Sometimes I read Rising of the Shield Hero Fanfics and read about how the other three heroes are idiots and that it’s better if they were dead or they were punished and I can’t help but think:
Ren is 16 when he’s killed by a murderer to save a friend and sent to another world.
Itsuki is 17 when he gets hit by a truck, either on the way to or from school.
Motoyasu is 21 when he is murdered by the two women he led on.
Shield Hero, despite it’s flaws, is a fascinating way to look at unreliable narrators. We see the narrative through Naofumi’s eyes mostly, and that’s probably why the three other heroes are idiots, or horrible people because to Naofumi, they are. He’s incapable of seeing them in any other way.
But then, you have to think more carefully about the narrative presented then. Naofumi’s appearance in Melomarc is easy, he’s the only one who is still alive when summoned, and then everything sort of clicks into place.
The other three are dead, most likely. The world taking the form of a game and them treating it as a game makes sense - they don’t know any better, this is a situation they’re unfamiliar with, it’s a coping mechanism. The other three heroes are flawed, yes, but they pull their own strengths and weaknesses with them.
Ren doesn’t interact with his party - Did he always play like this, or is it because he’a scared that, much like his friend, he’s going to lead them all to their death?
Itsuki is prideful, a black and white view on justice - Is he really that much of a prideful ass, or was he bullied in his youth perhaps? Is his self-esteem in one world is low, so he reinvents himself in an attempt to be better in a new one and goes overboard.
Motoyasu acts without thinking, finds it hard to frane things within context - Truly an idiot, or is it because the last time the took the time to think his next action through, he’d been stabbed by the two people he did something stupid with?
Maybe the manga and light novels paint a better picture of this, shows them as bigger, badder people. Maybe Motoyasu really is an idiot. Maybe Itsuki is a prideful prick. Maybe Ren is as cold and standoffish as he presents himself to be.
But, I can’t help but think: They were killed in their previous life. And Naofumi is a heavily biased narrator. Who else could they be?
I very much appreciate this post. Fun as it is to find their screw-ups stupid, there’s a lot of things they don’t get credit for.
Like, while the anime cut this, Motoyasu is actively and explicitly affected by PTSD from his being stabbed. When we get to see that event from his POV, you learn that the rationale he came up with while dying at the hands of two girls he’d thought were good people directly leads to him being so unquestioning of Myne. (He suspects he drove them to violence against their better nature, so his treatment of Myne is intended to prevent a repeat of that. Even though in reality both of his assailants were already violent stalkers and Myne is a disaster herself.)
A lot of his idiocy isn’t even idiocy so much as not being able to cope with negatives and trying to rationalize them away. Or just… things he had no reason to expect. The bio-plant incident is caused by him trying to solve a famine by repeating the steps taken to resolve that issue in his game. I don’t think anyone would expect that the real-life seed would be in the exact same location as in the game, requiring you solve a bunch of puzzles as in the game, accessible at the same time as word reaches you of a famine in a town with the exact same name as in the game, but then the plant that solves the famine in the game would randomly turn out to be a monster in real-life, but only after you’re long gone. From Naofumi’s POV its painted as one more example of someone trying to solve things by cutting corners for instant gratification and making more problems as a result, but Motoyasu was following a manual that turned out to have bad instructions. While it does become increasingly apparent over the course of the story that the heroes’ games don’t match up perfectly wirh the world, as far as the reader knows this is Motoyasu’s first encounter with such a situation.
Itsuki is explicitly stated to have a lot of issues he hasn’t worked through to do with an inferiority complex stemming from both bullying and being set up with high expectation that he wasn’t able to meet. Motoyasu played Emerald Online for fun, but Itsuki played Dimension Wave specifically as an escape. He gets taken from that situation and placed in a world where he’s told he’s one of the most powerful and important people around, and is then surrounded by sycophants who act almost cult-like in their praising of him while egging on all of his wannabe heroic antics. He does let himself get swept up in it to the point that he turns around and becomes a bully to one of his own party members, but under the circumstances its not hard at all to see why he would turn out like he did.
Ren… Actually I don’t have as much on Ren. His main character flaw is basically just that he’s a socially awkward 16 year old. As long as you keep that in mind, basically every mistake of his makes sense. The only thing he does that can’t entirely be attributed to that is leaving the dragon corpse. That’s more easily attributed to the fact that he was only hired to defeat the thing and thought other people might also like to harvest materials from it, and even the villagers who should have no excuse to mistake their world for a video game were treating the dragon corpse like a tourism trap. Even the way he handles the spirit tortoise fallout is pretty realistic from the perspective of “this is a decent kid who’s in way over his head and doesn’t know how to cope.”
And that’s all without taking into account that Naofumi himself starts off treating the world more or less like a game. In the LNs, when he’s betrayed, he even mentally berates the other three heroes because being summoned to another world is supposed to be fun and they’ve ruined it for him. Naofumi is given a rougher go of things and has a moment where he explicitly accepts the world as a brutal reality while the other three are sheltered from as many negatives as possible by the king and the church.Even if the intention isn’t to make them particularly ignorant so much as complacent, it allows them to maintain their belief-on-summoning that it’s all a game. The hero meeting (which the anime truncated) even makes it apparent that all of Naofumi’s hard work effectively behind the scenes has played a part in enabling this, as his resolving the wave with Glass, defeating the pope, and resolving their messes fast enough for them to only find out (from him) well after the fact that they even made a mess keeps them from having to feel any meaningful consequences that might end the fantasy for them. Which is why, while they have rationales for how everything is a game when the queen first returns, by the time she’s been in charge for like two weeks they have trouble maintaining their justifications.
And that’s without taking into account that Naofumi, at least when narrating the LNs, is pretty blatantly not emotionally capable of separating himself form the events he’s describing. He’s not the most reliable narrator with regard to himself, much less the rest of the cast.
Big question: do the heroes parties know how old they are? specifically Ren and Itsuki cause they aren't even 18 yet. I don't remember Naofumi telling Raphtalia or Filo his age either, and the story isn't focused on the others enough.
I can imagine Itsuki telling his party he's 17 so he can get "wow you're so mature and heroic for your age :))))" type compliments, Motoyasu will tell any woman trying to hook up, and Ren might purposefully avoid it so he's not treated like a kid(he is).
I can imaging his party asking Nao how old he is, and them just freaking out when they learn he's 16!!! after they freak out to Ren about "why didn't you tell you you are only a CHILD". since i think they are all like complete adults(youngest being 18).
canonically: no clue </3 i DO remember Naofumi mentioning offhandedly in the anime (s2 i believe) that he was 20? but i don't remember the context (let alone which episode; was probably before the Spirit Tortoise arc tho?). and like you said, the story (especially in the anime) isn't focused on the others enough to really give us any ideas? you could make inferences based on the passing glances of their parties, but they'd be a lot of conjecture.
i DO get the impression raphtalia and filo are aware of his age to some extent—raphtalia in particular i feel would be the best bet out of his current (anime s2) party to know his age. that said, it's wholly possible that raphtalia doesn't actually know the exact age either: naofumi seems like the type of person to just not mention much about himself (even before getting betrayed by Myne!)
not that he'd go out of his way to hide stuff about his character (in fact he seems pretty unapologetic about himself mostly within reason), but rather he just wouldn't think to say anything. i am very much the same way where i just won't mention shit about myself, even if it's relevant. i tend to hide my birthday from people for instance because i don't want it to be a big deal—i don't have any birthday traumas, i'm just a tad private like that.
(imagining one day naofumi mentions offhandedly somewhere casual in luroluna that he's 20 while everyone starts losing it to some degree. rishia and eclair thought he was in his 30s. melty thought he was 16, for some reason. filo was actually exactly on the mark, strangely enough—no one expected her to have that good a grasp on the passage of time, let alone its relativity to others. raphtalia, having a skewed perception of human ages, assumed naofumi was either in his late teens or mid-20s], and got cllllose enough frankly)
headcanon-wise: god. GODDDD i can't agree more with the assessments on itsuki and motoyasu it's absurd.
itsuki would definitely think being 17 would simultaneously be a badge of maturity (he's so close to being 18! plenty grown and so close to graduating high school! practically an adult!!) as well as a bragging right (he's doing such heroic and marvelous things at such a young age. he's not even 18 yet! what a brilliant mind with such a bright future!!!). unfortunately for him, announcing this fact just makes his gullibility that much more obvious
from what i've read on the wiki and inferred from the anime, it seems that this would've definitely been something that itsuki's party capitalized on. he was practically announcing to the world that he was a young, impressionable mind that could be influenced and controlled. (and this is why we practice internet safety, folks!)
he'd probably really hate to be reminded that he's 17 in those ways (e.g. that he's young, naive, inexperienced, etc), even if it's not outright said. probably reads into things a LOT so sometimes he might snap about it in a situation where the other party wasn't actually trying to belittle/demean him at all. it can make it a little more difficult to talk itsuki down, because he seems like the type of person who'd hate to be told that he can't do something. especially because of something he can't necessarily control, like his age.
probably felt even more insecure about his age when rishia, also 17, joined the party. just another reminder of who he used to be: some pathetic, easy-to-bully weakling struggling to keep up with the rest of the pack.
(but also, wouldn't it have been so comforting? so relieving? to finally have someone your age by your side again?)
(someone who might not necessarily understand everything you say, but gets so naturally in-tuned to it just by virtue of being in a generation similar to yours? even though you're from two completely different worlds?)
(someone who gets overwhelmed by all the demands that the world puts on them, and the demands they put on themself, just like you?)
(someone who is struggling just as much as you are?)
(someone who gets it?)
itsuki would prefer not to have any more teammates his age or younger. he doesn't need to babysit anybody.
motoyasu loudly announces his age, height, weight, blood type, and marital status to anyone displaying a mildly flirtatious manner in his direction.
ren doesnOkay i should probably elaborate more on motoyasu actually.
i think motoyasu's age is something that keeps in his mind a lot, funnily enough. he's 21, so he is (well, was) at that point of his life where he "had" to start figuring out his life direction. ESPECIALLY after learning that he was kinda modeled after (romantic?) VN protagonists, i got the vibe that motoyasu had kinda been... drifting? in terms of his self-identity, anyways.
he seems like the type to focus more on the moment of things, particularly at the expense of thinking out the consequences. honestly, w/the degree of delusion he tends to display whenever Enacting His Heroic Persona™, it's possible that this tunnel vision is something deliberate: so that he doesn't have to think much about his future, much less choose where he's going.
but once you hit that 21 mark, it's easy to fall into the trap of believing you're starting to run out of time (even though you Just finished being a teenager, still haven't gotten much life experience at ALL by virtue of being so young, and you could easily live quadruple the time you've already been alive—so you've got a LOT of time to use).
(i'm approaching this from an american perspective, so i don't know how applicable the 21 milestone is—HOWEVER, you're kind of considered an adult at age 20 (and are treated more or less as an adult in many legal things by 20, though the transition period starts at 18-ish).)
motoyasu's already 21. he could barely even choose a girl to love properly, and he didn't see the warning signs of the relationships he had haphazardly begun. maybe he should've done something about it. maybe he should have listened to those girls. he's just a body, after all—they probably know what's best for him anyways. otherwise he'd just be wasting his life away, right?
(foreshadowing my personal take on motoyasu's previous life. oops. i'm worried about him your honor)
all of motoyasu's party members know his age and would generally know his birthday month/season. he seems like he'd mention that kind of stuff offhandedly a lot: he gives me the impression he's typically an open book when it comes to his thoughts and his personal life. (that is, with some Exceptions. he's a bit of a master at dodging things he Does Not want to acknowledge to the point of essentially trashing them from his mind—raphtalia commenting that motoyasu's words were "empty" during the pope fight is something that echoes in my head a LOT.)
whenever he Does bring up these facts (like mentioning he's an april baby a lot—idk if he was born in april but motoyasu gives me april vibes), it doesn't seem like he's trying to nudge them towards doing something for him at all. he's a tad too oblivious/blunt for that. motoyasu is just a bit of a motor mouth who doesn't care for his own privacy. (not in the dangerous way that itsuki might, but rather just "oh, he's just easy to talk to")
I DIDN'T REALIZE I'D TYPE SO FUCKING MUCH. UHHHHH for ren my answer is actually incredibly simple:
Ren's party members wouldn't even know what he had for breakfast in the morning.
it's not that they don't pay attention to him or anything, because (especially in the beginning) they really really tried to. this bitch is just a puzzlebox of a person who adamantly refuses to talk about himself very much. he'll talk about necessary stuff and won't shoot down small talk by any means, but if naofumi is a passively private person, ren is an Actively Private Person.
it'd be hard not to suspect that ren was hiding Something acting like that, but it became pretty evident to the party (the longer they stayed) that ren just really sucked at divulging information about himself. which WOULD suggest traits of its own, hilariously enough
he's socialized and well-adjusted enough to hold thoughtful, in-depth conversations, but asking him about his favorite food is an exercise in confused futility. (he'd keep second guessing himself and forget the name of the food and then remember he hates x spice and so on and so forth and you wouldn't actually get much of value from the question you actually asked—)
i don't think ren's party ever got close enough to really see much of that kid's true self, outside of those fleeting awkward teen convo moments. not that he'd go out of his way to show it. but they probably got the sense (ESPECIALLY w/his loner behavior) that he was one of the younger Cardinal Heroes.
(i think it'd be a fair assumption to say that generally the people of melromarc would believe itsuki was the youngest cardinal hero, especially as he'd state outright that he was 17 commonly. no one really expected a 16-year old hero)
don't worry about ren's party asking naofumi how old ren is tho, because after the Spirit Tortoise arc ren doesn't have a party to worry about anymore :)
Aqua, Akane and their relationship during his "Freedom" period
I know a lot of people dismiss Aqua's words to Akane in Chapter 97 because he wasn't shown being all smiles during their time together, but I think those people forget that Aqua has a very complex, very difficult, very painful rapport with happiness.
He has lived his entire life, be it as Goro or as Aqua, feeling guilty. Goro quite literally felt guilty for existing: he couldn't forgive himself for living at the expense of his mother. This guilt is accompanied by a feeling of powerlessness: he beats himself up because he couldn't do more for Sarina, and as Aqua he blames himself because he couldn't save Ai.
He assigns no worth to his own life. He has panic attacks when he lets himself enjoy things. Even something as innocent as Ruby reminding him of Sarina makes him think that he is unforgivable because he doesn't deserve salvation.
After living this way for so long, it's only natural that he still struggles with allowing himself to be happy during his "Freedom" period.
To make matters worse, this newfound freedom was born from Aqua running away from the truth and from all his issues. Ichigo said so himself, there is no way Aqua didn't notice the loophole. Himekawa literally tells him what age he was when his dad died, some simple math would've automatically let Aqua realize that the timeline didn't add-up.
But Aqua didn't want to realize it. He blinded himself to the truth because Himekawa gave him the escape he has been desperately yearning for since (at least) the TB arc.
Since Aqua didn't actually solve any of his issues and traumas, it's to be expected that they keep weighting down on him throughout that year. After all, healing takes time.
We see this weight very clearly in his dynamic with Kana, since his Ai-related trauma is the biggest factor in him completely avoiding her.
We naturally also see it in his dynamic with Akane.
Three examples come to mind:
Akane tells him that she enjoys being with him. We know for a fact that Aqua is reluctant to part ways with Akane, which means he enjoys being with her too. But he isn't used to letting himself enjoy things. So, how does Aqua react?
His guilt flares up and he focuses on how undeserving he is of her, even trying to convince her (and himself) that their relationship is nothing but a lie.
Something very similar happens here:
Akane tells Aqua that she wants to see him, and Aqua looks torn before admitting that he wants to see her too. It'd be easy to interpret his expression as Aqua feeling guilty because he is about to lie to Akane, specially since this page is followed by a page of Kana crying over him. But I believe it's the opposite.
We see him that very chapter asking Akane about her schedule so they can see each other. This alone shows that Aqua does want to see Akane, and the fact that Akane later confirms that Aqua has been doing his best not to lie to her confirms Aqua is being truthful when he tells her that he wants to see her soon, too.
So, why does he make that sad face?
I believe it's his guilt flaring up again. Knowing him, I bet that thoughts like these ran through his mind:
Does someone like me really deserve to live a normal relationship like this?
Would Akane want to see me if she knew that I'm the reincarnation of Goro Amamiya?
It it okay for me to want to see Akane even though I know Kana is hurting because I've been avoiding her?
Still, it's important to notice that we can see the positive effect that time has had on Aqua. During that first example, Aqua tried to put up a wall between him and Akane by claiming that their relationship wasn't real; during the second, he hesitates but ultimately admits that he returns the feeling and wants to see her too.
This trend of Aqua becoming more open with time continues in the last example, which comes precisely from Chapter 97:
Akane confirms that she is glad that she is dating him, that he makes her happy, and Aqua looks utterly caught off-guard, as if the thought of being able to make Akane happy was shocking to him.
His most telling reaction happens right after, though:
Aqua's lips tremble. He looks near tears. Why?
Because to him, who felt like he was underserving of salvation, being with Akane has felt remarkably close to it.
I feel that this moment right here contextualizes all the examples I mentioned before: Akane does make him happy and he doesn't know what to do about it half the time, because he isn't sure if he deserves that happiness at all. But Akane makes him feel like he just might.
And the truth is that he doesn't want to give up on it—on her, because to him his relationship with Akane has become synonym to the happiness that has been eluding him all along.
So I personally can't dismiss his words to her during Chapter 97, because to me they are actually meant to reveal the way Aqua has been feeling all along.
So Aqua makes a very big deal about "using" Akane, but I'm of the firm belief that his words are at odd with his actions.
I mean, he makes it quite clear that he is only keeping her close because she's useful, right?
So, what is Akane useful for, exactly?
Aqua's entire premise is that Akane understands Ai better than he does. He can't lose Akane because she may help him figure out Ai and find out who his dad is.
But we never, ever see Aqua asking Akane questions about Ai. At the contrary, most of his time with Akane is spent either on Aqua and Akane helping each other, or on Aqua talking to Akane about himself rather than about Ai.
(Spoilers for the entire manga below the cut!)
Let's take the TB arc for example, since this is the arc where Aqua and Akane interact again. What do we see, then?
First, Aqua helps Akane voice her concerns about the script:
Then he helps solve the disconnect between the ones in charge of the script and the original author, thus doing Akane and everyone involved a big service:
Then he helps Akane win against Kana, going as far as to agree to do emotional acting in order to accomplish it:
And then he helps Akane draw Kana out into the spotlight:
In other words: Aqua spends the entire arc working as a team with Akane. He makes no effort to use her at all.
What's more, all the occasions he had to get Akane's insight about Ai? He uses them to give Akane insight about himself instead.
Which is ironic, because we eventually find out that he even went as far as planting a GPS on her sometime after Love Now, in the off-chance Akane came in contact with the culprit. He obviously was pretty serious about making the most of Akane's deduction skills...
... but how was Akane supposed to deduce anything when Aqua never gave her any info? After all, Aqua only shares that information with Akane after he thinks his revenge is over and he has no use for her anymore.
Which means that, up to the point where Aqua temporarily drops his revenge plans, we don't actually see him using Akane at all.
Despite this, we still see Aqua going on and on about how he has "used" Akane.
So, let's take a closer look at all the ways he has "used" Akane, shall we?
• "About my father" is the simplest one, since that's what Aqua wanted to use Akane for in the first place. Except that, as we saw, things don't go quite as planned and he literally doesn't do anything to have Akane find his dad.
So yes, Aqua did intend to use Akane to find his dad, but he doesn't actually put her to use. In fact, Akane finds him all on her own by pure chance much, much later.
• "The corpse" is a very interesting one, because by Aqua's own admission, he trusted Akane's capabilities enough to think she may be able to find his corpse, and fed her information to help her achieve this.
This is indeed true, except for two things. One, when Aqua starts looking for the corpse, he actually tells Akane to stay behind. She's the one that chooses to follow after him. Aqua makes it sound like Akane finding his corpse was his goal from the get-go, but his actions show that wasn't true.
Secondly, Aqua stops looking for the corpse the moment Akane suggests it may be buried.
Nothing he tells her about Goro is relevant to the search of his corpse. It's completely irrelevant, in fact. But Aqua still opens up to her, sharing everything about Goro, from his upbringing to his goals to his feelings.
Once again, his words say one thing, but his actions tell a different story. Akane is the first person Aqua has opened up to about Goro, and he does so without any ulterior motive.
Which leads me to the way Aqua has "used" Akane:
• "And many other things."
This is what Aqua means by "many other things". Ever since that day, Akane has been giving Aqua emotional support and he has come to treasure it, so much so that it "saves him little by little".
I'd even say he has come to rely on it, as his monologue later shows.
Now, you may say, but isn't receiving and giving emotional support a normal part of every relationship?
And you'd be completely right! But Aqua isn't a normal guy.
Aqua is guilt-ridden to the point he is in pain whenever he enjoys anything. Since the guilt he feels colors basically everything he sees, it permeates his relationship with Akane as well.
Instead of seeing all the good he has done for her, he just sees all the ways he ties her down.
Instead of seeing how much of himself he has shared with her, he focuses on what he has kept from her.
He is such a guilt-ridden, self-deprecating person that he even apologizes when Akane finds his corpse. As if getting murdered and not being found for 20+ years was his fault!
Akane puts it best: Aqua is always trying to carry the burden on his own, always acting like every wrong is his fault.
It's no surprise then that Aqua feels guilty over allowing himself to cherish Akane's support. It's also no surprise that he tries to paint it negatively as him "using her", because Aqua has been trying to convince himself that his relationship with Akane is a lie.
If he repeats it enough, if he makes his every action about using Akane, then it will be easier for him to let go of her — even when that becomes the last thing he wants to do.
This all comes to a head in Chapter 98, where we see Aqua cutting ties with Akane to keep her safe. This was the perfect time to use Akane, for real this time — but Aqua can't keep that lie up any longer.
Akane has become too important to him. So important in fact, that leaving her side symbolizes the moment he makes a wrong turn and gives himself into the darkness of his revenge.
TL;DR Aqua did want to use Akane, but he never gets around to it. He comes to rely on her emotional support and feels so guilty for it that he sees that as "using" her. Ironically, by the time Akane becomes the perfect "tool" for him to use in his quest for revenge, she matters too much to him and he lets her go to keep her safe. In fact, Akane only makes herself "useful" to him by pure chance! lol
To the point where she literally said she would do anything for him if he'd just say the word
She made it clear to him that she doesn't mind being 'used' by him—that she's even letting herself be used if that means she could be his strength.
But what did Aqua do?
What did Aqua tell her?
He pushed her away
So that she won't follow him to hell—because he knows full-well she would if he'd let her.
Akane knows that Aqua's feelings of guilt doesn't make sense
And she's aware that her willingness to be 'used' by him only increases that guilt for him
But neither of them wants to let go of each other
Akane wants to be his strength
And while being with Akane makes him happy, it's also important to Aqua that he makes her happy as well
When Akane told him that she's happy that she's going out with him, that hits him. He's got this chance to be happy AND to make others happy as well
They could be happy together—he WANTS to be happy with her, which was why he's so conflicted about the whole 'finding out that his dad is still alive' thing. He wants to be happy, but is he allowed to have that? Is he allowed to be happy? When the bastard who killed Ai is still alive and well as if nothing happened?
Akane's words—her being happy because of him makes him think that maybe he's allowed to be happy after all, since he could make others happy as well.
That's why he was seriously considering forgetting everything and just pursue happiness
So Aqua makes a very big deal about "using" Akane, but I'm of the firm belief that his words are at odd with his actions.
I mean, he makes it quite clear that he is only keeping her close because she's useful, right?
So, what is Akane useful for, exactly?
Aqua's entire premise is that Akane understands Ai better than he does. He can't lose Akane because she may help him figure out Ai and find out who his dad is.
But we never, ever see Aqua asking Akane questions about Ai. At the contrary, most of his time with Akane is spent either on Aqua and Akane helping each other, or on Aqua talking to Akane about himself rather than about Ai.
(Spoilers for the entire manga below the cut!)
Let's take the TB arc for example, since this is the arc where Aqua and Akane interact again. What do we see, then?
First, Aqua helps Akane voice her concerns about the script:
Then he helps solve the disconnect between the ones in charge of the script and the original author, thus doing Akane and everyone involved a big service:
Then he helps Akane win against Kana, going as far as to agree to do emotional acting in order to accomplish it:
And then he helps Akane draw Kana out into the spotlight:
In other words: Aqua spends the entire arc working as a team with Akane. He makes no effort to use her at all.
What's more, all the occasions he had to get Akane's insight about Ai? He uses them to give Akane insight about himself instead.
Which is ironic, because we eventually find out that he even went as far as planting a GPS on her sometime after Love Now, in the off-chance Akane came in contact with the culprit. He obviously was pretty serious about making the most of Akane's deduction skills...
... but how was Akane supposed to deduce anything when Aqua never gave her any info? After all, Aqua only shares that information with Akane after he thinks his revenge is over and he has no use for her anymore.
Which means that, up to the point where Aqua temporarily drops his revenge plans, we don't actually see him using Akane at all.
Despite this, we still see Aqua going on and on about how he has "used" Akane.
So, let's take a closer look at all the ways he has "used" Akane, shall we?
• "About my father" is the simplest one, since that's what Aqua wanted to use Akane for in the first place. Except that, as we saw, things don't go quite as planned and he literally doesn't do anything to have Akane find his dad.
So yes, Aqua did intend to use Akane to find his dad, but he doesn't actually put her to use. In fact, Akane finds him all on her own by pure chance much, much later.
• "The corpse" is a very interesting one, because by Aqua's own admission, he trusted Akane's capabilities enough to think she may be able to find his corpse, and fed her information to help her achieve this.
This is indeed true, except for two things. One, when Aqua starts looking for the corpse, he actually tells Akane to stay behind. She's the one that chooses to follow after him. Aqua makes it sound like Akane finding his corpse was his goal from the get-go, but his actions show that wasn't true.
Secondly, Aqua stops looking for the corpse the moment Akane suggests it may be buried.
Nothing he tells her about Goro is relevant to the search of his corpse. It's completely irrelevant, in fact. But Aqua still opens up to her, sharing everything about Goro, from his upbringing to his goals to his feelings.
Once again, his words say one thing, but his actions tell a different story. Akane is the first person Aqua has opened up to about Goro, and he does so without any ulterior motive.
Which leads me to the way Aqua has "used" Akane:
• "And many other things."
This is what Aqua means by "many other things". Ever since that day, Akane has been giving Aqua emotional support and he has come to treasure it, so much so that it "saves him little by little".
I'd even say he has come to rely on it, as his monologue later shows.
Now, you may say, but isn't receiving and giving emotional support a normal part of every relationship?
And you'd be completely right! But Aqua isn't a normal guy.
Aqua is guilt-ridden to the point he is in pain whenever he enjoys anything. Since the guilt he feels colors basically everything he sees, it permeates his relationship with Akane as well.
Instead of seeing all the good he has done for her, he just sees all the ways he ties her down.
Instead of seeing how much of himself he has shared with her, he focuses on what he has kept from her.
He is such a guilt-ridden, self-deprecating person that he even apologizes when Akane finds his corpse. As if getting murdered and not being found for 20+ years was his fault!
Akane puts it best: Aqua is always trying to carry the burden on his own, always acting like every wrong is his fault.
It's no surprise then that Aqua feels guilty over allowing himself to cherish Akane's support. It's also no surprise that he tries to paint it negatively as him "using her", because Aqua has been trying to convince himself that his relationship with Akane is a lie.
If he repeats it enough, if he makes his every action about using Akane, then it will be easier for him to let go of her — even when that becomes the last thing he wants to do.
This all comes to a head in Chapter 98, where we see Aqua cutting ties with Akane to keep her safe. This was the perfect time to use Akane, for real this time — but Aqua can't keep that lie up any longer.
Akane has become too important to him. So important in fact, that leaving her side symbolizes the moment he makes a wrong turn and gives himself into the darkness of his revenge.
TL;DR Aqua did want to use Akane, but he never gets around to it. He comes to rely on her emotional support and feels so guilty for it that he sees that as "using" her. Ironically, by the time Akane becomes the perfect "tool" for him to use in his quest for revenge, she matters too much to him and he lets her go to keep her safe. In fact, Akane only makes herself "useful" to him by pure chance! lol
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