I’ll keep this vague, in the spirit of this blogue. But a particular set of circumstances have come about, that have motivated me to take my life. Everything just feels like it’s too much, and I feel really foolish and pathetic...for not being able to take it, hence the need to do it. I was kinda hoping to do it in a hurry...but I wanted to purge the majority of my internet footprint. Except for this I guess...
Although I will specify one thing...I was very much gay...and circumstances predicate that I shouldn’t have been...even though I very much wanted to...I kinda wish I got to experience that found family everyone talks about...
I was hoping to do it painlessly and cleanly...but beggars can’t be choosers I guess...I’m trying to time it right so the fewest people will see me...traffick is generally sparser at night...and not many people by the water
I’ve been feeling like this for awhile now...but I feel like this time is the right time...my face is warm...and my heart is heavy...but it otherwise feels right
I feel like I have very little tethering me here...even all those hopeful aspirations about finding the connexion that brings me back...it all just seemed kinda fruitless.
If I ever had the honour of being your friend...I hope life smiles upon you with every moment you get to experience it...
Hell...if we’ve ever had a pleasant interaction...may that extend to you as well
To my family...I’ve left a note for you.
And if you have the misfortune of reading this...and none of the above applies...well I don’t know really know what to say to you...but as to all strangers I hope good days find you...because you deserve them...especially now
Whatever is on the other side...I hope it’s like a wave returning to the ocean
With Love,
John Wayne Luste