I was presenting an assembly for kids grades 3-8 while on book tour for the third PRINCESS ACADEMY book.
Me: āSo many teachers have told me the same thing. They say, āWhen I told my students we were reading a book called PRINCESS ACADEMY, the girls saidāāā
I gesture to the kids and wait. They anticipate what Iām expecting, and in unison, the girls scream, āYAY!ā
Me: ā'And the boys saidāā
I gesture and wait. The boys know just what to do. They always do, no matter their age or the state they live in.
In unison, the boys shout, āBOOOOO!ā
Me: āAnd then the teachers tell me that after reading the book, the boys like it as much or sometimes even more than the girls do.ā
Audible gasp. They werenāt expecting that.
Me: āSo itās not the story itself boys donāt like, itās what?ā
The kids shout, āThe name! The title!ā
Me: āAnd why donāt they like the title?ā
As usual, kids call out, āPrincess!ā
But this time, a smallish 3rd grade boy on the first row, who I find out later is named Logan, shouts at me, āBecause itās GIRLY!ā
The way Logan said āgirly"ā¦so much hatred from someone so small. So much distain. This is my 200-300th assembly, Iāve asked these same questions dozens of times with the same answers, but the way he says āgirlyā literally makes me take a step back. I am briefly speechless, chilled by his hostility.
Then I pull it together and continue as I usually do.
āBoys, I have to ask you a question. Why are you so afraid of princesses? Did a princess steal your dog? Did a princess kidnap your parents? Does a princess live under your bed and sneak out at night to try to suck your eyeballs out of your skull?ā
The kids laugh and shout āNo!ā and laugh some more. We talk about how girls get to read any book they want but some people try to tell boys that they can only read half the books. I say that this isnāt fair. I can see that theyāre thinking about it in their own way.
But little Logan is skeptical. Heās sure he knows why boys wonāt read a book about a princess. Because a princess is a girlāa girl to the extreme. And girls are bad. Shameful. A boy should be embarrassed to read a book about a girl. To care about a girl. To empathize with a girl.
Where did Logan learn that? What does believing that do to him? And how will that belief affect all the girls and women he will deal with for the rest of his life?
At the end of my presentation, I read aloud the first few chapters of THE PRINCESS IN BLACK. After, Logan was the only boy who stayed behind while I signed books. He didnāt have a book for me to sign, he had a question, but he didnāt want to ask me in front of others. He waited till everyone but a couple of adults had left. Then, trembling with nervousness, he whispered in my ear, āDo you have a copy of that black princess book?ā
He wanted to know what happened next in her story. But he was ashamed to want to know.
Who did this to him? How will this affect how he feels about himself? How will this affect how he treats fellow humans his entire life?
We already know that misogyny is toxic and damaging to women and girls, but often we assume it doesnāt harm boys or mens a lick. We think weāre asking them to go against their best interest in the name of fairness or love. But that hatred, that animosity, that fear in little Logan, that isnāt in his best interest. The oppressor is always damaged by believing and treating others as less than fully human. Always. Nobody wins. Everybody loses.Ā
We humans have a peculiar tendency to assume either/or scenarios despite all logic. Obviously itās NOT āeither men matter OR women do.ā Itās NOT āwe can give boys books about boys OR books about girls.ā Itās NOT āmen are important to this industry OR women are.āĀ
Itās not either/or. Itās AND.
We can celebrate boys AND girls. We can read about boys AND girls. We can listen to women AND men. We can honor and respect women AND men. And And And. I know this seems obvious and simplistic, but how often have you assumed that a boy reader would only read a book about boys? I have. Have you preselected books for a boy and only offered him books about boys? Iāve done that in the past. And if not, Iāve caught myself and others kind of apologizing about it. āI think youāll enjoy this book EVEN THOUGH itās about a girl!ā They hear that even though. They know what we mean. And they absorb it as truth.
I met little Logan at the same assembly where I noticed that all the 7th and 8th graders were girls. Later, a teacher told me that the administration only invited the middle school girls to my assembly. Because Iām a woman. I asked, and when theyād had a male author, all the kids were invited. Again reinforcing the falsehood that what men say is universally important but what women say only applies to girls.
One 8th grade boy was a big fan of one of my books and had wanted to come, so the teacher had gotten special permission for him to attend, but by then he was too embarrassed. Ashamed to want to hear a woman speak. Ashamed to care about the thoughts of a girl.
A few days later, I tweeted about how the school didnāt invite the middle school boys. And to my surprise, twitter responded. Twitter was outraged. I was blown away. Iāve been talking about these issues for over a decade, and to be honest, after a while you feel like no one cares.Ā
But for whatever reason, this time people were ready. I wrote a post explaining what happened, and tens of thousands of people read it. National media outlets interviewed me. People who hadnāt thought about gendered reading before were talking, comparing notes, questioning what had seemed normal. Finally, finally, finally.
And thatās the other thing that stood out to me about Loganāhe was so ready to change. Eager for it. So open that heād started the hour expressing disgust at all things āgirlyā and ended it by whispering an anxious hope to be a part of that story after all.Ā
The girls are ready. Boy howdy, weāve been ready for a painful long time. But the boys, theyāre ready too. Are you?
Iāve spoken with many groups about gendered reading in the last few years. Here are some things that I hear:
A librarian, introducing me before my presentation: āGirls, youāre in for a real treat. Youāre going to love Shannon Haleās books. Boys, I expect you to behave anyway.ā
A book festival committee member: āLast week we met to choose a keynote speaker for next year. I suggested you, but another member said, āWhat about the boys?ā so we chose a male author instead.ā
A parent: āMy son read your book and he ACTUALLY liked it!ā
A teacher: āI never noticed before, but for read aloud I tend to choose books about boys because I assume those are the only books the boys will like.ā
A mom: āMy son asked me to read him The Princess in Black, and I said, āNo, thatās for your sister,ā without even thinking about it.ā
A bookseller: āIāve stopped asking people if theyāre shopping for a boy or a girl and instead asking them what kind of story the child likes.ā
Like the bookseller, when I do signings, I frequently ask each kid, āWhat kind of books do you like?ā I hear what youād expect: funny books, adventure stories, fantasy, graphic novels. Iāve never, ever, EVER had a kid say, āI only like books about boys.ā Adults are the ones with the weird bias. Weāre the ones with the hangups, because we were raised to believe thinking that way is normal. And we pass it along to the kids in sometimesĀ overt (āPut that back! Thatās a girl book!ā) but usually in subtle ways we barely notice ourselves.
But we are ready now. Weāre ready to notice and to analyze. Weāre ready to be thoughtful. Weāre ready for change. The girls are ready, the boys are ready, the non-binary kids are ready. The parents, librarians, booksellers, authors, readers are ready. Timeās up. Letās make a change.
yousharknotpass
blakekathryn
stormborns
vaporwave
titsay
