white trash, second generation

The saying is old dogs new tricks- though I’m not surprised you’re going to take a jab at my age too. But I thought you’d like me just the way I am. Apparently I’m fucked up beyond repair so it’s a little too late for that diagnosis, doc. You sad little lucky man, you. Brass knuckles, huh- who’s kinky now? Congrats, I’m guessing you’d like a cookie now. I’d rather cry over every fucking thing than fuck everything that looks at you twice. More like in yours and I’m nice enough to let it come true. I promise I won’t be the dominatrix on the first night- that way there’s more confidence to tear down. How do you take to Arsenic?

I wasn't going to mention it but, well, you might want to look into a little botox, or maybe just go for some plastic surgery altogether. You're looking just a wee bit saggy there. Oh sure, old, bitchy poodles definitely do it for me. You're right. You're fucked up, I'm fucked up, we're all up fucked. If you're fucked up and you know it clap your hands! What's a little blood between friends, you know? I was actually hoping for a medal, or maybe a gold star. Crying makes you look like a freaky alien--and you chicks wonder why we don't want you. Sorry, I don't know if you're really spank bank material. Tear down? Oh sweetheart, I don't break. Arsenic? I'm more partial to cyanide, really.

#c #jasmine

I only jello wrestle if I’m in a good mood. I prefer mud wrestling when I’m mad. Less temping to lick off. Do gaping vaginas do it for anyone? I thought that was something generally avoided. But what do I know? Wow, you’re such a gentleman. I’m sure the ladies love you. You have it all figured out, don’t you? Really, I pegged you for a long term sort of guy. I don’t know, I make enough cereal in my daily life to give you a run for your money. Wow, so you seem pretty familiar with this whole thing. I’m impressed. Zeus was really an asshole though, although Hera did need to chill out. I don’t know why they couldn’t just agree to have an open relationship. They both would have been much happier. I agree with you on that. It’s more fun to learn about too.

But love, it could lead to hate fucking. Everyone loves a good hate fuck. I'm pretty sure all I've ever had is hate fucking. I don't know--maybe people like that their dick can get lost inside them. It's like exploring some cavern or something--moist and vast. It's like being fucking Lewis and Clark--or maybe more like Magellan. Oh yeah--I'm a chick magnet. The repelling kind, I mean. Stick-around Steve, that's me. More like stick it around Steve. I am not fucking deluded and am looking for my soulmate--gag me with a spoon. We'll just have to have a cereal-off then. We can have a bet. I know--I give off the whole 'white trash who can't fucking read'. Half of that is actually true. Zeus only cared about getting his dick wet. I'm surprised Hera didn't try and cut off his dick--although maybe he'd grow it back, I don't know how that shit works.

#c #logan

Yappy little poodle..I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement then that. C’mon. Who says I wasn’t aware? I bet her cooking skills are top notch as well. I’ve heard I’ve got a great backhand. The cave you live in must be very shallow, though men do tend to think with their penis over everything else. Seems like you’ll be my bitch tonight stranger- just don’t go home crying until after I poison your coffee. Cinnamon is not better then Hazelnut and a lot of things are better off without mustard.

Well, look at that. And they say you can't teach bitches--I mean dogs--new tricks. Oh, well then maybe you should work on that sparkling attitude. Go seek a shrink, work out your daddy issues or something. Oh, they are. She really is the perfect woman. The trick is to wear rings--that way it really stings. My cave is well furnished and has cable, than you very much. Yeah? So? Better to think with our dicks than cry over fucking everything. Your bitch? In your dreams, darling. Poison me? Go right ahead. It's probably better than having to finish this piss coffee--you'll be doing me a favor.

#c #jasmine

You would know if I got defensive, believe me. No? But you really seem the type. Good thing I’m not a hooker, I would get everything wrong, apparently, you probably need a certain sense for those sorts of things. I’m sure there are, and I bet half of them had horrible relationships with their fathers, so maybe you even have a chance. I’m not saying anything. I’ve never had your cooking, and I’m not commenting on your weight at all. I only talk if I think I have something to say. I can spout more random facts if you’re that bored though. I’m sure you would love that. Really, this is great to know. Considering she had to compete with Aphrodite, Hera, and Athena—among others, I suppose, yes, that was her problem

Oh? Do the claws come out? Do you wrestle other chicks in jello while wearing a bikini? Sweetheart, I don't need some dirty, used and herpes infested chick. Like, gaping vaginas just don't do it for me. Ah yes, those are the perfect victims--I mean, uh, women. You just pretend to give a shit and they'll be eating out of the palm of your hand. But then they get clingy as fuck--and ain't nobody got time for that. My cooking is fucking orgasmic--no one can make a bowl of cereal like me. Hey, if you want. I can talk about fucking anything and I'm right as rain. Oh, those bitches. The whole Greek--Roman god family was fucked up as hell--like Zeus had to keep it in his goddamn pants, and Hera had to stop being a jealous bitch. But I could get behind that shit. Better than this 'love thy neighbor' bullshit.

#c #logan

Have you ever hired a prostitute?

Why does everyone think I pay for fucking sex? I would never cheat on Anya. So, no. Not for me. There was this one time for a friend, but that was for shits and giggles. Because this hooker was mangy, let me tell you.

It’s not. I’m not. You’re not. Again, I’m not a hooker. And if I did charge, you couldn’t afford me. You need really good calves to rock fish nets the way someone should. Well, that’s not only vulgar and graphic, but also disgusting. Congratulations. I’m not chatty. And you haven’t asked me to shut up. I can be quiet if you want. You just bring out the worst in me, apparently. I never said there was anything wrong with her. I was just surprised. Oh good, I’m glad you told me you have herpes. Vesta? Well, the goddess herself doesn’t exist—not really. But people in ancient Rome said she forbade some women from having sex, for thirty years or so. And if they lied, they would be buried alive.

#c #logan #yes finn talk about having stds #so sexy #you fucking weirdo #I HOPE YOU KNOW HE REALLY DOESN;T

Alright, alright. No need to get defensive, love. No judgment here. Psh, I'm not about to pay for a blowie, thanks. There are plenty of loose, insecure chicks out there that are ripe for the picking. Are you saying my calves aren't nice? Gosh. Next you're going to say that my cooking is mediocre and I look fat in this outfit. You're welcome. I live to serve. No, no. Talk all you want. I don't give a fuck. It passes the time. Better than watching paint dry. Herp, the clap, crabs--all the fun stuff. Don't worry though, haven't had a flare up in months. Wow, what a bitch. What was her problem? She wasn't the prettiest girl at the ball or something? Ugly, redheaded step child syndrome?

Uh.. It’s not exactly like AIDs is contagious through air. I don’t think, I’m not an expert, but I’m not sure why that’s a… concern? .. I hope you realise I don’t intend on paying for whatever bizarre treatment you think you need for a headache. I can give you a neurofen, though. You… have fun with your opinions.

Oh jesus tap dancing christ. Look ladies and gents, we got ourselves a real brainiac here. A rare specimen. Give the guy medal--he knows something about something. I'm so proud, I might shed a fucking tear. Nurofen? Really? Not even any morphine? Aren't you a stingy bastard. I'd rather just take the gun to my head instead--that'd be more effective. Oh I will. My opinions are great company--we go out for a pint, have parties. The whole shebang. It's a wonderful fucking time.

#c #benji

And I see you’ve already crossed it- though I’m surprised you managed to differentiate the two. Then I’d go with the inflatables, they won’t protest and you get to name them-bonus! Oh, I love domestic violence. Nothing makes me happier then seeing my men cowering on the floor while I sip my morning coffee. They’re souls come after I can’t do anymore damage to their bodies. Funny how that works-isn’t it? It can never be a win-win situation, can it. I love hazelnut- works well with everything.

Aw aren't you just precious, like a yappy little poodle. At least I'm aware I'm a cunt, unlike some people. Uh, hello. My girlfriend Anya is five foot pure inflatable beauty. She's perfect. Doesn't speak, doesn't complain, and always swallows. I don't know. I'm more for the lifetime-esque movie with a great deal of smacking around. Because you know, woman are property--only good for making sandwiches and bending over. No. Someone always loses and goes home crying like a little bitch. I always thought that was cinnamon, or mustard.

#c #jasmine

Um… There’re no hospital bills, unless you’re going private. NHS… I never claimed to be any good, y’know. It’s not my day job, no, I… run a store. Jackson’s.

#c #benji #and finn will love to mess with him #whoops

Wow--thanks for the fucking lesson, mate. Besides, I don't want all those sickly, probably AIDs infested people coughing on me. I need something more, anyway--a rather expensive Shaman who specializes in spiritual and soul healing--and abortions. Well then, don't subject people to it in public. Oh--that shit hole? Good for you.

Um..

You’re…. Welcome?

#c #benji #bah he's such a dick #he's basically harmless #ignore text

I'll make sure to send you the hospital bills, along with the hours of therapy from having nightmares from your playing. Or whatever the hell that was. Please tell me that isn't your day job?

I… feel awful. I’m taking a day off.

I'd feel awful if I had to listen to that shitty guitar playing too. Oh wait--I feel a piercing headache coming on. Thanks a fucking lot.

#c #benji #i am so sorry

I’ll keep that in mind next time. I’ll try not to let Ru Paul give me make up advice. Lucky you. I wouldn’t want you to have to wear tights. I would rather be quiet, it’s not really a chore to me. But I’m not big on riots. Not really, at least. I was going to say sardonic, bordering on contemptuous. Asinine—maybe. I see where they were coming from. Did you just quote Beyonce at me? You being politically correct, about syphilis. Aren’t you just full of surprises. Hm, so Vesta forbid? She forbids a lot of things though. I won’t go into it because I know you don’t care. So you don’t even know if your talking out of your ass or playing it up. At least your honest about that.

#mark said that the yesterday #the dick comment #no joke #so i had to #c #logan

Thank god--unless that's the look you're going for. Maybe you're a hooker and I just insulted your career choices. If you are, how much you charge? I don't know--I could probably rock some fishnets. But I'd rather shove glass up my ass and bathe in Tabasco sauce than get up close and personal with a dick. I don't know--you're pretty chatty. I can't get you to shut the hell up. Maybe some duct tape would work? Hm. Oooh. Look at you, you big brain. Uh fuck yeah I did. There's nothing wrong with Beyonce. Surprises, shit, herpes--the whole package deal right here. No, no. I wanna hear this one. What did she forbid? That's me, Mr. Honesty.

Pretty much, but you forgot sarcastic- I’m fluent in it. So you like your women easy and without a challenge- I figured that one. I’m more of the aggressive type anyway. I was intending on doing that, but now that I have your permission it makes it that much better. Oh, the coffee is much worse then the service- so much so that I wouldn’t want you to waste your time here. It’s charming, isn’t it?

#c #jasmine #ignore text #and like he's not serious about 85% of the things he says

You know, there's a fine line between being sarcastic and being a cunt--a fine line. Oh yeah, definitely. They're even better if they're hogtied and gagged--maybe not even breathing. Yeah, you seem like the type to be a batterer, or maybe just you know, sucking out their souls. Yes, consent is wonderful but usually is ambiguous and can be ignored--she's always asking for it. Oh really? But then I'd miss your wonderful company. It's more like bitter disappointment and a hint of hazelnut, actually.

hidelucyhide:

The people in this town are generally pretty horrid, besides two or three, you not included. I think you can claim the titled as new town asshole.

New town asshole? And here I thought I had been the reigning champ for these 6 years. Shit, I must be losing my touch. Maybe I should go drown some puppies and kick a few babies--or is it the other way around?

#c #luct

That’s really good to know. I guess it doesn’t really matter. I’m glad. That’s sort of the look I was going for when I woke up this morning. Keep it down, buddy, I said if. I don’t actually have a dick. No—I can’t say I have. I’ll keep my eyes peeled. Everyone else’s mouth? They wouldn’t have to shush people if they just kept quiet. I’m sure you don’t know how to do that though. No, I definitely wouldn’t say boring is the adjective I would use. Is this something that’s happened to you more than once? I’m so glad you’re not dropping trou for me then. It’s not something I need to see. Really. Syphilis didn’t really emerge as a killer until the sixteenth century, and it’s also curable. HIV is much younger than that even, and a lot of people live with it. So malaria wins out without any question. Homo-African disease. It’s interesting how ignorant you are—unless you’re playing it up. I can’t tell.

#c #logan #ignore text i guess #but like...him

Were you? Well, maybe wear a little less rouse--just so you don't look like some sort of painted drag queen hooker. Oh, well then--my arousal is completely natural and I don't have to turn to the fag side anytime soon. I hear it's dark there. With lots of strobe lights and tights. Psh--being quiet is a fucking chore. You can't riot if you're quiet. No, more like...asinine or something, right? That sounds like one of your two cent words. The strangulation? Once or twice--or fifty. Whoops. I don't think you're ready for this jelly anyone, girlfriend. Hey, don't ruin my syphilis parade--it's the best fuck you disease, infection--if I'm being politically correct. Because God forbid. More like 'whatever deity you worship, or not, that's cool too' forbid. Ah--I'll let you in on a little secret. I don't even know have the time. It's a mystery [makes ghost noises].

That’s cute, but you lost the million dollar prize. My nationality doesn’t really matter other than the fact that I’m from New Orleans, but you were right on something. I’m looking to blow this whole dam place sky high with you attached to the bomb. Now it’s my turn and please- don’t feel free to correct me because it won’t even matter. You’re an English mutt who hates his life but enjoys long walks on the beach and putting his foot up his ass. I know I nailed this one. The bathroom is straight down to your right..just so you know.