As selected by @tinydickfaggotslave and @fag2servestr8men
A few months after the battle of New York, Thor made a thunderous return to Midgard. As usual he was quickly greeted by SHIELD agents who tracked Asgardian energy, including his good friend Phil Coulson.
“Son of Coul, I have returned to your world because I have grave concerns,”
“We’re always ready and willing to help Thor, what is it?”
“During my various excursions into your social spaces, I’ve noticed the most peculiar creatures. They appear to be physically male - not particularly strong or talented looking specimens, but male regardless - however they have ridiculous voices, dress in womanly clothing and most shockingly, express attraction to other men.”
“Ah, the fags. Yeah they’re annoying, but no one can really do anything about them.”
“What if I told you they were a threat to your global security?”
Agent Coulson raised his head at this. He pulled out his notepad and a pen, “Carry on.”
“I believe they are remnants of the Faerie race. Many aeons ago they walked among the Asgardians, contributing nothing of value,loudly protesting against the Kings and the Generals for nonsensical reasons and trying to trick our bravest army men into exposing themselves by disguising as members of the Valkyrie!”
“Eventually Odin had had enough, and ordered them all enslaved. Warriors of all breed and species came together for the Great Task. They were all shackled up and about to be deposited into the darkest, dankest cells when Laufey, the big lug, stumbled and dropped them into the aether and they vanished, presumably forever. Not the most graceful of Asgards missions, but if nothing else they were gone like we wanted. I think earth may be where they ended up. Faerie descendants live among you now, just as pathetic as before and I’d wager just as nefarious.”
Coulson was enthralled with the story. It made so much sense. “I think you’re right, but we’d need proof before Fury or the council let us do anything much about it.”
“Our Asgardian scientists still have all the information about the Faeries on file, we would just need to take one of your…fags, is it…back for testing,” the god of Thunder said, a grin forming on his handsome face.
Coulson returned the smile. “I’ve got an idea.”
A few minutes later the two men were wandering in the forest. “How long before the faggot arrives? What exactly did you describe in the advertisement? One of those whipped caffiene drinks they like? Or a party featuring some of that foolish “music” they flop around to?”
“Well…no…” Coulson replied, “I just said ‘Thor’s in the woods. And he’s got his guns out.’Should be one here any second now.” Thor gave him an annoyed glare.
Sure enough, a few minutes later a pink flannel clad homo came skipping into the woods. “Yoohoo, Hey Thor can I get a selfie with you? Do something hawt, like flex or…ooh you should dab! They’ll love that on my insta!”
Thor wasted no time letting Mjolnir fly. He chuckled as he stepped toward the faggot, who was now whining and groaning but couldn’t move as the hammer was sitting on his chest.
Thor snapped his fingers and there was a flash of lightning. The next thing the homo knew he was in a cage, steel bars all around him. And his clothes were gone.
Thor grabbed the handle on top of the cage and effortlessly hoisted it off the ground. “I will take this specimen back to our labs and get back to you as soon as we have results.”
“W-what? But my followers will notice I’m gone!”
“That’s funny,” Coulson said as he scrolled through his tablet, “It doesn’t seem there’s any trace of you online at all…”
Thor laughed deeply. lifting the cage up so he was eye level with the fruitcake. “Trust me faerie, there will be plenty of people looking to you for entertainment in your new home.” With that the Asgardian prince shook Agent Coulson’s hand, and in a flash they were gone.
Until next time, Mighty Thor!
Tell me your favourite Superhero and I’ll write a post about him.
