late afternoon. Joel wanted to take the side roads and you agreed, but your supplies… Did you have enough of them? And what was the name of that city again…?
A hand grabbed the wheel and gently straightened the course when without you noticing the car started to veer too much to the left again.
You emerged from your reverie immediately and looked to the right at Joel who was now wide awake.
“You alright?” he asked with concern, and his voice had this enticing, raspy drawl to it that told you he really dozed off for a while.
“I’m so sorry,” you said quickly but quietly, not wanting to wake Ellie up. “I’m fine, promise.”
He eyed the tiredness on your face and the tight grip you had on the wheel.
“If you need to get some rest–”
“No, no, no. I can go on. Sorry you had to wake up.”
Joel grunted and stretched in the small space in the front seat and you tried really hard not to stare at how he craned his neck or at the way his muscles tensed, or at the strip of his skin revealed when his shirt rolled up…
“Pull over.”
You snapped out of your thoughts. “No. I told you I’m fine.”
“C’mon, darlin’, don’t make me wrestle with you in a movin’ vehicle.”
Either he had a clue about what this nickname was doing to you, or he was still half-asleep and it simply slipped out; but whether it was intentional or not, you couldn’t dream of opposing him now and with a defeated sigh (and burning neck) you pulled over, slowly bringing the car to a halt. You glanced backwards, but miraculously Ellie hadn’t woken up yet.
Joel looked you over with concern and you shut your eyes, laying your forehead on the steering wheel. “I’m sorry,” you repeated. “But I really can keep going, at least until the sun goes up.”
“We’re switchin’,” he just said, unfastening his seatbelt.
“Joel, no!” you hissed, but he ignored you and went around the hood of the car, stopping at your side and opening the door for you. “I’m not moving. You need to get some fucking rest.”
“I already did. Now scoot over.”
“No, I told you–”
“What’s going on? Are we there yet?”
Both of you looked back to see Ellie sitting up and rubbing her eyes. In a split second she went from half-awake to alert, and she eyed you and Joel suspiciously. “What’s going on?” she asked again.
“We’re switchin’ places,” Joel spoke up before you had a chance to answer the girl. “Our current driver is pretty tired.”
“I’m not!” you protested, glaring at him.
“You almost drove the car into a ditch.”
“Woah.” Ellie lifted her hands and puffed her cheeks in a nervous manner. “Just this time, I second Joel. I really don’t want to end up in a ditch, thank you very much.”
“You see?” Joel looked at you expectedly. “Outvoted.”
You squinted in the rearview mirror at the teen. “Traitor.”
Ellie just shrugged. With a heavy sigh you unfastened yourself and exited the car, but before you could go around it and take Joel’s previous place, he stuck his arm out, stopping you.
“Actually, Ellie, do you want to ride shotgun now?” he asked and nodded in your direction. “It’d do her good to lie down for a bit.”
“No,” you said firmly at the same time when Ellie agreed with an enthusiastic “hell yeah!”. You crossed your arms over your chest and glared at the pair. “You guys are in cahoots.”
“Boo-hoo,” Ellie had a mean smile on her face. “Get in the backseat and cry about it.”
“She’s so cheeky,” you murmured to Joel, trying to hide your smile, and by the look of it he had trouble doing that, too. You sighed and lifted your hands in surrender. “Alright, you two. You won.”
“Great.” Ellie grinned, then started walking off the street. “But give me a moment, dudes, I gotta pee,” she said before marching further into the field on the side of the road.
“Don’t go too far!” shouted Joel after her.
“Don’t drive off without me!”
With that Ellie disappeared behind a small hill and you turned back to your companion, scrunching your face at him. Joel shrugged and walked past you.
“C’mon. I’ll find you a blanket.”
You huffed but didn’t argue further, knowing nothing will change his mind. He could be stubborn as a mule sometimes.
You climbed into the backseat and waited for Joel to take out the blanket you took from Bill and Frank’s house from the back of the car. He opened the door next to your head and handed it over, waiting for you to unfurl it. You expected him to go take the driver’s seat right away, but he stayed in place. Only then you noticed the folded jacket he was holding in his hands.
He didn’t react at all to your raised eyebrows and questioning look, and just casually laid his jacket under your head to serve as a pillow. The gesture was so sweet it made you melt inside, and you just couldn’t stay mad at him.
“Promise me you’ll get some sleep.”
“Only if you and Ellie aren’t too loud,” you teased, trying to settle down the butterflies fluttering in your stomach. “If you start arguing about some stupid shit again, I’m taking the wheel from you by force.”
He smirked and squatted next to your seat, looking down at you with an amused expression.
“I’d like to see you try.”
You had to be really fucking tired, because for a split second you thought that Joel has just flirted with you. You hid your face in his jacket to partially conceal your smile, but it only made your face hotter because the material smelled of him so much.
“I could. You’re lucky I’m deciding to show mercy.”
“How gracious of you. I’m honored.
“But we’re swapping places when I wake up,” you added, looking at him as sternly as you could. He raised his eyebrows with a half-smile when a yawn escaped you immediately after. “I’m serious, Joel.”
“Sure, darlin’.” He leaned in and kissed your forehead before standing up. “Now sleep.”
You could only stare into space as he carefully closed the door next to your head and walked around the vehicle with heavy steps. The spot on your head where his lips touched your skin was tingling and you inhaled deeply to calm yourself down before he entered the truck again and fastened the seatbelt.
Joel put some cassette into the tape deck and turned the volume down even before the song started to play.
You closed your eyes and wrapped the blanket tighter around yourself, hiding the lower part of the face – and a blush spreading on your cheeks – under the cover.
*****
4. jackson
You looked out the window at the children pulling their sleds behind them and smiled at how happy and carefree they looked. Down the road you could just barely see the big Christmas tree in the square and for a moment it felt like the apocalypse had never happened.
“They’re pretty lucky to be growing up here,” you said quietly. Joel was closing and opening cabinets behind you, clearly looking for something.
“Not sure about it. But I guess it beats growin’ up in any of the QZ’s or Fedra’s barracks.”
After Joel’s sudden change of heart and Ellie’s confident decision that she’d rather travel with you both instead of Tommy, the younger Miller convinced his brother to stay one more day in Jackson. It was honestly a good idea because you doubted any of you three got any rest the previous night. You certainly didn’t, tossing and turning the entire time from worry.
Joel chuckled and the sound pulled you out of your thoughts.
“What did you find?” you asked. He was kneeling in front of one of the cabinets, holding a small box.
“Old cassettes. You want to listen to some music?”
“Sure.” You stood up with a smile. “It’ll be pretty atmospheric.”
Joel gave you a dirty look.
“I’m not putting on Christmas carols.”
“I don’t want to listen to Christmas carols. Find something good.”
He sighed and took out a carton box from the cabinet, and then started to rummage through it. “Alright, so what do you want?”
“You can choose. Pick something you think I’d like.” A thought struck you and you glanced around the living room, furrowing your brows. “Is there even any tape player in here or something like that?”
“Upstairs,” Joel mumbled absent-mindedly. “In Ellie’s room. We can go see if it works.”
Ellie was out exploring Jackson and you doubted she’ll be back very soon. You knelt down next to Joel, looking at him with a grin as he inspected the box, pulling out and reading some of the cassettes before putting them back down. You rested your chin on your hands.
“Just get anything,” you ushered after some time, to which he chuckled.
“You said to pick somethin’ you’d like. Gimme some time.”
“Do you think I’m that picky?”
“Of course you are.”
You rolled your eyes but didn’t have to wait much longer before Joel stood up with a grunt and held out his hand to you. In the other one he held a white cassette.
“C’mon. I’m pretty sure you’re gonna love this one.”
You took his hand with excitement and let yourself be pulled to your feet. It’s been so long since you’ve been able to listen to some music – well, maybe not as long, but you missed it regardless – that you felt a bubbly joy at the thought of hearing something new.
And more than that, something that Joel has picked specifically for you. Doesn’t matter that you had to ask him.
You went upstairs to the room that was currently Ellie’s bedroom and Joel bent down, inserting the cassette into the tape player. He looked over his shoulder at you with a small smile and you beamed right back.
A loud, scratchy sound rang out.
You winced and Joel furrowed his brows. He took the cassette out, checked the empty slot and the cassette itself, and then made sure the power was on.
The first notes started to play, but they sounded distorted, like a scratched record. Joel cursed and tried again, but there must’ve been something wrong with the device, because no matter what he did, the music didn’t play right.
He tried again and again, and finally you decided to put a stop to it. You placed your hand on his shoulder.
“Leave it, Joel. It’s okay.”
“Just my fuckin’ luck,” he muttered, not turning around. “Of course Tommy gave us a place without a working cassette player.”
“It’s okay,” you repeated. You wanted to say something like ’the song probably isn’t even worth fussing over’, but the words got stuck in your throat. He picked it for you to listen to, of course it was worth it. “Maybe I just wasn’t meant to hear it.”
The man worried his lip and you quickly averted your gaze. He straightened up and put his hands on his hips, sighing.
“Nonsense,” he answered, looking intently at the device like he wanted to get it to work by sheer willpower. “You wanted to hear it.”
“Well, I did.” You got embarrassed for whatever reason, not knowing what to say. “But there’s not really anything we can do about that. It’s no big deal.”
Joel’s jaw twitched and he turned to look at you thoughtfully. You offered him a lopsided smile, but he didn’t move a muscle and you could almost imagine small gears turning in his head when he had this expression on his face.
“You okay?” you asked with a stifled laugh.
“I… have an idea,” he said slowly, almost hesitantly. Then he focused his eyes on you again. “Just… trust me for a moment.”
Your gaze softened and you took a step closer to him.
“Joel, of course I trust you. I trust you with my life.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed but his brown irises haven’t left yours for even a second.
“Close your eyes.”
“What?” you asked with a crooked smile, but he just shook his head.
“C’mon, close your eyes. And promise you won’t laugh.”
Confusion washed over you but you closed your eyes as requested. You heard Joel sighing and then he took your hand in his calloused and rough one, slowly putting it on his shoulder. Your neck got way too hot but you tried not to tense or flinch in fear of making him back out.
“Promise you won’t laugh,” he repeated and you just now realized you haven’t answered him. He put his hand on your waist, very, very lightly, and your other hand was raised to shoulder height, cradled in his warm one.
“I swear I won’t,” you whispered, your heart beating so damn loud you were scared he was going to hear it with how close you two were.
Joel exhaled heavily and you felt his breath on your hair.
And then he started to hum quietly and sway you gently from side to side. You desperately tried to remain calm, but how were you supposed to do that when your body felt so hot and he was so close–
“I reached inside myself and found nothin’ there… to ease the pressure… of my ever-worrying mind, hmm…”
Joel’s voice was deep and harsh right in front of you, and it sounded more like he was purring than singing. You suspected he slowed down the pace of the song significantly to match his movements and your heart swelled with warmth and adoration. The smile on your face widened and you took a step to the left, then to the right, gradually engaging in your dance more and more. You wanted to make it less uncomfortable and awkward for him and it seemed to have worked a bit because the next lines were much more confident, and his voice steadier.
“All my power wasted ’way, fear the crazed and lonely looks the mirror’s sendin’ me these days, hmm…”
His hold on you tightened slightly and you held his hand a little more securely, unable to hold back a goofy smile on your face.
“Touch me… how can it be? Believe me… the sun always shines on TV.”
You were falling for him all over again and it was not fair that he made you promise to keep your eyes closed. Though if he didn’t, you’d probably end up doing something dumb.
Like kissing him.
Fuck, you wanted to kiss him so bad.
“Hold me… close to your heart. Touch me… Give all your love to me. To me…”
Did he just pull you closer or was it you that took a step forward? It was hard to tell without seeing where you step, but you suddenly were very aware of the material of his shirt under your chin and the smell of shampoo he used to wash his hair, the pressure of his hand on your lower back and his quiet, drawling voice right next to your ear.
You were positive you’re about to pass out.
And it felt blissful.
Joel kept humming the chorus of the song, his voice getting softer and lower with each word. You relished in the warmth of his embrace, begging any higher power that he won’t let go of you immediately once he stops singing.
He didn’t.
Instead you two kind of naturally came to a stop but neither of you moved, still standing chest to chest and breathing a bit shakily. Your palm – or maybe it was his – was sweaty, but you ignored the unpleasant feeling, wanting to stay like this as long as possible.
“The original is much more lively,” Joel spoke in a soft whisper after some time and you smiled lightly.
“Well, I really liked your version,” you answered just as quietly, not wanting to disturb the intimate atmosphere in the room. “Joel?”
“Yes, darlin’?”
“Can I open my eyes now?”
A moment of silence.
“Yeah.”
You did so, but didn’t move your head, still keeping it on his shoulder and breathing in his scent. “Thank you for that,” you whispered and you felt him nodding.
“Anytime.”
His fingers crept a bit higher up your spine, but still his touch was so light and unsure.
You realized with a flicker of hope that he wasn’t pushing you away. He was pulling you closer.
Careful not to move too abruptly, you lifted your head and turned it to look him in the eyes. They were already on you, so very close, warm and hesitant, but also not showing any signs of discomfort or regret.
“Joel?” you asked again and you were so close to each other, it came out less as a question and more like a quiet breath. He heard it, though.
“Yeah?”
“Can I–”
Suddenly the door downstairs slammed extremely loudly and you both jumped when the noise broke the heavy silence.
“Hello! Is anybody here?!”
Ellie came back.
Both of you automatically took a step backwards, letting go of each other. Your face was scorching hot and you couldn’t force yourself to look at Joel. With a deep (hopefully unnoticed by the man standing right in front of you) breath, you quickly tried to get a grip on yourself when you heard Ellie running up the stairs.
“I was calling you, guys!” she panted and looked from you to the older man. “What’s up?”
“We…” Joel cleared his throat. “Tried to put some music on. The darn thing isn’t workin’, though.”
“Ugh, that’s a bummer.” Ellie turned to you and tilted her head. “Were you out, too? Your face is all red and shit.”
Even if it wasn’t before, it certainly was now. All attention shifted to you in a second and it made you want to cry.
“Yes,” you uttered quickly, “and… I’m actually going out again. I wanted to ask Maria something.”
You didn’t wait for any of them to stop or question you further – you all but ran down the stairs and bolted outside without even taking a jacket or a hat.
Fuck…
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
*****
5. basement, somewhere in colorado
He was dying.
Joel was dying and there was nothing you could do to help him.
You tried your hardest, though, to take care of both him and Ellie. You went out hunting so she wouldn’t have to starve, you encouraged her to get as much rest as possible while you watched over the unconscious man during the night, and not once did you show any doubt that Joel will get better.
But you had a feeling she knew why you were so reluctant to stay behind while the girl took her turn looking for food. The truth was, you were starting to crack if you sat for too long at Joel’s side, letting the intrusive thoughts take root in your mind. You needed those moments outside, because they were the only ones when you let your tears flow.
So when it was only you and him in the basement, you spent this time brushing the hair out of his face and coaxing him to drink. You checked his wound every so often, trying to keep it as clean as possible. You held his hand, humming to him that one song he sang for you in Jackson, though you didn’t know the words.
It was painful, to just sit in place and be unable to do anything to help, but you tried not to break down. Not when both of them counted on you.
So you stayed strong, hoping it’ll all turn out alright.
But luck still wasn’t on your side.
The men Ellie encountered the day before were here now, looking for you and Joel, and hungry for blood. She told you all about her interaction with them and since yesterday you were ready for a fight in case they showed up, but somehow it still surprised you and made your heart hammer in your chest in fear.
There wasn’t anywhere you could run to, and Joel wasn’t even able to keep his eyes open, let alone walk. You didn’t really have any other options.
So there was only one thing you could do, and that was to protect those closest to you.
You quickly took your backpack and passed Ellie your gun, closing her fingers around the cold metal.
“I’ll barricade the door, but if anyone comes in here, you blast their skull open, you hear me?” you whispered urgently and the girl nodded. You took Joel’s rifle from the floor and hung it over your shoulder. “I’ll try to take them out and lead them away. I’ll be back.”
“You better come back,” Ellie muttered and you looked at her softly, nodding. Then your gaze involuntarily shifted to Joel.
You didn’t know how many people were outside – if there were three or four of them, you should be able to shoot most of them before they notice you. If you don’t miss, that is.
But if there were more…
Choking back a nervous sob, you knelt next to the mattress and took Joel’s head in your hands. His eyes were only half-open and his forehead covered in sweat. Your heart clenched painfully at how weak he looked.
Acting on impulse, you leaned down and softly kissed the place above the corner of his mouth.
“Wake up,” you said to him firmly, brushing his cheeks with your thumbs. “Please, Joel. Ellie and I need you.”
You knew you had to go. You had to go now and make sure those fuckers outside don’t find Ellie and him.
But you stayed just for a second longer to press your forehead to his.
“I love you,” you whispered, so quietly you barely heard yourself.
And then you pulled away and ran upstairs.
From then on it was all a blur. You managed to kill one of the men with a clean shot between his eyes, but the other one ducked out of the way when he noticed you. Turned out there were six of them – too many – and what’s worse, one of them came up behind you, forcing you to flee sooner than you’d planned.
It would probably be wiser to take the horse but you didn’t want to endanger the poor creature, so you ran on foot.
You didn’t get far. One of the men managed to shoot you in the leg, making you keel over onto the frozen ground with a scream of pain. You turned around and saw him lifting his gun again before another voice yelled that he wanted you alive.
No. No, no, you weren’t about to let them take you.
You crawled towards where your rifle lay in the snow but just before you could reach it, it was kicked away by a heavy boot which then dealt a severe blow to your stomach. You doubled over, wheezing and coughing for air. By the time you managed to somehow catch your breath, someone pressed their foot on the gunshot wound in your calf, forcing a scream of agony out of you.
“Now, stay calm. I don’t want to shoot you.”
You clutched at your leg, glaring up at the ginger man who you suspected was the same David Ellie has encountered.
The man grinned nastily at the state you were in, and you didn’t like his expression one bit. He must’ve noticed that you were ready to lunge at him at any moment because he swiftly lifted his gun to your head. You froze.
“Where is your friend and the girl?” he asked quietly. You sneered at him, baring your teeth.
“Fuck you. I ain’t telling you shit.”
“David, she killed Paul,” spat another, younger one, looking down at you with hatred. “If that bastard has already died, let’s at least kill his bitch.”
You tried to think of a way to get out of this situation, but both of the men had their guns pointed at you and you knew you wouldn’t be able to move quickly enough with the gunshot wound.
You tried to move slightly but David pressed his foot harder on your leg, causing more blood to flow from your wound and you cried out, the pain clouding your vision.
“Don’t try anything, sweetheart,” he murmured in a warning tone. “You might bleed out.”
Your eyes were full of hate and rage but you didn’t dare to move again just yet.
“Where are they?” David asked again and you huffed a humorless chuckle while trying not to show how much pain you were in.
“You know that it was me who killed that idiot?” you asked in the most mocking tone you could muster, in the meantime desperately thinking how the fuck you were going to get out of here, preferably alive. “And your friend over there.” You nodded in the direction of where the body of the man you shot was lying. “Which one of you stood next to him? Was it you?” you asked the younger man who shot you in the leg. “I hope I hadn’t splattered you too much with the remnants of his brain.”
“You little bitch,” the other man sneered, lifting his gun again despite David’s stern order to back off. “I’d love to see the face of your friend when I blast your–”
“Leave her alone, you fuckers!!”
All of you turned your heads and your stomach churned when you saw Ellie on the horse you borrowed from Tommy. More shots rang out in the air when she blindly fired at the two men standing above you, and then the rest of the strangers who emerged from between the trees.
“Alive!!” David yelled after his men when they started chasing Ellie who grabbed the reins and cantered in the opposite direction. Then the man turned back to you. “We will catch her. Then we will find your friend, and he’ll pay for his sins.”
You growled.
“I told you it wasn’t him who killed that man.” He shook his head and you fumed with anger. “You don’t think I’m capable of that?”
“Oh, I think you’re capable of a lot.” His stare slid down your body, from head to toe, and terror gripped your heart at the sadistic excitement in his eyes. “And I think you must really care about him if you’re ready to trade your life for his. Such loyalty is admirable, but your love is misplaced.”
The snow around you was getting more and more red and you really started to worry that the bullet might’ve hit an artery. David’s eyes shifted to your leg as well, and he hummed.
“We’ll take care of that, don’t worry. You’ll be well taken care of in our community.”
“I don’t want to be any part of your fucked up sect.”
“You will. You just need a father to lead you to the right path.” He leaned over you in such a manner that it made your blood run cold. “I’ll teach you personally.”
Suddenly a shot echoed in the air and you heard a distant neighing of a horse. Your head automatically turned in the direction of the noise and David took advantage of your moment of distraction to strike your temple with his gun, thus knocking you unconscious.
*****
+1. silver lake
Joel woke up.
And he felt like he was made out of pure adrenaline and rage.
You weren’t with Ellie when he found her staggering through the snow, the face of the teen terrified and covered in blood. He comforted her as best as he could, relief and fear fighting inside him as he held the girl in his arms.
But she didn’t know where you were held. If you were even alive.
And that was a thought that Joel couldn’t bear. He wouldn’t even allow for the possibility that you were no longer…
He vaguely remembered you stroking his cheek with slow and delicate touches, and your humming while he was laying on the mildewed mattress in the basement. Maybe it wasn’t even a memory, but a dream – it was hard to tell in his delirious state.
But he was pretty sure he wasn’t hallucinating when he felt soft, cold lips right next to his and heard your voice – he knew it was your voice, he’d recognize it anywhere – whispering the words he never let himself hope you’d say to him.
Words he would be damned if he didn’t say back to you.
And that’s why he was merciless with the men he encountered on his way to you and Ellie. His own tiredness and pain piercing his abdomen didn’t matter – nothing mattered when you two weren’t with him, when he didn’t know if you were hurt or even still breathing. The desire to help and protect his girls numbed the pain in his stomach so much that he almost forgot he could barely stand just a few hours ago.
Once he found Ellie and took her to a safe location, he went back to look for you. He didn’t want to leave the girl alone, but she seemed terrified at the prospect of going back and through the buildings, so he left her his gun, promising to be right back.
One of the bastards Joel ran across on his way back was helpful enough (after being shot in both knees and having his forearm broken) to direct him to the place where you were supposedly being held – a small building hidden behind the still burning dining room.
No one else stood in his way when he cautiously reached the structure. He went in and started checking every single room, getting more and more anxious every time he found them empty. At one point he was ready to tear the walls apart and go back to see if there was anyone left alive who could tell him where you were – but then spotted a hidden, smaller metal door, which apparently led to the basement.
It wasn’t locked and Joel didn’t hear anything on the other side so he opened it slowly, quickly walking down the stairs and scanning the room for any enemies, but there were none. Half of the room was enclosed by a chain-link fence and the entry to the cage was slightly open.
And inside sat you, with a cloth around your eyes and hands tied above your head.
His knees almost gave way under him from relief when you perked up at the sound of his footsteps. You were alive. You were–
“If you fucking try to touch me again, I’ll break more than your stupid jaw!” you yelled out of the blue, starting to struggle and kick haphazardly, though the placement of your wrists was forcing you to stay in a sitting position. “You motherfucker, don’t come any closer!”
The fear and desperation in your voice broke Joel’s heart in an instant and made him stop dead in his tracks.
“It’s me,” he hurried to say, but his voice was weak and the next words got stuck in his throat when he saw your bloodied nose, bruises on your face and neck, as well as a dirty bandage tied around your calf with a seizable crimson stain on it.
He ushered inside, opening the door to the cell wide open with a loud scraping. You started panicking even more, cursing and kicking when he crouched next to you, intending to untie your hands.
“I said don’t fucking touch me! I’ll kill you!” you screamed and Joel actually had to back away a little to avoid getting kicked in the ribs.
“It’s me!” he said louder, but it was clear you didn’t hear him. In a quick movement he reached out, yanking the blindfold off your eyes, and put his hands on both sides of your face. “It’s me. Joel.”
In the first moment his touch made you recoil and the look of fury deepened on your face while you continued to scream bloody murder. Your eyes were so wild and terrified, Joel wanted nothing more than to pull you close to his chest and never let go.
“Look at me, baby. It’s alright,” he whispered soothingly, brushing his thumbs over your cheekbones like he vaguely remembered you doing when he was unconscious. “It’s me. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Your eyes slowly started to focus on his face for the first time since he took the blindfold off, and Joel felt like something was tearing his chest apart at the sight of fear and disbelief on your face.
“It’s okay, darlin’,” he muttered in a strangled voice, trying not to show he was close to crying, too. “It’s me. You’re safe now.”
A broken sob issued from your throat when you took in the sight of him, your eyes lingering on his face and stomach where the wound was.
“...Joel?”
“I’m here,” he said softly, quickly cutting the ropes binding you to the indent in the wall and wincing when he saw the red and purple marks around your wrists. “It’s okay.”
It wasn’t okay, not for you and not for him. Your body was trembling when he finally cut your hands free and without hesitation gathered you in his arms. It seemed like all the bottled up stress was pouring out of you now with the tears as you cried into his jacket and he held you tighter.
“J-Joel…”
“I know, babygirl,” he whispered into your hair, rocking you both back and forth slightly. You were clinging to him almost desperately and it pained him physically to see how scared you’ve been this whole time, but you were safe now, you were back with him and you were alive… “I know. I’m so sorry.”
You pulled away abruptly and looked over his shoulder, your face crumpling in despair when you saw no one there.
“They took Ellie, I don’t know where–”
“She’s safe,” he quickly assured you. “She got out and I found her just before comin’ here.”
You nodded with a sigh of relief, and he shifted his gaze to your calf, gently laying his hand just above the bandage.
“How’s your leg? Can you walk?”
“One of those fuckers shot me,” you murmured, not moving or attempting to stand up, which concerned Joel. “I didn’t really have a chance to see if I’ll be able to stand on my own but they sewed it up provisionally.” Your eyes flickered to his and you smiled softly, brushing your fingers over the back of his hand. “Not as well as you, though.” Then your smile disappeared and your hand grabbed his in a firm grip, like you wanted to make sure he was really here. “How are you, though? I was… Shit, I was so afraid I’d lose you.”
Joel could only stare at you, having no clue what to say.
He was not good at talking. He knew what he should do, though – he should examine your leg and make sure it was alright, he should go back to Ellie and get you two out of here, he should calm down his goddamn pounding heart so that he doesn’t pass out and cause you any more trouble.
But he couldn’t will his muscles to move. He couldn’t do anything, he couldn’t think about anything at all – not when you were sitting in front of him, looking at him with those tearful, gorgeous eyes of yours, holding his hand so tenderly but firmly, your touch so soothing, so familiar, and he remembered vaguely the same fingertips caressing his face.
And your voice, those words…
You said his name haltingly, but he didn’t register any of that, instead letting the overwhelming feelings of relief and fear, and – and adoration – take hold over his body, and he affectionately took your beautiful face in his hands.
Your eyes widened slightly but then these irises he dreamt about so often flickered to his lips and your own parted slightly, and that was all he needed before he leaned in and kissed you deeply.
There was a moment of hesitation on your part during which Joel began to worry that he didn’t read the situation right after all, but then you cupped his cheeks, too, and pressed yourself closer to him, letting him envelop your form in his arms with a quiet sigh.
It was better than he could have ever imagined. He could taste a hint of blood on your lips and hot, blinding rage surged through his veins at the thought of those bastards hurting you. His kiss turned harder and more desperate – he needed to make sure you were really here with him, he wanted to feel your every breath in his own lungs. You didn’t pull away, only tangling your fingers in his short hair, and the small noises you were making were driving Joel crazy with lust and relief. He felt dizzy, like he was going to faint again but he pushed through it, keeping his attention solely on you.
The second you two parted, even before you had a chance to catch your breath, the words started spilling out of his mouth fumblingly.
“Listen, I… I heard you,” he whispered, panting like he just ran a mile – and his heart certainly acted like he did. “M’pretty sure I wasn’t halucinatin’, but even if– doesn’t matter, I want… no, I need to tell you this, I…”
He exhaled nervously and shook his head, avoiding eye contact with you because he was damn sure he'd burst into flames if you looked at him like that again.
Fuck, he was really not good at this.
He cursed under his breath, missing a concerned look you gave him, and felt your hand covering his where it was still situated on your cheek. He knew that with this gesture you wanted to make it easier for him somehow, but it only caused his chest to get even warmer and tighter. “Joel, slow down–”
“I… I love you,” he finally choked out, softly brushing your cheekbones with his thumbs. And damn his old, faulty heart, he wanted to gaze into your eyes again, even if it was going to kill him, so that’s exactly what he did. “I loved you for so long, darlin’, and I got so fuckin’ scared that I won’t be able to tell you and, and it’s okay if I only imagined you saying that and you don’t feel that way, but I needed to tell you, I…”
All strength left him when he paused to draw a breath. His vision was becoming blurry and for a second he was certain he’s losing consciousness again, but it turned out they were only tears filling his eyes, blurring your form before him.
Which was even worse, somehow.
“I’m sorry.” He intended to sound reassuring and strong but it came out more like a broken whisper and he hated himself for feeling so weak and helpless when you and Ellie needed comfort and strength. He couldn’t help it though – all this time when he was looking for his girls the only things that kept him going were anger, terror and regret. Now there was relief, yes, but… he felt so very tired and old.
You turned your head slightly to plant a soft kiss on the inside of his palm, and Joel’s head snapped up. Tears were filling your eyes and he immediately scanned your body for other injuries, any signs of damage or pain, but then this gorgeous smile he so loved illuminated your face, and it put all of his anxieties at ease.
“You weren’t hallucinating,” you said quietly. “I did say that. And I love you, too, Joel.”
He couldn’t help a short, breathless and broken laugh that escaped him when he really heard you speaking those words, this time as clearly as day.
You sniffled and mirrored his smile, and in the next second Joel was kissing you again.
He knew you two had to go, had to get back to Ellie and leave this god-forsaken place, so he tried to be quick, but you – your smile, your touch, all of you – were so distracting and not eager to help him pull away in the slightest.
“I love you too, babygirl, love you so much.” He peppered your face with kisses, ignoring tears running down his cheeks and disappearing into his beard and under your hands. “So fuckin’ much… Don’t ever scare me like that again.”
“Because your old heart can’t handle it?” you teased and he huffed a laugh. A damn tease in every situation, he wanted to say, but before he had a chance to chide you, you pulled him in for another deep kiss. Joel decided you’re off the hook this time.
“Exactly, darlin’. Now hold onto my arm, we’re gonna see if you can stand, and then we’re goin’ back to Ellie.”
A hiss and a grunt of pain escaped you when he attempted to pull you to your feet, but you gritted your teeth and shook your head quickly when he froze, worry evident on his face. Turned out you could stand on your own and even slowly limp forward, but clearly had to push through intense pain to do so. Joel offered you his shoulder (against which his tired body protested immediately) but it made walking easier for you, so he sucked it up.
“I got you,” he whispered when he helped you up the stairs, keeping an arm around your waist for support. You whimpered every time you had to climb up a step, and Joel took hold of your hand, brushing his thumb over your skin lovingly. “That’s a good girl. Just a couple more.”
You didn’t let go of his hand even after these ‘couple more’ steps.
He kept his hand on your shoulder when you finally got reunited with Ellie and tears of relief spilled out of your eyes.
You tangled your fingers with his when the three of you were leaving this cursed, cruel place.
You all held each other when Ellie broke down and you both hugged her tightly, trying to make her feel safe again.
He hooked his little finger over yours, not wanting to drag you down when he started to lean on you, getting significantly weaker from how far he traveled and how hard he fought in the state he was in.
You grasped his hand again that night when you laid down next to him in his sleeping bag while Ellie was curled close to the two of you on Joel’s other side.
He didn’t let go when he leaned in to kiss you again, keeping his touch soft and gentle, and pulled you as close as he could, murmuring words of love and sweet promises into your hair.
Both of you knew you had a lot to talk about in the upcoming days – and probably even weeks. All three of you needed time to heal, physically as well as mentally.
But just for this moment, Joel couldn’t be happier and more relieved as it was slowly dawning on him that after this horrible, hellish nightmare, he had both of you right next to him, breathing and alive, and not chased by anyone for now. Two persons he loved in very different ways, but who were his entire world, whether he was ready to admit it or not.
As if reading his thoughts, you shifted slightly and kissed the edge of his jaw sleepily. His eyes closed, hiding the wetness in them.
(most of these fics are age-gap romance. some fics have mature content (+18) so minors please respect the authors and do not interact). also please beware of the canon trigger warnings (violence, language, guns, death, blood etc.))
main masterlist
SERIES - MULTI-CHAPTERS
one thing i am missing • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @joelscruff (fluff, smut)
to do the right thing • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @pedgeitopascal (very angsty, tw: abortion and ppd, childbirth)
if the door wasn't shut • joel miller x platonic!reader
↳ by @heartpascal (very angsty)
joel miller x feral!fem!reader
↳ by @ohraicodoll (angst, lots of blood, sometimes gore, reader has a given nickname, smut)
if he wanted to • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @sl-ut (angsty, tw: mentions of suicide and sa, drug use)
twenty years later • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @yelena-bellova (angst)
weakness • joel miller x fem!reader part two
↳ by @pedgeitopascal (fluff, little angst, smut)
the stable girl • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @guess-my-next-obsession (mature, angst, fluff)
friendly fire • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @the-ginger-hedge-witch (angst, smut)
uneven odds • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @theetherealbloom (angst, fluff, smut, anxiety)
burning in a hopeless dream • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @tightjeansjavi (angst, implied smut)
ONE-SHOTS/BLURBS
from love and life • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @bubbles-for-all-of-us (child birth, fluff)
adjustments • joel miller x fem!teacher!reader
by @softlyspector (fluff, smut, mentions of dead loved ones, tw: mentions of suicide)
kiss it better • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @morningbluebell (mostly fluff)
why can't i breathe? • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @oliviajdjarin (fluff, flustered joel)
no time to die • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @davosmymaster (very angsty, hurt/comfort, chef's kiss, so good)
she's a gun • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @cowgurrrl (fluff)
darlin' • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @charnelhouse (angst, tw: sexual assault and mentions of suicide, smut, hurt/comfort)
alone and foresaken • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @chelseasdagger (smut, very good smut actually)
once again in your arms • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @foli-vora (angst, tw: loss of a child, fluff)
too late • joel miller x reader
↳ by @alloftheimagines (angst, injuries, hurt/comfort)
don't let me drown • joel miller x reader
↳ by @alloftheimagines (angst, hurt/comfort, tw: drowning, some nudity but nothing explicit)
nightmares • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @youlightmeupfinn (tw: panic attacks, nightmare, hurt/comfort)
saving • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @youlightmeupfinn (angst, hurt/comfort, joel being an asshole)
a house in nebraska • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @highdramas (angsty, heavy feeling of nostalgia, mentions of sexual interactions)
spring breeze • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @thedgeoftheuniverse (fluff, hurt/comfort)
for you, anything • joel miller x reader
↳ by @mellowsaturns (fluff, sick!reader, domesticty)
perfectly wrong • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @psychedelic-ink (enemies to lovers, smut)
domesticty looks good on you • joel miller x reader
↳ by @girlscull (sooo fluffy)
ghosts of his past • joel miller x reader
↳ by @lol-im-done (very angsty, made me cry)
soft touches • joel miller x reader
↳ by @theeoriginals (fluff, hurt/comfort)
close call • joel miller x reader
↳ by @rogueonestan (hurt/comfort, angst)
first kill • joel miller x reader
↳ by @alloftheimagines (angst, hurt/comfort)
illusory light • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @lavendertales (angst, injuries, fluff)
playing house • joel miller x reader
↳ by @me-and-your-husband (some angst, smut)
try to love me, honey please • joel miller x reader
↳ by @peterhollandkait (hurt/comfort, angst, sad and soft joel, mentions of blood and death)
confused warmth • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @rise-my-angel (angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, smut)
soft spot • joel miller x gn!reader
↳ by @orangevtae (very fluffy, some hurt/comfort, sunshine x grumpy)
love in the time of cordyceps • joel millet x fem! reader
↳ by @sameheart-sameblood (angst, fluff, mentions of blood)
one bed • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @frannyzooey (good old one bed trope, explicit)
sleeping bag • joel miller x reader
↳ by @quin-ns (very fluffy)
lavender haze • joel miller x pregnant!fem!reader
↳ by @forever-rogue (soo fluffy, made my heart flutter)
intent • joel miller x fem!reader
↳ by @forever-rogue (angst, joel is an asshole, fluff)
one thing i'm missing (joel miller/reader) PART ONE
hi there ! i'm new to the tlou fandom but not new to fic, and watching the show over the past few months inspired me to return to fic writing. the idea for this has been milling around in my head for a good chunk of time now and i finally felt ready to put pen to paper and get this thing started. i've already posted this to ao3 if you prefer that medium, but i'll also be posting it here now. let me know what you think!
summary: you and joel accidentally end up falling asleep together, and what follows is the beginning of a quiet and tender relationship neither of you saw coming.
rating: 18+ explicit (this part is not explicit but this fic will be)
warnings: (for future parts) smut, age difference (about 20 years, reader is in her mid 20s and joel in his mid 50s), praise kink - will add more as fic progresses
word count: about 2.6k
You don't, under absolutely any circumstances, talk about it.
It started about a month ago, after all the shit that happened with that monster, David. After Ellie had decided she wanted to start sleeping alone.
It hadn't really been a conscious decision on her part, but you'd noticed that first night how she'd distanced herself from you and Joel when it was time to sleep. She'd curled up against the far wall of the basement with barely a word, shutting herself off entirely while you'd tended to Joel's injury. Prior to this – ever since Joel was stabbed – Ellie had started sleeping at his side, head on his chest, listening to his heart and hoping against all hope that it kept beating. You'd slept a few feet away, hoping desperately for the same thing.
After David, she avoided physical contact entirely. You and Joel wordlessly understood, though you could tell it alarmed and concerned him. Though he'd been in and out of consciousness for the past few weeks you know he'd become accustomed to having her at his side, curled into him with that familiar daughterly affection he'd been missing for twenty years. Seeing her ultimately decide that she no longer wanted that closeness, probably feared it, distressed him greatly.
“Fuckin' bastard,” Joel had murmured to himself that first night as you cleaned his wound – you'd learned what to do from watching Ellie, “I'll fucking kill him.”
“Shhh,” you'd hushed him, keeping your voice low in case Ellie was still awake, “He's dead and gone, she took care of it.”
“Shouldn't have had to,” he'd hissed, “Fuckin' bastard.”
He'd slept poorly. You knew because every so often you'd hear him mutter something else to himself about David between short fits of sleep. You didn't sleep much either, partly because in the wake of Ellie's sudden distance it was now your job to monitor Joel's wound, but also because you felt the same way Joel did. The thought of that monster... what he'd done to Ellie and what he'd tried to do... you'd never felt so much disdain and hatred for one person in your life. Every time you closed your eyes all you could see was the look on her blood-spattered face when you'd both found her, the way she'd barely been able to speak... you could only imagine how much worse the images behind Ellie's eyelids were.
So she slept alone now, which meant Joel slept alone.
For a little while, that is.
-
After a few days of short spurts of travel and staying in more abandoned houses (Joel wasn't well enough to walk much, though he tried to deny it, much to the frustration of you and Ellie) you'd set up camp on the outskirts of a small community. Ellie hadn't talked much and Joel hadn't been fully in his right mind since you left that first house, so the decision-making had fallen to you for the time being. Truthfully, you were done with the mouldy mattresses and hard concrete of those suburban basements, the smell of rotting food and being bothered by mice and cockroaches while you tried – and failed – to fall asleep. Neither Joel nor Ellie argued when you suggested setting up a campsite in the woods for a change of scenery.
The snow had melted quite a bit and there hadn't been anything fresh in almost a week, the temperature rising rapidly the further you walked. The idea of sleeping underneath the stars again with fresh air in your lungs and the sound of the wind blowing through the trees was enough to keep you going that day. That night, you'd watched as Joel made a fire with the materials you'd collected, Ellie already bundled up inside her sleeping bag a few meters away.
“Hey, you sure you're not gonna be cold over there?” you'd called to her gently, already knowing the answer.
“I'm good,” she'd replied, sounding earnest enough, “If I get cold I'll move.”
You'd sighed quietly, turning back toward the fire. Joel was blowing lightly on some kindling, eyebrows furrowed in thought. You used this rare moment of him being distracted to analyze his face; the dark circles beneath his eyes had been growing more prominent over the past few days, and he'd gotten into the unconscious habit of blinking very slowly, like he was always just a few seconds from sleep. You'd never seen him look this exhausted.
“You need to sleep,” you'd murmured, and his eyes had snapped up to meet yours instantly, “I'm serious, Joel, you look...”
“I'm fine.”
“You don't look fine,” you shifted your eyesight to the fire, lifting your hands to warm your palms, “You look like you haven't slept in days, which you literally haven't, by the way.”
“I've slept,” he'd grunted, turning his attention back to the fire as well.
“Yeah, for maybe twenty minutes at a time.”
“Well, maybe if I wasn't bein' woken up every twenty minutes by you checking if I'm still breathin',” his voice was hard and cold, but you were used to it.
“Don't be dramatic,” you'd snapped back, “I check you maybe twice a night now, if even that. Sorry for wanting to make sure you're okay.” The last few words had come out shakier than you'd intended.
He'd inhaled deeply, and you could see him looking at you again in your peripheral vision, “You're right, I'm sorry. I'm being an asshole. As usual.”
“You're not an asshole,” you'd muttered, “you're tired. And so am I.”
You'd sat together in silence for a few moments before Joel had reached behind him for his pack, digging out the blanket he'd started using in lieu of his old sleeping bag. He'd decided to leave that behind; it was what you and Ellie had used to get him back to that first house, the one Callus had dragged across the icy terrain with a bloodied and near-death Joel as its only occupant. He'd pissed himself in it, which he'd attributed as the main reason for leaving it. But you knew the truth: he'd spent too long wrapped up inside of it during that period of time to ever get a good night's sleep from it again. It needed to be put out of its misery.
Both you and Ellie had offered to give him your own but he refused every time, repeatedly stating that the blanket Ellie had found was warm enough, if not even warmer than the sleeping bag had been. You honestly didn't know if he was telling the truth, but he gave you no choice but to believe him.
“You take first watch, then.” he said quietly, “We're out in the open again, gonna have to stay alert.”
“Got it,” you were a bit embarrassed by your brief moment of vulnerability, but you'd quickly busied yourself with picking up the rifle to hold it in your lap.
You'd watched as he spread out the blanket on the ground, carefully kneeling down and wincing at the pull of his stitches. He laid down on the edge of it, then reached over and pulled the other side over his body like a makeshift sleeping bag. Sighing contentedly, he'd closed his eyes.
Despite how much older than you he was, the word adorable couldn't help but cross your mind.
“Goodnight,” he mumbled quietly to you, and you'd forced yourself to look down at the rifle so he wouldn't catch you staring.
“Night, Joel.”
-
You'd quickly learned that Joel's new blanket was in fact not warmer than his sleeping bag. After a few hours of keeping watch, you decided to check on both Ellie and Joel to make sure they were doing alright. Ellie was fast asleep and didn't look to be shivering or experiencing a bad night's sleep; she actually looked more peaceful than you'd seen her for a long time. You'd smiled fondly, fighting back the urge to push her hair out of her eyes; she'd made things very clear and you weren't going to overstep.
You wandered over to Joel and the contrast between he and Ellie was staggering; there was no peace here. He was wide awake, shivering ferociously and hunched in on himself with his hands cupped around his mouth as he blew on them for warmth.
“Jesus Christ, Joel,” you'd immediately dropped the rifle and leaned down to him, “why the fuck didn't you tell me you were freezing?”
It actually wasn't a very cold night, but the combination of Joel's thin blanket, his injury, and the fact that he was overwhelmingly exhausted were just making everything ten times worse. He also hadn't slept outside for weeks. You immediately began to regret the decision to camp tonight.
“Hold on,” you'd said quickly, scrambling back up to grab your own sleeping bag. You unzipped it so it was wide, then draped it over Joel's shivering form, “I'm gonna give you some body heat, okay? Don't make it weird.” You'd only said the last part because you knew he would protest.
You'd crawled underneath both layers of material and without any hesitation wrapped your arms around Joel, ignoring his shaky mutterings of “I'm okay” and “you don't need to”. He'd surrendered very quickly, relaxing into your embrace as you ran your hands up and down his arms at the fastest pace you could muster. You alternated between his arms and hands, taking them in yours and rubbing your palms against them like you were trying to start a fire, huffing hot breath against his skin. Beneath the blanket, you entwined your legs with his, pulling his socked feet against your ankles and trapping them there to warm them up.
It only took a few moments for the heavy shakes to stop and for Joel's breath to even out again. Despite this, you stayed where you were and kept doing what you could to keep his temperature stable. As he warmed up, he began to feel more like himself; he was no longer a cold statue but the warm and solid man you'd come to recognize, and you were hyper-aware of the fact that despite spending so much time with each other you'd never actually been this close to him. His arms, strong and steady beneath his coat, the same arms that carried around that heavy pack all day, the arms that cradled the rifle, they now laid loose and tender under your touch. His hands, calloused and rough around the edges but soft at the palms, the same hands that set the fire still burning a few feet away, the hands that once held his daughter and had learned to hold Ellie's – and now yours, feeling like in some way they belonged there.
You'd known you felt something for Joel, but you'd never realized how strong and real that something was until it was literally in your embrace.
Without speaking you'd laid your head on his chest, closing your eyes and doing your damnedest to fight back the sudden tears that were threatening to well up. Holy shit, was all you could think, a warmth you'd never felt in your entire life radiating in your chest and somehow extending toward him. Holy fucking shit. It was like time had stopped and all you could feel was him.
You'd looked up at his face, needing to see if he felt it too, felt you the way you felt him, but your eyes widened slightly when you saw that his were closed, mouth slightly agape. There it was, that peace you'd seen on Ellie's face, now transferred to Joel's. For a brief second you felt panic, but it was immediately interrupted by the light snore that emitted from his open mouth. He'd fallen asleep.
And a few moments later, so had you.
-
That was the first night you'd slept solid without waking up even once. Not just since Joel had been stabbed, but since the pandemic had started to begin with. You can't recall ever having such a peaceful, dreamless, absolutely soul-refreshing sleep. And neither had Joel; when you woke the next morning he was still fast asleep in your embrace, that peaceful expression still sculpted on his face like he was a living Michelangelo. In the night you'd only gotten closer to him, legs still entwined and head still on his chest. The only difference was that your arms had obviously stopped their rapid movements to keep him warm, and they'd ended up snaked around his torso, the palm of your left hand laying flat against the hot skin of his waist, just above where his stitches were.
Maybe you should have pulled away when you realized, gotten up and pretended it didn't happen. The thought did cross your mind, but then Joel had shuffled a bit in his sleep and you'd become aware of the fact that his arms were around you, hand pressed flush against your bare back underneath your jacket and shirt, holding you to him. And that was enough to make you stay.
About fifteen minutes later, he'd woken up.
He didn't flinch or yank himself away when he realized the position you were in. He'd blinked slowly at you, and you'd peered up at him just as quietly. His lips had parted and then closed again, as if he was going to say something but then thought better of it. Instead, he just kept staring at you, and you started to feel his hand on your back slowly and tenderly stroke the skin there. In return, you gently brushed your thumb against the bare skin of his waist. It was a moment that felt like it went on forever, both of you touching those small intimate parts of each other without saying so much as one word.
You felt butterflies in your belly when the hint of a smile twitched at his mouth, and you smiled back, sleepy and soft. You never wanted to leave this small piece of existence. You just wanted him to keep looking at you like that, his gaze holding yours with an expression you could only describe as contentedness. You'd never seen him look so relaxed; the dark circles had faded and even the lines on his face had receded into his skin. He looked younger, healthier, like all the bad things that had happened to him had vanished in one good sleep.
“Uggghhhh,” Ellie moaned a few meters away, and both your heads snapped in her direction. She was sitting up in her sleeping bag, back facing you. You could see her arms stretching above her head as she began her typical morning wake-up routine: stretch, groan, flop, repeat.
Without saying anything you'd both untangled yourselves simultaneously before she could see the sleeping arrangement you'd found yourselves in. The loss of warmth and familiarity was palpable as you quickly stood up and grabbed the rifle, walking over to the now completely burnt out fire. Joel silently folded up his blanket and your sleeping bag behind you, then muttered something about needing to look for more shit to burn.
That's how it started.
And you don't, under absolutely any circumstances, talk about it.
you and joel discuss life before the outbreak, and he shares a bit more than you expected.
no warnings apply. just some very sweet (though melancholic) borderline domestic joel and reader bonding time <3
btw i am NOT sponsored by shipley’s do-nuts and shipley’s do-nuts: plz don’t sue me
~
“I think she’s finally out,” you quietly tell Joel. He turns in his sleeping bag, looking across the dying fire at Ellie’s sleeping form. He frowns, but not entirely in annoyance. You can see traces of affection etched into Joel’s face.
“First real meal in weeks. Makes sense she’d go right to sleep,” he says, then glances at you. “Good catch, by the way.” Warmth blooms in your chest at Joel’s approval. You shrug.
“I do feel kind of bad for that bunny, but…” you trail off, looking at Ellie once again.
“She’s more important,” Joel says, surprising you with the gentleness in his tone.
“Yeah,” you agree. The two of you are silent, the air suddenly seeming heavy. You know Joel feels this, too: the affection building in both of you for Ellie. You liked her from the start, but that fondness is becoming palpable. It’s the same for Joel, and you’re sure it’s harder for him to reconcile with. “Hey,” you say, trying to lighten the mood. “If you could have any meal in the world, what would it be? Like, what was your favorite food before all this?” Joel looks at you, brow set, and you realize how stupid you are for bringing up the world before it went to shit. But to your surprise, Joel doesn’t chastise you.
“C’mere,” he says, making room in his sleeping bag. You blink.
“What -”
“I’ll answer yer question,” Joel begins to exaggerate his drawl to get a smile out of you. You shake your head, looking at the ground. “But not from all the way over here. I don’t want to wake her up,” Joel glances one more time at Ellie. “She needs her sleep.” You nod, but still don’t move. Joel tilts his head back, gesturing for you to come closer. “I don’t bite.”
Before you can even stop the thought, it flashes through your mind. What if I want you to?
I have said it once and I’ll say it again, why the fuck is everyone so horny on this app?? I don’t want to read smut every two seconds. Where is the fluff? The angst? Literally anything but smut, please.
Summary: You have to protect Joel and Ellie. At any cost. But along the way, it brings you and Joel closer. The man who never showed you emotion, opens up.
Warnings: Violence, blood, SA insinuation
A/N: My first time writing for Joel, I’ve just finished the Tv show, I haven’t played the game, so I’m going based off the show. I love Joel. I love Pedro. And Ellie is the best.
“Ellie, stay here.”
“No fuckin’ way-“
“Please, do as you are told!”
Your eyes pleaded with her, your tone sharp as you glanced down at the wounded Joel. He needed someone with him. You didn’t even know if he was getting better, let alone if he could wake up and protect himself if he needed to.
“You may have some visitors of your own, and I’m sorry that I’m having to ask this of you-“ You told her, shaking your head. “But I need you to stay with him. If they get to him, they will kill him.” Your voice trembled at your own words, with Ellie’s shaky breath following suit as she realised… You were right.
“Okay.” She nodded, grabbing her knife from her backpack as she gripped it tightly.
“I’m going to draw them away from this area-“ You said, picking up Joel’s rifle as you slung it over your shoulder. “Get them as far as I can.” You explained, as you sent the pair one last glance. “Be careful. Don’t endanger yourself.” You told her sternly, causing her to give a small nod. Sending one last worried look at Joel, you turned, determination on your features as you rushed out. Getting to the garage, you lifted the door, hearing distant voices as you untied the horse. “Come on-“ You ushered, tugging on its leash as you exited. Once outside, you mounted the horse, making sure the gun was in reach by your side as it hung from your shoulder.
Giving a tug on the reins, you directed the horse, heading towards the voices. It didn’t take long for you to round the corner, seeing the group of men a few metres away as you yelled, getting their attention. They lifted their own guns as you quickly grabbed yours, sending warning shots their way before taking off.
Glancing over your shoulder, you could see a few of the men running after you, sending wild shots your direction. Whilst distracted, you didn’t see one of the men hiding out of sight, who had aimed his gun right at your horse, pulling the trigger, shooting the poor animal, sending you flying off as you hit the cold snow with a groan. Gasping for breathe, you felt yourself winded, laying on your front as you looked for your gun, seeing it a few inches away. With a yelp, you tried to crawl towards it, but the pain in your side quickly caused you to draw back.
“Shit, shit, shit-“ You whispered, tears forming in your eyes as you heard the men approaching. Even when laying in pain, fearing you would be shot dead, your mind still went to Joel and Ellie, praying they were ok. You pushed yourself onto your back, turning to see the group of men stood over you, hatred in their eyes. One of them raised their gun, aiming it at your head as you narrowed your eyes, almost daring him to do it. With some encouragement from the others, he was ready, finger on the trigger. However, another shot rang out, causing him to lower his gun to see their ring leader.
“Punishment will be served.” The man, David, told them. “But not yet.” He walked towards the group. “Bring them.” He ordered, as the group reluctantly did as he said, two walking to you as they roughly hoisted you up, causing you to grit your teeth in pain.
“Fuck you.” You spat, as David simply smirked, nodding for the men to head off.
Some point on the journey you’d passed out from the pain, awaking in what looked like a makeshift cell. Groaning you tried your best to push yourself into a sitting position, a hand going to your side as you gently gripped it to try and almost stop the pain. Lifting your shirt slowly, you saw a bruise beginning to form on your ribs, hissing as you realised you’d probably broken a few. The sound of the door opening caught your attention as you hastily dropped your shirt. David stepped in, holding a tray as he approached the cell door. He lowered himself, sliding the tray under the wiring.
“Thought you might be hungry.” He said calmly, eyes scanning your face.
“No thanks.” You said defiantly. “Not exactly 5 star service is it?” You sneered as the corners of his lips flicked up for a second, amused.
“Is that anyway to speak to your generous host?” He quipped, raising a brow.
“Generous?” You almost scoffed, looking down at the tray. As your eyes lowered, you saw something just past David on the floor. Something that made your stomach churn. Your eyes widened as your mouth went dry. He frowned as he followed your gaze, before standing. An ear. A fucking human ear.
“For what it’s worth, that’s just deer meat.” He told you. “Promise.” You covered your mouth for a second, processing what he had just said, fighting the bile that was threatening to come up your throat.
“You’ve been…” You cleared your throat. “You’ve been eating people.” You stated as he turned back to look down at you. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” You spat, furrowing your brows.
“I did what I needed to to survive. To feed my people.” He still spoke with calmness. “They were starving. I couldn’t watch them starve.”
“So what?” You narrowed your eyes. “You pick up strays, chop them up, feed them to your people.” You clenched your jaw. “And they’re ok with that?” He stayed silent as you noticed a slight shift in his stare. “Oh…” You laughed slightly. “They don’t know, do they?” You used all your strength, to push yourself to your feet, using the wall for support. “What would happen if when I get out of here…” Your tone lowered. “I told your people what you’ve been doing…” You challenged him, watching as he began to tense up. “Tell them what a murdering scumbag you are.” You smirked. “I think there would be a revolution.” David suddenly, finally, lost his cool, slamming his hands on the cell door, causing you to jump slightly at the sound.
“When you get out of here?” He let out a breath laugh. “That’s a big presumption to make.”
“Shit.” Ellie hissed as she heard footsteps above. She turned to Joel, gently shaking him to try and stir him. “Joel, get up.” She pleaded. “There’s someone upstairs. Joel.” He opened his eyes as he frowned, trying to push through the pain and confusion he was experiencing. “Joel, we need to hide.” She tried as she began to use her strength to push him to sit. They began to hear a sliding across the floorboards, as Joel seemingly began to become more alert.
“Go.” He ordered her, voice low as he pushed her to hide. She looked apprehensive for a second before he gave her a reassuring nod, to which she followed his order. As the door to the basement opened, Joel had gotten to his feet, following Ellie as he reached out for her knife. As the intruder came further into the room, Joel readied himself, getting his stance ready to pounce. As the attacker came into view, he made his move, going behind him as he slit his throat, causing the man to gurgle and fall to the floor. Ellie finally came out of her hiding spot, as Joel shook his head. “No, stay here. There will be more outside.” He told her.
“But-“ Ellie tried.
“No buts.” He lightly scolded her. He looked round the room, noticing his gun was gone. But not just that. You. “Where’s (Y/N)?” He asked, as Ellie gave him a sheepish stare. “Ellie…”
“They went out to lead the guys away.” Ellie said quietly. “I had to stay here to protect you.” Joel’s eyes widened at her words, as he felt anxiety swell in his chest.
“Shit.” He muttered, clenching his fist, gripping the knife tightly. You were gone. Out of sight. He didn’t know where you were or if you were ok. He silently prayed you had gotten away, stayed hiding whilst the men looked for him. But he knew you all too well. You would’ve gone in guns blazing to get them away from him and Ellie. Putting yourself at risk for them. “Stay here.” He told Ellie, his tone teetering on dangerous, before disappearing from sight, on the hunt for his next victim.
David had left you alone once again, as you tried to fiddle with the lock on the cell door. However, you quickly realised it wasn’t going to work as you let your frustration take over, yelling as you hit the door. You even tried bending the wire of the door, just to try and make a gap big enough for you to get out through. But it wasn’t as easy with broken ribs. Looking at the floor in defeat, you had an idea. Bending down with a groan, you untied your shoelace, glancing up at the door every now and again to check no one was coming in. You began to pull out the lace from the shoe, holding it in your hands as you held it taut, seeing how strong it was as you smiled to yourself. You hid it up your jacket sleeve, keeping a bit of the lace in the palm of your hand to get easy access.
After a few more minutes, David finally returned. You licked your lips. You knew men like him. You knew how to butter them up. Putting on your best innocent eyes, you watching him closely.
“I’ve…” You began, making your voice low. “I’ve been thinking.” You bit your lip. “Maybe… Maybe I’ve been wrong. Quick to judge.” You cleared your throat, watching as he narrowed his eyes. “I mean… You have the weight of a whole community on your shoulders. That must be hard.” His features seemed to soften slightly.
“It can be.” He agreed. “But I just do the Lords work. I look after my own.” He paused. “Just like you. With the girl… And the man.”
“I just wanted to protect them.” It wasn’t a lie. “They are my community… Surely you understand.” You took a step towards the fence.
“I can see it in you. That fight. That desire to protect.” He lowered his voice. “I see that part of me… in you.” You fought the urge to shudder at his words. “Imagine if we both took charge of this community… Both of us. Headstrong. Protective. Willing to do what it takes to keep our own safe.” He took his own step forwards. “Mother and Father.”
Joel stood over one of the men who was tied to a chair, as Ellie had eventually come out from the basement, watching with curious eyes as Joel seemingly scared the man.
“Where are they?” Joel questioned, leaning down so his face was mere inches from the man.
“I-I don’t know, man.” The raider tried, but Joel clicked his tongue, bringing up Ellie’s knife into the air as he stabbed it through the man’s kneecap, causing him to yell out in pain.
“Not good enough!” Joel snarled, Ellie had seen Joel angry… But this was a new level. He was scared. Lashing out. “Where. Are. They?”
“He-He took her!” The man shouted. “To our community.”
“Where?”
“A-a town, not far.”
“What town?!” Joel twisted the knife as the man yelled once more, gasping and panting as he tried to think straight.
“It’s not a real town!” He exclaimed. “It-It’s a few miles from here, please-“ Joel took the knife out from the man’s knee as he fell forward for a second. He turned, grabbing a map from the side as he held it up, putting the knife in the man’s mouth.
“Point to it.” He ordered, as the man did as he was told. “Now point to where we are.” Again, he did, as Joel took back the knife.
“Please, I swear-“ He pleaded. “I’m telling the truth.” Joel turned, grabbing a gun he’d taken from the raider. “Please.”
“Oh. I believe you.” Joel told him, before quickly aiming the gun at the man’s head, pulling the trigger. He’d completely forgotten Ellie was even in the room. Consumed by his rage. He turned, leaving the man dead as he caught Ellie’s eye. She didn’t look scared. But he couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt in his stomach. “Let’s go.” He told her as he threw her knife back to her.
David opened the door, but you waited. You didn’t want to seem too eager to get out. To leave. Taking a slow step forward, you waited for him to nod for permission. Once he did, you exited the cell, standing in front of him. He slowly lifted his hand, causing you to flinch slightly. He then gently traced your cheek with his thumb, causing you to fight the urge to attack him right then and there.
“I’m sorry about my men.” He apologised. “They did quite the number on you.” His hand slowly moved down. Painfully slow. As he reached for the bottom of your shirt, lifting it to reveal the bruise on your ribs. “Luckily for you, we have more medicine.” He told you as his hand grazed your side, lowering your shirt. “Plenty of rest, food and medicine… Then we will begin.”
David led you down the hallway, walking in front as you swallowed the lump in your throat, beginning to get the shoelace from your jacket sleeve. You shuffled it in your hands, as you wrapped both ends on either hand, pulling it out taut to get ready to attack. You got to the kitchens, as you finally decided to take your shot. Moving behind David, you moved your arms over his head, ignoring the pain you felt, as you pressed the lace against his throat, using all your strength to press down on it, causing him to jolt and gasp. He tried clawing at the lace, as you kept pulling, kicking the back of his knee to buckle his leg, causing him to falter as he fell to the floor.
“I know men like you.” You said lowly. “Why would I, want to join you?” You spat, as his movements began to slow. You saw your chance, seeing him on the floor as you let go of the lace, making a run for it out the kitchen, limping slightly to put less weight on your hurt side. You entered out into what appeared to be a dining hall area, as you rushed towards the nearest exit, pushing on the door, which was locked. Swearing under your breath, you went to another door, trying that one. But again, it was locked. You yelled in anger, refusing to let it stop you. You picked up a nearby chair, yelping as it sent pain down your side. But the adrenaline was taking over. The will to survive. You launched the chair at one of the windows, causing it to crack it slightly. You quickly picked up another chair, repeating the action. However, as you went to throw the last chair to finally break the window, you felt a pressure on your throat, causing you to drop the chair to claw at the shoelace you had used on David, that was now pressing on your neck. He hauled you back, causing you to gasp and groan, before he threw you to the floor, causing you to knock over one of the tables as you clattered into it. The candle fell to the floor, the flame catching fire to a nearby table cloth, quickly going up in smoke. Your eyes widened at the sight, realising the building would quickly be set alight.
“You stupid little-“ David spat, as he quickly appeared over you, using his body to hold you down. You tried your best to fight, using your fists to try and hit him, your legs to kick, and your mouth to bite, however, your body was growing weak. “You will repent. You will follow my rules, my lifestyle…” David continued. “You need to be taught a lesson.”
“Fuck. You!” You shouted, rage filling your mind as you spat in his face. That only angered him further as he grabbed your face with his hand, gripping your skin tightly as he forced you to look at him. “Asshole!” You managed to force out, causing him to smirk, seeing how much power he had in the situation. A sudden shot rang out through the room, as David flinched, frowning. You let out a breath, coughing as you looked up, seeing blood coming from his chest. His features began to become distant, as he finally fell forward, landing on you as you yelled, tears forming in your eyes, trying to push him off you. “Get- Get off!” You cried, closing your eyes tight, feeling the smoke making your mouth dry. Suddenly, the weight on you lifted, as you felt a hand grab your arm, causing you to scream, fighting against it.
“It’s okay.” You heard a voice over the flames. “It’s okay. It’s me.” You opened your eyes, smoke clearing as you realised it was a face you recognised. “It’s me, baby, it’s me.” You let out a breath.
“Joel…” You reached out, grabbing onto him, almost to make sure he was real. He nodded, wrapping an arm around you as he carefully led you out of the hall, leaving the flames and smoke behind you both. As you stepped outside, the cold air hit you roughly, as it made your throat close up for a second. Your eyes scanned around, looking for danger, but you only saw Ellie as she looked shocked by your appearance.
“Ellie…” You whispered, thankful she was safe. That they were both safe. You had done your job.
“We’re okay.” Joel told you, feeling your legs buckle as he allowed you to fall into him, your head landing on his shoulder, as he wrapped you in a warm embrace. “It’s okay Darlin’, we’re here now. It’s okay.” He said softly in your ear, as his gloved hand held the back of your head.
You jolted awake, gasping a little as you sat with a start, which soon made you wince. You didn’t know where you were. And your heart rate increased as it saw the flames from a fire.
“(Y/N)-“ You jumped at the voice, turning to see Joel sat on a nearby rock. “You’re safe.” He told you gently, getting up to come over to you. “You passed out, it’s okay, we’re hidden. They won’t find us.” He told you, almost like a promise. “Found this little cave, decided it was the best bet.” You nodded at his words, pushing yourself to lean against the wall, breathing a little ragged. You looked over, seeing Ellie asleep in her own sleeping back. “She wanted to stay awake till you woke up.” He said. “But sleep had other ideas.”
“Your wound-“ You realised, turning to face him as he waved you off, sitting beside you against the wall.
“I’m fine.” He grunted. “Penicillin fixed me right up.” He paused. “I’m more worried about you. I think you’ve cracked a few ribs.” He said through a clenched jaw.
“Yeah… Not great when you’re trying to travel across the country.” You let out a small chuckle. “Don’t even have a horse anymore.” You both sat in silence for a moment. Joel didn’t know what to say. Every time he thought of you being hurt… He couldn’t help but blame himself. He couldn’t help but feel anger at the ones who did it. “I’m sorry.” Your words broke him out of his thoughts as he turned to frown at you.
“What for?”
“For making your life more difficult.” You shrugged. “For going and doing something stupid.” You licked your lips nervously. He quickly shook his head, sitting up a little.
“This wasn’t your fault.” He told you sternly. “If it was anyone’s… It’s mine.” He sighed, pulling his gaze away from you.
“Don’t do that.” You whispered. “Don’t put this on yourself. I made the choice to go out there, I made the choice to risk my own life.”
“But you shouldn’t have had to.” He said a bit more angry. You knew it wasn’t at you though. “I should’ve been there to handle it. Instead… I was laid up. Useless.” You frowned.
“Joel, you kept Ellie safe, and you came and got me.” You almost scoffed. “You did more than enough. You did handle it.” You paused. “I tried to handle it. I tried to help, to make your job a little easier, so you could focus on getting better.” He finally looked at you once again, seeing the honesty in your eyes. You really wanted to protect him. Help him. Ease the pressure on him. “And I’m sorry I couldn’t do that.”
“Not many people have done that for me.” He said quietly, voice a little gruff. “But please, don’t do it again. If we’re ever in this position again, you stay put. You don’t put yourself in danger for me.” You didn’t reply, simply giving a small nod. You couldn’t promise anything, but you were both stubborn, meaning you would never agree. “Now, let me sort that cut.” He gestured to your cheek, as you furrowed your brows, before lifting a hand to touch where he’d pointed, feeling dry blood on your skin. You didn’t even realise it was there. He reached over to his backpack, pulling out a small first aid kit. It just held some wipes and plasters. He opened it, reaching in to grab a wipe, opening the packet as he pulled it out. You watched him closely, as he gently reached up to wipe away the dried blood. You couldn’t help but just stare at him.
“How did you know where I was?” You asked, voice low. Joel seemed to hesitate for a moment, before clearing his throat.
“I have my ways.” He said, his eyes still trained on your cut.
“Sounds ominous.” You quipped, before letting out a small hiss as the wipe touched a sensitive part of your skin, causing him to whisper a small apology. “Was Ellie okay?”
“Yeah-“ He finally finished, taking his eyes away from you as he fiddled with the first aid kit. “Bit scared I think. Worried about losing you.” He admitted. “We both were.” He didn’t meet your eyes as he said it, he actually avoided looking at you altogether. You felt your heart swell at his words, as you pursed your lips.
“Yeah… Well, you gave us quite the scare too.” You said. “You were out for a few days.” You cleared your throat. “I thought-“ You felt your eyes growing glassy. “We thought-“ You tried, as he finally met your gaze again. “Both of us were scared of losing you.”
“You would’ve been fine.” Joel tried to shrug it off, but you shook your head, reaching out your hand for his, as you gently gripped it.
“Joel you need to start realising… We care for you. Ellie adores you. She’ll never say it-“ You added, with a small laugh. “But she does. I’ve never seen her so worried.” His eyes softened for a moment.
“And you?”
“Of course I was worried.” You told him sincerely, giving his hand a small squeeze.
“I was too, y’know.” His voice was quiet, almost above a whisper. “Bout you.” He admitted. “When I came in… When I saw you-“ He shook his head. “With that… scumbag.” He almost spat. “I just saw red. I felt… I felt it in my chest.” He explained, as you kept your eyes on his. “The thought of him hurting you-“
“But I’m fine.” You reassured him. “I’m here, I’m alive.” You promised, as he moved his spare hand, gently placing it on your unharmed cheek. You didn’t flinch. Not like you did with David. It felt right, his touch felt right. It was welcomed. You melted into his hand.
“Before Ellie… Before you-“ He began. “I didn’t think I’d feel…” He couldn’t finish as you nodded, understanding.
“I know.”
“And I can’t.” He removed his hand, leaving you feeling empty. “Not now.” You removed your own hand from his as you recoiled back slightly. “Not during all this.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Maybe once… Once we get back to Tommy’s…” Your heart became full of hope again. “We could… try?” He asked. It was weird, seeing the hardened, gruff and ruthless man you knew become so soft, unsure and emotional. But it was nice. It felt special. You nodded, a small smile on your lips.
hey :) i recently discovered your blog and read your joel fics. let me just say that i love how you portray him, it feels so genuine. i haven’t seen any request guideline or anything but i thought i could still send one. feel free to turn it down or change it tho.
what about joel being in a relationship with a much younger reader and he’s a bit insecure. he knows he’s old, he has scars all over his body and rough hands, etc…and she’s pretty much the opposite. it results in him just avoiding her a bit (if he has to change a shirt, he’ll make sure she is nowhere near for example) but one time he gets hurt and she refuses to let him “handle it”. quickly, she realizes how he can’t look at her, how ashamed he seems to be when he has to undress for her to look at the wound. he ends up admitting how he feels (in a very joel way but still) and she just shakes her head and shows him how much she loves him (nothing sexual though but maybe she kisses his scars and tells him she adores all those little “flaws” he sees)
hope this is okay, thanks :)
AN | This turned out pretty soft, but I hope like it 🥺
Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
Warnings | Language, Injury [non-graphic, but mentions blood]
Word Count | 3.2k
Masterlist | Joel, Main
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
You liked Joel. You really liked him. Even despite the differences between the two of you, which seemed so vast at times, and despite what people had said about your relationship in the beginning.
But there was always this sort of divide. You couldn't quite pinpoint it but it was always there. And you wished you could break it down, bit by bit just like you had done with so many other things. He didn't seem to want to let you in, no matter how much time you spent with him. In the end, you decided not to push it; if it happened it would happen. Otherwise you would just love him as best as you could, show him just how much he meant to you with everything you had.
You loved him, just as he was, and that was all that mattered.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
It was a late night that found you in your bed in Jackson all by yourself. It was winter, and it was cold; normally you could rely on Joel to be your personal heater but he was gone. You weren’t quite desperate enough to get up and turn on the heating, so instead you bundled up in a horde of blankets. You hoped that Ellie was warm enough but you knew that she would speak up if she was cold.
You grabbed the pillow that Joel normally used, the one that always smelled like him, and hugged it to your chest. It almost made it seem like he was here…almost.
But before you could manage to fall asleep and dream of him, the real Joel stumbled his way into the bedroom. You sat up with a start, immediately turning on the like on the bedside table, rubbing the bleariness from your eyes, “Joel?”
He grunted in response, still half hidden by the darkness of the night. But you knew him well enough to know that something was off. You slid out of the bed and walked over to him, mind already reeling with the hundreds of possibilities of what could have been wrong. When you were finally able to take a look at him, your heart dropped into your stomach.
“Joel,” he looked at you, but you could tell he wasn’t quite there. The entire right side of his shirt was bloodied and you immediately knew that it was his blood; that idea made your stomach churn, “what happened?!”
“I’m fine,” he lied, waving his hand to try and brush you off. But you were having absolutely none of it, “just need a minute."
"You're not fine," you shook your head and reached for the hand on his uninjured side but he immediately flinched out of your reach, "Joel. Don't lie to me and say you're fine! You're hurt!"
"I can handle it," his answer came out in a hiss as he sat down at the edge of the bed, "I don't need you."
You recoiled for a moment, taken aback by his words and tone. But you quickly got over it when you realized it wasn't really him. He was injured and hurting…you really couldn't blame him.
"I don't want you to just handle it," you crouched in front of him, attempting in vain to try and get him to look at you. He refused; his dark gaze fell anywhere but on you, "you don't always have to do things alone, Joel. I'm here for you, I l-"
"Don't," he stiffened as you sighed softly. He hadn't let you say those words to him yet. He'd never said them to you either. It wasn't really a big deal to you; he showed you his love in so many other ways, through everything he did. But right now, you thought he might just need to hear it, "get out."
"What?" Your eyes widened in hurt and you felt tears start to well up and prickle at the back of your eyes. He'd never once been so harsh before.
"Please," he sighed as you stood up and studied him, "just get out for right now."
"Listen," your hands were on your hips in a position that mirrored the one he often pulled, "I know this is hard for you, letting someone else in. And I respect and am trying to understand your boundaries but you don't always have to push me away when things happen. I'm not going anywhere, I hope you would know that by now. You're my partner in every meaning of the word and I would never leave you. I want to be there for you, but I don't if you don't want me to be. So, I'll listen to you and I'll leave. But if you decide you need me, you know where I'll be."
He half expected you to go out and slam the door, but you didn't. Instead you walked slowly, shutting the door with as much grace as ever as he listened to you walk downstairs to the spare bedroom. Bereft of any logical thought, a heavy sigh escaped him. It would have been easier if you'd been mad and yelled, but instead you were kind as normal. He hated that - hated himself in that moment because it made him realize just how deeply he hurt you.
He got up and locked the door before hesitantly peeling off his shirt to try and tend to his wounds. He was almost glad they hurt…it was the least he deserved.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
As soon as you stepped foot into the spare room, you let the tears you'd been holding in roll down your cheeks, trying to keep your cries quiet. You didn't want Ellie to hear and you certainly didn't need Joel to hear you either.
You crawled into bed but found no comfort in it, finding it too hard, too cold, too empty. You were half tempted to go back to Joel and make him accept your help, but that wouldn't do anything helpful.
Instead you grabbed the extra pillow and hugged it to your chest, saddened when you realized it didn't smell like him. After you'd cried yourself out, you fell into a dreamless sleep. It was decidedly better than the alternative.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
You weren't sure how long you'd been sleeping before you heard the door creak open. Being a light sleeper was both a blessing and a curse. You thought that maybe it was Ellie needing something so you didn't think anything of it.
"Hey Ellie Bean, what's up?" you peeked an eye open as you blindly reached for the light switch. But when you turned it on and revealed your new guest, you made a soul sound of surprise, "Joel?"
"I'm sorry," he choked out, still standing in the doorway, unsure if he should stay or go, "I'm so sorry."
"Oh, my love," you threw the blankets back and slid out of bed, to walk to him. When you stood in front of him, his expression grew nervous, his eyes wide and worried. You reached up and touched his face, brushing your thumb over his cheek, "c'mere."
You took his hand and pulled him towards the bathroom, no hesitation whatsoever. Joel inhaled deeply but followed you; he would always follow you.
You flicked on the bright, blinding light and motioned for him to sit on the toilet. He silently did as you wished and waited to see what you'd do next. God, he really just wished you'd be mad at him. He deserved it - at least in his mind.
You kneeled in front of him and studied him. His eyes were glossy, his face pale save for the dark circles under his eyes. His shirt was stained with dried and fresh blood, knuckles on his right hand busted. You swallowed thickly, but tried to keep it together.
From under the sink, you grabbed the antiseptic and bandages and other supplies, setting them in front of you wordlessly. No words needed to be exchanged and he didn't flinch away when you reached for his hand. He momentarily marveled at how much smaller your hands looked in his.
Joel watched as you cleaned his wounds, gentle and tender in your actions. You were his saving grace without a doubt.
"There we are," you finished bandaging his hand before setting back on his thigh. Your eyes flicked to his side and you realized you weren't sure what to do. In the end, your worry for him outweighed anything else. You touched the hem of his shirt and met his eyes, "may I?"
He looked away for a moment, hesitating and torn. But ultimately he knew what he should - and really wanted to - do, "yes. I trust you."
"Okay," you choked up for a moment but that was a worry for later, "okay."
You took the hem of his shirt in your hands and slowly pulled it up, almost jumping when his fingers brushed against yours as he took over and tugged off his shirt, throwing into the tub so the blood wouldn't stain anything.
He was half waiting for you to say something or just to walk out, but you didn't. Of course you didn't. Deep down he knew that.
While he was having his existential crisis, you were assessing the damage. Luckily it didn't seem to be too bad, more superficial than anything but you still hated seeing him hurt. You tutted softly as you grabbed a clean rag and started to wipe away all the blood. Even despite your gentle touch, you could tell it was hurting him.
"Almost done," you promised, taking your time to get everything all cleaned up and covered, humming softly under your breath. It was a habit he'd noticed a while ago and for some reason it always made him feel safe. When you were finished, you looked over the rest of his torso. Joel could feel you looking at him, "all better. Well, you're patched up but it'll take a bit to heal. I'll keep an eye on it, okay?"
You stood up and stretched, your back stiff from kneeling on the tile floor. You still weren't sure where you stood with him so you decided to go back to the guest room.
"Good night, Joel," you didn't give him a chance to say anything else before walking out of the room. Whatever happened next would be up to him.
Fortunately you didn't have to wait long for an answer.
Once you got settled back into bed, it was only a few minutes until you heard him come back. You hadn't closed the door all the way so he could easily push it open. You didn't roll over to face him, instead you let him come to you, let him gingerly slide into the bed behind you.
He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you into his chest, curling around your body. You relaxed - your heart felt relaxed - as you allowed yourself to melt into him, putting your hand on top of his.
Neither of you spoke, but you felt him press a kiss to your shoulder.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
When you woke up again, hours later with the sunlight softly streaming in through the window, you found yourself tangled up with Joel. It felt good to have him next to you.
He had some more color to his face and you couldn't help but brush some of the rogue locks out of his face. You ghosted your fingers along his jaw before trailing them down his arm. You wanted him to rest so you got out quietly and padded to the kitchen to make some breakfast.
It wasn't long before you heard his familiar footsteps on the wooden floor. You turned to him and found that he was still shirtless. You hadn't seen him shirtless before you realized. Not like this.
"Good morning," you whispered softly, "you look better."
"Can we talk?" Oh. He wanted to head right into that.
He sat down and motioned for you to join him, which you did without hesitation.
"I'm sorry," he echoed his words from last night after a few beats of silence, "for what I said. How I said it."
"I didn't take it personally," you promised, "I know you were hurt. Hurting."
"It doesn't excuse it," he leaned back in his chair, scrubbing a tired hand over his face, "I often wonder why you're here. With me."
His words crashed around your ears and hit like a ton of bricks. The panic on your face was evident.
"I don't - I don't doubt you," he quickly shut off any of your negative thoughts, "me. Why me?"
"I don't…I don't understand, Joel."
"You're so young, so good, so fuckin' beautiful. Everything I'm not," you looked at him in surprise, wondering if this had been on his mind for some time, "you could have anyone you want. Why are you here? With me? An old man with too much shit and baggage that can't even communicate properly? Surely there's someone better for you here."
"Joel," you couldn't help the small laugh that escaped your lips, "you're so blind sometimes, you know? I don't want anyone or anything but you. It's you. Joel Miller, I know it's hard for you to accept certain things, but you have to know that I love you. That it's….always been you. Since we met."
"I haven't even been able to be shirtless around you," he sighed heavily, forcing himself to meet your eyes, "we can't even have sex unless it's dark. I - fuck…I know you've noticed, you're not dumb."
"I have, and you're right, I'm not dumb."
"You haven't said anything."
"Why should I have?" You asked in return, "its not…I love you, and that means accepting all of you, even the bits and pieces you hate yourself. I love all the things you hate about yourself," you were waving your arms around as you normally did when you got excited and that brought the smallest of smiles to his face, "I don't care about stuff like that…I knew that we'd cross that bridge when you were ready to. It's not my place to push or pull you. I'm willing to wait for you, and I'm always going to be here for you. All I want…all I want is for you to know that I love you and that you don't have to do anything on your own. You have me, always. I want to be your home and your safe space, just as you are mine."
"How could you…" he gestured to his body, speaking through gritted teeth and thinking of every mark and scar that littered his body, "how could love this? Is this really what you want to deal with?"
"First of all, I'm not 'dealing' with you," you reached across the table and put your hand on top of his, "you don't just deal with the people you love."
"But-"
"But nothing," you insisted, "you're perfect just the way you are. And excuse me for a moment for objectifying you but you're hot, Joel. You're fine as hell, and I can't believe you don't see that. On top of that you're a good man, even if you don't want to believe it. What else could I want?"
"Baby," he took your hand and held onto it, squeezing tenderly, "I'm giving you an out if you want it."
"Well I don't fucking want it," you squeezed back, "I'm not leaving. Not unless you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't want me. That you want me to leave."
His eyes met yours, "never."
"Good," you offered him a small smile, "that settles that. Joel, you're so important to me and I will always be here for you physically or mentally or however. I've got scars and marks and imperfections too. I've got baggage. The thing is when you love someone that doesn't matter."
"I know," he closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, "I'm s-"
"Don't," you cut him off softly, "don't say you're sorry. There's nothing to be sorry for. Just…it's okay for us to take things slow, as they come. And just know that we're here for each other."
"Okay," you saw his adam's apple bob as he choked up.
"Okay," you stood up and walked over to him, and effortlessly, as always, his hands found your hips and he pulled you onto his lap. You gently cradled his hands in your face, beaming at him, silently telling him that everything was going to be alright, "I love you, Joel."
"I…I love…" he paused, not unsure of his devotion but overwhelmed by everything, "I can't believe I've never even said it to you before."
"I don't care. You don't have to tell me anything you don't mean or don't want to," his hands were delicate on your skin as he studied you, "I know it's true regardless. I don't need to hear those specific words."
"I want to say them," he insisted softly, his hand finding your face, a juxtaposition of rough against soft, "I love you. Even if I don't always say it or act like it."
"I know, but you do. Act like it I mean," you preened into his touch and put your own hand on his chest, palm right above his heart, "you're not alone, you know. You have me, Ellie, Tommy, Maria, and so many others. It's hard to be so vulnerable, trust me I really do understand in my own way, but it's also okay. Even if it takes time, forever, or whatever. I am always going to be here."
"What did I do to deserve you?" At his silly question, you laughed, marveling still at how clueless he sometimes was.
"There's no rhyme or reason for loving who we do sometimes," you leaned and pressed your forehead to his, "but you know, the fact that you saved my life the day we met doesn't hurt."
And then he laughed, shoulders relaxing and a genuine smile growing on his face, "well, I think you've gotten me back a few times for that. Why are you still here, huh pretty girl?"
"Shut up," there was nothing but affection behind your words, "somewhere along the line I managed to fall in love with you. So. Here we are."
"Here we are," he repeated before kissing you softly and you practically melting into him, "baby."
"Hey, if you're going to do that can you at least do it in your bedroom?" neither of you had heard Ellie come downstairs but you exchanged a lot before laughing. Yeah, things were pretty good, "otherwise can we make some breakfast already? I'm starving!"
Before you could climb out of his lap, Joel held you back and kissed you softly, giving you a gentle look. You touched his cheek, silently nodding in response.
Not everything needed to be said out loud. You always heard him loud and clear.
Summary: bill and frank host. tess is jealous. joel is confronted with his feelings. you cry over a shower
Tags: 2007 (as seen in ep3), age gap, protective!joel, jealousy, tess isn’t painted in a bad light but she gets her feelings hurt a lil, angst, joel being emotionally suppressed, everyone hiding their emotions actually no one copes normally, emotional hurt/comfort, hugs, pining!joel, hugs, fluff
Request: anon: “hello! i am totally obsessed with your work! i was womdering, if you still take requests, if you can write a joel x reader fic where the reader has a tough exterior with everyone, including Joel, but he knows how sensitive and delicate she is on the inside and behind closed doors. picture this for reference: she had warm water at bill and frank's and she started sobbing uncontrollably, but in front of joel she will always deny she doesn't feel depressed and emotional, but he knows better that this and they both help each other to open up.”
Request: anon: “loved your first joel fic!! if you’re okay with requests can you do another joel fic where maybe tess is jealous of how joel softens around the reader? like he’s not really an affectionate guy but with her he is and tess realizes how he feels about the reader? maybe they’re at frank and bills house and she knows joel doesn’t want to stay but for the reader he will? or something like that it’s up to you- you’re the writer after all”
A/N: so since both of these requests included joel being soft for the reader and them being at bill and franks, I decided to combine them. I liked both concepts and I thought mixing them would lead to something interesting. I feel like I feel like there’s more to this story so if y’all want a part two lmk
Cross-posted to ao3 • writing masterlist
When you, Joel, and Tess first met Bill and Frank, none of you had any idea how you’d end up feeling about the two men.
Frank had allowed the three of you to enter their isolated town and introduced them both (okay, nice enough), and then Bill had pointed a gun at you (not so nice). Why you? No particular reason other than that you were his closest target. From that moment Joel wasn’t a fan.
“If you’re gonna point that thing at someone, point it at me. Not at her,” Joel said sternly, his hardened gaze fixed on Bill. The two stared one another down for a moment as Bill quickly identified Joel’s weakness. Tess looked at Joel, working hard to hide the frustration on her face.
He obliged, turning the gun onto Joel.
“Bill,” Frank said softly yet firmly.
Bill glanced at Frank, who was silently asking him to relent. Bill lowered the gun with a huff.
With the hostility out of the way, or at least set aside for the moment, Frank offered you an apologetic smile.
“Would you like to see our home?” he asked as a peace offering.
“We’d love to,” Tess answered at the same time as Joel, who said—
“We actually should be going.”
You didn’t say anything, which caused them both to look at you. Tie breaker.
Tess had a feeling you’d agree with her, but what happened next still bothered her.
You and Joel exchanged a look, having a silent conversation. Joel registered that despite the gun incident, you weren’t fearful. It was only because of that that Joel looked at Frank and nodded.
“Alright,” he changed his answer.
Tess wanted to scream.
Frank seemed relieved and his smile grew. He led the three of you to the large white house that the two men called their home.
“You’re welcome to anything in the house,” Frank said kindly, ignoring the disapproving grunt that came from Bill. “Clothes, medicine, water, food—although Bill will be starting dinner soon—and of course the shower,” he listed off.
Your ears perked up at “shower.” Joel could tell by the way you actually lifted your head. Just a day ago you had been reminiscing on how long it had been since you felt clean. Like, really clean. Hot water, soap, soft towel—you longed for it and Joel knew that.
Frank noticed too. “Shower it is.”
“Thank you,” you said immediately. “For being so kind and sharing your home with us.”
“If I’m being honest, I’ve been bugging Bill for us to find some friends,” Frank admitted to you quietly. “Speaking of which,” he started. “Bill? Maybe you could get our other guests some drinks? I’m going to show—“ he looked back at you.
“Y/N,” you filled in.
“—Y/N to the shower,” Frank finished.
You didn’t hear what Bill had to say, but that was the least of your concern as Frank gestured for you to follow him.
Joel watched as you followed Frank away. He itched to go after you, not comfortable with you being apart from him. He felt incredibly protective over you and maybe it wasn’t the healthiest reaction, but he didn’t like to let you out of his sight. It scared him—not that he’d ever admit it.
“Don’t worry, I think she’ll survive without you,” Tess said sarcastically, smothering the genuine bitterness she felt at the man’s reaction. Joel was never like this before. Well, before you.
Joel threw her a glance, but didn’t say anything. Bill was approaching them and grumpily suggested they follow him into the kitchen.
They all made casual conversation, Tess doing most of the talking.
Upstairs, Frank was showing you to the shower. He’d given you a towel and found you soap, shampoo, and conditioner.
“Thank you so much,” you said yet again. Frank just laughed it off and told you no worries, and that if you needed anything you could just call for him.
You closed the door, isolating yourself in the bathroom. You turned on the water and held your hand under it until it was warm. A smile spread across your face. You quickly stripped and stepped under the water, longing for the feel of a hot shower.
It was everything you had hoped for. You relished in the hot water rushing over your tired body.
You prided yourself on being tough—like not even flinching when Bill pulled his gun on you—but something about the comfort that reminded you of the old world brought tears to your eyes. Their house was so normal. Nothing like the wilderness, the destroyed towns, or even the QZ. You were only a child when the pandemic happened, but you held onto a few fond memories. You never felt at home in the QZ.
The only thing that made it feel comfortable and safe was Joel, but this was still so much better than the QZ. It was overwhelming.
Next thing you knew, a sob of happiness broke free. And once it started you couldn’t stop.
In the kitchen, Bill was standing at the stove cooking. Joel didn’t know what it was—but it smelled delicious. Frank had excused himself to set up a table outside so everyone could eat together in the nice weather.
“Sorry, by the way,” Bill announced, off topic from the previous discussion. He didn’t look up from his task of sautéing onions as he spoke. “For the uh, gun thing. Can’t be too careful.”
Tess and Joel looked at one another. They both suspected Frank must’ve said something to convince him to apologize. But beyond that, they both thought back to the incident. A flash of anger shot through Joel at the memory of the weapon being targeted at you. Tess remembered how reckless Joel had been, asking Bill to turn the gun on him. Would he really trade his life for yours? Once Tess started thinking about that, she couldn’t stop.
She started to become quiet during the conversation, which was pretty much when the talking fizzled out. Joel wasn’t very talkative, and clearly neither was Bill.
“I’m gonna go see if Frank needs help,” Bill decided after a few minutes. Joel and Tess exchanged a look. Obviously he just wanted away from them for a moment of relief—he wasn’t anticipating having to be social and wasn’t too happy with it.
Once they had a moment alone, Joel had a feeling Tess was going to unleash. It had been building up, Joel could tell her mood had turned sour.
“What was that?” she asked vaguely. Joel furrowed his brows. “Earlier,” she clarified.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Joel stated. He had an inclination, but he was hoping Tess would drop it.
She didn’t. “You asked him to point a gun at you!” Tess said in a hushed yell, frustration seeping out in her scolding tone.
“He wasn’t going to shoot me,” Joel deadpanned.
“He wasn’t going to shoot at all,” Tess confirmed. “So then why did you tell him to turn it on you?”
She was pushing for an answer she didn’t want, but now that she had started Tess wasn’t going to let up. She was stubborn like that.
“I didn’t like him pointing a gun at Y/N,” Joel admitted. The memory of it made him clench his fist. Tess didn’t see that, but she saw the way Joel wouldn’t hold her gaze.
Her jaw clenched. “You’re too soft on her.”
At that, Joel scoffed. The sound came out before he could stop it. “How is that being too soft on her?”
Tess was quiet for a moment, contemplating her next words. “It’s not just that,” she said, quieter, almost distant. It was a contrast to how loud she’d been getting.
Joel took a deep breath through his nose, then let out a heavy sigh. He finally looked Tess dead in the eye. “I’m not having this conversation with you.”
If it wasn’t for the desperate look on Tess’s face, he would’ve gotten up and walked away. She wasn’t done. She was struggling to say what she wanted to say, and Joel didn’t want her to.
“The moment she came into our lives, that was it,” Tess told herself just as much as she was saying it to Joel.
She was backing Joel into a corner. “Where is this coming from?” he questioned.
Tess let out a humorless laugh. “This has been a long time coming,” she confessed. “I see the way you look at her, how you act around her. She’s just about half your age and yet you always seem to find something in common. You cut me out, Joel.”
Joel was at a loss of words. He couldn’t seem to find the words to defend himself. Tess continued.
“We’ve been in that scenario before, do you remember? When you and I were making a trade and the punk pointed a gun at me?” Tess recalled. Joel recovered the memory quickly, and he began to zero in on exactly why this meant so much to Tess. “You never would’ve considered trading yourself for me. I know because you didn’t.”
“That was different,” was all Joel could come up with.
“I never would’ve made you choose between me and her, but you did on your own,” Tess held firm. Her jaw clenched as she fought to not let herself get any more emotional. “And you chose her. I see that now.”
“Tess,” Joel started, but she shook her head.
“Don’t try to lie to me. Please.”
“I wasn’t going to,” Joel said. He wasn’t even sure what he was planning on saying before. This had all come out of nowhere. At least for him, Tess had clearly had this on her mind for a long while and today just happened to be the final straw. “I’m sorry,” he decided, but it was too little too late.
Tess liked you. She really did. And you hadn’t done anything on purpose. You probably didn’t even know the effect you had on Joel. That’s what made being jealous of you so hard. She wanted to not like you, to blame you for stealing any ounce of affection Joel allowed himself to have, but she couldn’t.
She cleared her throat. “I’m going to go check and see if they need any help setting up outside.” The sudden calmness was eerie. Joel looked at her cautiously. “We’re going to just… drop this,” Tess decided. “And we can all try and have a nice time together, eat a real meal, take hot showers, and relax for the night before we head out in the morning.”
Suppression. Tess was going to bottle everything up. Ignore it and move on. It was something her and Joel had in common.
She left him then, and Joel felt no desire to go after her. He felt guilty about that, but he had nothing left to say to Tess about that and she’d concluded her piece.
Instead, Joel found himself leaving the kitchen table. He followed the sound of running water upstairs. You’d been in the shower for a while and there was a nagging feeling in Joel’s chest that longed to find you.
His feet carried him to the bathroom door, where he knew you still were.
Joel heard a sad, gasping sound from you. It was nearly drowned out, but he heard it. Concern overwhelmed him in an instant.
Joel pressed his ear to the door. He almost busted in, but wanted to take a moment. And it was good he did. What he had first thought were sounds of distress, was actually you muffling cries of relief. He could tell. He wasn’t sure how—maybe it was the tone, or the softness to the sounds, or he just knew you too well—but he could tell.
His hand reached for the doorknob. Joel grasped it and contemplated turning it. He leaned the side of his head against the door.
“Y/N?” Joel called through the door. He went blank over what else to say. Should he ask if you were alright? Would you be weirded out if he asked to come in? You were showering after all. Instead he said nothing.
You went silent. Joel felt bad now. You were never emotional around anyone, you tried to hide it from him. Joel wished you wouldn’t. But he supposed you were just following by example.
“Yeah?” you asked.
“Um,” Joel stalled. “I was just checking on you.”
“Oh, um, I'm alright,” you replied. A few seconds of quiet passed. “Thank you, though.”
Joel listened to the sound of water rushing from the shower. You’d stopped your tears it seemed, but Joel could hear the quiver in your voice when you’d spoken.
“It’s okay if you’re not,” Joel told you carefully.
“I’m fine, Joel,” you assured.
When Joel first met you, you were innocent despite the dark world and wore your heart on your sleeve. You used to express yourself emotionally, but now Joel couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen you let yourself break.
You’d gotten better about hiding it. He wanted to help you open up, but that was something even he struggled to do.
Joel went down the stairs and to the living room. No one else was in the house, he could see out the window that Frank was showing Tess around their garden while Bill was setting up the food.
Joel sat on the couch and thought over your interaction through the door. He wished he would have waited for you to come out of the bathroom to talk to you, to make sure you were okay, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Because then he’d have to explain himself as to why and after the conversation with Tess, he feared how you’d react to the knowledge of his feelings.
As if on cue, there were light steps descending down the stairs. Joel turned to look at you.
Your hair was damp, and you were wearing an oversized clean shirt that must’ve come from one of the hosts (Frank was the nicer one, so Joel guessed it was him who lent you it) and a pair of jeans that you’d packed that you hadn’t worn yet.
“Hi,” you greeted.
“Hey,” Joel said, watching you as you moved over to him. “Everyone else is outside.”
“I see that,” you said lightly. “Is everything okay?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” Joel asked.
You shrugged. “I thought I heard arguing earlier. You and Tess,” you explained. “Bathroom is right above the kitchen…”
A brief moment of unease filled Joel. “What all did you hear?”
“No words clearly, just Tess raising her voice,” you revealed. Joel just gave you a slight nod. He had a feeling that wasn’t the only thing you had to say. “Did you, um… hear me earlier?”
Joel knew instantly what you meant. “No.” He hated lying to you. “Yes.”
“I thought so. I just”—you searched for your words—“I’m fine. That was just—”
“You don’t have to explain yourself.”
You swallowed and took a breath. “I’m not weak.”
Joel let out a small huff. “I know that.” That fact that you thought you had to tell him was amusing in an odd way. He was well aware.
“Well, alright then,” you said decidedly. “It’s just been so long since we’ve had hot water and—“
“You don’t have to explain yourself. You’re allowed to feel,” Joel reminded. “I know you. You’re strong. But you’re also a good, sweet, caring person and I just”—Joel sighed, struggling for his words even as they were tumbling out—“I don’t want to see you go numb to the world. I don’t want you to end up like me.”
You looked at him curiously. He stood for some reason, it felt more natural for him. Your eyes held his on his way up. “You’re not numb, Joel,” you told him, sounding so sure of yourself. “I don’t think that. I think you put on a brave face just like I do. Although I guess I’m not as good at hiding it as I thought.”
A small laugh left you as you shook your head.
“What?”
“It’s just been so long since I talked about… feelings,” you admitted.
“Same here,” Joel agreed.
“It’s weird, isn’t it? I shouldn’t be, but it is.”
Joel got an idea. He hoped it wasn’t a bad one. “Maybe we can… help each other with that. Y’know, find a way to talk about it.”
You gave him a gentle smile. Before Joel could process, you were wrapping your arms around him and clinging to him in a hug. It was a sudden, unfamiliar movement. Joel held you against his body, resting his chin on your head.
“That’s a good idea,” you told him, your voice muffled against him.
Joel hadn’t touched, let alone held, someone in so long. It was nice. Mostly because it was you.
The sound of a door opening and heavy steps alerted you, causing you and Joel to part from one another. Frank approached the two of you with a welcoming smile on his face.
“Dinners ready,” he informed, looking between the both of you.
“Seriously, we cannot thank you enough, Frank,” you said kindly. He gestured towards the door in an “after you” manner. You gave him a smile and headed outside. Before you stepped out, you gave Joel one last grateful look.
There was a slight smile on Frank’s face as he looked at Joel, who hadn’t moved yet.
“It’s nice to have someone in a world like this, isn’t it?” Frank asked in a sincere tone.
Joel looked out the window towards the garden where you joined the table. You smiled at the sight of the food and took a seat.
After having a whole conversation about allowing feelings, Joel decided that he didn’t want to suppress the small smile of appreciation that crossed his own face.
“Yeah, it is,” Joel answered.
starting a joel taglist, if you’d like to be on it lmk through an ask or message!
I had a Joel fic idea I wanted to send you in case you are looking for inspo? If not just ignore this lmao.
I thought it would be kind of cute to have a fic where r likes to read even after the world went to hell and whenever she goes with Joel somewhere and he luckily finds a book he knows she hasn’t read he picks it up for her as a gift😭 and r reads out loud for them when they’re camping, oblivious to Joel’s feelings until one day he gives r a book she mentioned she loved when she was younger and she’s like oh, you feel the same way 😭
AN | I love this, this is so soft and I love this concept! I hope you like it too 🥰
Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
Warnings | None
Word Count | 3k
Masterlist | Joel, Main
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
"Always buried in a book," his tease was accompanied by a warm chuckle as you looked up and found Joel strolling into the makeshift library. Your smile was beaming as you marked your page and set the book down to give him your full attention, "what are you readin' now?"
"Nothing terribly exciting," you confessed with a huff, nodding in the direction of your latest selection, "the Hobbit. I think I've read it a dozen times by now. As a matter of fact I think I've read all of these books at least twice."
"Hard to expand a library when people aren't writing anymore," Joel rubbed at his beard thoughtfully as you nodded sadly, "its a shame."
"I never thought I'd see the day when I couldn't go to the bookstore or library for a new book," you looked away, blinking back your tears. It wasn't just the book thing - it was everything, "but here we are. I like to write my own stories sometimes but it's not the same. I already know the beginning, middle, and end and all the plot twists when it's all in my head."
He hummed in understanding as you felt him study you intently. Your face warmed up under his intense gaze as tugged at a loose thread on the sleeve of your sweater, “is there a reason you read the same thing multiple times?”
“I’ve always read a lot,” you tucked your legs up and under yourself on the overstuffed chair. You focused on the fire that was crackling away merrily, knowing that you had his undivided attention, “it was always a good form of escapism when I was younger and turns out it also works these days with all of…this. I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up, I always had a hard time fitting in. When things got bad, there was always a book to turn to.”
“Did you have a favorite?” you huffed in amusement as you turned to him with a no duh expression. The look on your face made him laugh as well, and he reached over to give your shoulder a gentle squeeze, “what was it?”
“You’re going to laugh…”
“I promise I won’t,” he insisted, accompanied by a silent shake of his shoulders which led you to raise your eyebrows at him, “I’ll do my best not to.”
“A true man of honor,” you rested your chin in your hand as you looked over at him, “prideandprejudice.”
“Come again?” he was teasing you, the question filled with tender affection, “didn’t quite catch that, sweetheart.”
“You’re the worst,” you groaned softly, hiding your face in your hands, “you heard me loud and clear - Pride and Prejudice. I know it’s silly but I’ve just always loved it.”
“I don’t think that’s silly at all,” he promised as you relaxed slightly. It wasn’t that you needed his approval or hoped he felt the same way, but there was something about his response and how tenderly he watched you that it made your tummy explode with butterflies, “it’s nice to have something familiar to hang onto - it’s nice to have a friend.”
“I agree,” oh. He really had to stop looking at you like that before you melted into a puddle on the floor, “I haven’t read it in forever.”
“Haven’t found a copy or just haven’t had the desire to read it?”
“Haven’t found it,” you sighed dramatically, before smiling back at him, “maybe one day I will, and if I do, I’m going to make you read it as well - I’ll even read it out loud for you.”
“Is that a promise or a threat?”
“Umm…I dunno,” you mused as he shook his head fondly, “both? Which one is worse?”
“I don’t think I’d ever feel threatened by you,” he began as you gave him a mock-hurt little expression, “you’re very tough, but I’m sorry sweetheart, you’re too soft. Which isn’t a bad thing. So, tell you what, you ever get your hands on a copy of Pride and Prejudice, I’d love to have you read it out loud for me.”
“Yeah?” you looked at him with soft doe eyes that made his heart constrict.
“Promise.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Joel liked your smile; it was pretty, even if you shied away from it at times. It always worked to make his heart constrict with emotion, and he’d long formed his own little plan to make you smile as often as he could. You weren’t privy to that just yet, but that was okay. As long as you were happy that was all that mattered.
His favorite way, as he’d found after that afternoon in the library, was surprising you with a new book. Realistically, it wasn’t much, but it was the meaning behind the gesture, and the fact that even though he was out in the big, bad outside, he was thinking about you.
Book after book he found for you, some almost new, perfectly preserved in time, and some already aged and loved before everything fell apart. But it never mattered, it was all about the face that he did just for you. The old, rickety bookcase in your small apartment was soon filled with new titles, some you’d already and others you’d never even heard of, all lovingly placed and organized. One of the many reasons you didn’t mind these small tokens of affection from Joel was the fact that it gave you more reasons to spend time with him.
As the months passed, you got to know Joel more and more, learning about his life from before the Outbreak to present. You shared just as much with him and in a way it felt like the two of you had always been friends, like two wandering souls that had found their way back to each other. You never would have thought that someone like him would ever even want to spend time with you, but you fit together like perfect puzzle pieces.
On this particular evening you found yourself in his backyard, along with Ellie and a few other friends that you’d made in Jackson. Some moonshine had been passed around, and lots of exciting stories had been exchanged. You were listening to everyone, mostly staying more on the quiet side when you realized you didn’t have much to contribute to the current conversation at hand.
“What about you?” Joel was sitting on your side and leaned into your space, gently nudging your leg with his. You blinked a few times, tearing your attention away from the fire and turning it to him with a confused look on your face, “what’s your best camping story?”
“Oh,” you grinned sheepishly as you looked around the circle and found nothing but friendly faces looking back at you. Your cheeks warmed up as you shrugged innocently, “I’ve never actually been camping. So I wouldn’t know….unfortunately.”
“What?” Joel seemed surprised but quickly caught himself and slipped into the soft tone that he often adopted for you, “I knew there had to be something wrong with you - there had to be a flaw somewhere.”
“And never having been camping is my flaw?” you teased right back, unaware of the knowing smiles that were being exchanged all around.
“That’s right,” he insisted, leaning in even closer, causing your heart to skip a few beats, “but don’t worry, there will still be time to fix that.”
“What a gentleman,” you down the rest of your drink, shaking your head in amusement.
“Would you look at the time…” Ellie almost jumped out of her seat, pointedly looking around the circle and motioning with her head that it was time to leave, “it’s late and we’re all tired, so we’re gonna…go.”
“All of you at once?” Joel raised an eyebrow as he looked at the girl, knowing better than anything by this point. She nodded with narrowed eyes as everyone said their goodbyes, leaving just the two of you. Joel let out a long sigh as he leaned back in his chair and smiled at you, “very subtle.”
Your mind started to reel with possibilities as to what he meant. You knew what you wanted him to mean, but you also weren’t about to flatter yourself like that. Joel wouldn’t ever like you as more than a friend, right? Right.
The way you looked at him with such wide, gentle eyes made him want to pull you into his lap and kiss you until there was no mistaking what he was saying. The two of you stared at each other for a few moments before you cleared your throat softly.
"I guess I should get going too," you whispered, still unmoving, "it's late."
As soon as you stood up but before you could go, you felt his fingers wrap around your wrist as he gently held you back.
You turned around to face him, neither of you speaking, just studying each other. He had lovely eyes, soft despite all the years of hardness, his lips pulled into a soft smile.
Before you could stop yourself with too much logic, you leaned in and kissed him. You wondered if it was all a huge mistake, but to your surprise, he kissed you right back. His hands found purchase on your waist and yours on his shoulders as you let him kiss you
Until you came to your senses and realized what you were doing. You gasped in surprise and pulled back, looking at him worriedly as Joel dropped his hands from your waist. You blinked back the tears that had immediately threatened to well up, panicking that you had crossed any remaining boundaries that either of you had remaining.
"I-I am so sorry," you whispered, touching your lips without thinking about it, "I have to go. I'm sorry."
You were gone before Joel could even process what had just happened.
When he did, he hung his head and sighed heavily. He hoped he hadn't just fucked everything up.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
In the following week, you weren’t actively trying to avoid Joel…but you were definitely making sure you weren’t around whenever he was. You just had no idea how to broach the subject or if it even needed to be discussed. The idea of going up to him and saying anything made you want to curl up and wither away - it might have been dramatic but you were willing to allow yourself a little bit of theatrics.
But…you realized later on, Joel hadn’t fought off your advances. He’d actively kissed you back, and taken control. Maybe he’d wanted it just as much as you had. Or, or, you’d taken advantage of him, because you’d both been drinking. That made it all worse, and made your stomach churn.
Either way, your plan was to avoid him - if not forever - for as long as you could.
Unfortunately, Joel was a stubborn man and wasn’t about to let you go without any explanations. And you weren’t exactly particularly sneaky; he found you in your usual spot, perched on the window seat with a book open in your lap as you stared out the window.
“Hey,” you startled at the sound of his voice, but turned to him with a shy smile. He approached you slowly, almost as if he was afraid that he was going to scare you off like some sort of wild animal, “figured you’d be here.”
“Well,” you waved your hands around dismally before tucked your book away, “I’m not exactly hard to find if you know me. I’m a creature of habit.”
“Ain’t nothing wrong with that,” he came over and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his broad chest, “I have a surprise for you.”
“O-oh, Joel,” you swallowed thickly and wondered what on earth he could possibly be referring to, “I-I don’t need anything…seriously.”
“I didn’t get you anything technically,” ah. Joel and his little technicalities, “more of a ‘we’re doing this,’ type of thing.”
“And what is it that we’re doing?”
“Camping,” he stated with a grin as you just blinked at him in shock.
“Pardon?”
“We - you, Ellie, and I - are going camping,” he stated again as if that would clear everything up, “just a little something I’ve been planning since you’ve been avoiding me.”
“I-I have not been avoiding you,” a lie. You both knew that much, “just…busy.”
“Whatever the reason,” he insisted, “we’re goin’ camping. We’re leaving bright and early in the morning so make sure your things are packed.”
“Joel-”
“We’ll be ‘round at eight,” he gave your leg a gentle pat before heading out, not letting you get a word in edgewise. This man.
You watched him go, feeling so alive and nervous at the same time, but more importantly, you were excited to go.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
As it turned out, camping was a lot more fun than you thought it would be. You were pretty sure a lot of it had to do with your present company. Ellie and Joel were always fun to be around and this was no exception.
Joel had scouted out a remote but safe location near a river where you made camp. There was something rewarding about putting up your own tent and making a fire to cook your dinner on. It was definitely a welcome change; it almost made it seem like the world had never fallen apart.
One particular evening, Ellie had crashed early and was already in the tent sleeping. That felt you and Joel outside sitting next to the fire. When the conversation hit a natural lull, Joel stood up and walked over to his backpack. You watched him curiously, a smile dancing on your face.
"Close your eyes," he called back to you. You playfully closed your eyes and put your hands over him. He chuckled as he pulled something out of the pack before zipping it closed.
He made his way back over to you, gently placing something in your lap. You made a small sound of surprise but didn't dare to open your eyes. Instead, you waited for him to give you the go ahead.
He sat back down next to you, groaning slightly at his stiff bones. You felt him pull your hands away from your eyes, "alright, you can go ahead and open your eyes."
"Joel, you really didn't need to get me anything!" You gasped as you looked at the object in your lap, trying to hide back a squeal of delight, "Joel. This is amazing."
"You like it?" He asked, nervous as he watched you inspect the small object.
"Pride and Prejudice," you opened the cover and flicked through some of the gold leafed pages. It was still in impeccable condition, "oh my god, I can't believe you found this - you remembered."
“‘course I did,” any nerves he had remaining quickly dissipated when he saw the look of pure joy on your face, “I remember a lot of things.”
“I mentioned it like one time,” you flipped through some of the pages, touching your fingers over the worn but love pages, “I can’t…this is wonderful, a-and so kind. Thank you so much, Joel.”
“You mentioned how much you used to like it,” oh no. He felt like he could melt into a puddle at how sweet you were, “and I wanted you to have it again. So I’ve been keeping my eye out for it.”
“You’ve been looking for it?” alright, you were about ready to cry at that point. He nodded, trying to make it seem like less of a big deal than it actually was, “you’re amazing. I can’t…this is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.”
“It’s not that big of a thing-”
“It’s everything,” you clutched the book to your chest, “this means everything to me.”
“You mean everything to me,” his voice was gentle. You gasp inwardly at the revelation, “I thought it was only fitting.”
You moved closer to him on the log, shifting your body so you could face him. Your eyes locked onto his; he could see the hesitation on your face and in your body language. He decided to answer your silent question by putting his hand on your face, brushing his thumb over your cheek.
Joel leaned in and kissed you, so quickly and delicately that you were almost convinced you might have imagined it. Judging from the expression on his face, you knew that it had definitely happened. You hadn’t just dreamed it last time - he wanted this too. You leaned into him and pressed a few more kisses to his lips, the two of you lingered but neither of you pushing.
“There’s something I have to ask you,” he tucked a few stray locks of hair behind your hair as you felt your face grow warm again. The effect he had on you was palpable.
“Anything.”
“Will you read to me?” the way the smile on your face was intoxicating and Joel was hooked, “I’ve never read Pride and Prejudice.”
“Shocker,” you teased softly, “are you sure though?”
“Positive,” he promised as he took your hand and led you over to the nest of warm blankets that were near the fire, “nothing would make me happier.”
“Okay,” you made yourself comfortable and pulled out the book, “get comfy and let’s get started.”
We can’t just keep our heads down and lay low. We’re the reason why the hospital is in trouble. We have to do something. We have a responsibility. Which is why…I think we should buy the hospital ourselves.
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