P E T R I C H O R @feur - Tumblr Blog

People describe depression as a "persisting sadness lasting more than 2 weeks". But that's not what I feel.

I feel this void, this emptiness. I don't feel sad, neither do I feel happy. I want to cry all the time but I can't seem to find the tears.

Maybe the doctor got it wrong; maybe I just forgot how happy feels.

Maybe it's just tonight. Depression is like my old friend lurking in the shadows.

Maybe it's just tonight I need a friend and this dread lugging at my heart feels too familiar; I embrace it.

prospects

Hey, it's me. 13/11/2017 I wrote: Depression is being seemingly fine and then all it hits you like a ton of bricks and suddenly you're a crying mess on the floor not knowing what you're crying about. Is that it? Is this what I'm feeling tonight? I've cried my eyes swollen for the past 3 hours. I mean, who tf cries for 3 hours? Oh, me. If bouts of depression is not enough, how about you upsize your value meal with *anxiety attacks*. They leave you breathless, literally. I'm hurt.

I’m so tired of being here. Suppressed by all my childish fears.

mangafascination

julieterbang

Do you sometimes lie in bed, and start crying for no apparent reason? What is wrong with me? I'm too much, too little, too loud. Sometimes all I want to do is sleep, but even sleep doesn't come easy. Mornings are bad, nights are worse. Maybe Iife isn't for everyone.

perfectpalettes

I started this tumblr when I was 20 - 21, at the height of my depression and eating disorder. Some years later, I felt better, I was getting better. I could not blog like before, the beauty in the madness was gone. Today, I am 26. 26 full of failures, 26 and penniless, 26 and jobless, 26 and in debt. Thank god I have a roof over my head. Nights like today, I cry and cry nonstop till my eyes tire. I’m 26 and I have no friends. The people I know tell me to “help them understand”, but where do I even start?

I feel myself dying a little everyday. Some people deal with stress fine, some people feel sad and get over it. I am so ashamed to tell people I can’t deal with stress, I want to talk about my problems but I don’t know how to. I am so ashamed to say I’m 26 and I cannot cope with living. I just want to go out, go to an interview, get a job and not feel like it takes all the energy I have just to get these simple things done. I want to eat when I feel hungry, eat until I’m full and not feel guilty, eat what I want whenever I want. All these things are so hard for me, why doesn’t anyone understand? I should have died that night in 2010. My entire existence is a mistake. Who even reads this blog anymore.

#personal

I have not been back for a year plus. I missed this place. I came back to retrieve some memories to aid my writing. I left because I felt like such a hypocrite plus no one was active around here anymore. In any case, if you find solace in my blog, thank you for hanging on. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Much love.