fictoromantic & selfshipping advice @fictoromanticism - Tumblr Blog

Hi! Just wondering if this blog is dead? I’ve been scouring for a ficto pride blog but I’m having no luck.

hi! i don't want to call the blog dead per se, but sun and i have both had some life stuff come up recently, and answering questions hasn't really been our top priority, unfortunately, so we've been pretty inactive. i've been idly thinking of asking another mod on to try to help us work through some of our backlog of questions, but i'm not sure about how to handle that potential decision just yet.

if any followers have similar blogs to this one you guys can recommend for anon, that would be great! off the top of my head, i can't think of many.

-mod moon

I recently noticed some gatekeeping within fictosexual communities from Asexuals towards Allosexuals, claiming that either 1. You must be only attracted to fictional characters 2. fictosexual/romantic is an exclusively Asexual orientation, in which "Waifuists" (I even saw this term equated with Allosexual) have no place. This is not true, right? I don't understand this hostility. We already face enough ridicule from non-fictosexuals. I love my f/o in the same way I would love him if he was real.

i've seen the claims that fictosexuality or fictoromanticism are inherently ace orientations, but i don't necessarily agree; i think it's just too broadly individual, and many people in long-term committed ficto relationships also experience IRL attraction or have IRL relationships in addition to ficto ones. i think a good handful of people simply forget that a lot of fictos aren't exclusively ficto and thus class it as aro-spectrum or ace-spectrum inherently. it's a shame to see some people are specifically gatekeepy about this.

it makes more sense in my opinion to view it as a sort of split model aside from the spectrums of ace/allo or of attraction predicated on gender, because ficto attractions can be experienced by anyone of any orientation, and feeling that those attractions are an important part of one's life and orientation should really be the only requirement for identification with the label.

you're right about ridicule in particular - these sorts of feelings are already by and large not taken seriously, and while i think attempts to gatekeep are possibly a reaction to the fear that one's attractions and relationships will be seen as "not serious enough," these attempts also don't help. for the most part none of us or our relationships are taken seriously outside of our own communities or adjacent ones, regardless of who we put down or claim doesn't represent us due to lack of commitment or whatever else.

it's also very silly to exclude waifuists specifically, in my opinion. i haven't always felt comfortable in those communities, but it would be hard to accuse them of not being "allowed" to ID as ficto simply because many of them are allosexual, when many members of waifuist communities have ficto relationships that last for years or even decades. i think the only reason i don't lump waifuists in with the community entirely is because many of them just don't ID as ficto and feel waifuism is more of a lifestyle or relationship choice than orientation, so they've developed their own sort of paradigm.

tl;dr that's very uncharitable and not cool of them at all.

-mod moon

hi, i recently found out that im fictoromantic. i feel really genuine love for my f/o but i feel super embarrassed/ashamed about it and i dont know how to make myself feel better i want to just accept it as is but its a struggle

hi, anon!

it can definitely be a struggle to work with any aspect of your identity you're ashamed about, and it can be really hard in this particular area just because the level of judgment from others can be intense.

my advice would be to try to take things slowly. finding out your orientation isn't what you thought can be stressful and disorienting in and of itself - you're majorly changing your conception of self, after all. you don't have to jump headfirst into shouting ficto pride from the rooftops, or ever even tell another soul if that's uncomfortable for you.

interacting with other fictos or viewing the things they post about their relationships and lifestyles might be validating for you. it might also be helpful to take some time getting used to having an f/o before you attempt any community contact. it's really up to you. if there's anyone in your life you know will be understanding and supportive, talking to them might help, too.

most of all, try to remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with who you are or who you feel strongly for. you've done nothing wrong, and regardless of what people think about fictos, there's nothing you've done that merits shame. it might not feel helpful at first, but changing the way you think takes time, and refuting those negative thoughts about yourself and your fictoromanticism is important in ensuring they're no longer your automatic reactions.

you're great, anon. you should be proud of the genuine love you feel. it's wonderful.

-mod moon

hi! im someone who's just getting into selfshipping- do you have any terms beginners should know?

i don’t think selfshipping is too vocabulary-intensive; there aren’t a whole lot of terms involved and they’re often pretty self-explanatory. these are the ones that come to mind:

f/o is short for fictional other, a play on the term significant other. f/o on its own usually denotes a romantic relationship because of the play on significant other, but it’s become somewhat shorthand for ANY type of relationship with a character, so people often add a modifier, for example as in “platonic f/o” (meaning a character one considers a friend).

self-inserts are generally OCs used for selfshipping. they can vary from being literally the author written into the fictional universe as if they were transported there magically to a character who barely resembles the author beyond that they’re there for the author to project on to fulfill the relationship. not every selfshipper uses a self-insert, though!

imagines are posts designed to present a pleasing circumstance or prompt further exploration of a scenario in the reader’s mind; for example, “imagine brushing your long-haired f/o’s hair and putting it in a plait or ponytail”. they are similar to but distinct from reader-insert fanfiction because they’re very short-form and in the context of the selfship community typically don’t center around a specific character (although those sorts of imagines also exist).

reader-insert fanfiction (or “x readers”) are more long-form and sometimes fairly specific written works in the same vein as imagines. it’s possible to find more vague “insert-character-here x reader” fiction, but typically the character is pre-established. these usually have any mentions of important details like names written out with terms intended to be replaced in a word processor or with a browser extension, such as “(Y/N)” for the reader’s name. they’re usually written in second person.

a lot of people will talk about changing or updating their lists, which is just shorthand for lists of f/os for those who have multiple. people who have a lot may also have a sort of ranking system or system of categories in their list, which varies from person to person but often takes the form of a main f/o, secondary f/os, and crushes (characters a person may like but who they don’t really selfship with actively).

if anyone would like to add some vocabulary they think is necessary that i haven't addressed in the replies, please feel free!

-mod moon

Hello I'd like to ask what I would qualify as if I love a fictional character but I don't really see myself in a relationship with them?

I love this character for nearly a decade now so I doubt you'd call that "casual" and I definitely have these typical love feelings towards them. But here is the trick: I know that this character wouldn't fit to me, I tried to selfship but it didn't feel right. I still don't mind the thought of being with them but idk executing it just another thing because my fantasy of the fantasy and the "fantasy-reality" (in lack of a better word) are different things.

I've been told that technically i'd be considered a waifuist in a broader definition. I personally don't really claim any label for myself (I also am in a 3D relationship) but I'd be curious about your personal opinion on all of that because I've been called waifuist sometimes already.

i’m generally of the opinion that whatever labels someone uses for themselves are the most correct, so i’d say it’s more up to you than anyone else. the only real “qualification” for the labels is loving a fictional character and identifying with said labels! you don’t have to directly ship yourself with a character to love them, and some people prefer certain communities to others enough that that matters a great deal to them. i’ve gone on the record before as saying that i’m much less comfortable in waifuist communities and don’t consider myself one because some of them can be very contrary to my political sensibilities and standards for relationships, for example - even when i was in waifuist communities i didn’t really think of myself as a waifuist.

if you’re interested in exploring alternative labels, fictosexual or fictoromantic might also fit, since those are more about your experience of attraction towards the character rather than about a certain relationship to the character. but ultimately it’s really more about what you resonate with and think fits you, in my opinion!

-mod moon

hi uh- so i have this character that im thinking about making my f/o but i get scared to, because he is short and childish, even though he ages up in canon and even eventually gets married. i dont want ppl to assume that i like him because he 'looks/acts like a kid' (i'm a minor, so that sentence isn't really targeted to me but still). he enjoys being childish because it's fun, but he knows when to be serious and is able to support his friends when they need it and when it's not the time to be silly, and he should be able to like cute things while being an adult! i like him because he's a nice guy who i relate to and share interests with. I'm kinda just trying to nervously get advice on this.

hi, anon!

i mean this to be reassuring, but i think this is an unfounded insecurity. some people naturally ARE short, or have personalities that can be read as "childish;" an adult who's a little short and enjoys having fun is still an adult, and there's nothing untoward about shipping with an adult like that. i'd say anyone who made the assertion was grasping at straws, and it's unlikely anyone would, given what you've described this character as being like in canon.

in short, go for it! (if you haven't already - i realize this ask is a little old, sorry!)

-mod moon

You should really mark yourselves as antishippers in your blog desc

i was under the impression the post we linked in the FAQ would have made both of our stances on this subject pretty clear.

i can't speak for sun, but i don't really consider myself an "anti" for disliking how some people handle certain subjects. for clarity's sake: my only stance is that people should be conscientious about sensitive topics that affect real people, and a lack of such consideration and sensitivity is indicative of someone to avoid. furthermore, there are some opinions that really go better unsaid, and while it's not possible to stop that kind of speech from happening, that doesn't make that speech acceptable or mean it's no longer hurtful.

for example, there's really no rationale for someone who is respectful of CSA survivors to publicly publish artwork or writing that glorifies and romanticizes those events and expect their work not to shock or offend. depiction is not automatically endorsement, but positive depiction is, and criticism of that kind of attitude and message is warranted. disliking callousness and flippancy and wishing to warn people about it doesn't mean i'm invested in discourse. some things are taboo for good reason, and people forget that at their own peril.

if my tone is curt it's because i dislike this subject and find it upsetting. i've tried to remain as polite as i can. if this stance is a dealbreaker for any followers here i'd prefer that there not be any further queries about it.

-mod moon

here to answer the question for "wtf is comship" anon, comship is a synonym for proship, being that everything is okay with them. even abuse, pedophilia, rape, and other disgusting nonsense.

yup, this is basically what we gathered! though admittedly i'm still curious what the "com" in "comship" is supposed to stand for. compromised values?

as an aside, watch out for people using terms like "anti-bullying," "anti-harassment," and "anti-censorship" in the same breath. they are all covers to make this standpoint sound less repellent.

mod sun

#sunposting tag #question tag #csa mention #rape mention

Sorry if this is really weird and doesn't have anything to do with selfshipping. But can i ask what c*mship means? Again sorry if this is completely inappropriate i understand!

i asked mod sun, but neither of us have heard this term before. sorry!

-mod moon

hiya! this is a system, and we've got a fictive who likes someone from his source. none of us are familiar with any of this, where would we start?

from what i understand of DID and similar conditions, that might be a question you should ask your therapist first? i know it's a complicated condition and can vary a great deal for individual systems or individual people with DID, but in general i'm under the impression that an alter with an introjected identity should be careful about over-connecting with that identity as opposed to their life in actuality, as it can cause some problems for them and maybe for everyone in the system of parts as a whole.

that said, if you've already discussed it with a professional and you're really sure it's a healthy thing for you/them, maybe writing and/or consuming fanfiction about the characters in question? i know this is something some people with kintypes do, and while it's a much different situation it seems like that logic might avail you here.

i hope this is helpful!

-mod moon

just as a quick note, i apologize for the backlog of questions! i know some of you have been waiting quite a while. my health hasn’t been great and sun is pretty busy with other stuff. i promise i didn’t forget.

- mod moon

I'm sorry to ask this here, I feel like this type of thing is bothersome, but do you know of any blogs that accept anonymous confessions about selfshipping and/or fictoromantic dating? I want to get something off my chest, but this blog doesn't seem like the type of place to vent, and I'm not gonna do it on a blog where that isn't the intent. I don't really feel comfortable just posting it on my blog, but I can't seem to find any type of anonymous confession account. Of course, it's totally fine if you don't know any, I just thought that y'all might have some knowledge of blogs like that that I haven't found. Thank you!

unfortunately i don’t, but maybe some of our followers do?

- mod moon

Hi there, I have a FO who's story takes place in a historical setting, and I was wondering when it comes to my self insert, how acceptable is it to be super historically inaccurate? For example my FO is a soldier during a war when women weren't allowed into combat, but I really want my female self insert to also be able to be a soldier alongside them. Is that too much?

you can make your self insert whatever you want! we aren’t the fun police, you don’t have to ask our permission. there aren’t any rules about what is and isn’t “too much” for your OC. it’s your fantasy and your writing for you, so go nuts.

-mod moon

Hey, I saw your blog and I really like that you share your advice with us💕💕

I have this problem of wanting to join an otome fandom, but my friend and I had been harassed and stalked for 3 years by one person in a fandom for drawing my OC with canons (not even interacting romantically). I'm vary of joining another fandom because of this "yandere" behaviour from these kind of people and would like to know how you would've handled it or what your thoughts are!💖💕

This saddens me a lot because I love making fandom content that doesn't necessarily feature my OCs and i fear i will be targeted again :(

i'm really sorry you've been having such an awful experience with this person! their behavior is really out of line.

i haven't experienced this before, but depending on how feasible this is for you, i would honestly lean toward suggesting you involve the authorities. certain types of harassment, like death threats, are very much illegal, and if this person has been cyberstalking you and a friend for years and subjecting you to harassment, it's a criminal offense. reporting it may potentially help you be safer. i also understand that for many people, relying on the police would pose its own set of problems, so it depends heavily on you and your situation. if you don't feel safe with the police, that's reasonable, and it's probably better you don't go to them in that case.

aside from that, i would suggest if you do get into this fandom to keep your blog viewable only to those logged in, preemptively block any account associated with this individual, turn off anons (or any similar feature, if this is on another site), and report any harassment you receive from NEW accounts this person makes to the site immediately before blocking them. using a new account, a username that you don't use on any other sites, and an alias may also be somewhat helpful.

i hope whatever you choose to do, you can have a safe and enjoyable time in the fandom for your otome game. it really sucks that people are so aggressive, and i'm sorry that you've been subject to such behavior. you're definitely not alone - cyberstalking is a serious crime, and a lot of people have been victims at one time or another. as a closing remark, i'd suggest looking up some information on how to protect yourself from cyberstalking and how to report such things in your area, just to make sure you're armed with all the information that could possibly apply to your situation.

-mod moon

Hi, I am an avid self shipper. I understand shipping real people together is not cool, most concerning. I get that. But, what if you want to self ship with a character that is based on a real person?? What is allowed then? Examples: Theory of Everything, The Danish Girl, Gentleman Jack, etc. Please be kind in response.

i want to preface this by saying you're allowed to do whatever you like, in the end. mod sun and i can tell you what we think is or isn't in poor taste, or what we think you should or shouldn't do, but we aren't the boss of you! i don't want followers here to feel like they need our permission to make decisions.

that said, i think this is maybe a grey area and depends on things like how fictionalized the film is, who the person is, and whether or not the individual in question is still alive. you might not necessarily want to ship with a fairly realistic depiction of a controversial historical figure, for instance, or someone who is still alive or recently deceased out of respect for their boundaries. when you're discussing a more fictionalized depiction of someone who has been deceased for quite a while and doesn't have a polarizing legacy, i think that's less likely to touch any nerves.

to put it in terms of your examples, i wouldn't necessarily raise an eyebrow at someone shipping with individuals depicted in gentleman jack or the danish girl, both of which from my understanding are dramatized depictions of people who have been deceased for around a century at least, because they would feel more like any other characters in historical fiction. but i would feel uncomfortable at seeing someone shipping with stephen hawking as depicted in the theory of everything, as his passing was only a few years ago and thus it seems more invasive of the real person to me.

once again, though, this is just how i personally would feel and what i consider tasteful. i'm not the president of selfship, so it's up to people thinking of those ships to make their own personal judgment calls.

-mod moon

Do you answer private DM's? I want to ask something but I dont want to share it publicly

unfortunately since there are two mods on this sideblog we can’t answer DMs, tumblr doesn’t allow it :(

-mod moon

I have never been abused or gone through any sort of major trauma. I am also an age regressor. Is it ok for me to platonically selfship with a character and use them as a caregiver?

i really don’t know much about age regression outside of psychology, but i don’t really see what would be hurtful about this. i would say go for it, but if you’re concerned, be mindful of the people around you and maybe have a tag for talking about it if anyone feels uncomfortable discussing it.

that’s only if that happens, though - like i said, i really have no personal familiarity with age regression as a thing people do on purpose, but i can’t imagine anything being wrong or hurtful about that. it doesn’t sound all too different from some people having parental or familial f/os who assume a sort of caring role.

-mod moon

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