I started this tumblr when I was 20 - 21, at the height of my depression and eating disorder. Some years later, I felt better, I was getting better. I could not blog like before, the beauty in the madness was gone. Today, I am 26. 26 full of failures, 26 and penniless, 26 and jobless, 26 and in debt. Thank god I have a roof over my head. Nights like today, I cry and cry nonstop till my eyes tire. I’m 26 and I have no friends. The people I know tell me to “help them understand”, but where do I even start?
I feel myself dying a little everyday. Some people deal with stress fine, some people feel sad and get over it. I am so ashamed to tell people I can’t deal with stress, I want to talk about my problems but I don’t know how to. I am so ashamed to say I’m 26 and I cannot cope with living. I just want to go out, go to an interview, get a job and not feel like it takes all the energy I have just to get these simple things done. I want to eat when I feel hungry, eat until I’m full and not feel guilty, eat what I want whenever I want. All these things are so hard for me, why doesn’t anyone understand? I should have died that night in 2010. My entire existence is a mistake. Who even reads this blog anymore.