Secret Words

Blue || Her ||18

[fingerprintwriter-blog]

I’ve been writing this for awhile. Haven’t quite had the courage to give this to you. Probably never will to be honest.

I remember our first date. Our first kiss – how you kept moving your hands over my body and pulling me closer and tighter. I remember how you stumbled off the patio and into the car , only to walk into your car – you couldn’t stop looking at me.

I remember not being able to sleep – not being able to shut up about how we froze underneath the stars but it seemed like your laughter and your smiles warmed me up more than the hottest fires.

I remember how we talked for hours – never finishing the movie. Or how I couldn’t get over the fact that you spent all that money for just one date. But it was the best date I had ever been on.

I remember going to tech that Monday and fluttering with happiness. I boasted about all the happiness my heart couldn’t seem to contain. Everyone, even my teachers, would comment that entire week about how much I glowed and how I looked so content.

I remember my friend Alexis in French saw how much I was smiling from the cheesy texts I got from you in the middle of class. I would always try not to tear up when i talked about you and the light you brought to my life. I had only known you for a few weeks.

The first time I saw you yearn for my body? You basically had me wrapped around your finger. I’d never seen a man want me so much in the most innocent way possible. The way you cursed under your breath had made chills rip through my skin. I could’ve sinned for you right then and there.

And soon I did. I put down my morals and beliefs.. I gave myself to you and then some. It was the first time I felt pure love… Kindness.. And the lust I had only seemed to read about in fairytales. I had gone to school that day, blushed cheeks and all. You had me hooked.

From then, you made an imprint on my heart. I couldn’t stop bragging about you to social media or my family. I had broken rules – lied to my father just to be able to see you for a few hours. It was worth it.

You made not just my lips smile, but my heart. You made me believe that there were good people in the world again – that I didn’t need to be so … detached and scared. You became the first person I wasn’t so independent with. I allowed you to strip me of my past and learn the secrets that I hid from the world. You didn’t judge. You showed me how to love myself. Cellulite and all.

We had our hardships. But the fact that I fought for you and us told myself that you were really the one. The one I wanted to prove that I wasn’t like the others. The one I wanted to devote my life to.

Look at us now. Sitting in your apartment. I’m so proud of you. Of us. We came from hurt and lies – we turned it around though and made something beautiful.

I’ve cried in front of you (especially naked). I’ve laughed til my belly hurt. I’ve smiled my crooked smile. I’ve snored and drooled. You’ve seen my bad side. You’ve seen my good side.

I want to have a future with you. Wake up to your goofy smile and morning breath. I want to wake up in the middle of the night and curl up to you to warm my feet – just to have you want to fuck me at 3am (lmao)

When I'm in your arms, I feel safe. I feel so empty and scared without you by my side. It's not that you complete me -- We were both complete when we met each other -- but you make me feel like I could conquer the world with your hand in mine. I feel like I didn't need all the friends. I didn't need to look pretty all the time. I didn't need to be lady like all the time. I could be me and that was enough. My first time I actually felt enough.

I want to be home, fixing dinner when you come home from work. I want to curl up on the couch and watch silly movies and goof around.

I want the singing in the car like crazy people. I want the sleepy car rides where you make sure you’re holding my hand and nice country music is playing. I want to curl up in bed tangled in your love. We wouldn't stay tangled up though. But in the middle of the night one of us would pull the other one close and once again we would be one. I want the silly showers and the candle lit baths where your long legs would take up more than half of the bathtub. I want the sex that leaves us breathless at the end - causing us to not be able to stop smiling or giggling or being close. I want your sleepy, raspy voice calming me to sleep and waking me up with morning breath kisses. I want your stubborn ass being mean to me and realizing it after not believing it -- soon to try and make it up to me with kisses and hugs. I could never stay mad at you. No matter what you did or said to me. I want the happy tears you cause me while I write this because I don't want to imagine life without you.

I want your tears. Your smile. Your screams. Your laughter.

I want the stormy nights and indie music playing in the background with your heartbeat in my ear.

Maybe we’ll survive far enough where metal bands are slipped over our fingers. I wouldn’t mind to be completely honest.

Because no matter how much you hurt me or I hurt you, I wouldn’t want to be in anyone else’s arms.

Because I’m in love with you.

Maybe I’m a silly young girl who doesn’t know the actual meaning of being in love. But whatever this feeling is when I’m around you, I love it. And when you’re away, my heart hurts. It feels like it’s dropped. I hate doing things without you because I seem to want to experience everything with you.

I want more concerts. I want more sex. I want more naps. I want more birthdays. I want a future with you.

Because I would go crazy without your habit of dipping no matter how much I find it nasty. I would miss being able to run my hands through your hair. I would miss the smell of your cologne and the fact you always brush your teeth in the shower. Who’s pimples would I pop? Who else would take care of me when I get loopy? Who else could I take off my makeup for?

I need you. I want you. Forever and always. It’s such a big thing to say so early in a relationship. But I’ve been through literal hell and shit. And I’ve never felt the way I’ve felt with you. And I’ve never been so sure about something or someone as I am with you.

I will always be your little mouse. And you'll always be my big bear.

Because I’m in love with you.

[fingerprintwriter-blog]

Love

How do you tell someone you love them? How do you finally give over that innocence that was between you two and substitute it with the passionate running to be together forever? Do you just flat out say it with not a care in the world? Do you do it in a manner that makes it creative? Like write it in the sand or spell it out with magnetic letters on the refrigerator? But what if you say it and later on it turns out to just be infatuation? You just led that person on and now you're trapped in breaking the news that the passionate and depthless words that ripped off your tongue in bravery was nothing but a hoax. But what if you say it with your heart on your sleeve and you're simply returned with a kind smile and a "that's cool" shrug. People are notorious for that kind of reaction when they're put in awkward situations. What if they take your heart and say I love you too? Amazing right? That your significant other feels the same way... But what if they are lying to just play games? ....So how do you tell someone you're in love with them? That even on the days you want to scream and kick at them, you can't wait to sleep in their arms and listen to their heartbeat sing you to sleep. That the days you can't stop staring at all their features that you adore, are your most favorite days. That you would want to hold their sweaty hands in your hand and kiss their chapped lips on winter nights. But would you seem stalker-ish for memorizing all the freckles and scars on their back? Would you seem obsessed for remembering every word they said or all the things they love? Would saying I love you seem like you're trying too much. How do you say I love you.

[thoughts-into-ink]

I’m not going to let you be just another bittersweet memory.

from an unfinished story #25 (via thoughts-into-ink)

[fingerprintwriter-blog]

[bogena]

[fingerprintwriter-blog]

[grace--upon--grace]

Josh Neff

[grace--upon--grace]

Isaac Johnston

[grace--upon--grace]

Lennart Pagel

[jonsnowsponytail]

Visit Original Link

[xena2-blog]

Visit Original Link

 Amy Winehouse - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow

[funkpunkandrollmuhfucka2]

Visit Original Link

Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah (1994, Columbia Records)

[matacontent-deactivated20260524]

Visit Original Link

This is What You Came For

Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna

[themusicismymasterr]

Visit Original Link

Video Killed the Radio Star - The Buggles (The Age of Plastic, 1980)

[themusicismymasterr]

Visit Original Link

American Woman - Lenny Kravitz (5, 1999)

[grace--upon--grace]

Alex Strohl

[fingerprintwriter-blog]

Anxiety.

How do you explain Social Anxiety? To others with the crippling disorder, it’s easy. The conversation just ends with sadness in the eyes and a nod of the head, hoping the other person a safe journey into the battle we call life. 

To someone who’s bubbly or just has no problem sparking up a conversation - I commend you for you are my “ #goals “ 

Some days it’s easy to roll out of bed and feel confident in your choice of clothes and makeup. You can walk through the hallways of school and run up to someone you barely talk to and hug them good morning. You’re able to sit in class and have a conversation with your classmates, not worrying about if you’re being awkward or too forward. You can accompany your friends to a party and not follow them around like a little puppy dog, holding onto them for some kind of comfort in the sea of unknown faces. 

We aren’t weak, you see. It’s not that we don’t want to talk. 

It’s that on the other days we aren’t social butterflies, there’s so much anxiety rushing through our nerves and veins that we’re too busy trying to keep ourselves calm and collected to at least seem somewhat normal to your friends at the party - too scared to embarrass you in front of them. But at the same time, we already are. We’re just a loner you dragged along in their eyes - someone who’s maybe too stuck up to talk... or maybe just too weird. 

When people talk to us, it’s a relief honestly. They’ve taken our minds off all the details we’ve collected about our surroundings to keep ourselves busy. We happily answer any questions they have for us or always giggle at any story they tell to us about our significant other. 

It’s not that we aren’t interested. Trust me, we are. But if you’re like me, observing and listening to everyone else is such a nice thing to do a lot of the time. You get to witness the kind of person they are or what they light up about. Why would you want to listen to yourself talk? 

But then again not talking and being scolded for it is such a contradicting feeling to have. You want to tell them, “But I didn’t want to interrupt them! I didn’t want to bore them! I don’t want them to think I’m weird!” But instead you just sulk away, apologize, and grow even more quiet. 

It sucks even more when you’re in an environment you aren’t use to. Like when your girlfriends want to go to a frat party but you’re not a real big drinker nor party animal. There will be so many people there that you don’t know. It’ll be overwhelming. You won’t be able to process your feelings. You’ll be shunned. You’ll be looked down upon. You’ll be asked “What’s your problem?”  When really? Nothing’s the problem... 

What’s the matter with silence nowadays? Why must one talk to be included in things or treated like a human being? Why can’t people realize that not everyone can be social butterflies - that it takes time whether it be a few minutes or an hour or a few days to finally have their surroundings assessed comfortably. It’s nobody's’ fault! It’s not our fault either..

Let us fiddle with our fingers or bite our lips.. Let us stare off into space. Just bring us back to Earth now and then and we’ll be all yours. Don’t leave us alone in places you know we’ll have a racing heartbeat and darting eyes. Some things are triggering for us - alcohol, violence, certain kinds of people.. Doesn’t mean we hate it, just means it’ll take us a little bit longer for us to cozy in. Don’t push us. Don’t belittle us. Take our hand and comfort us here and there.. But don’t act like we are fragile or are little kids. 

Understand that afterwards, we need to recharge whether that be a cuddling session with a movie, riding around in the car blaring music, sleeping, or just a nice soothing bath. 

We aren’t weak. We aren’t ‘too sensitive’ or ‘emotional brats’. We feel things others don’t. We see things others don’t. Experience things. Process things. It’s all different. “Well I don’t like (enter thing) but I don’t act like this...” “Oh I don’t know them but I don’t act like this...” No. You’re completely right. But we’re different. Understand this and don’t take offense to it. Like I said, it’s nobody’s fault. It’s just how we were made. We can’t do anything about it. Want us to put on a charade? Okay but that doesn’t change anything. If anything, it makes things worse for us. You just stretch the wound farther. 

When you see us progressing, don’t back off. No. Don’t back off. Congratulate us. Hug us. Kiss us. Show us that we’re doing good. No don’t give us special treatment. We aren’t here for your pity or special treatment. 

For once we’re trying to make people proud of us , trying to fit in, trying to get the things in our heads to shut up... Please be considerate. It’s nobody’s fault. We’re trying our best.