what they dont tell you about growing up as a very lonely little girl is that you grow up and still a part of you remains that very lonely little girl
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what they dont tell you about growing up as a very lonely little girl is that you grow up and still a part of you remains that very lonely little girl
Not every story is about seeing yourself in it. Sometimes it’s about learning to see other people too.
Maggie Nelson, Bluets
my mantra after work (2020)
He asked me when I fell in love with him and I knew it sounded dramatic to say the moment I saw him, so I told him this story of my grandma who had Alzheimer's- she forgot her name and the words for fruit and food, she forgot her address and how to use the washroom, all her life lost to the disease. The only thing she remembered was her son's name and when that began to fade, the one thing she always remembered was that she loved him, even in illness, even in insanity. She saw this 6 foot 2 man with a scrubby beard and she didn't know him but she said she trusted him, she asked him to hold her hand when she died. When does memory end and love begin? All I know is- she loved him before she remembered him.
-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire
https://www.instagram.com/p/CLoXFgDnDHu/
WHAT IS LOVE IF NOT THE SHARING OF SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL?
after a suicide attempt in 2016
“When Daddy comes in, he carries you to bed. Is there anything you feel like you could eat, Pokey? Anything at all? All you can imagine putting in your mouth is a cold plum, one with really tight skin on the outside but gum-shocking sweetness inside. And he and your mother discuss where he might find some this late in the season. Mother says hell I don’t know. Further north, I’d guess. The next morning, you wake up in your bed and sit up. Mother says, Pete, I think she’s up. He hollers in, You ready for breakfast, Pokey. Then he comes in grinning, still in his work clothes from the night before. He’s holding a farm bushel. The plums he empties onto the bed river toward you through folds in the quilt. If you stacked them up, they’d fill the deepest bin at the Piggly Wiggly. Damned if I didn’t get the urge to drive to Arkansas last night, he says. Your mother stands behind him saying he’s pure USDA crazy. Fort Smith, Arkansas. Found a roadside stand out there with a feller selling plums. And I says, Buddy, I got a little girl sick back in Texas. She’s got a hanker for plums and ain’t nothing else gonna do. It’s when you sink your teeth into the plum that you make a promise. The skin is still warm from riding in the sun in Daddy’s truck, and the nectar runs down your chin. And you snap out of it. Or are snapped out of it. Never again will you lay a hand against yourself, not so long as there are plums to eat and somebody-anybody-who gives enough of a damn to haul them to you. So long as you bear the least nibblet of love for any other creature in this dark world, though in love portions are never stingy. There are no smidgens or pinches, only rolling abundance. That’s how you acquire the resolution for survival that the coming years are about to demand. You don’t earn it. It’s given.”
excerpt from Cherry by Mary Karr, context being after a suicide attempt at age 13
300122, S.T.
“Co-regulation is the process through which two nervous systems find attunement. We are physiologically soothed by feeling safely connected to someone we love. While it is a good idea to have both self-regulation and co-regulation tools in our toolbox, there is no shame in needing co-regulation. There are a lot of messages encouraging us to be entirely self-regulating and expecting us to be entirely emotionally independent and self-sufficient. These messages ignore the biological reality of our nervous systems which need safe relationships. Healing does not mean overcoming our human need for connection and co-regulation. It means learning how to safely meet those needs through strong relationships, a mix of self-regulation and co-regulation skills, and an awareness of our nervous systems. Our nervous systems are built for relationships. It is healthy and normal to need other people.”
Clementine Morrigan
Cooking and baking is so much more than the physical act. I think putting effort into the food one makes for others is such a beautiful act of love. When I can't fully express in words how much I love and appreciate someone, I can hand them a homemade pie that I put hours and hours of effort into. I love the idea of the kitchen being the center of love and warmth in my home. I can make treats and meals for my family that bring smiles to their faces on a hard day. I like that after an exhausting day of work, my husband can come home to a warm meal to comfort him. And soon my future kids will be able to run into the kitchen to the smell of cinnamon rolls baking in the oven, and tug on my flour covered apron to beg for just a taste of the icing. The gentleness and love that goes into homemade food is so beautiful, and I'm so glad I get to share that with my family.
Tenderhooks by Joan Tierney