“I’m sorry.” Your voice was so muted that you feared that the Traci wouldn’t hear it; her dark eyes searched yours for what felt like an eternity, and you felt particularly vulnerable as she did so, as though she may see things there she might not like. You averted your gaze, your voice trembling. “I.. I can’t do it.” You didn’t need to be looking at her to know that she was frustrated with your reluctance, and when it really came down to it, you weren’t sure you could blame her. But from the moment she’d been created, she had only ever known pain and suffering, and you just… you didn’t want her life to end without her knowing at least some happiness or decency. Could you really bring yourself to be the person to ensure that she never has a chance to find any joy or freedom?
“You are a human who understands our struggle, or aren’t you?” There was a distinct edge to her erratic voice that hadn’t been there before, and the bite of her tone caused your eyes to dart up to meet hers in alarm. Her expression, which was contorted into a sharp grimace, seemed to soften significantly as she observed you. After a moment of silence, the female android strained to sit up, her lips curling into a soft, almost endearing smile. “You’re not a bad person,” she uttered, shifting her weight to rest her head against your shoulder; although you were a little uncertain, your put an arm around her shoulders to keep her steady against you. “if you were, you wouldn’t care whether I lived or died, or whether that was by your hand or not.” Closing her eyes, the Traci seemed to.. almost sigh in relief, seeming to take great comfort in the gentle embrace you had gifted her; no one had ever touched her so kindly. “Putting me out of my misery won’t make you a bad person, either. I just want to go. I want to finally rest. Knowing that there are humans out there who feel for androids like us is enough for me.”
Hot tears obscured your vision as she spoke, unable to fully, truly understand the emotion behind her request, but equally as unable to deny her. If this was what she truly wanted, what right did you have to just leave her here like this? It would make you no better than the people who had dumped her here to begin with, wouldn’t it? Swallowing thickly, you gently lowered her to rest once more against the blue tarp with great care, brushing your fingers through her scarlet hair and tucking a lock of it behind her ear with a strained smile. “Alright,” you choked out through clenched teeth. “okay.. if.. if that’s what you really want..?”
“It is.” she solemnly assured you, not a shred of doubt lingering in her static laced tone; she only observed you serenely as you leaned over her, trying your damnedest to pluck up the courage to do this. “Who is it for?” The Traci suddenly asked softly, finally shifted her gaze upwards towards the sky.
Your own attention drifted towards her placid countenance. “.. His name is Josh. His central thirium conduit was ruptured, I’m trying to save him.”
“You’d better hurry.” she whispered with sudden urgency, and you knew she was right. With no small amount of hesitation, one of your trembling hands maneuvered down into the open cavity of her chest, and you easily identified the bio-component Josh so desperately needed as your fingers clasped around it. This wasn’t set in stone; you could still change your mind, you could still.. no. Deep down, you knew you had to do this; your hand moved almost on its own accord, jerking the bio-component upwards with little warning. The tubes popped off its side as it was disconnected from her thirium pump, and you were left watching an alarmingly small amount of thirium pour out from the sudden opening. Although you felt horrified by what you had done, the Traci was smiling; it was the most peaceful smile you think you’d ever seen, and you knew you would never forget it. “Thank you.” she whispered as the last of her thirium drained out of her system, the red glow of her other bio-components fading. Her mild expression abruptly shifted then. Instead of the genuinely tranquil smile that she’d had just prior, her visage was now a sharp, pleasantly neutral smile. The smile she’d been created with. It didn’t suit her.
A thick sob threatened to escape past your lips, but you swallowed it down as you stood to your feet, fingers lamely clutching the conduit. There would be time to think about what you’d done later; for now, you needed to ensure that what you’d done hadn’t been done in vain. Your feet carried you backwards a few steps before you turned swiftly, making a beeline for where you’d entered, though.. there was one small… obstacle. The steep incline was undoubtedly going to be a challenge that you hadn’t taken into account, and peering up its side, you could see why none of the androids seemed to be able to escape. If you had trouble escaping with all your limbs intact, you could imagine that it was impossible for those androids whose arms, legs, and even half of their torsos were gone. Never one to give up that easily though, you shoved the newly acquired bio-component into your coat’s pocket and dug your hands into the thick dirt, hauling yourself upwards with a grunt of effort. You slipped a few times, the dirt crumbling beneath your grasp, but you finally emerged victorious; your victory was short lived, however.
You threw yourself towards Josh’s all too still frame, dropping down onto your knees at his side, but your growing panic was immediately quelled when he inclined his head a fraction to meet your gaze. There was an unmistakable expression of concern as he examined you, noting the moisture that still glistened across your rosy cheeks, but he didn’t have a chance to ask why; you pulled the bio-component out of your coat’s pocket and held it up for him to see, your eyes darting hopefully between his own and the damaged conduit in his chest. He tilted his head back in unspoken relief, letting his eyes slip shut, though only momentarily; there was no time to be wasted.
“Alright,” Josh started, his voice a bit more strained than it had been initially. “this isn’t going to be very simple, you’re going to be working against the clock. You’re going to have to remove my thirium pump regulator before you start, it’s the circular bio-component in the center there; taking it out will stop the flow of thirium so it doesn’t immediately all bleed out. You’ll only have about two minutes until I shut down, so.. no pressure, but…”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” you scarcely breathed, grimacing down at his thirium pump regulator at the mere thought. There really wasn’t much of a choice, though; either way, you were getting this bio-component inside of him, no matter what you had to do. “I.. okay. I’ve got this. It’s fine. I can do this.”
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” Josh asked, his tone a little more playful than you would have typically anticipated, given the dire circumstances. When his attempt to lighten the mood did very little to calm the rapid beating of your heart, the PJ500’s brows furrowed just a fraction, and he reached out, resting his palm over your free hand. This finally drew your attention back to him, and he held your gaze as his thumb brushed across your knuckles. “[Y/N].. you can do this. I trust you.”
Your eyes searched his for what only felt like an eternity, only finding the utmost sincerity in his dark, gentle eyes; once more, you found yourself hoping his trust wasn’t misplaced. After a moment, you nodded, breathing in a slow, deep breath as he removed his hand from yours. Attention shifting to his thirium pump regulator, you ever so gingerly clasped your fingers around the circumference of it, and, releasing the deep breath you’d held, you gently yanked it out, met with an audible grunt from Josh. With quite a bit more urgency, you set the cylinder component aside as gently as you could before plunging your hands back into his chest. Your fingers greedily tugged at the damaged central thirium conduit, wrenching it out of his chest, and you were more than a little shocked when a handful of thirium was splattered across you from the action. Thankfully, it seemed that it was just thirium that had happened to be inside the component when the circulation had been shut off, and he wasn’t bleeding out.
Tossing the useless bio-component aside, you exchanged it for the one in your lap; you slipped it into his chest and settled it into its proper place, and you were pleased to find that it fit perfectly, like a puzzle piece. The hoses that were to connect to it, however, were a completely different story. Your fingers and the hoses themselves were slick with thirium and you found that you were having a hard time fastening them to their proper places. Each time you almost had one, the hose slipped out of your grasp, and it wasn’t helping that panic was beginning to set in, causing your hands to tremble.
You were vaguely aware of Josh uttering your name as a plea to hurry, his voice significantly more robotic like, which only reminded you of the Traci this bio-component had belonged to.
All the blood seemed to drain from your face as you frantically struggled to attach the hoses, but there was a tiny glimmer of hope when you finally managed to connect one. Fierce determination coursed through you as you worked to connect the second, and then the third. As you struggled with the fourth and final one, you felt Josh’s fingers weakly brush across your knee, which seemed to give you that last ounce of resolve you needed; the last hose was fastened, and you immediately snatched the thirium pump regular up, plunging it into the empty slot in his chest.
Josh was too still.
Dread washed over you as you maneuvered to lean over him, your cobalt stained hands instinctively moving to rest on either side of his face as your eyes darted across his features wildly. “Josh?” Had you done something wrong? Had you not gotten his thirium pump regulator back into his chest on time? “Josh!” you repeated more urgently; the LED on his temple circled red before shifting into a gold, and finally, his eyes fluttered rapidly before focusing on yours.
“I’m okay,” he finally responded, and much to your relief, his gentle voice no longer sounded like the Traci’s had. You felt his hands rest over your trembling ones, which went a long way to soothe your shot nerves, more than you were willing to admit. “I’m alright, you did it!”
“Jesus..” You breathed out, collapsing onto the ground beside him. “Please tell me I don’t have to do that with every bio-component!”
“You don’t.” Josh assured you with a soft chuckle, and you responded with a breathless laugh of your own, allowing your eyes to rest, if only for a little while.
“Thank god.”
There was a silence, then, as the both of you seemingly recovered from the high-stress situation. This whole thing had proven to be one of the most arduous circumstances that you had ever managed to get yourself into, but despite that, you knew it had been the right thing to do, to aid him. Taking someone’s life to do so, however… you weren’t certain where that fell in terms of morality. It didn’t feel good, you at least knew that much. When you opened your eyes and turned to peer at Josh, you felt a little embarrassed to find that he had already been looking at you; he was sitting up now, his chin resting in the palm of his hand as he studied you diligently, and you found yourself wondering what he must be thinking.
Feeling flustered to be stared at so intently, you sat up as well and peered down at your dyed fingertips as though they were suddenly extremely fascinating.
“You don’t have to do anything, you know?” Josh suddenly uttered, easily drawing your gaze back to his. “I mean– with any bio-component. You’ve already done so much [Y/N], I can take it from here.” It was clear to Josh that all of this had been very taxing on you; the signs of exhaustion were creeping in on your gentle features and he really didn’t want you pushing yourself for his sake. Even with his leg shattered, as long as he wasn’t under the constant threat of bleeding out, he was certain that he could repair himself, at least good enough for the time being.
He should have known, though, that you would refuse to just leave him as he was; he was beginning to realize that you were as persistent as you were altruistic. “I said that I was going to help you, Josh.” you said with a frown, as if what he’d said had been the most preposterous thing you’d ever heard. “I’m going to see this through, even if we’re here all night.” Besides, if you left now, you knew you would spend the rest of your life wondering whatever happened to him, wishing you had stayed and helped him.
The corners of Josh’s lips turned upwards into a fond smile; as much as he hated to admit it, he was.. kind of glad. Although he was worried about you pushing yourself too hard, he… didn’t really want to be alone, as selfish as it was. He knew the two of you would eventually have to part ways sooner or later, but for now, the company was a welcomed distraction from the realization that he was a deviant; he had nowhere to go, and if anyone aside from you found out, they would surely destroy him. It was terrifying.
