Road to Nowhere

Trying something new

[7-en]

[dinovelvet]

[find-jupiter]

Are you aware of this?

[pathologising]

one thing about me is that I am going to cry

[find-jupiter]

Please let It happen before the UFC event. America being spared that embarrassing debacle would be an added bonus.

[find-jupiter]

This morning I had a very vivid dream about a deceased friend. It feels as though I spent time with him and his ex. He's not a clear symbol of anything specific in my conscious mind, so I'm feeling somewhat distracted trying to figure out why I hung out with the two of them at a location that was kind of their house and kind of the rental house I lived in from ages 11-17.

[find-jupiter]

My knee is killing me. Ibuprofen only brushes the surface. This afternoon I actually cried about it. Well, the pain and the thought that I want to go home.

[find-jupiter]

We looked at a house that is in a great location and very wrong for us. It is seducing us with its view and light and silky wood floors. But it's wrong. Three stories, no bedroom or shower on the main floor wrong. A shitload of stairs from the garage to the house wrong. It's not the right house.

26 and her BF walked through it on Sunday. Instead of agreeing with me that the stairs and the layout are not right for us, she said, "hey, I can live in the downstairs!"

😑

I wish someone else would just buy it so I can stop thinking about it.

[tokarczyk-blog]

Visit Original Link

Song #12 of my infinite playlist..

Six Months In A Leaky Boat by Split Enz

When writing a lot of their songs, Tim Finn took inspiration from The Beatles. 

For my good friend Darin Sanone

[find-jupiter]

How I know I'm not a people-pleaser: when I hear that I have not pleased someone, when I let them down or disappointed my reaction is, "yep, sounds about right."

There's a lot going on at work right now. There always is. I'm feeling confused about my future there. Not because they don't want me, although that would be a blessing. Like, if the consultant advised a pivot in operations that rendered my part time consultant role obsolete, I would be relieved. The directors are having a big meeting with the consultant this week. It may be the time to let my director know that this could be an opportunity for all parties to transition away from what I do. I suppose there’s a chance that they decide to double down on my area and hire a full time person which would probably mean I would have to create some transition materials instead of shutting things down. Not sure if I have the bandwidth for that.

For the record, I'm not worried in the least about them feeling let down when I quit. There are definitely personal and emotional connections to the people and the mission but I know they're not going to be mad at me. I know I've set them up well no matter what the best direction is for the organization. And if they feel otherwise, that's OK too.

I'll miss the people and the purpose and the tiny income, but the responsibility is getting old.

Why yes, I do have to go to the office today.

[find-jupiter]

Instead of going to the place with the good Patty Melt that I wasn't going to order, we met our friends at the brewery that Husband and I went to last Sunday. The server was a funny young woman and I loved my salad, but the actual service of the drinks and food was not good. Like, we're not here to take up a table for hours and get soused, but maybe we would enjoy two drinks as opposed to one and then 15-30 minutes of an empty glass that leaves us considering a dine and dash because we can't even get anyone's attention to bring our check.

Eventually we were able to get out of there and the five of us went to my parents' house (where we're staying) to watch the baseball game and visit with one more beverage. It was very pleasant.

Friends shared the various noteworthy things said by Best Man's GF last weekend. Along with saying she got "bad oysters" at my daughter's wedding, BMGF also complained a lot about her shitty life, called her youngest kid "so weird" multiple times, and said that Best Man is the only good thing in her life. She also loudly proclaimed that Best Man "won't marry her" and talked about the long to-do list she has for him at her house. Yikes. While I do feel bad for her because her life really does suck and the only good thing in her life is not behaving how she thinks he is, I truly hope I never have to see her again. Best Man knows this.

Friend also told me that she's giving her notice at her job on Monday and retiring. So happy for her!!! I'm looking forward to celebrating lots of good things with them when we come together in July.

Today started with replacing the pedals on my Peloton bike and then some puttering at the old house. I think I'll vacuum here after lunch. I'm suspicious of my mom's central vacuum system so we'll see how that goes.

[find-jupiter]

If I didn’t already dislike Best Man’s GF, she’s going around saying that the reason she, a 49 year old, threw up at my daughter’s wedding was “bad oysters.”

Bitch, we saw how drunk you were. We all know it was the dozen glasses of wine we SAW you drink.

[find-jupiter]

After a bit of a clusterfuck Friday morning, we did indeed drive up to meet Best Man at his favorite pub. (Re clusterfuck: I wonder why this one specific friend consistently invites people to other people's homes, events, boats, etc?)

It was a fun evening. The three of us talked about a lot, including a deep-dive into Best Man's current conflict with his 27 YO daughter.

He's hurting. She's hurting. Frankly, their whole family unit still carries a lot of wounds from the divorce eighteen years ago. Husband and I listened and sometimes cringed as we heard about the incident and all the baggage associated. We are confident that it's going to be OK. The daughter is not going to cut off her dad forever but this break is going to benefit her growth into an emotionally independent adult who ultimately has a better relationship with her dad. As for how he comes to accept her pain about his parenting without defensiveness, that's above my pay grade! She's in therapy; he says he's willing to go to counseling with her. It's going to work out, just maybe not on his timeline.

As for the bar and the Patty Melt. The bar was more basic than I expected, which was fine. People were friendly, but what a motley group. I think Best Man feels good going here because he gets a lot of attention as a handsome, clean-cut lawyer among bikers, various blue collar folks, and the women on the staff that he flirts with. Big fish in a small pond. The Patty Melt was marginal. He says the bread was not the usual marble rye but there were other issues. My tummy is still not very happy with me.

Tonight we're supposed to go to our local pub. I will not be ordering their superior Patty Melt. Two nights in a row is way too much.

[rogue-valley-sasquatch]

[thedept]

[find-jupiter]

I just overheard Husband tell a coworker that we are staying in a trailer on my parents’ property.

That makes it sound different than what it is.

Which is both funny and fine.

[find-jupiter]

Further to my last post, going out and buying a bunch of bins feels very extravagant. There’s definitely a voice, a judgmental voice saying that it’s wasteful and that I should make do with what I have.

There’s also a worried voice that wonders what will happen if I buy the wrong bins; ones that don’t hold all the stuff the right way. That would be wasteful.

Better to use a hodgepodge of bins (some broken) and boxes that don’t fit in the space and definitely don’t convey a peaceful sense of order.

Apparently I don’t deserve that peace.

lol, why am I like this?

[find-jupiter]

Fortunately I figured out how to turn down the brightness on my little portable monitor before I threw up. It was that bad on my morning eyeballs.

It's so dark here that I have been able to sleep past 5AM. I know it's not a thing, but it feels as though I'm catching up on sleep and just rest in general these past couple of days.

Yesterday I puttered around and feel like I got a better handle on some of the random stuff we brought here. Lord save us from Husband's packing methods. A box filled with random items with no label is a fucking nightmare to me, even if we somehow remember that all the items are From The Shop. Dude, that means you're rummaging through multiple boxes to find that one thing. And believe me when I say that his rummaging leaves a mess of its own.

Apparently my dream of having a uniform set of bins for storage is not uncommon. 26 made it happen for her boss when she was a personal assistant. My friend gushed about doing it last year. Friend's husband brought it up recently, "it's not that big of a deal. Go to a store and buy a bunch of bins. Put the stuff in them." He's right, but also it is a big deal. Not sure why.

The storage area of the trailer needs a reorganization and I have some good ideas about how to do it. I want at least one heavy duty, shallow bin with a lid. I'd like that bin to match the bins I dream of getting for our future garage.

Are we all telling ourselves a story of peace that comes with unified storage systems? Probably. I know I feel like I will have achieved a new level of adulthood when things are in neatly-labeled bins.

I'm going to run up to Fred Meyer for some apples (#3507) and to browse their selection of storage bins, knowing I will probably want to go to Home Depot to get the one for the trailer.