Game of Love - Hwang Hyunjin SMAU
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of drugs, alcohol, implied rape/non-con. Heavy chapter please proceed with caution.
A/N: Written under the cut
You stepped out of the bathroom, wiping your face simultaneously. You’d decided to give him 30 minutes or so to close, wait out at least some of the awkwardness. As you rounded the corner, there hyunjin was, nodding off. He was waiting at a nearby table, and you paused as it hit you. He’d waited, he’d been done with closing, and even then chose not to rush you. Not to knock, not to try and text you. Nothing, only patience. You exhaled shakily, and as if he sensed your presence, he opened his eyes. Dark orbs stared back at you in the dim lighting, a soft expression creeping onto his face. “Hey.” He said as he stood up, inching closer to you. “Hi..” you’d said back and soon enough you were only a few inches apart. Everything came crashing back to you, every memory of the two of you in highschool. He was your first, real love and it was suddenly hitting you again. For a brief moment, it was like nothing had changed. Only now, he was 10x handsomer. He was truly gorgeous. Suddenly, he snapped you out of your thoughts. “I uh.. made your favorite just incase.” Your hands slowly took the now, somewhat melted drink, from his. Then, he grabbed his own drink and started to hold out his hand, as an invitation for you. But you watched him retreat it, he was nervous. Extremely, and you’d rarely seen him like this. This was an entirely different Hyunjin than you’d been dealing with ever since you moved back. But, you did something then that you… could only hope you wouldn’t regret. You slowly inched your hand out to his, and he looked at you. His soft and gentle eyes, were almost asking for further permission that you’d just given him. All you did was nod and within seconds his hand was interlocked with yours. …The two of you walked, for what felt like hours but realistically had only been about five minutes. “We.. can just talk and walk if you want.. No pressure to find somewhere fancy.” He stopped in his tracks and couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. Then he nodded and continued walking. “I.. don’t know where to start. I really, really don’t..” He’d quietly murmured. Then it hit you, YOU were the one that was supposed to have been doing most of the explaining. Of course you also had questions but you felt it was only fair to let him ask first.
“What do you wanna know then?” You’d softly asked him. It was silent for a while. Almost as if he was gathering his thoughts which… he probably was. “Why… Why did I get a message from Yeosang that one night.? I know now that… i shouldn’t have just ran with what he said but your behavior yn.. I didn’t know what possible explanation there was for it.” You’d softly sighed, both of your hands were still intertwined. You pause as all the memories came flooding back. Tears filled your eyes. “I didn’t cheat Hyunjin. I didn’t…” You stopped walking, then so did he. You’d expected him to press, say something like “Well i know that but-“
But he didn’t. He watched with patient eyes, not daring to say anything until you finished. You took your hand out of his and sighed wiping your tears. “Yeosang he… I know he was one of your best friends Hyunjin, and I know that…. what I’m about to say is a lot.” You stopped again, you could feel his eyes burning into your skull. Not with malice, or anger but with pity and anticipation. With concern with.. with patience. You looked up at the him. But before you could say anything, your knees suddenly gave out. You used one hand to catch yourself on the ground, the other trying to stabilize the drink and not spill it on his wildly expensive shoes. In moments he was down by your side. “Hey hey, you okay?” You wiped your tears again and nodded. Nothing had been easy between the two of you since you moved to Japan in high school, and you knew this conversation wasn’t going to be easy. Perhaps, that’s why you put it off, almost rejected his offer, why you thought about just running home and abandoning the situation entirely countless times since you stepped foot out of that cafe.
He searched your eyes, for what you didn’t know exactly. “I don’t know how, but Yeosang found out I told Jisung. Then, he got into contact with my parents. He told them that me and you were dating, and that we’d even…” you trailed off. “.. had sex.” Hyunjins eyebrows furrowed, his anger was getting to him. You’d honestly expected him to spit in your face and call you a liar, but in reality the betrayal was the only thing clouding his mind. The betrayal, the thought of you helpless in that house party.
“After they found out, my parents forced me to move away to Japan. They hated that anything else outside of them other than school had my attention. They blamed my slipping grades on you, and they made it very clear they didn’t approve of our relationship.” You paused again, Hyunjins hands were shaking as they held yours. But still, you kept going. “After our fight, after Yeosang made up all these stories to you, my dad smashed my phone.”
“So… I didn’t cheat on you, Hyunjin..” You pulled his hands closer to you and looked up at him. “I would have never. You were my first love, my first everything.” The night somehow got quieter after that sentence. You debated taking it back, fearing it was too much. But, it was out. Nothing you could do. His eyes glistened from the moon light. And for the first time, you saw him cry. You froze.”
Never in the almost 10 years you knew him, had you seen him cry. It was silent, tears slipped down his face. No sniffles, no sobs. Nothing. You wiped his cheek with shaky hands, and you found it hard to take your hand back. It was like gravity was preventing you. Before you could finish your thought, there his hand was. Right on yours. He’d gripped it, tight. “I’m sorry yn.. for everything I put you through.” You swallowed and shook your head. “No, Hyunjin. I’m sorry for-“
“No.” He shook his head and interlocked your fingers, not just your hands, your fingers. “I’m sorry. For not letting you explain, from accusing you of cheating, for believing Yeosang. I’m sorry for keeping everything about Seungmin a secret for as long as I did. Everything I told you about him that night, was the reason I didn’t ever let you near him. I wanted to protect you from him, from someone that would dare treat another person like that.” You started to tear up, he was tearing himself apart over it.
“And I couldn’t even do that… God I…” He abruptly stood up. His fingers running through his dark hair before tightly grabbing it. “Please don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m over it. And… I’m not innocent either Hyunjin. I said horrible, horrible things when we broke it off.” That made him freeze and turn back to you. His mouth opened, as he struggled with what to say next. You walked over to him and took one hand in both of yours, deciding to take matters into your own hands. “I don’t blame you for anything that happened in high school.” He paused as a gust of wind struck. He brushed some of the hair out of your face and took a step behind you. Then, as if this conversation never even happened, he started braiding your hair.
As if it was the most normal thing ever, as if you two hadn’t been fighting for months and as if the world between you two never broke. “What are you doing..” You asked even though you knew the answer.
“Isn’t it obvious?” You sighed, “I mean yeah but… why?” Silence. He didn’t respond, not until he’d tied off the end of your hair with his own hair band from his wrist. Even then, no response. You turned around to meet his eyes, hoping to find some sort of answer even though you knew it already. Hyunjin had always been caring to those close to him, it was simple. You sighed, he knew you were frustrated as you averted your gaze to the ground. He knew this was the one thing that pissed you off. “Yn…” He started as you looked back up at him. “I never want to let anything or anyone hurt you, ever again.. Even if that means staying on the sideline as your friend… or even less than that.” Your eyebrows furrowed. “Hyunjin I still don’t understand. You messed with me a lot since I got back.” He bit his lip and tried to respond but you cut him off. “You hated me, you threatened me you… all these months you despised me and now you’re saying you miss me and that you…”
His head dropped, ashamed, guilty, every emotion but bliss flooded throughout him. “I.. i’ve never stopped missing you yn.” Your expression dropped, his tone was slightly more heavy. Your body language dropped with “you’ve got to be kidding me” written all over your face. He was quick to correct himself. “I… never dated anyone else. I couldn’t bring myself too. I’ve missed you for years, I never stopped. Even when i thought you betrayed me. I could never figure out why. It made me angry, so I took it out on the one person I promised myself, I would never hurt.” You shook your head, you didn’t understand. “Im not asking to be yours again. I’m just asking for a spot back in your life, even if I don’t deserve it. And I know that’s selfish of me but I just…” He held his head in his hands and groaned from frustration. Not frustration at you, but at himself. At his actions, his emotions his feelings. At everything that made this situation 10x harder, whether it was his fault or not.
“Look… Hyunjin. I… wouldn’t have been nice to you at any point if I didn’t want to. If i didn’t believe there was still the you I fell in love with in highschool somewhere in there.” You saw hope glisten through his eyes. “So.. I’m giving you one chance. Prove to me, in any way you can, and show me that you can be the same guy you were before I left Korea.” He shakes his head, “I can’t be that same guy I was yn. You’re not the same girl either.” He steps a bit closer to you, “But, I can be someone just as deserving, that okay?” You scan his eyes for deceit, dishonesty, anything. And your head his screaming at you to let him back in , but your heart is telling you to take it slow. Eventually, you smile and nod. “Okay. I’m giving you another chance Hwang, do not screw this up.” You tried to fight a smile as you told him, finger pointing and everything. He giggles and pushes your finger down, nodding. “I promise. But for the love of god please stop calling me that.” You giggled. “I guessss~” You rolled your eyes dramatically as a smile creeped onto his face.
Then, he does something he hasn’t done in 7 years. He pulled you in and wraps his arms around your small frame. His hand found its way to the back of your head and it didn’t take long for you to melt right back into the warm embrace. You took in everything. His scent, the texture of the jacket, you felt his breathing against you. It was like nothing had changed from highschool. Your hands clenched his hoodie jacket.
Things weren’t perfect between you two, they were far from it. But step one as out of the way, and something told you that was the hardest thing you had to work through.
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