Finding our balance

After quite the journey to having our family, we are done. Recurrent miscarriage is a grounding and humbling experience and nothing in life is taken for granted now. But we have our two amazing babes (though one does not sleep) and I am back at work after 12 months off. Time to find our balance.

[dracogotgame]

So, India is dying.

Look, I know a good number of you are from the US and things aren't amazing there either, but my country is literally on the brink of collapse. So I'd love it if we could talk about that for a minute.

If you can't do anything else, please just read and reblog.

A second COVID wave has taken out the healthcare system. There are no more hospital beds. There's an oxygen shortage. There's a critical vaccine shortage. The Central Government has thrown its hands up and is passing the baton to the State Governments to do what they can.

There are over 16 million covid cases. A record 330,000 new cases reported yesterday - comparable to the US at its peak. 187,000 dead as of today.

There is no plan.

Mass cremations are taking place. The cremation grounds are running day and night and they are short on wood. People are watching their loved ones die while waiting for a hospital bed, and then they're unable to give them the proper burial rights.

Hospitals are overwhelmed. Patients are being confined, two to a bed. They're the lucky ones.

We are on the verge of people dying in the streets.

This is the second-most populous country in the world. The largest democracy. A country that encapsulates over 15,000 years of recorded human history and has endured everything from famine to invasion to colonisation.

We might be at the end. This might be the thing that does us in.

People are dying.

People are dying.

People are dying and there is no plan.

More good news? Variants are popping up. A double mutation strain has shown up. It is resistant to current vaccines. This will not go away. This is the devastation they warned of when the anti-maskers were out protesting the minor inconvenience of covering their face in public.

My country is on the verge of an emergency state. Our government has failed us. This is as dire a situation as it ever could be.

Look. I don't do much with my life. I write fics, some of you have read them and that's pretty much it. I spend my days with my head in the clouds because that's where I like to be.

But two days ago, my grandmother tested positive, had to be taken to hospital and the ambulance caught fire.

She barely made it to the urgent care she needs.

So, here I am, using whatever meager platform I have to cobble this request together. Because I have to do something.

If you can, donate.

Or spread the word.

Help. Please.

[findingourbalance]

The remote learning is going pretty well, though we have Mum living with us and she does it all. So so lucky. We had a Bollywood dance class to finish the day yesterday which was great.

[findingourbalance]

Worse thing about stage 4 lockdown?Not even my treats are mine, I can usually hide away my stash and it will last over a week. I think my husband ate my whole bag of red frogs today and I am biting my tongue from demanding that they are just mine. Such a stupid thing to feel upset about and I won’t say anything but that really bugged me today.

[findingourbalance]

This weekend I find myself in the biggest funk. I am angry, annoyed, frustrated and short tempered.

I had mandatory leave last week so at least I could settle in to the remote learning but have no idea how I will juggle that this week. I walked maybe twice and I know that does not help my mindset. I need to schedule it and just walk out the door without worrying about work, kids or husband.

Putting myself first for an hour a day has to be better than everyone putting up with being shitty and sulky. Mind you, Jack has moved into the arrogant stage of being 4 and his attitude really stinks so that does not help, nor the fact that he wakes me before 6 each morning. I am a little done with being the one first up each morning.

What a whinge!

[findingourbalance]

I dropped a bottle of wine to some friends who are just having such bad luck at the moment. Not being able to hug her was so hard and I am not naturally a hugger. We both vowed to hug more when this is done.

Our kinder sent this amazing video for the kids of them doing a dance about missing them so much. Cue tears! This is an emotional time and it comes at you so unexpectedly.

[findingourbalance]

This little dog beach is about a 5 minute walk from my house and it is just what I need right now.

[findingourbalance]

Slow cooker is on. Today I feel overwhelmed while our government makes decisions. The news from Italy is scary and I just need to social media distance for a bit.

[findingourbalance]

Why??

Why does Jack always wake early the morning I am leaving for business travel. My alarm was set for 4:45, he wakes at 4:37 to say he is very hungry. Out of desperation I get him an Anzac biscuit and hope he will go back.

Nope, he is currently lying on the couch with Adam refusing to go back to sleep. This makes leaving so hard as I know Ad is going to have a tough drop off at childcare and an overtired 4 year old tonight.

I doubt it will make him happier to know I have evening calls each night this week while I am away??

[findingourbalance]

Living her best life. Mia is settling in so well. Considering both of my kids have been so scared of dogs and jump when they saw one, they have fallen deeply in love. This is one doted on dog.

[findingourbalance]

I just received an inbox from @little-big about our new dog. Thank you for thinking of us!

Mia arrived on Monday morning and is settling in so well. I barely slept Sunday as I was anxious that this might not work. But she is lovely and so gentle, the kids are in love. Both of them have been so afraid of dogs and I think this was just what they needed.

Mia is a boxer and just turned 8 the other day. She is so well trained and comes from a lovely family, it was sad to watch their goodbyes, but hopefully Mia enjoys a good life here.

[findingourbalance]

My New Years resolution this year is to make time for me. The kids are 6 and 3 now, it is definitely time to stop the Mum guilt and allow myself some time.

My husband travels so much for work that I spend most of my time working and taking care of the kids. When he is home I prefer to stay home and be with him, but friendships have slipped and I am starting to feel all touched out.

I have also added 5 kilos this year that I cannot shift. 😖

So I have joined a gym, I will block time out in my work diary and go. I will start coffee dates with my girlfriends again and do movies with my sister. I have to get some time out so I can make everyone happy again.

What was everyone else’s new year resolution?

[findingourbalance]

I was tagged by @what-the-whattttt to take a selfie of me as a working Mum. I work 4 days and sometimes long days. I was on a call until 10pm last night and Jack woke me before 5 and refused to go back to sleep. This is my day off!

[findingourbalance]

Couch to 5k

I am on week 2 day 1 of couch to 5k, I am not and have never been a runner but my options for exercise are limited. I dislike classes, I am terrible at regularly attending a gym if I hold a membership and a trainer does not appeal and over the years I have had a few.

I turned 40 this year and all of a sudden I feel like the weight is jumping on board and is harder to move. Though I am sure most of it is due to the irregular hours I work under the banner ‘of a flexible work arrangement’.

I constantly shuffle my hours around working at home, in the office, do as many school pick up and drop offs as I can and do night calls.

All of this means that I never allow any time for me or for exercise, mix that with my husband travelling for work almost weekly and I have fell in a huge rut.

The other week I got sick of feeling awful, low self esteem and determined to not go up a size in clothing! So I started the couch to 5k, so far so good and I am loving it. I also love that it just paces you through it slowly.

My husband runs and lately took a massive step back due to his work commitments, he is back into it to and we have decided to sign up for a fun run at the end of October, talk about over committing but why not!

The cutest thing tonight was Jack wanting to come with me. I went off for my run but when I came around the corner when finished there they were all waiting for me. They had been running around the block while waiting for me to come home, looks like the family have the running bug.

Let’s hope it lasts, I really need it to for my health, fitness, weight and my head space. Anyone else doing it?

[humansofnewyork]

“I started my career as a teller at a community bank in Florida. I was in my early thirties. At the time I had a young child and I just needed a way to pay my rent and car payment. But I kept moving up. I wouldn’t say I’m overly ambitious. It didn’t come from a place of ‘I need more.’ I just have a lot of energy. And I’d always ask the next question or apply for the next job. So I worked my way up to CEO. It was demanding but I enjoyed the position. I was handling it quite well until a few years ago when my husband passed away. Then my mother. And then my best friend. All of this happened in a single year. I’d never even lived alone before. Suddenly I felt unanchored. I reached this place of ‘what do I do now?’ I couldn’t go back to making more money. So I decided to make a change. I went back to college to get a Master of Public Administration. And right now I’m actually on the lunch hour for my final class. I’ve already got a job waiting on me back home. I’m the new Director of Broward County’s Business Council on Homelessness. We’re working toward getting homeless people into permanent housing. And I’m really excited. I want to do a great job. I’m in a place where I can change some lives. It feels like I’ve moved from success to significance.”

[findingourbalance]

Career goals!

[newyorker]

On May 5th, just after midnight, a Honduran woman named Ana Rivera and her five-year-old son, Jairo, tried to cross the U.S.-Mexico border. They were caught scaling a fence in El Paso, and spent the night in a holding cell at a U.S. Border Patrol station with other mothers and children, a group of about twenty-five people in all. On the afternoon of their second day in detention, two male agents entered the cell. “They didn’t say anything,” Rivera said. “They just walked over and grabbed Jairo. It felt like my son was stuck to me. He clung to me, cried and screamed. They had to pull him away.” She pleaded with the agents to tell her what was going on. The other women in the cell were too stunned to speak, Rivera said. In the next few hours, the agents started taking other children, too. Eventually, the mothers were told that they would be reunited with their children after spending a few days in jail.

Nearly six weeks later, Rivera has not seen her son.

[newyorker]

Anthony Bourdain and the Power of Telling the Truth

In his final years, Bourdain attained a new sort of celebrity as an activist, a revered elder statesman, and an overt and uncompromising figure of moral authority.

“Bourdain’s fame wasn’t the distant, lacquered type of an actor or a musician, bundled and sold with a life-style newsletter. Bourdain felt like your brother, your rad uncle, your impossibly cool dad—your realest, smartest friend, who wandered outside after beers at the local one night and ended up in front of some TV cameras and decided to stay there. As a writer himself, he was always looking out for other writers, always saying yes, always available for interviews and comments. You had to fight through a wall of skeptical P.R. to get to someone like Guy Fieri, but Bourdain was right there, for everyone, in equal measure. He remembered names. He took every question seriously. He was twenty minutes early to every appointment, to the minute. Every newspaper, every magazine, every Web site that asked got its Bourdain quotes—and good ones, too! Not pre-scripted pablum but potent missiles of cultural commentary—bombastic wisdom, grand pronouncements, eviscerations of celebrities, flagrantly named names.” 

[findingourbalance]

Today my heart is broken.

[findingourbalance]

I think I need to get an upside down fridge just to stop Jack grabbing fruit out constantly.