augustine.

✨fragments, fragments, fragments ✨

[findmeinyourmemory]

✨ Written & Directed by: Thalia Turceno ✨

[nixscriptum]

[lilbowchic]

It’s June after all & you’re young until September

Ocean Vuong, Because it’s summer

[kosmogrl]

[angelicdewdrop]

[loveridden1999]

anyways remember when toni morrison said "sometimes you don't survive whole, you just survive in part. but the grandeur of life is that attempt. it's not about that solution. it is about being as fearless as one can, and behaving as beautifully as one can, under completely impossible circumstances."

[loveridden1999]

everyone say thank you toni morrison

[weltenwellen]

Wildness Before Something Sublime Leila Chatti

[amnesiaguy]

The Long and Short of It, Richard Siken

[quietlotus]

“Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time like dew on the tip of a leaf.”

— Rabindranath Tagore

[feral-ballad]

Aria Aber, from Hard Damage; “Stone”

[findmeinyourmemory]

Sharing my first substack post. Hope you all enjoy it!

Quiet 20s

Even in stillness, there is meaning and purpose.

[findmeinyourmemory]

To cry in my mother’s arms.

[tylostoma]

underseen films directed by women

with letterboxd links (i'm bored). feel free to leave your own recs!

girls of the night (1961), kinuyo tanaka

so far from india (1983), mira nair

children of shatila (1998), mai masri

the company of strangers (1990), cynthia scott

the cherry tree with gray blossoms (1977), sumiko haneda

day night day night (2006), julia loktev

embracing (1992), naomi kawase

song of the exile (1990), ann hui

living together (1973), anna karina

sacrificed youth (1985), zhang nuanxin

just another girl on the i.r.t. (1992), leslie harris

shinjuku boys (1995), kim longinotto, jano williams

leila and the wolves (1984), heiny srour

fast color (2018), julia hart

flight of the swan (1992), ngozi onwurah

travolta and me (1993), patricia mazuy

u.s. go home (1994), claire denis

portrait of a young girl at the end of the 60s in brussels (1994), chantal akerman

merrily we go to hell (1932), dorothy arzner

blood tea and red string (2006), christiane cegavske

the mourning forest (2007), naomi kawase

the scarlet flower (1978), irina povolotskaya

forever a woman/eternal breasts (1955), kinuyo tanaka

losing ground (1982), kathleen collins

the day i became a woman (2000), marziyeh meshkiny

be pretty and shut up! (1981), delphine seyrig

the other side of the underneath (1972), jane arden

the final exit of the disciples of ascensia (2019), jonni peppers

bärbel and charly (1994), ute aurand

clotheslines (1982), roberta cantow

tremble all you want (2017), akiko ohku

peppermint soda (1977), diane kurys

i was a teenage serial killer (1993), sarah jacobson

sink or swim (1990), su friedrich

the girls (1968), mai zetterling

twelve nights (2000), aubrey lam oi-wah

maria's days (1960), cecilia mangini

kamome diner (2006), naoko ogigami

the book of mary (1985), anne-marie miéville

once upon a time... (1990), galina barinova

girls' encounter (2017), yûka eda

the fourth dimension (2001), trịnh t. minh-hà

the lighthouse (2006), mariya saakyan

daughters of chaos (1980), marjorie keller

the amazonian angel (1992), maria klonaris, katerina thomadaki

bernice bobs her hair (1976), joan micklin silver

[concordewillfly]

turned this into a letterboxd list with some recs from the notes too!

[findmeinyourmemory]

Goodbye First Love: Navigating the Emotional Aftermath of a Breakup

Love is so short, forgetting it is so long." Pablo Neruda

I remember a friend asking me, "Did you not feel loved by him?" and I couldn't respond. The question lingered on my mind for quite a while. It hits hard when you want to say "yes," but you won't say it because it would make him look like a bad person, and you, disregarding all the memories you had with him. Because saying "yes" means you doubt his love for you, and it would be an unfair take on the relationship, and the guilt of saying "yes" eats you alive. So, I didn't respond. But silence means yes.

It was the year 2019 when we first met at a church we both attended. As the friendship blooms, so do my affections for him. I didn't know exactly when; I just found myself writing a poem while thinking about him. I wrote him a poem. Unnoticeably, my affection for him grew from wanting to be friends to being lovers. And what happens to a friend who develops affection for a friend? Well, most of them started to lose the thread of friendship, and in the worst-case scenario, they cut them off. In my case, he decided to distance himself without saying anything; we just stopped talking to each other. We're strangers again.

Post-pandemic era: 2021.

It was Christmas season, and a notification popped up on my phone—a message from him. Seeing his name again forms an unexpected excitement inside me. I forgot that I was over him, and the amount of time and energy I spent convincing myself that I was over him went to vain. I found myself smiling the whole time we were exchanging messages. It's clear that I was not, and my affections for him woke up like a sleeping princess waiting for her lover's kiss.

The friendship blossomed once more , but this time we both knew that we wanted to be more than just friends, and so we did. It happened fast. I thought we should not waste time; we'll die anyway. He was my first romantic partner, and I was his too. This was new to us; we were like kids trying to learn how to solve math problems, and it wasn't easy. We opted to keep the relationship private; we're not yet ready to go out into the world. For me, the more people know about your relationship, the higher the possibility of it being judged and criticized. I admit, I have a knack for being easily affected by people's opinions, so keeping it private is the best thing to do at that time. Only a few people knew about it. I was the happiest at that time, but it was fun while it lasted. 

As the relationship grew, we both exactly knew that at some point, it has to end, and it did. We were happy for a very short time, for two months and twenty-five days, we were happy. It was everything.

Aftermath of the Breakup: Navigating Grief

It took me weeks before I realized that the relationship had indeed ended. The day we ended our relationship was hard enough to digest, and the days that followed were even more excruciating. I remember that before we ended the relationship, I wrote a prayer to Abba, saying that if it`s not His will, let the relationship end as soon as possible, and Abba, being a loving father, put an end to our story. And it was the fastest-answered prayer I ever experienced. I thought, maybe God saw something I didn`t, maybe He heard conversations that I didn't, and true enough, a month after the breakup, we had a conversation and confessed the very thing that I feared the most, though he didn't exactly say that he was still in love with his friend, but the fact that he still feels upset and frustrated for what happened between them indicated that he's still in love with her, and I was not overthinking and jumping to conclusions. Sometimes your body will send you signals that what you think is indeed the truth. And in that moment, suddenly, all the colors started to appear red.

[weltenwellen]

Joy Sullivan, from “Sockeye”, Instructions for Traveling West

[oresti-s]

The Incest Diary, Anonymous.

[petaltexturedskies]

Virginia Woolf, from “Reading”