field rot.

HEART OF MY OWN HEART, WHATEVER BEFALL.

[fieldrot]

“a man, after he has brushed off the dust and chips of his life, will have left only the hard, clean questions: was it good or was it evil? have i done well — or ill?” john steinbeck.

a character written by marcela.

CHARACTER. name: callum darrow. birthdate: 1880s/1890s. birthplace: cadder coalfields, scotland. current residence: glasgow, scotland. gender: cis man. orientation: bisexual. no such phrase for it then, of course. faceclaim: ric.hard g.add. time period: 1910s-1920s. thread and plot dependent. occupation: the newest member of the friday mongers, a scottish gang known for carrying their blades in fish wrappers. compromised mostly of trade unionized war dodgers and angry, unemployed youths. headed by his childhood friend — one might even say brother — michael flett. other: born in poverty to a line of miners, which he himself joins early as a child laborer. survives a mine fire in 1913 which killed twenty-one people, exempting himself and michael. weary of destitution, seduced by adventure, and eager not to worsen a case of acute bronchitis, he makes a pact with michael to enlist in wwi. the friendship suffers a betrayal. he steals off to war alone. now he is back, worse for the wear.

GUIDELINES. muse is not mun. dead doves do not eat. i am selective and slow and love the queue. memes are the best way to start threads.

[fieldrot]

move callum to rebooted multi today?

yes. follow your dreams.

you dont know what you want. wait, lest you become inactive again, cretin.

marcela button

Voting ended onJun 27

[fieldrot]

everybody needs to get really explicit about their characters' sexual headcanons NOW.

[yellow-cat]

when i was but a wee babe the wet nurse accidentally dropped a sufferingberry into my open mouth and thats how this all got started

[sonderpoison]

IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK 2018, dir. Barry Jenkins

[zachrp]

ᝰ🚬 𝚉𝙰𝙲𝙷𝚁𝙿 .ᐟ THE DEVIL ALL THE TIME (2020) PROMPTS. CHANGE ANY PRONOUNS IF NECESSARY. SOME MATURE THEMES MAY BE PRESENT.

i wanna get out of my house.

you know, i appreciate you always coming with me. i know you'd probably rather be doing something else.

it's beautiful, isn't it?

thank you. god bless you.

never crossed my mind, thinking about that.

i wanna show you something.

they was just jealous.

make a wish before that candle burns out.

it is our delusions that lead us to sin.

whoo! that'll wake you up.

good gracious. it's hot, ain't it?

i've got the holy ghost in me!

it's the best present i ever got. thank you.

well, what's the problem then, son?

how about i buy you a candy bar, huh?

you piece of shit!

wonder if you'd consider selling me it.

it's bound to get hotter.

come on, give me a hand.

you want your mama to die?

where'd you go?

she might have come with us, if you'd paid her a little more attention.

be right back with you, hon.

i just thought, seeing as i was this way, i'd stop by and see the old place again.

that ain't an accident.

get some shots off down there while the light's still good.

i've been run through the wringer!

we could start over.

what did you do about it?

i ain't gonna take the blame for no bastard child!

now, you pray on..

god'll hear us.

you want another twinkie?

there's debt you owe me.

before i found the holy ghost, i was scared plumb to death of spiders.

better not be one of them goddamn window peepers you keep calling about.

i'm not doing that no more, you hear me?

now you remember what i told you?

you get it all in the cup?

she'd always been sort of fucked up.

oh, shit! hey, take it easy!

damn. that's gonna be one fine sunset.

here, let me have that.

so what kind of candy bar you gonna get, huh?

i'm thinking we take a walk, be fine to pray outside and adore them trees.

don't take her from me.

this spot looks about as good a place as any, don't it?

whatcha having, honey?

god dammit, boy.

i love you and i will always remember the things that you have done for me.

you sound like a christian.

you mean to tell me you're not gonna have a drink with a pretty little thing like her?

it seemed to his son that his father fought the devil all the time.

we gotta do something.

lord, that's good stuff.

hell, they having a little revival meetin'.

girl, you been crying?

from what folks tell me, they got a right good message.

you fucking around?

as far as everybody around here is concerned your daddy's probably still out there somewhere alive and kicking.

everything's gonna be okay.

he would do anything to protect her.

oh, it's so good to see you, honey.

he ain't a coward, he went and got himself killed.

why don't you take that hat off, boy.

what's this girl's name?

you stabbed your wife in the neck with a screwdriver, tried to bring her back from the dead and then buried her body.

wouldn't you take a piece of that?

he preached on it for years, but still didn't know what to expect.

i told you i don't like this anymore.

pray, god dammit.

we keep saving, we could probably buy it. wouldn't that be something?

the lord don't like dark places.

there should be a road somewhere up here on the right.

shut your mouth. we both know that ain't never gonna happen.

now, you pray on what happened today.

here, you give me that heavy old bag.

just be you and me, sweetheart.

i'm just gonna take my break outside.

i just want you to know that i ain't never forgot it.

well.. it was a rough time.

i've been watching your every move for the last couple weeks.

what's that smell?

i left her a dollar tip, though.

don't fuck with me!

ain't no human head big enough to calculate misery like that!

you're coming with me today, boy.

it wasn't that bad. it wasn't that bad.

that was good.

i figure he'd want you to have it.

get off the couch.

you can understand that, can't you?

you ain't losing nothing there.

when the man who puts extra money in your pockets asks why you're as red as a newborn baby, you tell him who the whore is.

there's no doubt, we're all humble people gathered here.

ol' jesus probably had his fair share of bad mornings.

i'm so ashamed.

i'll have to think about it.

what happened today. now, remember, be honest. no bullshittin', he'll know.

i bet he ain't got two nickels to rub together.

are you crazy?

do what i say, you son of a bitch.

what in the hell is this?

the holy ghost is going to visit this little church that bears his sacred name!

it wasn't my fault.

i forgot my damn keys.

that is a nice gift, though.

i was just looking the land over.

i got no rest from them devils!

he has lots of grass to play on now.

there's a lot of no good sons of bitches out there.

well, that's what i'm here for.

have you shown yourself as the lord made you?

i'm so sorry.

i was a runt, hiding under my mother's long skirts, spiders crawling through my dreams.

what is it you're most afraid of? hmm? because if your worst fear is rats, well.. satan'll make sure you get your fill of them.

how about we check into a motel?

they were gonna kill me, i swear.

don't be crying, you hear?

he's dead.

you're coming out back with me today, boy.

what you got there?

didn't you hear anything i said?

you know that she ain't hardly been out of her bed since the funeral?

can i come with you?

it should be a good thing, helping someone out.

i'm sorry for bringing it up.

i don't know if you have anywhere you gotta be but, uh.. maybe we can take a drive.

behold! the lord looks out for me now!

i'll take coffee if you got any.

so good to see you. thank you for coming.

there's a girl from church i want you to meet.

i might be gone a while.

i don't understand people that won't pick up strangers.

i was asleep.

well, she won't forget that.

got time for a sinner?

i've got an election to think about.

i just don't know much about the bible is all.

she got it in her head that i was the father.

once i'd had a taste, i just couldn't get enough.

please do not try and find me.

you know, we did him a favor.

you don't look too good.

it didn't have anything to do with you.

how can you be close to god stuck in there?

i know there's other things you wanna be doing probably.

your dinner's ready.

get the fuck out of my diner.

that was nice, what you did.

well, i ain't never got her name.

you got a new toy?

you're gonna kill him!

rent seems fair for what we get.

that's gonna cost me my money.

see that one in the wheelchair? drank too much strychnine or antifreeze, or something is why he can't walk.

he'd never win a fist fight, but he could recite the book of revelation in his sleep.

what do you want?

what i'm about to do, i do because i have to, not because i want to.

i never missed church before.

some people just need a little help once in a while, you know what i mean?

you ever go and beat the shit outta someone i made my money off?

i won't speak to nobody else.

i ain't no rush.

come on, you dumb son of a bitch.

he's just a preacher.

only in the presence of death could he feel the presence of something like god.

did you need anything else?

somebody left us a pie.

i hate to tell you this, but that place burned some years ago.

where you headed?

you still got the bullshit in you, ain't you?

what you got planned after school?

maybe that's where he belonged.

i had fear in me all the time, awake or asleep, didn't matter.

what's your name, sweetie?

you'll see them, eating away at you whilst you lay there unable to lift a single finger. and it won't ever cease.

he's gonna fuckin' kill him!

no, you go on and take another one.

you know i can't afford anything like that.

i'll be praying for you.

yeah, well, that ain't my problem.

some people were born just so they could be buried.

get out. i told you last time.

what the fuck is going on out here?

how's about we, uh.. go see your mama's grave when you're better? sound all right?

i got some things to do before we go home.

sorry i didn't come today.

come on out so we can have us a talk!

that sounds like a crazy person who killed his wife.

no sense in you napping in here like a house cat all day.

get the fuck off me!

don't eat my scraps.

that's your weekly earnings 'til we're square.

you have a nice face.

we got cozy rooms in the back if you need some company.

people like me in this town.

shit, i'm thinking now'd be a good time to pay his old lady a visit.

i never did have that.

if we stay off highways, we should be fine.

we're kin, we gotta look out for each other.

you back home from the war?

they got a little trigger, back there in their throat.

you take pictures?

come on and pray with me.

everything's from the bible, honey.

is everything all right?

you ain't got nothing to be ashamed of.

we're saving money to buy the house one day, so things are gonna be tight for a while.

huh? ain't she somethin'?

i've been thinking, maybe the lord wants you to come out into the light.

there was nothing to do but forget his sorry ass.

get the fuck out of here!

there's money to be made if a man of the law is careful and doesn't get a big head.

i don't like this gospel shit.

you look like you've been traveling.

do you really want these hands touching you?

will you get me some sugar?

you got a deposit to make, sir?

i'm just passing through.

maybe you should try praying for 'em then.

remember that night you brought me up here?

that preacher's a little flashy.

i gotta go check in on her, she ain't been feeling too good.

been a while, ain't it?

looks like you had a rough day.

there's just some things we can't understand.

you're so damn ugly, i'd need a sack over your head just to get a hard-on.

he came every morning and evening to talk to god.

i know. i felt the need to celebrate. i'm in love.

please save my wife.

i got no use for handguns myself.

i bet he just wanted them chicken livers all for his own self.

i'm giving you a good thing here, buddy.

it's nothing. i just get down sometimes.

are you not coming?

me losing money is gonna cost you your cut.

i know you like this waitress.

you got any candy?

you get some rest.

we didn't go to church much when i was a kid.

i'll get myself elected.

i've been doing wrong and i wanna get right by the lord.

y'all have been awful nice to me and i thank you from the bottom of my heart for the welcome.

what's going on here, mister?

i don't understand what you're talking about.

if we just pray hard enough the lord can do anything if you just ask him right.

son of a bitch has it coming.

we need your help, and i know you can do it.

don't you worry about that pus-gutted blowhard.

you'll feel better in the morning.

i would appreciate it if you all would try and make him feel welcome.

i told you, sweetie, it's only matter of time.

i wanna get some shots of your ugly old mug sitting next to a pretty lady.

hut the fuck up.

i don't wanna go to church.

oh, come on, sweetie.

i hear you! yes, i am here!

you've been spying on me, boy?

you touch my sister again, i'll kill you. do you understand me?

ain't no man ever been evil enough.

we'll sit out and drink some beer.

stop tearing my damn kitchen apart.

there's a quiet place i found i like to go and pray on things.

the girl's family burned up in a house fire leaving the poor thing all alone.

what the fuck you talking about?

why don't you just lie down on that blanket there on your side.

i got the urge to pray again.

is that blood on your face?

still thinking about that gun you showed me.

those little shits keep picking on him. it ain't right.

pray like you mean it.

i've never heard of such a thing.

not that you'd appreciate it, but tears make for a good photograph.

i'm saying you must be crazy.

i ain't prayin'!

why don't you put the gun down and we can talk all about it.

you're gonna fuck my wife and i'm gonna take some pictures, that's all.

the spirit will take away your fears if you're willing!

i'm gonna scramble some eggs. you want some?

i've done.. lustful acts.

envy. brings out the worst in people.

maybe we should just get out of here.

we are so happy you're here.

oh, no, i'm not scared!

them boys might be bigger than you. but the next time one of them starts his shit, i want you to finish it. you understand?

sorry to come by so early, i was on my way to work and i thought i might chew your ear.

don't you touch that fuckin' camera there, son.

i got me a pretty wife at home.

we'll just take a few pictures and then the big dumb bastard will leave us alone.

i remember everything about that night.

don't act like you do nothing wrong.

i know you're down there somewhere!

i could tell the police what happened, that it was an accident.

what can i get ya?

roll up your window.

oh, lord, i was so worried.

shotgun's what'll do you good.

lord knows where a person who ain't saved might end up.

anyway, everyone says ain't no one doesn't like you, you know that.

you might not even be an orphan.

i never been so embarrassed in all my life.

mister, i do appreciate this.

where'd you hear that?

i know what my daddy did.

well, what is it, son?

what about your father?

don't fuckin' lie to me!

i never got your name.

hon, give me the key.

this photo really meant something to him.

what the hell is this?

god had a tendency of asking men to make sacrifices in order to prove their faith.

i was like you when i was your age.

i'm sure the lord will forgive you for missing one sunday.

don't you worry none.

you don't drink?

i would ask you to get down and thank jesus with me, but i can smell the liquor on your breath.

what you think?

get down there.

i ain't gonna sleep tonight as it is.

i don't wanna shoot you! put the gun down!

he's as bad as they got on the damn radio.

she ever puke on you?

you think that guy lied to me?

that's right. don't y'all worry about me. maybe i oughta take me a nap.

i've already forgiven him.

now, that's what hell is like!

don't do anything you'll regret, son.

you know what would do you good?

i didn't think anybody was gonna pick me up.

so, what'll you be having?

[fieldrot]

“lord dunsany.” 

callum searches his memories to source the familiar name. he’d had only seven years of schooling before the mines, and all miserable. even now his tongue feels thick and clumsy with the effort it takes to sound out the words he sees on a page. his letters home are brief and plainspoken, his penmanship leaving something to be desired. 

“irishman, he is. haven’t read it. but my brother and i, we used to tell each other stories in the dark. — did you two ever do that? not from a book, but your own head?”

[choicescreen]

"all the time."

they shared a room, a bed, but often found themselves hiding in the barn loft. mother and father called them mice. it somehow felt like a sibling secret even when they knew.

"her name's emma. we're twins." and he sobers a little now, homesick. it hurts in his chest all the way up to his head, somewhere between his eyes. "what's your brother's name?"

[fieldrot]

emma. 

it’s a pretty name. he wonders if she’s a pretty girl. 

a fleeting thought, of course, before richard’s homesickness seeps into the air and burrows under callum’s skin. it feels different to him. less of an ache and more like a tangle of flames. they lick up his chest and into his throat, stopping him before he says, michael. 

because he is michael. he might die here as michael, his compatriots none the wiser.

“callum,” he manages instead. and then the sudden sensations of grief, regret, hatred, all wrapped in one. it drives him to add, spitefully:

“— he burned up in a mine fire.” 

how easily the lies come once they’ve started.

[isabellaofparma]

You're the same person in the same way Jekyll and Hyde are the same person.

[fieldrot]

@vitalphenomena said: "the whole country is shit."

"that's as may be. but it's home. what's your excuse?"

[vitalphenomena]

CLAUDIA NARROWS HER EYES. She appears to be chewing on something as she clenches and unclenches her jaw.

Leaving a trail of bodies across the entire European continent won't get her any closer to where she needs to be. Unfortunately.

"Home's not a place you've got to stay, you know."

[fieldrot]

“i've done ma travelin.” seen france in all her splendor, just as the army recruiter had promised.

“an yew —" he overenunciates for effect, "didnae answer the quaisten.”

[fieldrot]

@bailheap said: "we're no too far noo."

michael’s pace is brisk and purposeful. callum takes a more leisurely approach to their journey through the outskirts of the coalfields, a gnarled stick in his hand meant for swatting at obstacles. 

“it’ll be rainin soon,” he frowns, thinking of the half-eaten apple and crust of bread in his pockets. he would eat them soaked, of course — but it wouldn’t taste the same. “ye hungry, meck?”

[bailheap]

Callum is best at the needing. Michael can only extend, blindly. But when their feet fall on the path at once, there is the exhilarating sense of a game that neither remembers starting. Two pairs of boots. Double the din of drums, a single pulse beaten between two bodies.

"Nooooo, Cal." As he picks the appleskin of the missing half in Callum's pocket from his teeth. "We must be fortitude itself."

Back the way they came, the pithead shrinks into a thin black spider crouched on the land, the rows of collier homes its webbing between brown, irregular fields.

He looks fit to take off at a run and fly. Not before tagging his brother first. "We'renotoofarnoOoOw."

[fieldrot]

callum recoils from michael’s touch with a giddy shriek. but contact is made nevertheless, and the ancient laws of boyhood dictate that retribution must be paid. 

they resemble two sooty kits zig-zagging through the brown fields. howls of laughter ring up to the sky, and callum’s meal, now forgotten, bounces in his pockets as he pursues his brother. 

he forgets his own strength. always has. his intention is to tag michael back, but he grabs hold of his collar instead. both come tumbling down: a tangle of limbs rolling roughshod over the hard-packed earth.

[id1eyouth]

[Callum] kisses [Cathy's] knuckles / @fieldrot

His touch is so gentle that for a moment, the years fall away. Not all of them—life is not so kind—but enough. Enough to glimpse two bairns sharing secrets in closes and fields, enough to remember scraped knees and judgemental looks. Back then, he'd looked at her as though she hung the moon above Glasgow.

His lips brush her knuckles. The skin there is rougher now. Work-worn. Not the hands of the girl he knew.

There are men who touch her every week and leave her feeling less substantial than smoke. Can he still look at her the same way?

Her thumb shifts against his hand before she can stop herself, a small, unconscious return of the tenderness.

"I thought ye'd have grown oot of this." At least, outgrown her.

A smile ghosts across her mouth.

"Ye always were a charmer."

[fieldrot]

“a charmer, eh?” he smiles back — a rarity. “now ye're tellin tales."

it might be more accurate to say that in her company, he always was himself. no posturing under the pressure of friends. no scrambling in the face of demands, his father’s or the mine foreman’s. and certainly no bowing to the grand plans drawn up by his older brother. 

in childhood she had made her presence as steadfast and natural as air. and, like air, he was made to understand how essential she was to him the moment they were parted. 

he releases her hand and rakes his own through her hair. it comes to rest against her slender neck.

“i thought o ye, ye know. the few moments i guessed i might be breathin ma last.” the smile fades. his brow furrows, more intent than troubled.

“an ye'd tell me, wouldnae ye — if this were aw pity?”

[fieldrot]

@joyousdefunct said: "you look familiar. do i know you?"

a nasal exhale that might pass for a laugh. a brief smile that doesn’t reach the eyes. 

“that’s right. i was in a state when we met, wasn't i?”

he refers, of course, to the night she appeared to blot out the stain. upon first seeing her, callum had been too shocked at mick’s carelessness in bringing in an outsider to give her much thought. then shock had given way to anger. he'd wasted time taking it out on chairs and saucers, undoubtedly hurting the situation more than he was helping. 

now that time has passed and he’s regained his calm, he allows himself to consider her. his gaze flits up and down her elegantly clad form, too dull and passionless to be called leering. still, he offers without invitation:

“you look much better like this.” 

[joyousdefunct]

a sound escapes— something withering.

“oh."

recognition arrives too late to side-step this encounter with any measure of grace, but she recovers quickly, shifting a paper parcel from one hip to the other.

“yes. i remember now."

behind her, the grocer’s bell dings as the door swings open for a woman and her two children. they skip by. the woman smiles. it’s unbearably ordinary.

you look much better like this.

she glances briefly towards the shop’s window, where her reflection stares back— tidy, ladylike.

“and you,” her eyes return to him, sharper now, conducting her own assessment, “you seem … rested.”

[fieldrot]

like annis, callum watches mother and daughter as they pass. unlike annis, he is not charmed.

since his return, he’s often felt as though the world were carrying on its affairs from behind a glass pane. the images are crisp, the noises clear enough, but when he reaches out a hand to partake he is met only with cold resistance. 

“aye. rested enough.”

he puts the cigarette he’d been holding out against the brick wall he’s been leaning against. when he pushes off, his posture is rigid, almost gentlemanly. it’s his hands, shoved unceremoniously into his pockets, that betray she hasn’t quite earned his respect. 

“ye’ve found yourself in a rough part o toun, ye have.”

as if she didn’t already know it — a woman like her, moonlighting as a fixer for the city’s underbelly. 

“interest ye in a chaperone?”

[fieldrot]

kermit as well

smash actually. absolutely.

[fieldrot]

i know the answer but cathycal

this is so funny that you would even send me this

[loisnclark]

     𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐃   "  𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐇   𝐎𝐑   𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐒  “   𝐅𝐎𝐑   𝐌𝐘   𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄   𝐓𝐎   𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑   𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐘   𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓   𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒.   𝐍𝐎   𝐋𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆   𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐃  .

[fieldrot]

“i did! we both did. that’s what we planned, remember? what we whispered about, for months, in the dark. and even after you fucked me, i layed awake at night all of basic training, thinkin’ to myself, he’ll come along any day now. he said he would. degenerate as he might be, he always keeps his promises!”

michael's fear radiates outward in hot waves, and it disgusts him. what of the michael who was never afraid, even when he was a runt lacking any special intellect? who was always in control, even without any past or standing with which to justify himself?

perhaps he could only manage it then because callum, blinded by love or by stupidity, allowed him to.

love and stupidity. one and the same. 

“be honest with me the way i’m being honest with you,” he demands, grief running like a ribbon through his rage. “all those years, stealing the food off my plate. tugging away my blanket in the middle of the night. if i was dying, you didn't give a damn. you wanted it. but you wanted it to happen far away, where you wouldn’t have to see.”

[bailheap]

What did ma call Callum? The devil's horse. When he was in a rage it was like breaking a tempest.

Here then.

His hands rest delicately on the bannisters of Callum's forearms. Here then - honest. "Yee'd've done me a favour dying," Slowly, gently, like a spell, "Then it would be a settled thing, and my troubles settled with you."

Where Callum's rage is its own resistance, Michael answers it with a sudden animosity, "-We clawed our way," bringing them - the same height - brow to brow. "through rrrrock...and smoke," There is uncertainty of where each begins: he takes his opportunity to steal Callum's balance, forcing him back with a violent shove, "AND I WOULD NOT go back to that. i would not. go back. to that - but I would have with you - and that's the bliddy comedy of it. I'd have walked into fire if I'd believed you could stand beside me and bear it. But you were a weak man.

"Maybeifyewere strong icouldhavelivedwiththeembarassmentalso: watchin the brass put their hands on you. To turn you this way and that. Tellin you where to march an where in a field to rot. Bet you'd have looked right through me while they did."

He's there again: Mick as a kid, drowned-rat cold and hatless cursing doorstep to doorstep. "Ye'd have left me on my own there."

[fieldrot]

words, words, and more words. 

in the best of times they worked like spells michael cast to sooth or illuminate. more often, though, callum remembers them as tools used to puppet and humiliate him. 

he staggers backward with the force of the shove, wobbling only for a moment before regaining his balance. it is a matter of pure instinct. his conscious efforts are fixed on penetrating the tower of his brother’s words. 

sooner rather than later, though, he deems it a waste of time. all that precious breath spent on obscuring simple truths.

so he cuts the soliloquy short. 

fist connects with jaw. the blood pounds in his head as he repeats, “a weak man, eh? that’s richt, meck. that’s richt. had i been a strong man, i would’ve smothered ye in bed whan ye were still a wean. i would’ve slew ye in the fields of cadder like cain did abel.”

another punch, enough force behind this one to send michael crumpling. he bends on one knee; grabs hold of the jaw again, inspecting the battered face. 

“and if i killed ye now? would i make up for it? would i be a strong man, then?”

[fieldrot]

@bailheap said: "we're no too far noo."

michael’s pace is brisk and purposeful. callum takes a more leisurely approach to their journey through the outskirts of the coalfields, a gnarled stick in his hand meant for swatting at obstacles. 

“it’ll be rainin soon,” he frowns, thinking of the half-eaten apple and crust of bread in his pockets. he would eat them soaked, of course — but it wouldn’t taste the same. “ye hungry, meck?”